Such Great Heights
by SydneyAlice
Summary: Edward Cullen is in desperate need of a nanny after his wife walks out on him and their five-year-old son. Bella Swan is a teacher with no job prospects. Can she find her true place in the world while helping father and son overcome their pain? AH
1. Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away

AN: This is just one of those stories that keep you awake at night until you finally just put it on paper. Or in my case, on the computer. I know nanny stories have been done, but I haven't read any of them, so I hope this is somewhat original. I'm knee-deep in my story "Waterfalls" but I can't stay away from human stories, so here I am. Please let me know if it's worth continuing. I know it's going to seem very _Nanny Diaries_, but I promise to make it different. Trust me?

Disclaimers: I love GSN (the Game Show Network), Betty White, the _Match Game_, and _The Sound of Music_. But none of them are mine. The title for this story comes from Iron and Wine's cover of "Such Great Heights." I'll be using lyrics from various songs for the chapter titles.

Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.

* * *

Chapter 1

_Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away_

* * *

I nestled under the blanket as I pushed the buttons on the remote. I settled on my new favorite channel - GSN - and lost myself in the mindless hours associated with watching old game shows and cringing at the hairstyles and fashions of the 70s and most of the 80s. _Match Game_ was a favorite. I wasn't so out of it that I didn't catch the double entendres associated with the host's questions, and, lately, my only laughs had come from watching Betty White blush as she innocently filled in the blanks – answers that you'd never expect to fall from someone who seemed so wholesome and sweet.

Betty White is awesome. What is she now? 90 years old?

Contemplating the Golden Girl's age was just another indication that I was completely out of touch with the real world, and I honestly couldn't care less.

Surrounded by take-out cartons and pizza boxes, I had become the ultimate couch potato during this last week of self-wallowing. My cell phone's voice mail was full - and my home answering machine was persistently flashing red - both reminding me that there were indeed some nosy people in this world who just couldn't take a hint.

I just wanted to be left alone.

I never expected my first summer after graduation to be like this. I'd walked across the stage of the University of Washington only two months ago – my head full of dreams and my elementary education degree in hand. I'd wanted to be a teacher since I was old enough to write on the makeshift chalkboard that Mom and Dad bought me for Christmas when I was five years old. In my classroom/bedroom, I'd line up my stuffed animals, give them assigned seating along my twin bed, and teach them how to do important things like count to ten and sing the ABC song. So when it came time to pick a major, elementary education was a complete no-brainer.

I'd graduated from college with honors, and with Masters degree and resume in hand, I'd pounded the pavement. I'd dressed in my most professional blouse and skirt and started hunting for my dream job. I had a clear picture of what and where I wanted to teach - had a pristine vision of my classroom decorations and seating arrangement. Not for one moment did I think that my fantasy wouldn't materialize into reality.

I'd been naïve. I understood that now.

What I'd failed to realize was that there were over two hundred applicants in the Seattle area – all with honor degrees and teaching licenses – who were just as eager as me and hungry for employment. There just weren't enough positions for all of us, and most schools were salivating for teaching degrees in math, science, or special education.

I hated science. I despised math. And adding a special education endorsement would have taken an additional two years, which would have been impossible because my full scholarship ran out in four. My parents were always willing to help, but I couldn't ask them to foot the bill for another two years. Dad was a cop and my mom was a painter, and I'll never forget the serene look of relief when I'd been awarded my full ride to UW.

I couldn't ask them for two years worth of tuition.

So here I lay. Spoon in mouth, ice cream carton in hand, watching GSN. And I am one of the most highly recommended unemployed teachers in the greater Seattle area.

Go me.

* * *

An incessant pounding on my apartment door interrupted my dozing. It wasn't the first time someone had knocked on my door during the past week, but it _was_ the first time it had jolted me awake. I was in such a sleep fog that I didn't have the sense to ignore it.

"It's about damn time, Bella Swan." Rosalie pushed through the door with wine bottle in hand. "I was on the verge of calling your parents, and you know how much I detest calling parents. Any parents. Especially my own. Here…" She thrust the bottle in my hand and headed toward my kitchen, screaming profanities as she searched my cabinets and drawers for glasses and a corkscrew. Standing in the doorway, Alice was smiling while holding what appeared to be a cherry cheesecake.

"See? I bring dessert. Don't shoot."

With a groan, I rolled my eyes and kicked the door shut.

"That's the spirit! I'll just grab some plates and forks!" Alice squealed excitedly. I ignored her enthusiasm and stumbled back to my couch. My apartment was a mess, and normally, that would bother me, especially with company arriving. But I figured they showed up unannounced, and I was in need of antidepressants. So my two best friends could just deal with my mess.

"When was the last time you showered?" Rose glared as she made her way into the living room with wine glasses in hand. She looked around my living room and shot me a glare. "Or cleaned house, for that matter."

"None of your damn business – to both questions. Why are you guys here? Which part of 'I don't have a job and I'm depressed so leave me alone' did you guys not comprehend?"

"We get that you're down," Alice sympathized as she collapsed on the couch next to me and offered me a slice of cheesecake. "But you've had a week to grieve. It's time to get back on that horse, Bella."

"And we are here to….umm…offer you a horse, so to speak. And a glass of wine. Drink up." I took the glass. Rose sipped her own wine as she glanced at my television. "Are you seriously watching Whammy?"

"Shut up," I muttered as I took a bite of cheesecake. I was honestly afraid to look at the scale. I could only imagine the damage I've done in the last week.

"We have a job opportunity for youuuu…." Alice sang in her high, lilting, annoying voice. Rosalie nodded seriously as she poured another glass.

"Is it a teaching job?"

Rose's eyes sparkled. "In a matter of speaking. Kinda. Sorta."

"Hmm…"

"Don't be picky, Swan. You need a job, don't you? I know someone who is needing help and is willing to hire you. The pay is _excellent_. Much more than you'd be making dealing with a classroom full of snot-nosed kids everyday. Plus, I gave you a glowing recommendation." Rose knocked back her second glass of wine, and even in my depressed state, I couldn't help but be impressed with her drinking prowess. She drank most men, including her boyfriend, under the table.

"And the best part is you'll be working with a child," Alice smiled gleefully.

"_A_ child? As in _one_?"

"Yes," Rosalie smiled. "Cutest kid in the whole world."

"Wow. That's high praise coming from you. You don't even like kids," I mumbled as I polished off the rest of my cake.

"Well, I'm biologically required to love him. He's my nephew."

This surprised me. I knew Rosalie had a sibling, but she never really mentioned him, and she'd certainly never mentioned a nephew in the family.

"His name is Riley. He's five years old. Looks like his father, thank the Lord, or I'd seriously have difficulty loving him."

"Why? What's wrong with his mom?"

"How much time do you have?" Rose grunted. "But the long story short is she left my brother and their son for another man. So my brother is trying to raise his kid, plus work his normal hours at Dad's firm…it's really taking a toll. So he mentioned hiring a nanny…"

Ahh. This was suddenly beginning to make sense. I downed my drink.

"I'm not playing Mary Poppins. Forget it."

"Just shut up and listen," Rosalie snapped. "Riley has gone through four nannies in the last month. I mean, these girls have run screaming from the apartment. They don't even leave an address so that my brother can mail them their paychecks."

"I thought you said he was the cutest kid in the world?" Alice's eyes were wide with apprehension.

"Even the cutest kids are pissed when their mothers leave them," I answered automatically, and Rose flashed me a brilliant smile.

"See! You understand that and you haven't even met him. You are _perfect_ for this job. He's not handling this well. At all. Edward is….indifferent. I hated Jessica, but I _guess_ he loved her. But his main concern is his son. Riley just started kindergarten, and he's so smart. But the kid is dealing with a lot, and Edward is working so much….he just needs some stability, Bella. And my brother needs help. Desperately. And you need a job….." She glanced around my messy apartment. "……badly. So what do you say?"

I considered my options. I _did_ need a job. And playing babysitter to a five year old couldn't be that bad. Suddenly, visions of _The Sound of Music_ flashed through my head, and I shuddered.

_Doe… a deer…a female deer…_

"You could just give it a shot," Alice encouraged softly. "If you last more than a week, you've already made it longer than the others. And you need the cash, although rent won't be an issue…"

My brows creased in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you'd be expected to live there, of course. 24/7. Edward has a high-rise apartment which is completely spacious and unbelievably gorgeous. He has a maid, so no worries there. But you'd have your own room and be waited on hand and foot," Rosalie smiled beautifully, as if being pampered was something I was used to.

"Oh, Rose…I don't know," I groaned. "It all sounds so very _Nanny Diaries_ to me."

"But without the bitchy mother," Rose reminded me. "And I won't lie. Edward isn't very happy right now. But can you blame him? His wife just left him, and his child is running off the hired help. Maybe you can help _both_ of them…"

"I'll stick with the five year old, if it's all the same to you."

Rose squealed with delight. "So you'll do it?"

This was all happening so fast. Did I really want to play nanny? I glanced at my Masters degree hanging on the wall. Taunting me.

I sighed.

"Doesn't your brother want to interview me first?"

"He doesn't really have time to be picky, either. He trusts my judgment. If I say you can handle this, then he believes me."

"But what if I _can't_ handle it? What about all of those other nannies?"

Rose scoffed. "They weren't trained to do _this_, Bella. You went to college for five years so that you could handle kids and their various situations. You can do this. I know it." She finished off her third drink and glanced at me. "Besides, what do you have to lose….besides reruns of _Family Feud_, of course?"

It was a job. I could do this – just until a teaching position became available. It was just one kid. One sad kid who missed his mom. But if I couldn't handle this, what made me think I could handle a classroom just like him? If I had a class of twenty kids, they would all have problems of some sort. This could be on-the-job training, and if it didn't work out, I would probably need to consider my career choice.

This was just one kid. And one father.

And a maid.

I could do this.

"You bitches will help me pack, right?"

And with that, two high pitched squeals echoed off my walls.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I mumbled as I punched the button for the 27th floor. Rose wasn't lying when she said the building was a high-rise. She did fail to mention that my new home was a penthouse. Not that it mattered. From the outward appearance and marbled lobby of Brookstone Towers, I doubted there were any apartments in this building that would be less than spectacular.

What the hell was I doing here?

Oh yeah. I needed a job.

Finding the penthouse was easy enough. The elevator opened right in front of the front door. Taking a deep breath, I readjusted my blouse and smoothed my hair as I exited the elevator. Pulling my suitcase behind me, I tentatively knocked on the door.

"Miss Swan?" A lovely, older woman greeted me with a smile. She was wearing a maid's uniform – pressed and tidy. Her graying hair was in a bun. She was probably in her fifties, and she reminded me of my Grandma Swan. I liked her immediately.

"Yes, but please call me Bella."

"Bella," She smiled warmly as she stepped back. "My name is Carmen. Won't you come in? May I take your coat and bag?"

"No, thank you," I replied as I stepped inside. I saw her face falter, and I was instantly contrite. Perhaps she was required to be hospitable upon greeting visitors? I certainly didn't want to get her into trouble. "I'm sorry. Would you be more comfortable taking my coat and bag?"

"Yes, Miss…I mean, Bella. I'd be happy to take them and then show you to your room before you meet Mr. Cullen and little Riley."

I thanked her as she led me through a long, winding hallway. Not a fingerprint on the pristine white walls. No toys laying around. Just the hallway was meticulously clean. I could only imagine the rest of the house. I looked for any sign of life – any indication that a small child resided here. But every door in the house was closed, and I wondered if that was because Mr. Cullen liked his privacy or because the house was symbolic to their moods. Closed-off. Cold. Unwelcoming.

"Here you are," Carmen smiled as she pulled my suitcase into a bedroom and that was bigger than my apartment's living room and bedroom combined. The bed was covered in a beautiful cranberry comforter and assorted pillows graced the mattress. Other than that, the room was completely bare except for the bedside table and dresser. There were no pictures on the stark-white walls. If the comforter hadn't been on the bed, there would be no color at all in the room.

Cold. Unwelcoming.

"I'll leave you to unpack. You'll let me know if you need anything at all?"

"I will," I smiled. "Thank you, Carmen."

"It's so good to have you here, Bella." Her voice was low, as if she was afraid someone might be listening. "I'm so hoping this….works out. For everyone involved."

"Me too. Thank you."

With a warm smile, she closed the door behind her. I sighed as I opened the double doors to the massive walk-in closet. I flipped on the light and began unpacking the week's worth of clothes I brought with me. While Rosalie was confident this arrangement would last, her brother had insisted that I only bring the bare essentials for now.

"Less to pack-up if this doesn't work out," Rosalie had reasoned. "Just go with the flow, Bella. Edward isn't optimistic, but can you blame him?"

_Four nannies in one month. _

After accepting the position, Rose had given me the lowdown on the babysitters. Two girls had each lasted exactly one week. Deciding gender was the problem, Mr. Cullen had then hired a male nanny. He'd been an older gentleman who had forgotten to place Riley in his booster seat before driving him home from school. Right through a school zone. The patrolling officer had given the nanny a ticket. He, in turn, had handed Mr. Cullen the citation, and Mr. Cullen had shown him the door. The final nanny was a college student. During their very first lunch, Riley had tossed a bowl of spaghetti over the man's head. He had apparently bawled like a baby, and he was packed and gone within the hour.

Rosalie promised that Riley isn't usually a behavior problem. He was just a little boy lost – his mother leaving him behind with a father who worked long hours and wasn't accustomed to being both mother and father to a five year old child. Of course, this child was acting out.

And his father. Would he be relieved to see me? Of course, he was hesitant about this arrangement. He'd hired four others just like me in the past thirty days. I was prepared for that. But would he be cold? Indifferent?

If the appearance of this penthouse was any indication, that possibility was there.

A knock on my door interrupted my mental musings.

"Bella, Mr. Cullen is in his study. If this is a good time for you, he'd like to meet you and introduce you to Riley."

"Of course." I closed the closet door and noticed my reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, I was very nervous. "Carmen, do I look okay?"

"Oh, you're lovely, Bella."

"Thank you," I blushed. "But I meant my attire. I'm not sure what I'm expected to wear?"

She smiled. "Mr. Cullen will explain all of that, but I assure you, casual wear is fine. Unless of course, there's a dinner party or a function in which you're asked to attend. But again, he will explain those things."

_Dinner parties? What kind of functions?_

I was going to kill Rosalie.

With one last look in the mirror, I followed Carmen down the hall and into the massive living room. The décor was very contemporary and, of course, immaculate. A grand piano rested in a corner that was flanked by windows overlooking the terrace. A plasma screen – at least fifty inches – graced the far wall. Intricate pieces of art were scattered about, and oil paintings surrounded the room. The place was like a museum, and I was literally afraid to sit down on the leather sofa. I glanced around, looking for any sign that a child actually lived here. But there was nothing. No coloring books. No toys. No stuffed animals.

"You look confused," Carmen noted as we made our way toward the study.

"I was just wondering….does Riley play? I haven't seen anything so far that would even signify that a child lives here."

"Mrs. Cullen required Riley to play in his room," Carmen explained, her tone hushed and clipped. It was obvious the sweet maid wasn't a fan of the wife, either. "Playing wasn't exactly encouraged until Mr. Cullen came home."

"Mr. Cullen likes to play with his son?" This surprised me. And encouraged me. "What do they do?"

"Oh, they paint. Read books. Color. Study French."

I stopped in my tracks. "French?"

"Yes. Riley is expected to be well-cultured."

"He's five! He's just learning English!" I snapped angrily and immediately covered my mouth with my hand. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

Carmen chuckled. "I agree with you. You are going to be a breath of fresh air around here. I just know it. Here we are…"

Carmen ushered me into the study, another huge room that was lined with shelves full of books and journals. I felt as if I was standing in the middle of a library. I carefully walked around, letting my fingers trail softly against the spines of some of the books in the collection. My eyes flickered to the titles, and I was surprised to see some of my favorites.

I was in heaven, and I could just imagine pulling one from the shelf and hiding in my bedroom for hours as I lost myself in the pages.

"Miss Swan?"

His voice was soft like velvet, and I slowly peeled my eyes away from the books and settled them on quite possibly the most handsome man I'd ever seen. His eyes were brilliant emeralds. His jaw was chiseled. His hair was dark and neatly trimmed. He looked tired. Almost apprehensive. But he was still gorgeous.

And did I mention his eyes?

Rosalie neglected to tell me that her brother was sexy as hell.

_Holy crap. _

"Are you okay?" He asked as he closed the book he'd been reading. "You look a little flustered."

Oh, right. I'm supposed to string words together and actually greet this man.

"No, no…I'm fine. And please call me Bella."

"Bella." The way he said my name made me go weak in the knees. "Please have a seat. Riley will join us shortly."

I looked back at Carmen who was trying to hide her smile as she closed the door behind her. I took my seat across his desk and tried to get my hormones under control.

_What was wrong with me?_

"Thank you," I stammered, and I knew I had to get it together or he was going to question Rose's glowing recommendation. "And thank you for this opportunity, Mr. Cullen. I promise to do the very best I can for your son."

"Well, that would be refreshing," Mr. Cullen acknowledged with a tight smile. "It would be especially refreshing if I hadn't heard that same promise four times during the last month."

_Shit._

"Umm…." I stammered like an idiot. "I understand the last month has been a challenge for Riley."

"You could say that," he replied as he stood and walked over to his window. His eyes gazed out into the Seattle sky. "Rosalie is very fond of you. You came highly recommended. I don't usually hire my sister's friends for…..well, any position."

"I understand that," I nodded.

"You hold a Masters degree from UW?"

"Yes," I answered quietly. "In elementary education."

"Yet you couldn't find employment in one of Seattle's hundreds of schools?"

My heart fluttered in my chest. "No, there were too many applicants and not enough positions."

"Hmmm…" he mused as he turned his penetrating gaze to me once again. My heart began hammering. "Perhaps you didn't try hard enough."

_What the hell?_

"I was one of two hundred applicants, Mr. Cullen. Supply and demand." My temper was getting the better of me, but his suggestion that I hadn't "tried hard enough" had struck a nerve.

"Applicants must find a way to set themselves apart. Make themselves invaluable to perspective employers. Perhaps you weren't persuasive enough."

_What was his deal? Was he trying to piss me off?_

My subconscious nagged at me_. No. He's testing you. If you can't handle him, how could you even begin to handle his kid?_

I took a deep breath and stared straight into his gorgeous, glowing green eyes.

"Mr. Cullen, I graduated Magna Cum Laude. I have quite impressive letters of recommendations from my advisors and professors – all of which I will be happy to share with you. I am a licensed, highly qualified teacher - according to the stupidity of the _No Child Left Behind _law - and I am quite qualified to play nanny to your son. Give me one week. From what I hear, if I make it any longer than that, I'll officially be your son's longest surviving nanny. If after a week, I haven't run out of here screaming, we can revisit this conversation. You need help. I'm offering to give it. I'll even volunteer my services this first week. If it doesn't work out, you don't even have to pay me. But I would like the chance to prove that I can be _invaluable _to you…and to your son."

He seemed dazed by my little rant, but I could see a slight smirk play at the corner of his lips. It was amazing how much his face changed with just that small grin.

So pretty.

_Focus, Bella._

"Very good, Miss Swan. We have a deal."

I exhaled a deep breath. I was on a roll, why not push my luck?

"And I would prefer you call me Bella….Sir."

"Well, Bella…" he smiled slightly as he stood from his chair and walked around to the front of his desk. He sat on the edge, and I couldn't help but notice how tall and handsome he was. "….you've handled this little interview quite nicely. I think it's time to see if you can handle my son just as efficiently."

"I look forward to it, sir."

"And if you insist that I call you by your first name, I would prefer that you didn't call me sir. That's my father."

"Of course, Mr. Cullen." I was positive he wasn't giving me permission to call him by his first name. Nodding, he motioned me toward the door and led me toward the hallway with the closed doors. He stopped at the room right next to mine and softly pecked on the door.

"Come in," a little voice called out.

Mr. Cullen opened the door, and I was instantly devastated to see that Riley's bedroom looked just like the rest of the house. White. Cold. Unwelcoming. There _were_ toys, and they were all stuffed in the gigantic toy boxes that lined the walls. There _were_ books - all nice and neat and arranged by author's last name on the bookshelf. The comforter on his bed was black. Solid black.

And nestled against the one pillow was the cutest five year old I'd ever laid eyes upon.

"Who are you?"

His voice was pained and just…._hateful_. I glanced at Mr. Cullen. He nodded in encouragement.

"I'm Bella. I'm your new nanny."

He stared at me for a few moments, and I felt like a science experiment in a beaker. His eyes roamed up and down before settling back onto my eyes.

"Go away," he spat angrily as he pulled the pillow out from under his head and tossed it in my direction. I turned my head as the pillow nearly hit me in the face, and I watched in surprise as it fell to the ground.

I glanced back at the little boy. He was glaring at me with this father's beautiful green eyes, and I immediately understood what was happening here.

_This _was Riley's test.

How fast could he get rid of the new nanny? How quickly could he scare away _this one_?

I squared my shoulders and looked at Mr. Cullen. He was watching me expectantly, as if he was willing me to work my voodoo. Wave my magic wand.

_Make myself invaluable._

I crouched to the ground, picking up the pillow. I tossed it carefully onto the bed.

"My first rule…" I announced daringly. "….is we don't throw things, unless they are things that can't hurt others."

His eyes brightened. This seemed to pique his attention, excited at the prospect that he could throw _something_.

"Like what things?"

"Soft things," I replied. "Like popcorn. Or feathers."

"Pillows have feathers…" he reasoned as he climbed upon his knees. I could feel Mr. Cullen's eyes on me.

"That's true," I nodded thoughtfully. "But pillows can sometimes have hard edges, and they could hit someone in the eye. But I think pillow fights are okay. What do you think?"

Riley considered this. "Pillow fights are okay because we aren't throwing them?"

"I think so," I agreed. "As long as we don't hit too hard."

He nodded, effectively ending that conversation.

"Riley…." Mr. Cullen's voice was quiet as he continued to stare at me. His eyes were conflicted, and it immediately made me anxious. Had I done something wrong? I blinked nervously, and his gaze finally turned toward his son. "Mrs. Reed will be here shortly for your piano lesson. Please wash your hands and head to the living room. Bella and I will meet you there."

"Okay." Riley climbed down from his bed and walked toward his adjoining bathroom. He shut the door behind him.

Mr. Cullen's eyes were on me again. "Well done, Bella. That's the longest conversation I've ever heard between my son and a nanny."

"Really?" I was surprised. What was that? Thirty seconds?

"Come," Mr. Cullen motioned toward the door. "I'd like for you to spend the rest of the day with Riley. He's sometimes…a handful….for his piano teacher. Perhaps you will have a calming affect on him. And if not…well…you'll have the chance to see why you're my fifth nanny."

I took a deep breath and followed him into the living room. Mrs. Reed was already there – flipping through sheet music and looking apprehensive and distraught. Within moments, Riley appeared. I watched as Mr. Cullen helped his son onto the bench, and then I watched in horror as Riley pulled the cover down – hard – against the piano teacher's fingers. Her screams sent chills down my spine.

And then Riley turned those blazing green eyes toward me.

And he laughed.

_What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

* * *

Worth continuing? Let me know!

Thanks!


	2. The Shrillest Highs and Lowest Lows

**AN: The response for the first chapter is completely overwhelming. Thank you so much! Also, a very sweet reviewer started a thread for this story over at Twilighted. As far as I know, that's my very first thread over there. Thank you, Samantha0078!**

**Disclaimers: Stephenie Meyer owns Bella and Edward. I own this version of Riley. Isn't he adorable so far? lol**

* * *

Chapter 2

_The Shrillest Highs and Lowest Lows_

* * *

Despite the fact that all ten of her fingers were probably broken, you had to admire the speed at which Mrs. Reed ran screaming and crying out the door. She didn't even bother taking her purse. I vaguely heard Mr. Cullen tell Carmen to be sure to have it delivered to the piano teacher's home and to assure her he would take care of all hospital expenses. Riley was still seated on the piano, his fingers drifting over the keys as he played a few measures of what sounded like…._Moonlight Sonata_? At five years of age? He seemed calm and relaxed – seemingly unconcerned with what had just occurred – as if it was nothing out of the ordinary for an adult to be crying and running out the door as fast as their legs could carry them.

"So, Bella with the Masters degree in elementary education….what do you suggest I do?"

I hadn't even noticed that Mr. Cullen had sat down next to me on the couch. His head was buried in his hands and his beautiful hair was tousled and standing on end, as if his fingers had been tugging and twisting it in frustration. I caught myself wondering how soft his hair must be, and how my fingers would love to find out…

_Focus, Bella._

"Is this the first time he's physically, seriously harmed someone?" I asked as I watched the little boy play the piano. He seemed so chill now…

"To this extreme, yes. He threw a few things at the other nannies. Just tantrums for the most part."

"And how did you punish him for that?"

Mr. Cullen laughed. "Punishment? Jessica would never allow him to be punished. Any attempts I made were met with resistance. The child has had no limits – no boundaries – since the day he was born. And now that I'm trying to set them…"

"He's rebelling," I finished quietly.

Riley finished the sonata and drifted right into a new piece. I wasn't familiar with it, but it was very soothing, and was once again amazed at how well he played.

"He's a musical prodigy, you realize."

Mr. Cullen smiled softly. "He is quite good, isn't he? If only everything was as easy as piano…"

I couldn't ignore the look of defeat on his face. He was so frustrated. So lost. And I ached to help him in any way I could. But what did I know about disciplining a child? I learned during my student teaching that how I would discipline and how a parent would discipline could be two very different things. I'd also learned that the whole concept of "time-out" sometimes worked for minor misbehaviors, but I wasn't sure crushing your piano teacher's fingers warranted a few minutes sitting still in a chair.

"What have you tried since your wife's….absence?" I closed my eyes, hoping I wouldn't offend him. But I needed to know what he'd tried so far.

"Time-out, which was completely ridiculous. He would hop up after a minute and start bawling, and I never knew how to handle that. I'd wind up pulling him into my lap and rocking him until he fell asleep. It wasn't effective at all..." His voice faltered into a whisper. "…or perhaps it was I who was ineffective."

"I'm not a parent," I offered as a disclaimer, "but in my training, I was taught that kids need boundaries and consistency. Riley has never had to follow the rules…"

"Oh, there were rules," Mr. Cullen smiled sadly. "Jessica had a mile-long list of idiotic rules. Keep all toys in the toy box. Arrange his bedtime stories by author's last name. Eat only organic food. Go to bed promptly at 8:00 PM. No finger-paints. No candy…."

"No fun," I murmured as I glanced at the little boy seated so properly on the piano bench. When he wasn't laughing evilly or causing bodily harm to others, you couldn't deny that he was a beautiful child.

Mr. Cullen laughed loudly. "No, fun was prohibited. That would have required her to actually be a mother and spend time with her child." He didn't attempt to hide the bitterness in his voice. "He did have play dates, however. Every Saturday at 1:00."

"Well, that's something…" At least she had spent _some_ time with her child.

"Play dates were at the park, and Carmen drove him to those."

"Oh."

"Yeah…" He turned toward me as he ran his fingers through his hair – a sure sign of frustration. "So, he certainly needs to be punished for hurting Mrs. Reed. Don't you agree?"

The expression on his face was questioning, as if he wasn't sure if this was the way to go. This man was so out of his element, and I found myself plotting his wife's demise.

"Most definitely," I agreed. "I don't think time-out is appropriate, though."

"I know what my father would have done to me," Mr. Cullen sighed. The tone of his voice was bleak as he seemed to remember a painful memory. I understood right away, as I recalled my own punishments as a child. Charlie hadn't spanked me much when I was growing up, but I'd felt the palm of his hands a few times when I'd do something particularly cruel.

"Mine too," I murmured gently. "But I'm not sure a spanking is appropriate here, either. Riley isn't a mean child. He's just hurting and trying to make sense of his new life. Even if his mother wasn't very loving or fun, she was still his mom." I felt like I was overstepping my bounds. I'd only been here a couple of hours, and I was already plotting Jessica's death.

And then inspiration struck…

"Does Riley have a favorite activity? Something he'd miss if it was taken away?"

Edward's eyes searched mine until he tilted his head in his son's direction. Riley was still playing the piano. This time, the familiar notes of _Twinkle, Twinkle_ _Little Star_ flowed from the piano. The stark contrast between _Moonlight Sonata_ and this kid-friendly song tugged at my heartstrings. Somewhere deep inside of that little monster was a little boy – missing his mother, wanting to have fun, desperately wanting to be a _kid_. But he needed to learn that purposely hurting another person was wrong, and this was a lesson he needed to learn immediately.

My eyes flashed back to Edward's face, both of us knowing what needed to be done, but dreading the emotional outburst that was sure to follow. We both nodded in unison, and I steeled myself for the temper tantrum that was coming our way. Taking deep breaths, Edward and I slowly rose from the couch and walked over to the piano. Very gently, he removed Riley's hands from the instrument and held them tightly as I carefully pulled the piano cover down over the keys.

"Hey!!!" Riley's previous calm demeanor was gone in a flash.

"No more piano," Edward said softly, and I knew his heart was breaking. This was his son's only calming influence, and we were taking it away.

"WHY!!!!!" The little boy's voice pierced my soul, but I knew we had to stand firm. Riley's head whipped around, his eyes piercing and accusing in my direction. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!"

During student teaching, I'd been yelled at by some of the meanest kids in Seattle. This little green-eyed boy couldn't scare me.

Much.

"Tell him why he's being punished," I coaxed softly, and Edward nodded.

"You hurt Mrs. Reed's fingers with this piano, and you did it on purpose. There will be no more piano playing for…."

Edward's eyes searched mine for a number.

"Seven days," I whispered, and Edward seemed to agree with that.

"Seven days. Riley, do you understand what you did was wrong? You may have seriously hurt Mrs. Reed."

Riley ignored the question as he struggled with the golden knobs of the piano, trying without success to push the cover open again. I held firmly onto the lid, and in a fit of frustration, the little boy began kicking me. Edward let go of his hands and held his legs in place.

"Stop, Riley." I'm glad my voice sounded firm and brave because I was anything but. While I'd been screamed at, I couldn't remember actually being _kicked _before. Edward finally pulled Riley off the bench and carried him – kicking and screaming – into his bedroom.

"Oh, my…." Carmen whispered shakily as she walked toward the piano. I collapsed onto the bench as she wrapped her arm around me.

"You did very well," the maid smiled thoughtfully. "The violent tendencies are new. He's only been kicking and throwing things for the past couple of weeks. Neither I nor Mr. Cullen is very good at handling it. You did wonderfully."

"Carmen," I whispered softly. "I'm not sure I'm cut out for this…"

Her smile was sad. "There's no shame in that. This isn't the greatest of situations. Riley has never been cruel to me, and for that, I'm grateful. But he's known me since birth. That doesn't mean my luck will hold out. But I'm hopeful. He really is a dear little boy. I know it's hard to see that now, but his mother…" Carmen's tone changed dramatically. "….his mother never allowed him to be a child. She expected him to be this little adult."

"But adults have to follow rules or face the consequences…"

"Yes," Carmen's eyes were tight. "Mrs. Cullen never wished for Riley to be upset with her, so she ignored his transgressions. And truly, most were minor. Nothing like what's happening these days. But in not playing her role as a mother, she's created a little monster that reared his ugly head when she left him behind. While she had trouble showing affection, she was still his mother. His world is completely upside down now. Strangers are coming in and out, and he's running them off quite efficiently."

"I'm not running," I murmured softly as I trailed my hand along the sleek piano.

_At least, not yet…_

"I'm glad," Carmen smiled warmly. "You are already my favorite of the long list of nannies. I see so much potential in you. You could be so good for Riley….and for Mr. Cullen. He needs help. He needs….a friend."

"How long have you known Mr. Cullen?" I asked curiously.

"I was hired as a maid for his family when he was thirteen. When he turned twenty-one, he inherited his trust fund. The next day, he announced he was moving here and taking me with him. We'd grown incredibly close through the years. Edward was my favorite, you see. Rosalie is sweet, but she's…"

"Opinionated. Foul mouthed."

Carmen laughed. "Yes, but still so dear. So Edward took his money and bought this penthouse. As they say, the rest is history."

I laughed at the absurdity. My first apartment had been a rat hole just a mile from the campus of UW. Edward Cullen's first home had been a penthouse suite.

"And he's a lawyer?"

"Yes," Carmen replied. "He was an honors student in high school and graduated when he was seventeen. He went straight to the University of Washington and received his BS in Pre-Law when he was twenty-one. That's when we moved here. He continued at UW in the School of Law – graduated three years later. Began working for his father's firm the day after graduation."

"Wow," I breathed. Edward was obviously very determined and hard-working. "A lawyer at twenty-four?"

"Edward is very resolute when he makes a decision," Carmen smiled proudly, as if she was his grandmother instead of his maid.

"Tell me about Mrs. Cullen?" I asked cautiously.

Her smiled quickly faltered. "Must I? We're having such a lovely conversation."

We both giggled.

"Edward and Jessica were high school sweethearts. Esme and Carlisle – that's Edward's parents – never approved of Jessica. She was a complete gold-digger and everyone knew it. But you can't tell teenagers anything. They have to see for themselves." She shook her head. "Anyway…during Edward's sophomore year of college, Jessica revealed that she was pregnant. His parents were crushed, of course; hers were ecstatic because she could now, legally, get her hands on his money. Words were exchanged, threats were made…So, Edward and Jessica eloped and lived in college housing with little Riley until Edward was old enough to retrieve his trust fund."

"And that's when he moved here…"

"Yes," Carmen nodded. "I probably shouldn't be telling you these things, but if you are going to be in our lives, you need to know. Jessica was…not the nicest person you'd ever meet. She and Edward fought constantly, and he threatened to kick her out more than once. But she'd cry, and when that didn't work she'd curse and remind him that judges usually sided with the mother when it came to custody decisions. He was an attorney, and he knew that was a fact. So, he bit his tongue and suffered. They were never happy. Edward had tried to do the responsible thing, and it forced him into a loveless marriage. But he reminds me constantly that it also brought him Riley. He truly loves his child. Between law school and working at the firm, he was forced to leave most of the parenting to Jessica, and you see where that's brought us…"

"I don't understand how she could just up and leave them," I shuddered. "I mean, if you're that unhappy in your marriage, by all means get out. But to leave your son?"

Carmen nodded. "She met one of Edward's colleagues at a spring fundraiser. He wasn't employed by the Cullen firm, but they'd worked closely together on a few cases, so Carlisle had invited him to attend. One month later, Jessica's bags were packed and she was asking Edward for a divorce. An hour later, she was gone. And she never looked back."

"How did Edward take it?"

"Honestly?" Carmen asked. "He was relieved. She and her stupid nonsense rules and rigid child-rearing ideas were finally gone. And she'd left him with the one good thing that had come from their relationship – their son. But Riley…he didn't take it as well. It's been quite a summer, and it's only gotten worse as each day passes. She doesn't even call to check on her child."

I couldn't imagine that. Just walking out and leaving your son behind – never calling. Didn't she wonder how he was doing? Didn't she miss him at all?

"What a bitch," I mumbled under my breath, and Carmen laughed heartily. I flushed crimson as I realized she'd heard me.

"I love you already!" She chuckled as she kissed my cheek. Suddenly, we heard the sound of someone's throat clearing, and we both jerked our heads around to see Edward standing at the entry to the living room.

"How is he?" I asked hesitantly. Edward looked completely wiped out, like he'd just wrestled a bear.

"Sleeping," he replied tiredly. Then his gaze flickered to me. "You're still here."

"Yes…" I whispered in surprise. "Unless you'd prefer me not to be?"

Confusion flashed across his face. "No, no. That's not what I meant. I'm just surprised, that's all. I'm….." his features softened as his eyes bore into mine. I blinked rapidly as I tried to control my body's reaction to the emerald flecks of his eyes. "I'm glad you're here. Thank you for staying. And thank you for your help earlier. I know it may not seem so, but that actually wasn't so bad."

Carmen nodded in agreement. "Definitely not the worst we've seen."

"I am sorry he kicked you, though," Edward's voice was silk as he walked closer to us. He stopped just before reaching the bench. "I hope you're okay."

"I'm fine," I assured him, and I was rewarded with a small smile. He was so pretty when he smiled.

"Can I do anything else?"

"He'll probably be asleep for an hour or so. He always naps after a tantrum." He looked at Carmen. "What were you thinking for dinner?"

"Chicken is already baking," Carmen smiled softly. "Baked potatoes okay?"

"Sounds great," Edward nodded before looking at me again. "I know the invitation is probably unwelcome, but would you join us for dinner?"

"We always eat together," Carmen explained with a hopeful smile. "The former nannies took the opportunity to escape to their room for a while…"

"And you're free to do that, as well," Edward allowed. "But you're also more than welcome to join us. Whatever you're comfortable with, Bella."

It had been so long since I'd actually sat down and had a family dinner. And I was more than a little surprised to learn that Carmen joined them at the table, as well. It was obvious that Edward and Carmen shared a special bond, and I was honored to be invited.

I smiled at him. "I would love to have dinner with you and your family. Thank you." I then turned toward the maid/my new best friend. "But I insist you let me help. I can bake the potatoes or make a salad. Let me do something, please."

Carmen hugged me tightly, and I couldn't ignore the fact that Edward was watching us intently. I could literally _feel _his gaze. How strange…

"And she cooks! What an angel!"

Trying to suppress a laugh, Edward smiled apologetically just as an excited Carmen took me by the hand and rushed me toward the kitchen.

* * *

Dinner was uncomfortably silent, and I wondered if it was because everyone was exhausted or if it was because Mommy Dearest had required it to the point that it was now just habit.

I decided to find out.

"Dinner is delicious, Carmen," I offered with a smile.

Three heads rose from their plates – eyes wide as they glanced in my direction. Everyone seemed surprised to actually hear a voice at the table.

Taking my cue, Edward cleared his throat. "Carmen is a wonderful cook."

"No she isn't," Riley whined as he played with his chicken before turning his attention to a few of the peas on his plate, flicking them in various directions. Since dinner had begun, he'd only flipped a few pieces of potato in my direction – which I'd pointedly ignored. I was sure he'd chuck the entire baked potato at my head if given the opportunity. But, so far, he was following my first rule. He was throwing _soft_ things. So I let it go.

"I can't cut the chicken," Riley fussed.

I was confused. I was sure Carmen had cut his chicken into small pieces before we even sat down at the table. I took a sip of my wine and stealthily checked his plate through my glass.

She _had _cut his chicken. He was just being a brat.

"Don't you like chicken, Riley?"

"Sometimes," he grumbled. He rested his head on his fist as he propped his elbow on the table. Edward rolled his eyes heavenward and downed his wine glass.

"But not tonight?" I asked calmly, trying to make conversation.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not brown."

My brows creased in confusion.

"He prefers chicken nuggets or strips – with the breading," Carmen explained quietly as she poured herself another glass of wine. "But Mrs...I mean, others, preferred he eat what the adults were eating."

"Ahh." I understood now. I also understood that this family was still living in Mommy Dearest's shadow. Didn't they realize her rules didn't apply any longer? The wicked witch was _gone_.

"I have an idea," I announced bravely. I glanced at Edward. "May I?"

His eyes rose in surprise, but he nodded fervently. All eyes were on me as I made way to the refrigerator. I'd noticed them earlier when I was rummaging for the frozen vegetables. I opened the package and placed them on a plate in the microwave. Two minutes later, I was walking back into the dining room. Everyone's eyes were on me as I removed Riley's uneaten plate of food and replaced it with six chicken nuggets.

"Would you like your potato?"

Riley looked up at me with surprising, adoring eyes. He glanced from me, back to plate of chicken nuggets, and back to me again.

"I can eat those?" He whispered softly as he gently fingered the tiny piece of food.

I looked at Edward and Carmen – both of their faces a mask of surprise and wonder. I cleared my throat loudly, and Edward's eyes blinked back into focus.

"Of course…of course you can," he stuttered in amazement. I sighed with relief as I placed Riley's fork back on his plate.

"Can I have ketchup?" His sweet eyes stared into mine.

"I'll get it!" Carmen shouted excitedly as she raced toward the kitchen, returning moments later with a bottle. She flipped the top, but Riley was shaking his head stubbornly.

_Uh oh…_

"I want _her_ to do it." And his little finger pointed right at me.

Just like that, my inner nanny was doing a happy dance.

I poured the ketchup, and all of us watched with rapt attention as the little boy ate his dinner. And he ate it all - every last bite - without flipping one pea on his plate or tossing any baked potatoes through the air.

Everyone at the table breathed a gigantic sigh of relief.

* * *

After my success at dinner, Carmen had offered to give Riley his bath while Edward retreated to his study to do some work. This gave me the opportunity to go through Riley's toy box and see what we had to work with.

Not much.

He had some very educational games. I found lots of puzzles which looked about five years too old for him. They had very small pieces, and I knew he'd have trouble grasping them with his little fingers. There were some flash cards. And lots of expensive, impressive technology that I could see in my classroom someday if the school's budget could actually afford it. But this was a child's toy box, and every toy within it served some purpose – practiced some skill or reinforced some lesson.

Riley needs some _fun_ toys.

I crawled over to his bookshelf, which rivaled any children's library I'd ever seen. There were a few children's storybooks scattered throughout the shelves, but not many. Most titles were books I read in high school. Some in college. Some I'd never heard of.

Riley needs some _fun _books, too.

I was making my mental list of things to buy when Carmen carried Riley – wrapped in a towel – back into his bedroom. He had already picked out his pajamas before heading into the bath, so he slipped them on quickly and hopped onto his bed. He eyed me warily from his perch on the bed, and I smiled at him, hoping our progress and his good mood at dinner would continue through the rest of the night.

He didn't smile back. His expression was blank.

Cold. Unwelcome.

I swallowed nervously. "Would you like for me to read you a story?"

He shook his head no before climbing under the covers. I added a new, more colorful, bed spread to my growing list for my shopping spree.

"Bedtime is the hardest," Carmen offered in apology as she picked a Dr. Seuss from the shelf and settled herself on the bed with Riley. He snuggled against her chest, and for just a split second, I was given a glimpse of that sweet little boy I'd met at dinner.

Quietly, I closed the door behind me as I walked out of the room. It was only 8:00 PM, and I was considering going to my room and finding a book to read when I heard Edward's voice calling from the living room.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I whispered as I made my way down the hallway and toward the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch with his computer in his lap.

"Sorry. I just saw you walking out of Riley's room. How is he?" Edward slid over, making room for me on the couch. The gesture surprised me. It wasn't as if there wasn't a loveseat, a chair….

"He seems okay," I replied as I sat down next to him. "Carmen says bedtime can be tough."

"Sometimes, yes." He finished whatever he was doing on the computer and shut it down. He placed it carefully on the end table and turned toward me. "So how has your first day been?"

"Interesting," I answered with a slight smile. He chuckled lightly. "I mean, I'm still here. That's a good sign, right? "

His eyes gazed into mine, and I momentarily forgot how to breathe. His expression was unreadable, but that didn't stop me from staring.

"A very good sign," he agreed with a whisper, and I could swear I could hear something in his voice…something _hopeful_. "You were wonderful with him at dinner tonight. I felt so foolish."

I was appalled. "I didn't mean to you make you feel foolish…"

"Oh, I know you didn't." His smile was breathtaking. "I needed reminding that Riley's mother is…no longer with us…and it's time we made our own rules. So thank you for the reminder."

"I'm still learning the rules," I explained. "I'm never sure if the rules are yours or Mrs. Cullen's. So if I ever do anything out of line, please don't hesitate to tell me."

He nodded, and his expression changed. He almost looked repentant.

"Bella, I want to apologize for our earlier conversation. I had no right to insinuate that you hadn't made every effort to find a teaching position. That was rude of me, and I hope you can accept my apology."

"It's fine," I murmured. "You were just testing me. I know that now."

He seemed surprised – but pleased – that I had understood his motives. "And you passed with flying colors. You actually got my son to eat dinner. Calmly. That's the first peaceful dinner we've had in months."

"I'm glad I could help." I wasn't used to all this praise, and it was making me uncomfortable. "Mr. Cullen, I was wondering if I could shop for Riley."

"Shop?"

"Yes," I replied. "I was looking at his toys and his books. I'd like to buy him some more age-appropriate things. If that's alright?"

"Of course. Excuse me just a moment." I watched as he carried his laptop toward his study. Within moments, he returned with a credit card. He handed it to me.

"This is for you – for whatever you feel is necessary for Riley."

The man was giving me a credit card. It was shiny and platinum and even had my name etched on the face.

Were all nannies given credit cards?

"Thank you," I whispered. "I promise to only use this for purchases that pertain to Riley." I wasn't sure why I felt the need to assure him of this, but it seemed important.

"I trust you, Bella. No worries."

We talked then – he about his job and me about my failed attempts at finding one. He seemed interested, so I told him about my parents, my childhood, and my years at UW. Edward told me the same things that Carmen had told me earlier – only he left out the unplanned pregnancy and shotgun wedding aspects. More than once, our eyes locked and - more than once - we'd both hurriedly looked away when we caught the other staring. It was unnerving and uncomfortable, but that didn't stop us from doing it over and over again. And each time it happened, my heart would flutter in my chest.

Edward Cullen was fascinating. Wealthy, Successful. Intelligent. Driven. But there was another side to him. He was obviously loyal and devoted to his family. He was kind and generous. From what I'd seen, he was wonderful to his employees and an excellent father to Riley.

And he had beautiful emerald eyes that penetrated right to my soul.

During our conversation – where we continued to talk about anything and everything - we'd shifted closer to each other. I wasn't sure if he'd noticed it, but I sure had, and I couldn't bring myself to pull away. I could only assume he hadn't noticed – because he didn't pull away, either.

"Riley's asleep," Carmen's voice interrupted my musings, and both Edward and I jumped back against the couch like two teenagers caught in a clinch.

Edward cleared his throat nervously. "Thank you, Carmen. I think I'm going to go finish up some work before I head to bed myself. Thank you again, Bella."

And with that, Mr. Cold had returned, and he quickly retreated to his study.

* * *

**Are you guys at all interested in chapters from Edward's POV? I don't usually rehash chapters in different POVs, but I do tend to alternate views between chapters. One chapter might be Bella's perspective; one might be from Edward's - something like that. Let me know if you'd like that. Perhaps you'd like to see Edward's thoughts upon his first meeting with Bella? Let me know.**

**Also, I have a recommendation. She's a new writer named scenekate101. She's young and very creative. It's called "Half of Me." It's rated T, so if you're looking for something a little different, I know it would thrill her if you'd check her out and leave her some love. Thanks!**


	3. I'm Thinking it's a Sign

**AN: I love my readers. I asked a question about Edward's POV, and the majority of people said, "It's your story, and I'll love it regardless." How awesome is that? Others offered their opinions in very polite ways, and I'm so glad my readers are mature and encouraging. I'm a lucky girl.**

**Like I said, I am not a fan of the rehashed chapter, especially when done a lot. I think that's fine as outtakes, but I want stories to move along. But I do enjoy alternating POVs, and I always love writing Edward, so the first part of this chapter belongs to him.**

**Disclaimers: Song/chapter titles – Iron and Wine. Characters – Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

Chapter 3

_I'm Thinking It's a Sign_

* * *

EPOV

I quietly closed the door of my study. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding and pressed my forehead against the cool, mahogany door.

_Mahogany. How ironic._

Walking toward the bar, I poured myself a drink and strolled over to my desk – collapsing against my leather chair and downing the alcohol in one colossal swallow.

It'd been a hell of a day. It'd been a hell of a summer.

Most men would have been embarrassed – perhaps even vengeful – if their wives had packed her bags and walked out the door and into the waiting arms of a trusted colleague, as if the past eight years had meant nothing to her.

But not this husband. It had been a welcome relief.

Jessica Stanley and I had officially met during our senior year of high school when I'd been assigned to escort her in the homecoming football game. She was cheerleading captain and the most popular girl in school, and I played saxophone in the marching band. With my Cullen money and charm, I had never been without a girlfriend, but Jessica Stanley had been the Holy Grail for every boy in school – including me. From the night she was crowned homecoming queen, we were inseparable. Together, we lost our virginity in an extravagant hotel room in Olympia on prom night.

Our relationship was volatile from the beginning. Jess had a quick temper when she didn't get her way, and I was just enough of a bastard to ensure she didn't get her way very often. Somehow, we made it work, and we made plans to attend UW together. I majored in Pre-Law; she majored in cheerleading and minored in French – in preparation for her dream Parisian vacation that she insisted we take for our future honeymoon. She had our lives mapped out for us. I would work at my father's law firm and someday make partner. Jessica would live in our high-rise apartment, raise our two perfect children, and be my trophy wife.

I had _no_ idea just how quickly parts of that plan would come to fruition.

Riley, as much as I loved him, was a complete and utter surprise. Jessica had assured me that she was on the pill, and I had trusted her enough to believe that was so. I was nineteen years old and headed to law school. I was in no way prepared to become a father. But one day, she walked right into my parent's home and happily announced that we were pregnant. My mother cried, and my father drank himself into a stupor before declaring that I had completely fucked up my life, and we were on our own. Shell-shocked but determined to prove him wrong, Jess and I had eloped the next day. However, she didn't get her Parisian honeymoon until two years later – after I had gained access to my trust fund.

At first, I had refused the money from my father. While he was a doting grandfather to Riley, I was still bitter about the way he'd handled the news. It was my mother who had convinced me – reminding me that I was in school and trying to raise a toddler on my part-time job as a filing clerk in Dad's office. Jessica, naturally, refused to work. Whenever I broached the subject of her finding employment, she would cry and whine - declaring it was more important for her to be home with Riley during these early years of his life. By this time, I was too tired to care. So I had begrudgingly accepted my trust fund. We moved out of our cramped college housing and – just as she'd meticulously planned – purchased this high-rise penthouse. I was frugal enough to realize it was a silly thing on which to blow the money, but I promised myself that I'd be sure to save enough money to at least complete law school and provide for my family while I struggled through my first years as an attorney. My thriftiness had been unnecessary. My father had been more than generous with our trust funds. I was set for life – with or without making partner. But I was a hard-worker and still determined to make it on my own.

The day Riley was born was the happiest day of my life. He'd inherited my unruly hair and bright green eyes and - unfortunately - Jessica's unpredictable temper. But he was adorable and loving and so smart, and I had credited his mother for making him such a well-rounded boy. After graduation, I accepted a position with my father's firm. I was the boss's son, but I did not want his influence on my career. I worked long hours, handled mediocre cases, and made a name for myself as a rookie attorney. While my professional life was thriving, my marriage was dissolving. I'd realized long ago that I had never truly loved Jessica, but from what I'd seen, she was a wonderful mother to my son and I was content with that knowledge. Therefore, I was willing to stick it out. When I was home, I spent every waking moment with Riley. We'd color with washable markers and adhere to Jessica's staunch dinner rules and bed times, and while I questioned Jessica's rigid standards, I wasn't home enough to make an honest assessment. Carmen, who had been my second mother since I was thirteen, assured me that while Jessica was strict and probably not the most entertaining mother on the planet, Riley _was _being cared for. It was only after Jessica left with her Louis Vuitton luggage in tow did I realize that it had actually been Carmen _caring _for my son. Any fun my child had – any opportunity to just be a kid – was thanks to our maid.

I could accept that I was a failure as a husband. Honestly, that label didn't bother me in the least. But I was ashamed – horribly so – that I had unknowingly failed my child.

The weeks after her departure could only be described as unpredictable and volatile. Riley refused to sleep at night, and when he did finally drift off – he'd wake up screaming for his mother. He rarely ate, and dinner time was always one of the messiest times of our day. He'd cry for no apparent reason; he'd begun throwing tantrums in stores and kicking and screaming until Carmen or I would have no choice but to ignore the onlookers and carry him to the car. Things improved a little when he started kindergarten, but within weeks, his teacher was sending home notes or calling to report that Riley had bit a kid at recess or slapped a child in the cafeteria. He could read and write, but blatantly refused to do both when asked to do so by his teacher. Our life at home was in complete upheaval, and I'd finally taken a short leave of absence away from the firm in order to spend time with my child and hopefully provide him with some stability.

Nothing worked.

Carmen and I were both at our wit's end – and when I was forced to return to work – it was then that she finally suggested I hire a nanny. I could tell the idea bothered her immensely, but it was obvious she was at the end of her rope. So I did, and every nanny was one disaster right after the other.

While having dinner with my family last week, Rosalie had mentioned that her best friend was a recent college graduate and was having trouble finding a teaching position. She suggested that Bella would make a wonderful nanny, but I was hesitant to bring another one into the house. She continued praising the ground upon which Bella walked, and reminded me that someone with a Masters in Elementary Education may possibly make a difference. I was out of options, and my son – and my family – needed help. So without interviewing her – without even meeting her – I hired Bella Swan based solely on her best friend's glowing recommendation.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting much, but when she walked into my study, I immediately felt a sense of peace radiating from Carmen of which I hadn't witnessed in a long time. She instantly liked this girl, and Carmen was hard to impress. Considering she was a teacher, I had envisioned Bella as the stereotypical school marm. Hair in a bun. Glasses on her nose. Stern and strict. But the young woman who walked into my study was anything but typical. The image I'd formed in my mind couldn't have been further from the reality, and it caught me completely off guard.

Bella had walked into my study and gravitated immediately toward my bookshelves. Her preoccupation with the books had given me the opportunity to really notice her, and what I noticed was that she was breathtakingly beautiful. Not in a fake, plastic, enhanced sort of way, but just naturally pretty. Her mahogany hair was hanging in waves down her shoulders, and her wide doe eyes weren't hidden by a pair of glasses. She was dressed in a modest blouse and skirt, but it wasn't modest enough to detract my eyes from her frame. It had been a long time since I'd found any woman attractive, and it unnerved me that I was so instantly drawn to her. I'd spent years in a loveless marriage, and I wasn't accustomed to feeling….whatever I was feeling.

To hide my discomfort and to test her patience, I began badgering the girl, implying that she hadn't searched hard enough for a teaching position. I could feel the smirk on my face as I watched her chocolate eyes flash with anger. She effectively put me in my place, and I was impressed that she wasn't the least bit intimidated by me or my power and wealth. It was refreshing. It was…._hot_.

I had been certain the incident with Mrs. Reed would send her running for the elevator, so I'd been pleasantly surprised when I found her sitting with Carmen on the piano bench. Their heads were close together, and I was once again stunned that Carmen had taken to Bella so quickly. Dinner had been another eye-opener, and both events had shown just how patient and understanding Bella could be. She was resourceful and willing to try anything to make life a little easier for us and a little happier for Riley. My son hadn't quietly sat through a meal in weeks. It was very peaceful and encouraging.

While Carmen read to Riley, I took the opportunity to thank Bella for her help. During our conversation, I learned that she was intelligent and well-read. I found her completely fascinating in a way that was totally foreign to me. She was bright, articulate, and funny. We had shifted closer together throughout our conversation. I wasn't even sure if she'd realized it, but I had, and I'd made no effort to break our connection until Carmen interrupted with the announcement that Riley was asleep. I was grateful for the distraction. I had just inhaled the fragrance of Bella's hair, and I'd resisted an absurd desire to wrap a strand of it around my finger just before Carmen walked into the room. Aggravated at myself and determined to keep my distance, I'd coldly thanked both of them before retreating to my study.

For the sake of my heart, it was imperative that I keep my hands to myself. And for the sake of my family, it was vital that I not allow myself to be attracted to my son's new nanny.

* * *

BPOV

Have you ever watched the glow in a child's eyes when he or she is surrounded by mountains of toys? Toys that are noisy and fun and are actually age-appropriate?

Neither had I – until just now.

"What's that?" Riley asked in an awed whisper as Carmen pushed him down the aisle of the biggest toy store in Seattle. He was sitting in the cart, hands gripping the front rail, and whipping his head in every direction as if he was watching a tennis match on fast forward...

"That's a John Deere tractor," I explained as I pushed the button, causing the lights on the tractor to blink rapidly. "Haven't you ever played with one?"

He shook his head no, and I promptly tossed the vehicle into the growing pile of toys in the cart. Simple toys. Inexpensive toys that you would assume every child would recognize. A remote control train set. Fingerpaints. Matchbox cars. An Etch-a-Sketch. Riley's eyes had widened in surprise when I introduced him to wonderful world of Play-Doh. The excited expression on his face melted my heart, and I'd bought a tub of the stuff.

I hesitantly eyed the cart as we pushed it into the next aisle. I _really _hoped there wasn't a limit on this credit card.

Riley's happiness was infectious. With a giant smile, Carmen had made her own selections, choosing a few big puzzles and coloring books to add to our enormous pile. We glanced briefly at the bicycles, but I thought – and Carmen agreed – that it was best to ask Edward before purchasing one. Thankfully, the little boy accepted this explanation, while visions of teaching Riley how to ride his first bike flooded my heart with joy. It'd only been two days, and already, I was finding myself quickly becoming attached to this little boy.

Breakfast was peaceful. Edward had left long before any of us were out of bed, so Carmen, Riley, and I had a quick breakfast of cereal before getting dressed and going shopping. We'd had a perfect day so far. No temper tantrums. No tears. Even if the rest of the day was a catastrophe, I would consider the morning a definite success.

I suggested McDonald's for lunch, and I could see Carmen struggling with Mommy Dearest's rigid rules regarding fast food. I whispered that I thought that fast food was okay as a treat every once in a while, and Edward had said that we _could_ make our own rules now. Her face visibly relaxed as she offered me a wide smile. I didn't take offense to her apprehension. It was amazing how much control Jessica still had over this family – even the adults. It was going to take time, and I was very patient. I was determined to make this work.

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur as I grew accustomed to my new home in the sky. It was still a little dizzying when I imagined how far above the city I was actually sleeping at night. Carmen and I grew closer while Edward remained aloof and business-like. It was confusing considering how at ease he'd seemed at the end of my first night, and I began to worry that he was resenting me in some way. Was I doing something wrong? Carmen assured me that he was just moody at times and that I shouldn't take offense, but I couldn't help but think that his moodiness was in some way connected to me. He rarely talked to me, and when he did, it was a short "thank you." He hadn't blinked when I had presented him with the receipt for the toy shopping spree, but he had remained in the living room while Riley and I had sat in the middle of the living room floor playing with his new tractor. I could feel the penetrating stare of his emerald eyes, but I resisted the urge to look his way. I was afraid of what I'd see, so I kept my attention focused on the little boy who was fascinated with the mechanical toy on the floor.

As my first week progressed, I was constantly surprised by the simple pleasure that Riley found in his toys and games. He was such a creative child and he was struggling to find an outlet for it. I'd catch him looking at the piano – and I'd actually considered asking Edward to lessen the punishment just so that I could hear him play– but I knew we had to remain consistent if we wanted Riley to gain a full understanding of right and wrong. It was tough, but we held firm.

By day five, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I was taking Riley back and forth to school. In the evenings, I'd help him with his "homework" of writing his numbers to ten and writing his name on the lines. Edward was still giving me the polite cold shoulder, but Riley was flourishing. If he was happy, the whole house was happy. Carmen had hugged me several times throughout the week, praising me for being so patient and kind. Edward remained distant, but he was always sure to thank me at the end of each successful day. He looked a little less stressed – a bit more rested – and I was glad I had played a small role in his comfort.

All in all, a very successful first week. I was actually going to survive the seven days _and _I was going to get paid for them!

Life was good.

* * *

Edward had suggested that I take Saturday off. I'd been adamant about working the full week, but he insisted that I needed to take some time for myself. It _would_ be good to see Rosalie and Alice. I'd had zero time to myself this week, and it would be fun to have a night out with the girls. So I spent the day reading in the park and doing some shopping of my own before meeting the girls at a club just a few blocks from home.

"So how's the nanny business? Edward says you're kicking ass and taking names." Rosalie gestured toward the waiter and ordered a round of drinks.

"Is that what he's saying?" I mumbled as I sipped my wine. "He just gives me a curt thank you before running off to his study each night."

Rose's eyebrows rose. "Really? Well, I've talked to him a couple of times this week. All I hear is how patient you are with Riley. The kid's even eating at the dinner table without throwing food. That's a major improvement…"

"I knew you'd be good at this," Alice smiled as she flirted shamelessly with a blonde standing at the bar. Rose and I exchanged amused looks as she promptly excused herself to order another round of drinks from the bartender. We never got our drinks, and twenty minutes later, Alice waved goodbye as she exited the club on the arm of the handsome blonde.

"I think we've been dumped," I grinned as I finished a slice of pizza.

"What a slut," Rosalie smiled wickedly. "He better be worth it."

I spent the next hour gushing about Riley, and I could see the twinkle in Rosalie's eyes as I talked about his new toys and games. She kept trying to steer the conversation toward Edward, and I'd distract her by asking about her relationship with Emmett. This had always been an effective maneuver in the past. Not so much tonight.

"He likes you, Bella."

"Who?" I glanced around, thinking I'd obviously missed something. I didn't see anyone looking my way, and I certainly didn't see anyone I found at all attractive.

"Edward," she smirked just before finishing her third drink.

My forehead creased. "Well, yeah. I guess. He hasn't fired me yet."

"That's not what I mean," she chuckled as she finished the pizza on her plate. "My brother has never gone on and on about a girl like he has about you. I think he's completely smitten."

"No way," I laughed nonchalantly. That couldn't be. We hadn't said five words to each other – except for that first night. I still remembered the way he'd looked at me – those green eyes flashing. I'd tried really hard to forget the way my heart had fluttered whenever our eyes would meet.

"Trust me," Rose smiled as she grabbed the check. "And I'm paying."

"Since you're making ridiculous accusations – I'll let you."

"You'll see…" she laughed. I rolled my eyes and kissed her cheek before grabbing my purse and jacket and heading back to my home in the sky.

* * *

"It's been quite a day." Carmen's eyes were heavy with strain as I made my way through the living room. I gasped sharply, my eyes unbelieving of the scene before me.

The floor was covered with all of Riley's new toys. Some were destroyed. Some were probably fixable. A few of his coloring books were in pieces lying haphazardly around the room. Crayons were broken and tossed in every direction. I could hear his tearful screams coming from the bedroom, and I raced through the minefield of mangled toys and down the hallway to his room.

Riley was cradled in Edward's arms. He was rocking the little boy back and forth, whispering that everything was going to be okay and that he loved him so much. Tears sprang in my eyes as I watched in silence. I glanced around the room and noticed what toys and games weren't tossed into the living room were lying in the middle of Riley's carpet, and his bookshelf – usually so neat and tidy – lay in ruins. Pages were ripped and tossed, littering the floor.

Edward raised his head. His eyes locked with mine, and his face immediately relaxed. He looked so exhausted…

"See…" Edward whispered softly in Riley's ear. "I told you she'd come back."

The little boy's head snapped in my direction. He hurriedly wiped the tears from his eyes and his face erupted into a huge smile when he finally saw me. He quickly climbed out of Edward's lap and ran toward me. I kneeled on the carpet just as his little arms wrapped around my neck. My eyes swam with tears, but I never looked away from Edward's face. He was staring right at me – straight through me – and I had to finally look away so that I could soothe the little boy in my arms.

"What's wrong, buddy?" I whispered as he buried his face in my neck.

"You left," he mumbled, refusing to raise his head. He just pressed himself tighter against me, and I finally sat down on the floor and pulled him into my lap.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here now."

"I tore up our toys," he hiccupped as tears streaked down his tiny cheeks.

"It's okay. We'll fix them." His sobs grew quieter as I rocked him gently. He cradled his head against my chest, and I kissed his forehead softly as I began humming a lullaby. I chanced a glance at Edward who was still staring at me, his face a mask of quiet wonder and exhaustion. I finally had to close my eyes – his piercing gaze was just too beautiful, and I felt myself being swept up into the moment. I found myself wanting too much, too soon, and it unnerved me.

Riley's soft snores filled the air, and Edward slowly climbed off the bed and leaned down. He carefully lifted the little boy into his arms as I jumped up to pull back the covers on his bed. He laid him down gently and pressed a kiss to his forehead. I did the same, and we took one last look at the beautiful boy before Edward turned off the light and closed the door behind us.

Silently, we walked back toward the living room. I kneeled to the floor and began picking up the toys that could be salvaged. Edward joined me on the floor.

"What happened tonight?" I asked quietly.

Edward grabbed the John Deere tractor and checked to make sure it was still working. He sighed dejectedly. "He woke up from his nap and you weren't here. Carmen told him that you'd be home tonight, but he just went…._mad_. He screamed and cried and pulled out all of his toys and tossed them in every direction imaginable. She called me at the office…."

"Wait…" I interrupted. "You were at the office on a Saturday?" We had discussed how he needed to be home with Riley on the weekends.

"I just stopped by to pick up some papers. I wasn't there thirty minutes," he assured me. "But…you see what destruction he caused during that time. We spent the rest of the day just holding him, doing anything in the world to calm him down. He'd finally get to the point that he'd relax and almost fall asleep, and then he'd scream your name….."

I closed my eyes in understanding. "He thought I wasn't coming home, just like…"

"His mom," Edward nodded. With a frustrated groan, he stood up and offered me his hand. I took it, and he didn't let go as he pulled me toward the couch. "Please sit," he whispered as he motioned toward the couch.

The mess on the floor was just going to have to wait.

"Bella," Edward murmured softly. "My son has become so attached to you this week. I don't want you to feel that you can't have a day off. I can't expect you to stay here 24/7. That's unfair to you. You aren't his mother, and I don't expect that kind of commitment from you. But I do need to know what you're thinking." He glanced around the room. "You see what happens when you're gone, and I was powerless to stop it. He loves you, _already_. But I need to know if this is something you're going to be able to handle. I know this isn't your typical babysitting job, but I need to know if….if you're planning to leave us." His voice faltered softly.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked, confused. My heart was racing rapidly.

His eyes flashed to mine. "Of course not. Bella, you've done more with him in six days than I've been able to do in months. He adores you. He doesn't cry. His grades and behavior have improved at school. He's just….thriving, and I know that's because of you. If you were to leave…." Edward's eyes ghosted around the room. "I don't want you to feel pressured or guilty. I'll deal with my son, somehow, if you decide to go. But I know this is asking a lot of you, and I need to know how you feel."

For a split second, I considered leaving. This was a huge commitment. This little boy had associated my taking the day off with his mother's abandonment, and look at the destruction he'd caused.

"You're….essentially…asking me to fill the role of his mother," I concluded softly. Surprisingly, this didn't scare me as much as it probably should have.

"Essentially," Edward agreed. "And I understand if you aren't ready to accept that responsibility. And you aren't obligated to do so. I just need to know if you're willing…because if not….." He closed his eyes, but I didn't need him to finish his sentence. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

If not, it was best I leave now – before his son became even more attached to me.

What Edward didn't understand was that the feeling was mutual. The thoughts of leaving now….it was enough to cause sharp pains in my chest and twisting knots in my stomach.

"I'm attached, too," I whispered softly as I took his hand in mine. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Edward's brilliant eyes flashed open as he noticed our linked hands. He gasped softly as he began to trail his fingers along mine. His touch was warm and electric and goosebumps erupted on my flesh.

"Bella, are….are you sure?" He murmured gently as he looked into my eyes. His voice was fearful but hopeful. All I could really concentrate on was the way our fingers fit together and the way his skin felt against mine.

"I'm positive," I whispered. I took a deep breath as I took my free hand and pressed it against his face. The stress on his face evaporated as he closed his eyes and melted against my touch. "I don't think I could leave even if I wanted to…"

His features softened as his eyes bore into mine. "Bella….you're so good with him. So good _for_ him."

"He's good for me, too…" His face was inching closer to mine, and I gasped softly as he clutched my hand tighter, pulling me toward him.

And I closed my eyes….

* * *

**I know! I suck. I'm sorry. But it's a slow burn… Do they kiss? Let me know if you think so! Or if you even want them to. It's still early, after all. **

**Much love to my beta.**

**Next update – hopefully by Sunday. I'm back to teaching full-time, taking three classes, and juggling two stories. I am a crazy person. So don't be too upset with me if the updates become slower. Love you all!**


	4. May the Sunrise Bring Hope

**AN: My readers are fantastic. Thank you for the reviews/alerts/rec's. You loved Edward's POV so much that you're getting it again. I'm probably going to stick with alternating POVs. Everyone seemed to enjoy getting glimpses into both of their minds. I promise that it won't stall the story. We're moving right along.**

**Voting began today for a contest I entered called "An Officer and a Gentleman." If you've read my story "Camouflage" – and you liked it - would you please go vote? **

**http://www . fanfiction . net/u/2165797/An_Officer_and_a_Gentleman**

**Just take out the spaces. I'm also going to post the link on my profile.**

**Disclaimers: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

* * *

Chapter 4

_May the Sunrise Bring Hope_

* * *

EPOV

"He's good for me, too…"

Her voice was just a whisper, and it reverberated to the deepest recesses of my mind. I grasped her hand - instinct and emotion overriding logic - as I pulled her closer to me. Just briefly, our legs brushed against each other. Denim on denim. But the heavy fabric wasn't enough to shield the warmth that was emanating from her body and against mine. My leg tingled where ours met, and I heard her gasp softly.

Could she feel it, too?

My mind was warring with me. This was too much. Too fast. The more rational side of my brain knew this. The other side – the foolish one that was weary and frustrated and feeling emotions I'd never felt in my entire life – was now in control of my every move. My every thought. My every breath.

Giving in to temptation, I lifted my hand into a few strands of her hair. I groaned softly as it slid through my fingers. _So soft…_Her face inched closer to mine, and I gazed at her lovely face. Her gorgeous doe eyes were closed to me, but her lips were parted – a silent invitation that I was powerless to refuse. I simply didn't have the strength.

Leaning in, I wrapped my hand around the nape of her neck and slowly pulled her cheek against mine. The dual assault of her creamy skin and the fragrance of her hair was nearly my undoing, and it took every last bit of my control not to push her back against the couch and crush her lips against mine. It was unnerving how much I wanted to feel her body pressed against me. Instead, I took a long steadying breath and nuzzled her cheek. Her breathing was coming out in quick gasps, and I smiled as I realized that she was just as affected by me as I was by her.

She tilted her head toward me, and her hot breath wafted across my face. My eyes lingered to her lips; they were pale and pink and parted, and it would be so easy to just gently brush my mouth against hers…Overwhelmed and completely intoxicated, I licked my lips in anticipation…

"Bella…." a soft voice floated from down the long hallway, effectively breaking the spell. She gasped as her eyes darted open. Her wide eyes locked with mine as she attempted to catch her breath. I took a long, shaky breath of my own before closing my eyes. Immense relief combined with crushing defeat vibrated throughout my body as my son's voice registered in my ears.

"I should go…" Bella whispered softly. I could only nod as she unwrapped herself from my hold and rushed down the hall toward my son's room. I jumped as she slammed the door behind her.

Groaning, I buried my head in my hands as the enormity of what had just happened assaulted my senses. It didn't matter that we hadn't kissed. We had done nothing more than nuzzle each other's cheeks. But that was _enough_.

Enough to make me want _more_. Enough to make me want _her._

I had just crossed a line – an imaginary but potent boundary in the sand that affected my son. Dread filled my heart as I realized that she might leave us. I'd been unable to keep my body under control and my hands to myself, and it could be considered sexual harassment in its highest form. I took a small comfort in knowing with certainty that my touch had an effect on her. It'd been a long time since I had felt pure excitement radiating from a woman, but I had felt it tonight. While this realization shot a thrill of adrenaline through me, it was yet another example of how we – as two consenting adults – had just put more importance on our hormones rather than on the ramifications those actions could have on my child.

I wanted to blame it on the shitty day I'd had and how she – by merely walking through the front door – had instantly and soothingly erased all of the hurt and heartache this day had possessed for my family. I could just pretend that the emotions of the day had taken over, and I'd just needed some comfort. And that I was grateful. But I knew I would be lying.

This week had been so miraculous, and it had made me complacent. The last few months had been so horrific that I'd allowed myself to believe that this one incredible, calm week could be the beginning of the end of our nightmare. But today had been a startling reminder that those days were far from over.

Holding my son down so that he couldn't do any damage to himself had – to date – been the most heart wrenching experience of my life as a father. He'd been so destructive and so out of control that I'd seriously considered calling his pediatrician for a sedative. He would be crying one minute and screaming and thrashing the next. Carmen had finally run from the room crying, unable to witness the scene before her. Riley had continued screaming Bella's name, and each shrill scream had caused my heart to splinter.

Finally, just as I'd promised, she came home. The expression on his face when his eyes devoured her had alerted me to the fact that his affection and connection to Bella wasn't at all healthy, but it all finally made sense. He was associating her absence with his mother's, and the thoughts of another adult leaving him was more than my five year old could handle.

Watching Bella hold my son in her lap as she rocked him to sleep was, by far, the sweetest part of my day. She was so nurturing…so loving….and I tried to remember if I'd ever seen Jessica hold my son this way. I knew I hadn't, and I was once again enraged that I had failed my son by not providing him with a caring and wonderful mother. Someone who could quiet his tears. Someone who didn't think Happy Meals and breaded chicken would have an adverse affect on him. Someone who nurtured and hugged and allowed a little boy to be a little boy.

Someone like Bella.

The feelings that were coursing through me were unlike anything I'd ever known. I had never been attracted to any woman the way I was attracted to her, but this wasn't the time for me to be selfish. My son _had_ to come first. If I'd ruined this….if Bella left because I'd just practically jumped her on the couch….all of our progress would be wiped away, and I was afraid I would lose my little boy forever. My heart ached as I promised myself that I would – somehow – keep my feelings for Bella in check. I would find a way to deny that everything about her…from the smell of her hair to the touch of her skin….called to me in a way that was completely primal.

I would do this for my son.

It was so unfair to her. She was fresh out of college and eager for a teaching career. She hadn't planned on becoming a surrogate mother to my son. But she'd agreed to do it, and I prayed that I hadn't just completely fucked up the entire situation.

"He's asleep," Bella whispered softly as she made her way back into the living room. "I think he just woke up, and I wasn't there…"

I nodded as I kept my eyes on the ground. The hellish afternoon had turned into dusk, and the room was cascaded in the soft light reflecting from the moon. I was thankful for the dimness – afraid that the expression on her face would make me lose what was left of my sanity. Fear gripped me as I held my breath, waiting for her to say this wasn't going to work out. I'd heard it from the previous nannies, so I was prepared for it. But I knew if I heard _those_ words come out of _her_ mouth, my son would never be the same.

"We need to talk," Bella murmured. "I think we need to establish some…limits…." Her voice fell as she took a seat far across the room. The distance surprised me, but I understood. She was drawing her own lines in the sand. And that was good, because I was apparently a hormonal teenager who was unable to respect personal boundaries.

With a sigh, I raised my head, and even in the darkness, I could see her eyes looking back at me.

She was so brave, and I was such a coward.

_She wanted to establish limits. _

_She wasn't leaving._

"I owe you an apology," I whispered. "I never should have touched you. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"I wasn't exactly complaining," Bella mumbled, and we both chuckled nervously. "Do you think…maybe….we were just…I don't know….emotional? Caught up in the moment?"

I blinked rapidly. Did she really believe that? Or was she just trying to convince us both that we hadn't felt a thing?

"Is that what you think?" I asked unsteadily.

Her face flickered with a conflicted expression before dropping her gaze to her hands entwined in her lap.

"Maybe…."

_Maybe._

The simple word hung in the air. It would be so easy to embrace it. To agree that – yes – we were overcome and overwhelmed and just looking for a small bit of comfort. Believing _that_ would make things so much simpler.

But, it would be just as easy…and more accurate…to ignore the word altogether. Because I knew, deep in my soul, that it was the wrong word. At least, it was the wrong word for _me_. While the events of this afternoon had most definitely added to the affection I felt for her, I knew that I couldn't honestly blame my reaction to her as being caught in the moment. It was more…and I couldn't explain it.

But I thought about my child, and how his happiness relied on the hope that I didn't fuck this up. Of course, because she was Bella, she understood this. By mutually denying our attraction, she was offering me a life raft – a chance to take hold and save my family from drowning. And because we were going under, I gratefully accepted it.

"Maybe so," I finally agreed, and I was knocked breathless by my soul screaming to deny it. My gaze focused on my terrace window and the twinkling stars in the sky. It was rare to have a cloudless night in Seattle, and I was thankful for the distraction. I couldn't look at her. One glimpse at me and she'd realize I was a horrible liar.

"Maybe so…" Her voice was a whisper as she carefully rose from her seat and walked toward the hallway. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella." I watched her retreating form as she avoided my gaze, too. I sighed softly as I heard the closing of her bedroom door.

Lost in thought, I rose from the couch and walked toward the piano. I sat down on the bench and carefully lifted the cover away from the keys. I closed my eyes and let the music soothe my frayed nerves and my jumbled emotions. I played one song, and then another, hoping the soft melodies would relax me.

"That sounds lovely," Carmen whispered gently as she made her way toward the bench. I scooted over, allowing her room.

"Where did you go?" I whispered as I continued playing.

"To your study," she smiled softly. "I wasn't doing him any good, and honestly, I needed the break. I know that's selfish…"

I shook my head. "Not at all. You do too much around here as it is. I have put too much on you. Relied on you too heavily, especially the last few months. I'm sorry, Carmen."

"Hush," she sighed as she placed her right hand on the piano. Smiling, I removed mine and only played the keys beneath my left hand. She played the melody line, and it was a comforting reminder of my childhood. We had always played together, even when I was a little boy, and Riley had continued the tradition. He loved to sit next to her on the bench as they played. It was a lovely trait that I was happy he'd inherited. My son loved Carmen almost as much as I did.

"She's wonderful," Carmen whispered gently as her eyes ghosted to mine. I didn't even have to ask to whom she was referring.

"She is," I murmured softly. "She's very good for him."

I could feel her eyes resting on me. "She's good for you, too."

I tilted my head in her direction. She was smiling at me, and I groaned internally. Of course, Carmen would have noticed.

"It can't happen, Carmen."

She sighed as she lowered her hand to her lap, effectively ending our duet. "I'm not sure it works that way, Edward."

"It has to," I replied gently. "My son's happiness is more important."

She nodded in understanding. "But don't you think it's time you were happy, too?"

Carmen had been my closest confidante through the years. As a nineteen year old man, I'd cried on her shoulder when I'd revealed that I was eloping with Jessica. Carmen knew my sadness better than anyone. I had ignored my family's protests and married a woman I couldn't imagine marrying in a million years. A woman I didn't love. A woman whose web I'd struggled to escape for most of my early adult life. But I'd been weak and foolish, and while I couldn't regret the decisions I'd made – because those decisions had brought me my son – I had always wondered what it would feel like to _want_ to be with someone. To _want_ to make them happy. I had accepted long ago that I would never have that chance. This was the decision I'd made, and I had honored it. Happiness with a woman was a foreign concept to me.

"He has to be happy first," I replied emphatically. "I can't risk it, Carmen. I'll just distance myself from her. I can't allow myself to be attracted to her. If I screwed this up, and she walked out the door, you know what kind of affect that would have on him. Hell, she just took the day off and look at the destruction."

"You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Not to mention on that girl." Carmen's voice was a whisper. "Riley needs more help than any of us can give him, Edward."

I closed the cover over the keys before facing her.

"What are you suggesting?"

"A child psychologist," Carmen murmured and I bristled. This wasn't the first time she'd suggested a shrink. "I know you're opposed, but come on. You and I are clueless. Bella has been a miracle worker, but the girl can't be expected to do this on her own. Just because she's a teacher doesn't mean she can handle his outbursts and his emotional attachment to her. She can't just stop living to take care of your child. She was gone one afternoon…one afternoon! And look what happened. She can _help,_ absolutely. But you can't expect her to do this on her own. You owe this to Riley _and_ to Bella. Give them some help."

I bowed my head in shame. I knew she was right.

"I'll find a doctor," I whispered shakily.

"Good," Carmen smiled warmly. "And then maybe…just maybe…you and Bella can see what's there. You owe that to yourself. You deserve to be happy for the first time in your life."

I nodded gratefully, and she kissed my cheek and wished me goodnight before heading to her room.

Determined to make this work for the sake of my son, I took a deep breath and walked toward his room. I carefully opened the door. My eyes widened with shock when I realized his bed was empty. I anxiously flipped on the light and rushed toward his bathroom. It was empty, too.

I closed my eyes in resignation.

I didn't even have to wonder. I knew where to find him.

I crept softly toward Bella's room. I gently pushed open the door, and the image awaiting me took my breath away.

She was nestled beneath the covers. Her hair was splayed against the pillow, her facial features relaxed and soft in the moonlight. Her skin was even paler thanks to the light of the moon, and I stared – transfixed – as her beauty consumed my mind. I gripped the doorway in an attempt to control the emotion that coursed through me.

And then I saw _him…_

My beautiful little boy was cradled in her arms. His tiny hand was wrapped around her neck, and she held him close against her chest. It was so natural, as if she'd been holding him for the past five years of his life. The vision was so perfect – so _right_ – and I was overwhelmed with the understanding that I could deny her all I wanted. I could avoid her gaze and keep my hands to myself and pretend I wasn't affected at all by her mere presence.

But it was a futile endeavor, and I didn't quite know how I was going to keep myself from crossing that line in the sand.

That night, my dreams were filled with visions of moonlit skin and the sacred scent of strawberries.

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**You guys were right. It was too soon for a kiss. They have a lot to deal with before that happens. But can they resist each other? We shall see.**

**This chapter title was taken from Iron and Wine's "Upward Over the Mountain." It's all about mothers and sons. Please google the lyrics or YouTube the song. Very sweet.**

**As always, I love to hear your thoughts. Please share them with me.**


	5. Drawing the Line and Watching it Fall

**AN: Thanks so much for the recommendations and reviews. Special thanks to DeeDee for her rec on her blog. Also, thanks to both harcad and ms_ambrosia for making beautiful banners for this story. They can be seen by following the images link in my profile. I've arranged my images by story title. **

**Chapter title is from James Morrison's "The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore." Many thanks to Scrimmy for the musical inspiration. Much love to my beta who keeps me sane.**

**Disclaimers: SM owns it. **

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Chapter 5

_Drawing the Line and Watching it Fall_

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BPOV

The second week of my life as a nanny was primarily filled with spending lots of time with Riley and getting more accustomed to his schedule. I was taking him both to and from school and had even met his teacher – a fresh-out-of-college rookie by the name of Miss Angela. Walking in her classroom for the very first time had nearly sent me into a panic attack. I'd stared at her brightly decorated walls and cheerfully constructed bulletin boards and tried to ignore the envy that flowed through me. This room could have been my classroom. But then Riley had rushed to my side with a blinding smile on his face, and instantly, my jealousy was replaced with a sense of purpose that I was no longer able to deny.

Our nighttime ritual had now become a welcome routine.

Homework. Play. Dinner. Bath. Story. Prayers. Bed.

I agreed with Mommy Dearest's one decent rule that kids needed a schedule, and we all believed it was best that we stick to that routine as much as possible to provide Riley with some kind of structure. But nothing was set in stone. If he wanted to skip the bedtime story, we just skipped it. If he wanted to practice piano instead of playing with his toys, then that's what he did. He was calmer. His behavior and progress at school was continuing to improve. He was eating almost all of his dinner. And he was sleeping better – even if he was getting the majority of his sleep in my bed.

Riley went to sleep in his bed each and every night. But by morning, I'd inevitably find him curled beneath my covers, nestled against my side. I just couldn't bring myself to carry him back to his own room. He obviously needed human contact, and my room was the closest to his. Between his emotional and physical outbursts on my one day off and the fact that he was sleeping in my arms each night, I was more than thrilled when Edward announced that Riley was going to begin seeing a child psychologist this week. I was losing my heart to this little boy, but I was certain his emotional attachment to me – and mine to him - wasn't healthy and could destroy all of our progress if our situation changed. I still hoped to be a classroom teacher someday, and if that opportunity arose, I didn't want to scar the child for life by leaving. We needed some boundaries, and I hoped the child psychologist could help us establish them and teach me how to stick to them.

Boundaries and limits had been on the forefront of my mind since Edward and I had shared our…._moment_. I wasn't sure what to call it, but I was positive that we'd almost kissed. I'd _wanted_ him to kiss me, and I knew that was wrong. It certainly didn't _feel _wrong – especially when I remembered the way his cheek felt against mine – but I knew that, with those soft touches, we'd crossed a line that should never be crossed in a working environment. I had to remind myself that I was his child's nanny. He was my boss. I was his employee. And this couldn't happen. Ever.

It was surprising how much that bothered me.

I had never been more attracted to a man than I was to Edward Cullen, and it unnerved me. I hardly knew him at all, and yet, I _wanted_ to know him. The few details I did know were basic. He was a rookie attorney. He had married his high school sweetheart and suffered through a loveless marriage. His best friend was his maid. _My_ best friend was his sister. He was filthy rich. He was a good father.

And his touch set me on fire.

It was that last little detail that kept me on edge whenever he was home. I'd be sitting in the floor with Riley, piecing a puzzle together, and I'd literally _feel_ his gaze on me. Or, we'd be sitting at dinner, and I'd glance up – only to find his eyes boring into mine. That's not to say I didn't steal quick glimpses at him, either. I'd watch as he read Riley a story, or listen as he and his son played a duet on the piano. If we spoke, it was regarding his child and I never allowed myself to be alone in the same room with him. It was avoidance at its finest, but so far, it was working. We had agreed that our inappropriate touchingwas the result of an emotional day. I wasn't sure if I completely believed that, but he seemed eager to buy into that theory, so I played along.

Tonight had been problem-free. Fish sticks and ketchup was Riley's dinner. I'd learned very quickly that ketchup was its own food group in Riley's mind. Carmen had actually convinced him to try some corn with his fish, and he'd eaten it without a fight. After dishes, Carmen had insisted on giving Riley his bath, and Edward offered to read the bedtime story. I understood that they were trying to give me a much-needed break, and I had been thankful. These days, quiet time was limited, so I was grateful for the chance to take my own bubble bath and spend a few moments with my nose buried in a book.

Later, I was sitting in the kitchen, checking my email on my laptop, when I heard Carmen and Edward's voices drifting from the living room.

"It's not an issue, Carmen. I don't even want to attend the thing. But if I do, I am quite capable of going alone."

"But you purchased the tickets months ago," Carmen reminded him. "And it's all for charity."

"The charity won't suffer," Edward assured her. "I'll keep the ticket. I'll just go alone. That is, unless you want to go with me?"

She laughed. "Right. Like I could squeeze my ass into one of those gala dresses. But there _is_ someone I know – someone who actually lives in this house– who would look gorgeous in one of those dresses…

My ears perked up. Surely she didn't mean me!

"Carmen…" His voice was strained. "Don't even…"

But Carmen wouldn't be side-tracked. "You could just ask her, Edward. What could it hurt? You already have the ticket. It could be a thank you for all that she's doing around here. I don't know how much you're paying her, but I'm positive it isn't nearly enough."

Yep, she meant me. And actually, the pay was indecent. My salary as a nanny was double what I'd be making as a beginning teacher in this state. I thought of Miss Angela and her class of fifteen Kindergarteners.

I had to suppress my grin and resist the urge to gloat.

"Carmen, are you trying to tempt fate? I can barely be in the same room with her without touching her. Do you seriously think dressing her up and asking her to be my date to some stuffy charity function is a wise move?"

I gasped as my heart raced in my chest.

_He was having trouble keeping his hands off me…_

"It could be fun," Carmen insisted. "A grown-up night on the town without a child clutching her leg…"

I nodded fervently. That _would _be fun.

"Just go as friends," Carmen encouraged. "And think of the benefits. You could dance with her. See her all dressed up. Actually escort a lady to one of those things and not have to worry that she'll flirt with all of the other young attorneys at the table…"

I grimaced. Had Jessica _done _that? Unbelievably, my hatred for the woman continued to grow.

"Carmen, I've told you…" Edward's voice was weak. "….I'm trying very hard to keep my distance from her."

"And _I've_ told you that you deserve to be happy – even if it's just for one night."

Their voices became hushed and faded, and I assumed they were walking down the hallway – him toward his study and Carmen to her bedroom. Sighing, I shut down the laptop and headed to bed.

I couldn't sleep for the questions milling around in my head. Would he ask me to the event? Did I _want_ to go? And why was the fact that he was having trouble keeping his hands off me causing me to grin like an idiot and making my toes curl?

My mental musings were interrupted in the middle of the night by the pitter-patter of pajamed feet walking across my carpet. I couldn't keep from smiling as Riley climbed into bed next to me and snuggled against my side.

* * *

It was the end of the week when two very important events occurred in the Cullen household. Today was Friday, and Riley was scheduled to attend this first therapy session with Dr. Jane Taylor. And yesterday - while at his office working on a deposition - Edward was served with divorce papers.

I pretended to know nothing about the latter incident. But I'd become suspicious when I saw Carmen dancing around the kitchen as if she'd just won the lottery, and she had happily spilled the beans. Thankfully, Riley had been at school, so she didn't have to hide her enthusiasm. I worried about what this would mean to Riley, but then I realized that the divorce was just a formality at this point – something legal and binding declaring that Edward could move on with his life. The legalese and minor details were unimportant to Riley. All he knew was that his mother was gone, and according to those papers, would not be contesting Edward for any sort of custody. My heart broke for the little boy, but Carmen had insisted that if Jessica could be that cold-hearted in regards to her own son, perhaps it was best he had nothing to do with her. I wasn't so sure. I was certain that – someday – Jessica would regret that decision, and Riley would be forced to come face-to-face with a mother who was a complete stranger to him. Carmen assured me that Edward would take care of Riley's future, and I prayed she was right.

The plan for today was that I would pick up Riley from school and meet Edward at Dr. Taylor's office. All three of us had sat him down and explained that we were going to talk to a kid's doctor. Riley's face had gone pale until Edward assured him that this doctor wasn't the type who gave shots or sour-tasting medicine. This was a doctor who would just talk with him. Riley had seemed okay with that explanation, but in true child-like form, waited until I got him in the car – and on the way to the appointment – when he finally became nervous enough to ask questions.

"Is the doctor a boy or girl?"

"A girl," I explained as I turned left on Willow Street. Traffic was always hell right after school was dismissed. "Her name is Dr. Jane, remember?"

I glanced in my rear-view mirror as Riley nodded. "And no shots?"

I grinned as his eyes found mine in the mirror. "No shots."

"Why does she want to talk to me?"

I took a deep breath. "She wants to see if maybe you want to talk to her."

"What about?"

"Just different things…." I explained vaguely. What was I supposed to say?

_She wants to talk to you about how your bitch mother abandoned you and gave you serious separation anxiety issues._

Nope, couldn't say that.

"….Like school. Your family. Your friends. Your feelings. If you're happy or sad. If something is on your heart…"

He looked puzzled. "On my heart?"

I smiled softly. That's what Renee always says when something is on her mind –that s_omething is on her heart._ But how to explain that to a little boy?

"Yes, like if something or someone is making you happy or sad… or maybe even mad…and you're thinking about it all the time, and it's something you really, really want to talk about it. That means it's on your heart."

He seemed to understand this. He was quiet then, just staring out the window as we made our way down the street. Finally, he whispered, "Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something on your heart?"

I sighed wistfully.

_If only you knew, baby boy._

"Lots of things are on my heart," I whispered as I stopped at the traffic light.

"Like what?"

"You're on my heart," I smiled in the rearview mirror. I could see his beautiful green eyes reflecting from the backseat.

"Why?" He asked quietly. "Because I make you happy? Or because I make you sad?" His voice was so sweet and soft, and all I wanted to do was park the car and hug him against my chest.

"Because you make me happy, Riley. You're such a sweet little boy."

His smile was breathtaking, and I was reminded once again how very much he looked like his father.

"I have a lot on my heart," he murmured softly, his features creased with concentration as he stared out the window again.

"That's okay," I encouraged, trying desperately to hide the concern in my voice. "You should tell Dr. Jane all about it. I think you should tell Dr. Jane that you like to play piano, too. I bet she'd love to hear about that."

He seemed to consider this. "I shouldn't tell her about Mrs. Reed," he finally decided. "I don't want Dr. Jane to think I'm mean."

"Has that been on your heart?" I asked softly.

He nodded.

"Then I think you _should_ tell her about Mrs. Reed," I replied cautiously. "Maybe she can help you not feel so bad about that anymore."

"But it _was_ bad," Riley whispered tearfully.

"It was," I agreed, because I refused to sugar-coat such a horrible incident. "But you said you were sorry. Remember?"

And he had. Of course, Edward had forced his son to apologize, and Mrs. Reed hadn't wanted to hear a word of it, but still…the effort was made.

"She won't give me lessons now."

"But you have a new piano teacher now. You like him, don't you?"

"Yeah," he smiled brightly. "Jazz is cool."

I smiled at the nickname. Jasper Whitlock was a childhood friend of Edward's and a studio musician from Seattle. He had recently relocated to Los Angeles to further his music career, but still came home most weekends to spend time with his family and friends. He was a true Southern gentleman with striking blonde hair who offered to give Riley lessons if I promised to find him a pretty girl with whom he could spend time on the weekends. I'd immediately hooked him up with Alice, and both had thanked me for the instant love connection.

After finally navigating us through traffic and finding a parking space, I grasped Riley's hand and led him toward the entrance of the office. Edward was waiting - his hair standing on end and nervously fidgeting with his tie. Even in an acute state of anxiety, he was still the most handsome man I'd ever laid eyes upon.

"Sorry," I muttered as I glanced at my watch. "Traffic was terrible. We aren't late are we?"

"No, no. Right on time." He smiled at me – just a brief grin but enough to cause butterflies to erupt in my stomach – before dropping his gaze to his son and asking about his day at school. It broke my heart to see the anxiety etched upon his perfect face.

"You're more nervous than your son," I whispered under my breath. He took Riley by the hand before flashing me a sheepish smile. Riley grabbed my hand with his free one. He gazed up at each of us – his eyes apprehensive and unsure – and we both smiled down at him as I reassured him that this was going to be a good thing. Over the little boy's head, Edward's eyes locked with mine before his face melted into a heart-stopping smile. He mouthed, "Thank you," and I smiled in return. Hand-in-hand, we walked into the lobby of the doctor's office.

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**I know this chapter is probably considered filler, but I needed to set up a few things. I will try my best to update once more sometime this weekend.**

**As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.**


	6. Flowers are Red and Green

**AN: Special, special thanks to one of my readers - Hadley Hemingway – who is a child psychologist and is a wealth of information. It's very important to me that Riley's situation be written as accurately as possible, and she has offered her guidance and support. I will be forever grateful. **

**Through Riley's therapy, Bella and Edward will grow closer. But this won't be a story where Riley and his problems are placed on the backburner just so that E/B can get right to the lemons. Those will come in time.**

**Disclaimers: SM owns it. **

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Chapter 6

_Flowers are Red and Green_

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EPOV

As it turns out, Dr. Jane was a psychologist who is also a play therapist. I had absolutely no idea what that meant, but Bella did, and she explained to both of us that Dr. Jane will use toys and other fun activities to encourage Riley to tell her "what's on his heart." I had no idea what _that_ meant, either. But – somehow – my son understood this perfectly, and he seemed happy to hear that he'd have the chance to play in the doctor's "office." I was skeptical and – to be honest – a little traumatized to see my five-year-old so eager to share his innermost thoughts with a complete stranger. It was selfish and shallow, but it just reminded me how horribly I'd failed my child as his parent.

Dr. Jane Taylor was a petite blonde-haired waif who didn't look old enough to buy alcohol. But she was professional and polite as she welcomed all of us into her office. I introduced Bella as Riley's nanny, making sure to let the doctor know that it was important to my son that Bella be involved in every aspect of his therapy. Riley's hands remained clutched in ours as Dr. Jane gave us a tour of the facility. Dr. Jane led us into a small room adjacent to her office. The room had a long table and chairs, and on the wall, was a large one-way mirror, giving us a complete view of her office, or "playroom." Dr. Jane explained that Bella and I would be allowed to watch – but not hear – the therapy sessions, and I couldn't deny the relief that flowed through me when I realized that I could actually see what was happening in that room. Riley was fascinated by the "mirror room," but mostly because of the toys he could see through the glass. Dr. Jane explained that Bella and I would be waiting in this room while he played with Dr. Jane in the playroom.

"Bella and Daddy can't go with me?" Riley whispered - his eyes wide and fearful. He gripped my hand a little tighter.

"They can today," Dr. Jane replied with a smile. "I'd love to show them the playroom. But after today, your father and Bella will be waiting for you in the mirror room. Remember, they'll be able to see everything we do, and they'll be right there when we're finished playing."

I saw Riley's eyes flicker to Bella, and she nodded and smiled sweetly down to him – a silent reminder that everything was going be just fine and that this would be fun for him.

Dr. Jane then pointed out the restrooms and encouraged us to take him prior to each session.

"Riley," Dr. Jane kneeled in front of my son. "We're all going into my office now. You'll probably call it the playroom. There will be lots of toys, and you are welcome to play with any of them. Today, while you play, I'm going to have a talk with your father and Bella." He nodded in understanding as she continued. "I want you to know that I'm so glad that you're here today, and that anything you tell me while we're in the playroom is private. Do you know what that means?

"Like a secret?" Riley asked with a whisper.

Dr. Jane nodded enthusiastically. "It means you can tell me anything, and I can't share it with your dad or with Bella. It's just between us. The only time that I can tell them anything private is if I think you might hurt yourself or someone else. And I won't talk to them without telling you first. From time to time, I will speak with your father and Bella and let them know how we're doing, but I can't tell them anything that we talk about. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he replied softly.

"Good," Dr. Jane continued with a smile, "Now, if there's ever a time that you prefer that your father and Bella _not _watch us play, then I'll ask them to wait in another room. One without a mirror. Do you think that'd be okay with your dad?"

The doctor looked up at me, and I realized she was asking my thoughts on the matter. Honestly, I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I was going to have to trust this woman.

I nodded.

"Wonderful." She glanced back at my son. "Do you have any questions at all?"

He still seemed hesitant but said no as Dr. Jane smiled and led us to the connecting room. Riley's eyes lit up when he saw the sandbox in the corner of the room, and she noticed his obvious delight as his eyes scanned the room. To be honest, it reminded me of Riley's classroom. Various toys were placed around the room, along with a child-size table and chairs. A bop clown stood in the corner. Various stuffed animals and small musical instruments littered the shelves.

"Riley, why don't you go check out the toys while I speak with your father and Bella?"

Riley looked to both of us, and we nodded in encouragement. He headed straight to the sandbox and began playing with the bucket and shovel. The three adults sat in the far corner of the room on the sofa.

"It's nice meet you both," Dr. Jane smiled at each of us. "Mr. Cullen, I am assuming that you prefer that Bella be involved in this conversation?"

"_All _conversations," I replied instantly. I saw Bella's smile in my peripheral vision.

"I assumed so," she smiled warmly. "Now, why don't you tell me about Riley?"

For the next fifteen minutes, I shared the two most horrific months of my life with Dr. Jane. I described life with Jessica and her stringent rules and lack of motherly affection. She would take periodic notes but mostly kept her eyes on Riley, watching as he chose different toys with which to play.

"Bella, it sounds as if you've been a godsend," Dr. Jane praised.

"It's only been a couple of weeks," Bella replied. "But he does seem a bit calmer…that is, until I take a day off." We then told the doctor about Bella's day off and the tantrum that ensued. Bella also mentioned that Riley was crawling into bed with her each night.

"He has separation issues," Dr. Jane nodded. "Any child in his situation would. In time, we'll work on that. Place some boundaries and limits so that we don't have a burned-out nanny and so that you and Riley can share a healthy relationship. From what you've told me, I'm sure he's associating you with his mother. Even if she wasn't a nurturer, she was still his mother. But Riley needs to learn that it is okay for you to have some "Bella time," and that you'll always come back. But that is something we'll need to work on, because – someday – you may not come back."

"What do you mean?" Bella whispered.

"Well, Bella. This is a job. Nannies tend to come and go. Unless you plan to make this your life-long vocation, the day will arrive when you move on with your life. Riley will need to foster the skills needed to deal with that day."

Bella's face was ashen, and I'm sure mine looked just as pale.

"But we'll work on that," Dr. Jane assured us. She then handed me a clipboard full of paperwork to fill out while we waited - insurance information, privacy notices, our bi-weekly session schedule…

"Riley, your father and Bella are now going to the mirror room so that we can play. They'll be back in forty minutes."

Riley's eyes flashed to the wall. "Where's the mirror?"

"You're looking at it," Dr. Jane replied with a smile.

"I just see me," he whispered.

"Right," Dr. Jane agreed. "But they will be able to see us. And we will go meet them in forty minutes."

My son's eyes flickered between the two of us. I gave him my most encouraging smile, which was somewhat difficult considering my stomach was in knots.

"We'll see you in forty minutes," the doctor repeated with a smile. We took our cue, and Bella took my hand as we headed toward the mirror room.

* * *

"Give me that clipboard," Bella whispered as we sat down at the table. "Your hands are shaking."

Thankful, I handed her the paperwork and pen as our eyes flickered to the mirror. Riley was still in the sandbox, meticulously arranging army men in strategic patterns.

"He's okay," Bella whispered reassuringly, squeezing my hand once again. "Let's get this stuff filled out." She then spent the next twenty minutes asking me every mundane question under the sun from the doctor's clipboard. Dr. Jane was suggesting two hourly sessions each week - Tuesdays and Fridays - both at the same time after school.

"Consistency," Bella reminded me. "We'll just make it a part of his weekly schedule. No problem."

After finishing the paperwork, Bella and I focused on the mirror. From what I'd seen, Riley had yet to say a word to the doctor. She was allowing him to walk around the room and play with anything that caught his attention, but I failed to see any interaction with her. He seemed to be totally oblivious to the fact that she was even in the room. But Dr. Jane seemed to take it all in stride – making notes when he would become fixated on one particular toy or when he became agitated when he couldn't get the square peg in the round hole on the tool bench. He continued aggressively hammering the peg – his face pained with concentration and aggravation – until he finally threw the plastic hammer across the room. Bella and I both gasped as he slumped to the ground, but Dr. Jane was right by his side. I couldn't hear a thing, of course, but she appeared patient and totally unflustered. He would nod occasionally, but I never saw his mouth move. His eyes would flicker the mirror every few minutes, and I ached to reach through the glass and wrap him in my arms.

This father was going to crack under the pressure, and this was only the first session.

"He's okay," Bella kept whispering. I was momentarily ripped from my anguish as I felt the warm touch of her hand settle once again into mine. I grasped it – letting her soft voice and comforting touch calm my frazzled nerves.

"You're going to run away," I whispered wistfully. Bella was intelligent and young, and she didn't deserve to be saddled with my problems.

"I'm not going anywhere," she murmured softly. Her words were adamant, but I couldn't believe them. I relied too much on the hope that she'd never leave – fearing what her disappearance would do to my son.

And to me.

I hoped Dr. Jane could refer me to my own therapist when that day arrived.

Tearing my gaze away from the mirror, I studied her profile. She had no idea how lovely she truly was. And it wasn't just a physical thing. Granted, she had the biggest, brownest doe-eyes I'd ever seen, and her heart-shaped face had become a fixture of my nightly dreams, but Bella's beauty went far beyond her outward appearance. She was good to the core. Patient. Kind. She was sacrificing her own personal life to take care of my son. There wasn't enough money in my bank account to properly thank this girl for all she was doing for my family.

"They're coming!" Bella announced gleefully. My eyes darted back to the mirror. Dr. Jane and Riley were walking out of the playroom. I grabbed the clipboard and pen just as he opened the door.

"Hi Daddy," he whispered as he rushed to my side. I looked at the doctor expectantly, but she just smiled and asked if the bi-weekly schedule would work for us. We agreed it would, and she smiled as she took the clipboard.

"That's great. See you Tuesday at 4:00. Have a nice weekend."

And that was that. No small talk. No… "We had a great first session and everything is going to be just fine…." Just very polite and to the point as she walked us toward the lobby. I glanced at Bella whose confused expression surely matched my own. She simply shrugged as we led Riley to the car. Just as I pulled my keys from pocket, I noticed an ice cream shop across the street.

"I think we should go for ice cream," I announced unexpectedly. "Start a tradition. Two days a week we'll come here…talk to Dr. Jane. And after, we'll go for ice cream. What do you think?"

"Yay!!" Riley's delightful squeal rang through the air. "And Bella too!"

My eyes flashed to hers. Her smile was beautiful, and I felt that pull…that tug at my heart…that never failed to appear whenever I was around her. I had tried so hard to keep my distance, but the attraction was just too strong, and I was powerless to fight it. She was so important to my son.

And so important to his father…

I smiled down at my beautiful boy. "Of course…and Bella, too." I took a deep breath "Would you like to have ice cream with us?"

"I'd love to," she whispered softly.

So we ordered ice cream. It was such a simple thing, but it was nice…just sitting outside at one of the picnic tables, licking our ice cream cones and enjoying the afternoon. Riley talked nonstop about the sandbox and the toys, and Bella and I both refrained from asking any questions. I assumed that if he wanted us to know about his session, he'd tell us.

After a few minutes, he grew bored with just sitting there, so Bella ran to her car to grab what I affectionately called "The Nanny Pack." The mini backpack was full of fun stuff – coloring pads, crayons, tiny puzzles… she carried it everywhere. I watched in fascination as Riley turned to a random page and asked Bella to color the flowers at the bottom of the page. He seemed content when she used a red crayon to color the rose, but his eyes creased in confusion when she then grabbed a blue crayon to give the flower a stripe.

"Roses don't have stripes," he murmured curiously.

"Not usually," she agreed. "But we're just being creative. So we can make them any color we like. And today, I feel like stripes."

"Roses are red," Riley whispered. "She always said that the roses had to be red."

I stiffened, but Bella just continued coloring. She grabbed a yellow crayon and colored the next flower. Riley watched her with fascination.

"Who said that?" She asked curiously.

I watched in anguish as my little boy carefully placed his crayon back in the box.

"Mommy….."

Bella's head turned toward me in surprise. It was the very first time he'd ever mentioned his mother in front of her.

"Mommy liked red flowers?" She asked in a whisper as she continued coloring.

He nodded. "That's the only color she'd let me use when I painted flowers. Roses are always red…"

I watched as Bella's face flashed with various emotions. Confusion was there. Sadness, too. And a flicker of _something else_….a fierce expression that alerted me to the fact that she was seriously pissed off. If I hadn't been so worried about my son, I would have found her infuriated expression to be cute as hell.

"Well, actually, flowers can be lots of different colors," she explained patiently as she pressed down a little too hard on the picture. You could literally see the crayon crumbling beneath her finger. But her voice remained calm. "And since these aren't real flowers, we can put stripes or stars or anything else we want on them. We can paint them black if we want to."

Riley puckered his lips in thoughtful concentration before reaching for a purple crayon.

He then colored a rose.

And it wasn't red.

Later, Bella and I took Riley by the hand and walked down the sidewalk. Her eyes lit up when we passed a flower shop. I couldn't help but smile as she pulled us into the florist and showed my son that, indeed, flowers came in all different colors.

I'm ashamed to admit how stunned he was by this evidence.

As Bella spoke with the florist, I kneeled in front of my son.

"Hey, why don't we pick out a flower for Bella?" I murmured in his ear. He giggled as he nodded excitedly and pulled me toward a display of freshly cut roses. His eyes were bright with excitement as he completely ignored the red flowers and plucked a yellow rose from a vase.

"This one," he whispered, and then I watched in amazement as my little boy ran to Bella's side. He pulled on the leg of her jeans until she finally looked down at him. She gasped in surprise as Riley handed her the rose. She kneeled down and softly kissed his cheek as I paid the florist for the flower. I handed the florist my credit card. She could have charged me a thousand bucks for that single, yellow rose, and I wouldn't have cared less. The smile on my son's face was priceless.

As we walked back to our cars, I helped Riley climb back into Bella's car and watched as he buckled his seatbelt. When I turned around, Bella was standing next to her door, staring down at the yellow rose. Her hair was blowing in the breeze and her smile was soft as she gazed down at the flower. I'd never seen anyone look more angelic.

I opened her door for her as she finally looked up at me. Our eyes locked, and very slowly she walked toward me. Clutching her rose in her hand, she rose on her tiptoe and placed a soft kiss against my cheek. My eyes closed as her soft lips lingered on my skin.

"Thank you for the flower," she whispered softly in my ear. I had to resist the urge to wrap my arms around her body as she pulled away.

"You're welcome." And then – because it'd been such a perfect afternoon – I decided to throw caution to the wind. "Bella, I have this charity event that I've been asked to attend. I have two tickets….and I'd love to take you."

Her eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, I was petrified that she'd refuse. She had every right to do so. I was attempting to cross our carefully drawn line. A boundary we had both agreed to respect.

Did she want to cross it, too?

The sweetest smile crept across her face.

"I'd love to go with you."

* * *

**Chapter title comes from a 70s song by Harry Chapin called "Flowers are Red." It's all about killing a kid's creativity, and – as a teacher – it just breaks my heart. Please google those lyrics.**

**Next update will be next weekend! **

**FF recommendation – A story by Sobriquett called "Blind Faith." It's lovely.**

**As always, let me know what you think!**


	7. Puzzle Pieces from the Clay

Chapter 7

_Puzzle Pieces from the Clay_

* * *

BPOV

Shopping with Alice and Rosalie was always a traumatic experience. Our excursions usually consisted of Rose dragging me to the most expensive stores in Seattle and prompting me to sit in a comfy chair in the corner of the store. From there, Alice would hunt through the racks of designer dresses – and when she found something she liked – she'd promptly toss the dress in my direction and send me straight to the dressing room. Whether _I_ liked the dress was irrelevant, she'd always say. But Alice had impeccable taste and an eye for fashion, and she'd invariably find something that both she and I could live with. As soon as my dress was chosen, Rosalie always completed the ensemble with shoes and jewelry. They were like a well-oiled machine, and I was just happy to be the beneficiary of their expertise.

I had never felt comfortable at fancy events, and thankfully, I'd never been forced to attend many. But Edward had asked me to be his date, and it surprised me how much I wanted to go. Perhaps it was the idea of having a "grown-up" evening out on the town that excited me. Or, just maybe, it was the fact that I'd be dancing in Edward's arms throughout the night that was keeping the permanent smile etched on my face during the entire afternoon of shopping.

"That dress is adorable," Alice cooed as we admired my gaze in the mirror. She dutifully raced away to find a bag to match.

"You don't look _adorable_. You look hot. Edward won't be able to keep his hands off you," Rosalie smirked as she handed me a pair of heels. I fearfully eyed the treacherous height of the shoes before slipping them onto my feet.

"Rose, it's not like that," I attempted to argue. "He had an extra ticket, and he didn't want to waste it."

Rosalie's forehead creased. She looked skeptical. "Is that what he said when he asked you?"

"No, but it's not hard to figure out."

Her face relaxed as her face erupted with a wide grin. "Bella, the charity gala has been sold-out for months. My brother could have sold that ticket. He _wanted _to take you."

I couldn't ignore the butterflies in my stomach.

"Why are you fighting your feelings for Edward?" Rose asked as she played with the single strap of my dress. "This strap is absurd. Only Alice would find something so ridiculous."

"It's a pretty dress, though," I murmured as I glanced once again in the mirror. "And I'm not fighting anything."

"Right," Rose smirked as Alice suddenly reappeared with a matching gold clutch. "You look perfect. My brother will actually _enjoy _himself this year."

"He doesn't usually have a good time?" I asked as Alice pulled us toward the jewelry. She handed me a pair of dangly pearl earrings. I held them up to my ear and looked in the mirror.

Rosalie shook her head as she fastened a black and silver bracelet around her wrist. "He's usually too busy keeping his drunken bride out of the other lawyers' laps to actually have a good time. He's always told me it's the most embarrassing night of the year for him." She took my earrings and handed them, along with her bracelet, to the lady behind the counter.

"I'm so glad you're going to be there, Rose."

"It's a family tradition," she shrugged as she accepted the bag from the lady. "Seattle Children's Hospital is near and dear to Dad's heart. He's a major benefactor, and he expects his children to make an appearance. Now, let's find me a dress to match my bracelet and shoes."

I couldn't help but giggle. That was how confident Rosalie Cullen was when it came to fashion. She chose the accessories _first_.

"I'm so jealous," Alice whispered wistfully as I watched in fascination as Rose chose the first black dress she could find. She handed us her bag and sprinted toward the dressing room.

"Rose offered to get you tickets at the Cullen table," I reminded her.

"But Jazz has a gig in Sacramento that weekend, and I want to be there to support him."

"_Jazz_?" I smiled brightly. "We call him _Jazz_, do we?"

"My Jazz. And I'm completely crazy about him," she whispered earnestly. Her eyes were sparkling with emotion.

"I'm so glad you've found someone, Ali. You deserve it."

"So do you. You know, Jazz says that you're all Edward talks about. Even during Riley's piano lessons."

I sighed as I glanced out the window. "It's complicated, Ali."

"It doesn't have to be."

Thankfully, Rosalie reappeared with dress in hand, effectively ending Alice's badgering. "Fits like a glove."

"Of course it does," Alice and I said in unison.

Rosalie just smirked as we made our way to the front of the store.

* * *

EPOV

"Fucking tie," I grumbled as I struggled with the last piece of my tuxedo. I had been fighting with it for the past half hour, trying desperately to get it straight.

"Daddy, you said a bad word," Riley whispered as he made his way into my bedroom. He climbed up on the bed and snuggled against the pillow. Our matching emerald eyes locked in the reflection of my bedroom mirror.

I smiled. "Sorry, buddy. Daddy can't get his tie straight."

"Carmen says you're nervous."

I grimaced.

Damn intuitive woman.

"She's probably right. I think I am a little nervous."

This seemed to confuse him.

"Why, Daddy? It's just Bella. She doesn't care if your tie is crooked."

I stopped fiddling with my tie and glanced at my little boy, marveling at his five-year-old wisdom. I knew he was right. I was also amazed that he'd _finally_ embraced the fact that things didn't have to be perfect.

Definite progress. And it was all because of her.

"You're still okay with this?" I asked as I climbed onto the bed and pulled him against my chest. "It's okay that I borrow Bella for the night?"

He shrugged. "It's okay. Dr. Jane said that you and Bella need grown-up time."

I had alerted Riley's doctor that we were going to test his separation anxiety issues this weekend. He'd been quiet on the ride home after that particular therapy session, but Bella and I had both sat him down and explained that we were going to a grown-up party, and that we'd be home by the time he woke up the next morning. He'd seemed hesitant at first, and it was only after he made me pinky-promise to bring her home that he'd finally accepted the news. Carmen – giddy that I'd taken her advice and invited Bella – had planned a night of pizza and movies for the two of them.

"Are you going to dance with Bella?" Riley asked curiously.

"I certainly hope so," I whispered fervently.

Honestly, I'd thought of nothing but dancing with her since I'd finally found the nerve to invite her to the gala. It wasn't so much the dancing aspect that excited me. It was the fact that I would be able to touch her – to actually hold her in my arms – without worrying about boundaries and limits and imaginary lines in the sand. I didn't care if we stood like two statues on the dance floor as long as I was allowed to have my hands on her body in some way.

The past week had been excruciating. Ever since the flower and her kiss on my cheek, I somehow – unbelievably – had become even more attracted to her. Keeping my distance was even harder now that I knew how her lips felt against my skin. It had been such a simple, sweet gesture, but it had been just enough to keep me awake at night. Watching her continue making progress with my son – and watching him fall more and more in love with her each day – had only added to my affection for this woman.

I was falling so fast, and it unnerved me. Not that I had a frame of reference, of course. My feelings for Jessica had been youthful and impetuous, and it was that recklessness that led us to get married at such an early age. I'd tried – desperately tried – to love the mother of my child, but by our first anniversary, I had accepted that I wasn't in love with her, and I probably never had been. But I'd placed that ring on her finger, and I had resolved to remain faithful to our vows for the sake of my son.

Unfortunately for Riley, his mother hadn't shared in that determination.

"Bella looks pretty in her dress." My son's voice tore me away from my reverie.

"You saw her?"

"She's in the living room." He then grew thoughtful. "Girls sure do take a long time to get ready."

I couldn't keep from laughing as I pulled him into my arms and hugged him close. "Sometimes they do." He grinned up at me, and I kissed the tip of his nose. "Come on. Let's see if Carmen can help me with this tie."

Riley took my hand, and as we walked toward the living room, I mentally prepared myself for this night. I hadn't enjoyed this gala in years, and I was determined to have a good time tonight. I deserved it. Bella _definitely_ deserved it. And she deserved to be treated like a lady and not have some hormonal, sex-starved attorney groping her all night.

I would be courteous. I would be respectful. I would be a gentleman.

And then I saw her – standing next to the piano – and all of my chivalrous ideas were shot to hell.

Bella turned our way, and when her doe-eyes locked with mine, she smiled the most heartbreaking smile. And I was certain I had never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life.

Her dress was ivory and gold, and her mahogany hair hung down her back in loose waves. My fingers itched to touch her porcelain skin, and I took solace in the fact that I would have her in my arms soon enough.

"Told ya she was pretty," Riley smiled up at me.

"You were right," I grinned at him. I looked back to her, and she was blushing. She literally took my breath away.

"He's right," I whispered eagerly. "You look so beautiful, Bella."

"Thanks," she smiled shyly. "You look pretty handsome, too. Do you need some help with your tie?"

I could only nod as she slowly made her way over to us. Very carefully, she expertly maneuvered the bowtie. Not that I actually watched her handiwork. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face long enough, and frankly – at this moment – I couldn't give a shit about my tie. This gorgeous woman was going to be on my arm tonight.

_In_ my arms tonight.

Suddenly – for the first time ever – I couldn't _wait_ to get to the gala.

"There you go," she smiled sweetly at me. Her fingers softly grazed the lapel of my tux.

"Thank you," I murmured as we continued to gaze at each other. I could see Carmen in my peripheral vision with a huge smile on her face. She was absolutely loving this.

Damn intuitive woman.

Bella blinked rapidly and finally broke the spell. She looked down at Riley. "Promise to be a good boy tonight?"

"Promise," he smiled brightly. "Do you promise to dance with daddy tonight? He wants you to."

I inwardly groaned but couldn't deny it. Bella's eyes flashed to me as her cheeks flushed. I could hear Carmen chuckling behind me.

"I promise to dance with your daddy," she vowed before kissing his cheek. He leaned in to kiss her back, but hesitated for just a second. I stiffened as I recalled the times when an all-dressed up Jessica refused a kiss on the cheek from her son for fear of messing up her make-up.

"Can I kiss your cheek?" Riley asked quietly.

"Of course you can! I'm going to miss you tonight, so I'm definitely going to need a kiss on the cheek from my favorite boy."

"I'm your favorite boy?"

"My _very _favorite boy," Bella assured him. With an ear-splitting grin, my son leaned in to kiss her. It was such a simple gesture, and yet, it meant the world to him.

Carmen stifled a quiet sob. She kissed me and whispered in my ear. "She's amazing, and so are you. Have fun tonight. You both deserve it."

Overwhelmed with emotion, I leaned down and hugged my son. He wrapped his little arms around me and squeezed.

"I love you, buddy, I'll see you in the morning."

"Love you, daddy."

I smiled contently as I turned to her and offered my hand.

"Are you ready?"

"I am," she whispered as she laced her fingers with mine.

* * *

"I know it's for a good cause, but I hate these damn tuxedos," Emmett grimaced as he pulled his tie away from his neck.

I grunted in agreement. To the casual observer, the gala was a roaring success. The wine was delicious. Dinner had been devoured. Prizes had been auctioned. Millions of dollars had been raised. Everyone was laughing and joyous.

Everyone – that is – except for me.

My beautiful date had been ripped from my arm as soon as we had entered the banquet hall.

I glanced over at Bella, who was sandwiched at the end of the table between my sister and my mother. She had been the center of attention all night. My parents had practically worshipped at her feet when I introduced her as Riley's nanny. I had kept them informed about his progress, and the thankful grandparents lavished her with praise. If she was flustered, she certainly hid it well. Every time I looked at her, she was smiling or laughing. And sometimes – when I looked at her – I'd catch her looking at me, and I wondered if she was as eager to be in my arms as I was to have her in them.

"You've got it bad for Bella, huh?" Emmett chuckled.

I tore my eyes away from her just long enough to glare in his direction.

And then inspiration struck.

"Why don't you ask my sister to dance?"

Em shot me a disgusted look. "Why the hell would I do that? You know I hate dancing."

"Because if you dance with my sister, maybe I can drag Bella away from my mother, and then _I_ can dance with _her_."

He was incredulous. "You want to dance with your mother?"

"Damn it, Emmett. No, I don't want to dance with my mother. I want to dance with Bella."

He chuckled. "Please. You don't want to _dance_ with that girl. You just can't wait to get your hands on her, and dancing is a convenient excuse."

He laughed even harder when I didn't bother to deny it.

"I don't know what the hell my sister sees in you," I grumbled, which only made him laugh harder.

"Man…you really like this girl," he surmised. "Well, Cullen…here's a novel concept. Why don't you just ask her to dance?"

On cue, Mike Newton – an intern at our firm – appeared out of thin air, and I watched in quiet fury as he walked right up to Bella and offered his hand to her. Irrational jealousy coursed through my body, and it only subsided when Bella's eyes flashed to mine. Newton glanced in my direction and nodded before promptly slinking away.

"I feel like I'm at the freaking prom," Emmett groaned sarcastically as he downed his drink. "Go dance with that girl."

Sighing, I finished my own drink before finally making my way to the end of the table. Bella's eyes had followed me from the moment I rose from my seat, and our eyes remained locked until I reached her seat.

"I'm stealing my date," I announced firmly, never breaking my gaze from hers. A small grin crossed her features as I offered my hand to her. I ignored my sister's and mother's smiling faces as Bella placed her hand in mine. Without another word, I led her to a quiet corner of the dance floor.

"What took you so long?" She asked quietly as I pulled her into my arms. My fingers pressed softly against the bare skin of her back. Her skin was so soft, and just that simple touch caused my traitorous body to react to her close proximity.

"You seemed engrossed in conversation with my mother and sister," I murmured as I gazed into her face. "They adore you."

Bella smiled softly. "Rose is my best friend, and your mother is wonderful. But still, I would rather have been dancing with you. We promised Riley, after all."

"We did promise Riley," I agreed with a nod. "He'll be happy to know that I finally got the nerve to ask."

Bella laughed lightly as the song changed to a soft tune, and our bodies instinctively moved closer together. I pressed her closer to me, and she sighed softly. Bravely, I ran my fingers through her hair, admiring the soft texture of the silky strands.

"You're the most beautiful woman in this room."

Her face flushed crimson, and I couldn't resist brushing my finger along her cheek. She sighed as she leaned into my touch. Our bodies swayed in rhythm to the music. Our faces were so close, and it would be so easy to lean in…to just let my lips brush against her scarlet cheek.

And so I did.

It was pure ecstasy – the combined sensations of her strawberry scent and the touch of her creamy skin. I moaned softly as my lips ghosted across her cheek, and she trembled in my arms. I tightened my hold around her waist as her arms wrapped around me. I could feel her breath on my face, and I knew that all I'd have to do is turn my head, and I'd finally have the one thing I'd fantasized about for the past month.

I'd have her lips on mine.

She sighed softly and nuzzled my neck as we swayed to the music. She felt so good in my arms. Her small frame pressed against me – and we molded perfectly to each other, just like puzzle pieces finally finding their homes.

It was frightening.

It was overpowering.

It was heaven.

It was everything I'd ever wanted but never dreamed I'd find.

"Edward…" she whispered softly, her deep, chocolate eyes gazing into mine as she clung to me. Her eyes were pleading, penetrating, and full of wonder.

She felt it, too.

I whispered her name as my lips softly brushed her earlobe, and a soft moan escaped her lips. The sound was almost my undoing, and I brushed my hand along the nape of her neck. My fingers lingered in her hair as I tilted her face toward mine. With a panting moan, I brought my forehead to hers. I stared into the deep pools of her eyes, trying desperately to control the dormant desire that was coursing through my body. I wanted this girl, and the need was unlike anything I'd ever experienced in my life. The urge was primal. Possessive. Feral.

And then she uttered the words that caused me to lose the very last ounce of control I had on my sanity.

"Kiss me," she whispered breathlessly.


	8. I Can't Remember Ever Falling This Hard

**Chapter 8**

**_I Can't Remember Ever Falling This Hard_**

* * *

BPOV

"Kiss me."

He moaned softly as his eyes closed – those penetrating emerald eyes that allowed me a glimpse into his soul. I watched his face as it battled with our mutual fear and desire. We were afraid – so very afraid – to give in to our feelings. There was more at stake here than just our hearts. There was a five-year-old waiting for us at home that needed our guidance. He had to remain our priority, so this panic was very rational.

And it was that fear that had prevented me from launching myself at Edward before tonight because – honestly – it was all I could think about.

He wanted me, and I wanted him. This was a certainty. We had spent weeks tip-toeing around each other, desperately trying to keep a handle on our feelings. I had made a monumental mistake that day with the rose, but it had been such a charming gesture, and I just couldn't resist kissing his cheek. His skin had tasted so sweet, and just that one, seemingly innocent kiss had turned these two responsible adults into two horny teenagers.

We'd lock eyes from across the dinner table, and my stomach would clench with fire. We would pass each other in the hall after putting Riley to bed, and we'd brush up against each other's arms. Or hands. Or shoulders. And it was pure electricity every single time. I'd go to bed – frustrated and wound tight – and toss fitfully in my sleep as I tried to ignore the dull ache that coursed through my body. The only thing that grounded me was the fact that, in the middle of the night, Riley would invariably join me in my bed. And his sweet innocence would remind me that there were more important things in life than my sexual gratification.

But tonight was different. We were being all grown-up, and Edward looked so handsome in his tux. And he was holding me close. His breath was on my cheek and my neck, and it felt so good to just be held. His touch was gentle yet possessive, and all I wanted was to feel his lips on mine.

Would that really be so terrible? Could we really scar a little boy for life by giving in?

"Bella," he murmured softly, his forehead pressed against mine as his brilliant eyes flashed with desire, "I've never wanted to kiss anyone as much as I want to kiss you right now."

I bit my bottom lip in a vain attempt to contain my excitement. His eyes widened as he watched my innocent habit.

"I see you doing that a lot," he murmured softly, his voice husky. His nose brushed mine as his fingers twirled through my hair. "You're going to hurt yourself. Is it a nervous habit?"

I could feel my cheeks flame. I decided to throw caution to the wind and just be honest.

"It can mean I'm nervous. It can also mean I'm incredibly excited...it's a very fine line, actually."

His eyes smoldered, and my stomach tightened in want. I knew we were probably making a scene, what with my body wrapped around him and his hands running through my hair, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.

"Lines….we have so many of those. So many imaginary lines that we've tried not to cross." His arms tightened around me – pressing me closer. I moaned softly as his fingers traced across my bare shoulder. His breathing was ragged, and I closed my eyes as his lips ghosted across the skin of my neck. "God, you're so beautiful. So tempting…and I've tried so hard to stay away from you. And most of the time I can control myself. But then I'll watch from across the room as you hold my son in your arms, or I'll hear you singing him to sleep."

"Edward…." I whispered breathlessly.

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't you kissed me yet?"

The smirk on his face was adorable. "That's a damn good question."

He brushed my nose once more, and I licked my lips in anticipation as he titled his head.

A throat cleared, and I felt the crushing weight of utter defeat as Edward's eyes darted open and focused on the person behind me.

"Dad," he grumbled lowly. "Something I can do for you?"

My eyes widened as Carlisle chuckled. I was too embarrassed to face him, so I kept my gaze on Edward. He didn't look uncomfortable at all. He just looked pissed.

"Son, your mother wants you to know that we approve very much, but she suggests that perhaps you two would like to go somewhere a bit more private. Not that we couldn't sell tickets to the floor show and make a mint…." His laughter was echoing in my ears. "I'm sure the hospital would appreciate the donation."

_How mortifying is this?_

Edward sighed and placed a chaste kiss to my cheek. "He's right. Let's go say goodbye, and then we'll get out of here."

I nodded and took a steadying breath as I turned toward Edward's father. His smile was sweet; his eyes were twinkling.

"Bella, before you go, I was wondering if you would consider dancing with an old man?"

"Dad," Edward began to argue, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"It's okay," I assured him. "I'd love to dance with you, Mr. Cullen."

"Carlisle, please." He grinned at me before he looked back to his exasperated son. "I promise, Edward. Just a quick dance. I've hardly had the chance to speak with her, what with your mother monopolizing her all night long. Go say goodnight to your mother. We won't be long."

Edward's eyes flickered to mine, and I almost laughed at his infuriated expression.

His father's voice was low and soothing. "You get to take her home, son."

And with that gentle reminder, Edward's face softened.

"One quick dance," he muttered as he turned on his heel and stalked off in search of his mother. Carlisle laughed as he offered his hand to me.

"He's very protective of you," he mused as we waltzed. "That's not a side of Edward that we see very often."

"I'm so embarrassed," I admitted shyly. I glanced over at their table and saw Edward gazing at me. His mother was looking between the two of us - watching him watching me – and there was a look of ecstatic joy on her face.

"Don't be," Carlisle murmured softly. "I was young once upon a time. I remember when I was unable to keep my hands off Esme. Hell, I still have problems keeping my hands off her."

I laughed in spite of my humiliation. "This is all new to us." I shot him a teasing smile. "You actually interrupted what was about to be our first kiss."

Carlisle looked mortified. "Really? That _is_ surprising. You seem so close…" His smile was gentle. "But I do apologize, Bella. No wonder my son is staring daggers at me. But really, would you want this stuffy charity event to be the location of your first kiss? In front of all of these people?"

Would it be offensive to admit that I didn't give a shit who watched as long as I got my kiss?

"That's true," I pretended to agree. "I hope we didn't embarrass you."

"Not at all," Carlisle grinned. "Honestly, I don't think anyone noticed. Except the family, of course. But that's just because we're so thrilled that you're here. You've been such a positive influence on Riley. And on Edward…." I glanced once again at the table and couldn't keep from laughing when I saw Edward staring a hole through us, impatiently tapping his foot on the dance floor.

With a flourish of a violin, the sweet waltz ended, and I could see Edward already making his way to our side. Carlisle noticed this, as well, and laughed as he kissed my hand.

"It seems my time is up. You _are_ lovely," he smiled softly. "Thank you, Bella."

"Thank you," I grinned just as Edward grabbed my hand. He abruptly told his father goodnight and led me back to the table. Esme hugged me tightly as Rosalie and Emmett smirked behind her shoulder. Rose was sitting on his lap, and they both looked sufficiently plastered.

"Call me," Rosalie mouthed, and we both wished everyone goodnight as we made our way through the banquet hall and out into the cool Seattle air.

Edward handed the valet our ticket – along with what looked like a fifty dollar bill – and muttered that we were in a hurry. As the young guy ran like the wind toward the parking garage, Edward took off his jacket and placed it around my shoulders. Grateful, I snuggled in the warm fabric until he stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his chest. His nose nuzzled my hair, and I trembled as his breath tickled my skin.

"Cold?" he whispered against my ear.

"No," I murmured breathlessly.

_Definitely not cold._

"You're trembling…" His hands traveled up and down my arms as he placed a soft kiss behind my ear. He brushed my hair over to one shoulder and moved the collar of his tux, allowing him to trail his lips across the side of my neck.

"I have _got_ to get you home," he groaned lowly just as the valet appeared with the car.

* * *

The drive home was filled with sexual tension and excitement, and my mind conjured all kinds of explicit, R-rated images of what might happen when we finally made it inside the penthouse. He never let go of my hand, and at one point, he actually pulled my hand toward his face and kissed it, softly brushing my knuckles with his lips.

I was pretty sure I was going to hyperventilate.

With the car finally parked in the garage, Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the entrance of Brookstone Towers. We rushed through the lobby and into the awaiting elevator. Thankfully, the elevator operator was nowhere in sight. After pressing the button to the penthouse, he turned to me with a look so hungry that my stomach muscles tightened in anticipation. He was just about to lean in when someone yelled to hold the elevator doors. We jumped apart as a man, dressed in his own tuxedo, joined us.

I sighed dramatically; Edward peered at the man with so much hatred that I almost laughed aloud.

"Edward." The man offered in greeting as he pressed the button for the tenth floor.

"James."

I've always loved how boys can just greet each other with first names and nothing else.

"Wonderful gala tonight," James smiled. His eyes flickered to me, appraising me from head to toe. I shuddered uncomfortably. Edward moved closer, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to his side.

"Yes, it was," he agreed. I was glad he didn't feel the need to introduce me. The man gave me the creeps. I was thankful when the elevator doors opened to his floor.

"Goodnight," James grinned – taking one last look at me before exiting. I exhaled a deep breath as the doors shut once again. Edward grasped his hand in mine, and I could feel the tension flowing through his body.

"You don't like him," I decided.

"Not when he looks at you like that," Edward replied stiffly.

I giggled despite my unease. He just held my hand tighter as I watched the lights flicker on the elevator. The doors finally opened, and Edward pulled me eagerly toward the penthouse door. He stepped aside to let me enter, and I was surprised to see the lights still on in the foyer.

"Surely they aren't awake."

Edward's eyes flickered around the room. Everything _seemed _to be okay. At least, the floor wasn't littered with broken toys this time. He pulled me by the hand toward Riley's bedroom, and I gasped when we spotted Carmen holding the sleeping boy in her arms.

"Everything's okay," she whispered softly. "He was running a fever earlier tonight, so I was just checking on him. He woke up long enough to ask where you were. I was just rocking him back to sleep."

Concerned, I walked toward the bed and placed my hand along his forehead. He still felt a little warm.

"Why didn't you call?" Edward asked, anxiety crossing his face. He, too, felt of Riley's forehead.

"It wasn't dangerously high. Around 101. I gave him some Tylenol and he ate a Popsicle, but that was really all he would eat."

"I hope it isn't the flu," I whispered. He looked so pale.

"Me too," Carmen nodded. "Hopefully, the Tylenol will do its job. I called the pediatrician. She said if his fever got any higher to bring him in first thing in the morning."

All three of us kissed Riley on the forehead and drifted out the door. Carmen turned on the baby monitor before closing the door behind her. She clutched the second monitor in her hand.

"Carmen, you've been with him all night. Let me take that," Edward offered, but she shook her head.

"No, no….I've got this." Then she smiled knowingly at each of us as she spotted our linked hands. "So, how was your evening? Esme called…"

"I bet she did. You two gossip like old women," Edward complained, but he was smiling.

Carmen didn't deny it as she grinned at me. "I knew she'd love you, as did Carlisle."

I could feel the blood rushing to my face.

Edward seemed thoughtful. "So you think he'll be okay until morning?"

Carmen nodded. "I'll take the monitor to my room just in case, but hopefully he'll sleep through the night."

"How did he do tonight?" I asked cautiously. "No tantrums?"

"None," she smiled. "He did get a little teary-eyed when you both left, but I reminded him that Daddy promised to bring Bella home, and he seemed content with that. He started to get a little fussy after he ate, and that's when I noticed his temperature. But other than that, it was a perfect night."

"That's _so_ good," I grinned, and Edward was shaking his head in agreement, his face a mixture of amazement and relief.

"Well, it's been a long night, so I'm going to bed." She kissed us both on the cheek. "I'm so glad you had a good time. I knew you would."

"Thanks for everything, Carmen…." Edward hugged her close. "Are you sure I can't take the monitor? You have to be exhausted."

"I'm good," she smiled. "You two enjoy the rest of your night."

And with a wink in my direction, Carmen turned off the lights before making her way down the hall.

I turned toward him, and even in the dark, his emerald eyes were piercing. I shrugged his jacket off my shoulders and placed it against the sofa. His eyes ravaged me and desire flooded my senses.

"You're so gorgeous," he murmured silkily. He stepped closer and twirled a strand of my hair between his fingers. "So soft…"

"The way you look at me…you make me feel pretty," I confessed quietly, embarrassed to admit this aloud.

Edward tilted my chin, forcing me to gaze into his blazing eyes. "Never doubt that you're anything less than beautiful."

I smiled softly as I pulled him toward the piano. He glanced at me questioningly.

"Play something for me?" I whispered softly. "I'll pour some wine."

I made my way to the bar as the soft strains of a melody filled the air, and I could feel his eyes on me as I poured each of us a glass. I didn't recognize the song, but Edward obviously knew it by heart. His eyes ignored the sheet music on the stand – his gaze lingering on me as I made my way back to the piano bench. He moved over, allowing me room to sit. I placed his wine on top of the piano and took a sip from my glass.

"Good?" he asked softly, his eyes never leaving my face as his hands trailed along the keys.

"Hmm…" I sighed contently. "Both the wine and the music. Very good."

I closed my eyes, letting my head drift to his shoulder. He played for a moment more before I felt the wine glass slipping out of my fingers. I opened my eyes to see Edward taking a sip from my glass before placing it next to his on the piano.

I raised my head just as he brought his face closer to mine. The room was cloaked in darkness, but the moon was bright in the sky, allowing streams of light to flicker through the terrace window. His eyes gazed into mine, quietly seeking permission. I had barely parted my lips before his mouth caressed the corner of mine, lingering softly along edges. I shivered as his hand linked with mine – adrenaline and yearning coursing through my veins as our arms wrapped around each other's bodies.

"Bella…." His lips made a trail from the corner of my mouth, up to my ear, and back down again. He continued the path – softly, slowly – until we were both trembling in each other's arms.

"Please…" I whispered breathlessly, clutching him closer. With a low growl, his hands wrapped around my waist, and I gasped as he lifted me onto the piano keys. A melody of disjointed and incoherent notes floated through the air as he shifted me against the keyboard. My legs fell to each side of him as he leaned forward. He gazed up at me – a look of desperate longing on his face – as I ran my hands through his unruly, copper hair.

Bravely – because I couldn't bear another minute without his lips on mine – I leaned down and closed my eyes, softly brushing my lips against his. Once. Twice. Again. Slowly and tenderly. He trembled against me and wrapped one hand around my waist, letting the other drape around the back of my neck as we kissed sweetly. It was romantic and tender and everything you'd expect from a first kiss. But after a few minutes of innocent kisses and sighs, I pulled away and opened my eyes.

It was too soft. Too gentle.

_I wanted more._

He was breathless as his eyes burned into mine – searching for any sign of regret or uncertainty. Finding none, he moaned as he pulled my face toward his and hungrily crashed his mouth against mine.

I whimpered against his mouth – all of the earlier sweetness and innocence was gone as we finally gave in to what we had been fighting. No limits. No boundaries. No lines. My lips parted in offering and his tongue slid against mine, a quiet battle of dominance and lust that burned deep to my very core. When we broke for air, he pulled me closer as his mouth traveled to my neck, passionately kissing and sucking on the skin until I was sure I was going to explode from the pleasure that was building inside. His hands were wrapped around my bare back, sliding and caressing and pulling me tighter. His mouth found mine again, and we swallowed each other's breathless moans until we were forced to come up for air.

Both of us panting, Edward pressed his forehead against mine as we stared into each other's eyes.

"Wow…" he gasped softly, his fingers lingering over my face.

I giggled quietly as I tried to catch my breath.

His eyes searched mine. "Was it worth the wait?"

Was he kidding? The sweetest, softest, and most passionate moment of my life – all rolled into one blinding kiss on top of a piano.

"_Definitely_ worth the wait," I whispered sincerely as I ran my fingers through his hair.

And I didn't just mean the kiss. I meant everything. Edward. Riley. This piano. Our kiss.

"For me, too," he murmured as he trailed his finger along my cheek. "But I'm not just talking about the kiss. Bella… I think I've been waiting for you my whole life."

And suddenly, I was overwhelmed, because I felt the same way. My emotions took hold as tears slowly began to trickle down my cheeks.

"Come here, baby," Edward whispered, and he pulled me into his arms and gently kissed my tears away.

* * *

**The chapter title comes from David Cook's "Avalanche." Please check it out on YouTube. So pretty.**

**This chapter has made me incredibly sappy. As always, let me know what you think.**


	9. Motherless Child

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all. Chapter song is "Motherless Child." It's been covered by everyone from Van Morrison to John Legend.**

Chapter 9

_Motherless Child_

BPOV

I have no idea how long he held me. Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into dawn. I was so overwhelmed, and – by the expression on his face – so was he. I was a tangled mess of emotions. Happiness. Desire. Warmth. Exhaustion. I couldn't remember ever feeling so many sensations at once, and it unnerved me. I liked things to make sense – to be black and white and easily understood. Especially when my heart was involved. But this entire situation was wild and untamed and spontaneous, and I just didn't know how to deal.

So I cried. And he held me. I'd begin to relax. Then, he'd kiss me and tell me how pretty I am, and I'd cry so hard that we'd have to start all over again with the calming process. It was like a gigantic rollercoaster ride – one of those that you really want to ride, but then you hold on for dear life and close your eyes because you're just scared shitless. And I was scared shitless because all I wanted to do was kiss him for the rest of my life.

"Why don't you let me carry you to bed?" Edward whispered against my ear. I nodded, and he stood up from the piano bench. I nuzzled against his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me down the hallway to my room. He flipped on my light, and we gasped in unison when we noticed the little boy nestled against my pillows.

"He missed you," Edward whispered softly as he quickly turned the light off. He lowered me to the floor, and I quietly grabbed my t-shirt and sweatpants out of my drawer as Edward checked Riley's forehead.

"He doesn't feel nearly as warm," he murmured as he placed a soft kiss on Riley's cheek.

"That's good," I whispered. I motioned toward my bathroom. "I'm just….going to go change…" I closed the door behind me and peeled out of my dress, thankful the zipper was on the side and within reaching distance. I wasn't sure I could handle his fingers on my bare skin without erupting into tears again.

No one had ever touched me so gently. So adoringly. And the _kisses_….. It wasn't as if I'd never been kissed. I'd had my fair share of kisses, actually. Good kisses. Perfectly acceptable kisses.

But I'd never been kissed like _that _before – with such abandon and passion and sweetness.

Edward's kisses could become very, very addicting.

While I was removing my make-up, I focused on my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were wide with excitement and my cheeks were flushed. I looked exhilarated despite the fact that I'd been awake all night. I found it funny that my outward appearance looked so serene, yet my emotions were a jumbled mess on the inside. I splashed my face with cold water and brushed my teeth before taking a deep breath and turning off the bathroom light.

I walked back into the bedroom and stopped abruptly when I noticed my bed had yet another occupant.

My two favorite boys were lying in my bed, and they were both fast asleep. Riley's head was nestled against Edward's chest, and I felt tears form in my eyes. The scene tugged at my heart and caused images to flash in my head - images that really had no business being there. All three of us nestled in bed watching Saturday morning cartoons. Taking vacations as a family. Celebrating holidays as a family.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the visuals and the emotions they evoked. These visions were going to lead me straight to a broken heart if I didn't watch what I was doing. This wasn't _my_ family. This little boy who had stolen my heart was _Jessica's_ son.  
This handsome man who had just kissed me into oblivion was _Jessica's_ husband.

And I was the nanny who wanted to climb into bed and wrap my arms around both of them.

I was too exhausted and emotional to think clearly. I checked Riley's forehead once more and gazed at them one last time before grabbing an extra pillow and heading to Riley's bedroom.

Much to everyone's relief, Riley was his normal exuberant self the next morning. I was thankful for the quiet, lazy Sunday at home. Once we'd all finally climbed out of bed, Carmen had cooked a big brunch that we'd devoured. Nothing was said about the odd sleeping arrangements from the night before, but over brunch, I would catch Edward looking at me – his face a mask of curiosity. I was sure he was wondering why I'd chosen to sleep in Riley's bed. I tried to avoid his gaze as much as possible, but I was a moth to a flame, and it was unavoidable. His emerald eyes pierced through me as he smiled softly, and I was sure he was remembering last night's kisses. I couldn't keep from blushing and smiling in return, despite my twisted emotional state.

The afternoon was much the same. In an obvious attempt to give us some alone time, Carmen offered to go grocery shopping. Edward was curled on the couch, watching a movie with Riley. Grateful for a few moments to myself, I sat down at the antique desk in the corner of the living room and fired up my laptop. I glanced over at the couch and couldn't help but smile when I caught Edward's eyes on me. He quickly looked away, pretending to become engrossed in whatever was making his son laugh. They both looked so peaceful. So content. Such a contrast to their lives when I first arrived. It was nice to see.

Sighing, I turned my attention back to my laptop and scanned my inbox. I had an email from the _Forks Board of Education_ that I didn't bother to open. I'd been placed on their mailing list when I was job hunting, and their last three emails had listed job opportunities for substitute teachers and cooks. No teaching positions at all, which was actually okay because I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of moving back to my hometown to teach. I deleted it without even looking at it. Then, I noticed a couple of emails from Renee and Rosalie, marked urgent.

I opened the one from Mom first.

_You looked so gorgeous last night! Edward is so handsome! Hope you love the new job. Call me! Love, Mom_

How would my mother know how I looked last night? And that Edward was handsome? Puzzled, I ignored the reply button and opened the mail from Rosalie.

_WHY haven't you called me? Have you seen the morning paper? The Times, page F6. Call me! - Rose_

"Umm…Have you seen today's paper?"

"Not yet. I think Carmen left it on the table in the foyer." Edward's voice was a whisper. Riley had fallen asleep in his arms. "Why?"

"I don't know," I replied. "Rose says to check out the _Times_." I shut down my laptop and walked to the table next to the entrance. I flipped hurriedly through the segments until I found Section F. I turned to page six, and gasped as the picture on the front page caught my eye.

_Seattle attorney Edward Cullen and his date, Bella Swan, enjoying a dance at the annual Seattle Children's Hospital Benefit Gala._

Thankfully, the accompanying picture was an innocent one. To my enormous relief, our hands were properly placed on each other's bodies. From what I could recall from our lust-filled dance, that hadn't lasted very long.

We _did_ look happy.

"Anything interesting?" Edward's voice breathed in my ear. I jumped in surprise, and he smiled apologetically before glancing over my shoulder.

"Oh…" he whispered softly as his gaze fixed on the newspaper in my hand. "It's us."

"Yes," I murmured.

He chuckled lightly; goosebumps erupted on my flesh as his breath traveled against my ear. "This must have been taken as soon as we made it onto the dance floor, and long before my father interrupted us."

I turned toward him. "What makes you think that?"

"Because this is actually a respectable snapshot," Edward whispered softly, his eyes gazing down at me. "If he'd snapped a picture ten minutes later, the _Times_ readers would have gotten an eyeful."

Edward pulled the paper out of my grasp and carefully folded it, placing it back on the table. His hand rose, softly brushing along my cheek.

"Why didn't you stay with us last night?"

My eyes flickered to the floor. "Because I was so confused and emotional. I just couldn't handle it."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before taking my hand. We walked through the living room. We both checked on the little boy sleeping peacefully on the couch before he continued pulling me toward his study. He led me to the black leather sofa in the corner and pulled me down next to him.

"Why are you confused?" He asked softly, his fingertips grazing the palm of my hand. I watched as his fingers made patterns along my skin.

"Because I'm feeling things I shouldn't be feeling," I mumble quietly.

He brought his hand to my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. He searched my expression before taking a steadying breath….his eyes penetrating mine.

"I feel it, too."

"It's wrong," I whisper wistfully.

He shook his head emphatically. "I refuse to believe that. How can this possibly be wrong?"

"You are a married man, Edward. Have you forgotten?"

He laughed, but it wasn't filled with humor. "Bella, I haven't been married for a very long time. Long before she left."

"Maybe not in your heart, but legally…biblically….you are a married man."

"And I am in the process of legally changing that. Biblically….well, I think God will understand that I can't remain married to a woman who has chosen to leave. I don't think he expects that of me."

"What about Riley?" I asked softly. "What does he expect?"

Edward's eyes narrowed suspiciously just as the phone rang. I glanced toward his desk as it continued its persistent ringing.

"Let Carmen get it," he mumbled darkly.

"She isn't home…."

"Then let the machine…." I exhaled a breath as it stopped after the fourth ring. Whoever was on the line didn't give the machine the chance to pick up.

"Bella, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

He sighed….frustrated. "Why are you fighting this? I thought we'd gotten past our fears…." His expression softened as he lifted my hand to his lips. I gasped softly as he kissed my hand. "No more boundaries. No more lines in the sand. Remember?"

I remembered.

"Do you think you're the only one who's scared?" He whispered softly as he placed sweet kisses along my fingertips. "Bella, I've only kissed one other woman since high school, and that's Jessica. The kisses you and I shared last night…..just our _first_ kiss….was more potent than any kiss I _ever_ experienced with her."

I closed my eyes as his words rushed over me. My body trembled as I remembered our kisses and the way they set me on fire. They were consuming….addicting…

"I don't want you to be scared," he whispered low as I felt him lean into me. My eyes fluttered open as his mouth brushed against my cheek. "I don't want to be scared, either. But I'm also unwilling and unable to pretend last night didn't happen. I can't go back to that place, pretending that I don't want you."

My lips quivered as his sweet breath drifted along my face.

"Tell me you want me, too…" he pleaded softly. My hands ghosted along his arms and entwined around his neck as he pulled me into his lap.

"Yes, I want you, too."

I felt his body relax with my confession. He kissed me softly then…stroking my cheek as we took our time. Touching. Caressing. Exploring. I learned that he made the softest moan when my lips would nibble his earlobe, and he found that I loved being kissed on the neck.

"Don't fight this, baby, " Edward whispered softly as he stared into my eyes. "We'll just take our time. I'll try, somehow, to keep my hands to myself. But every time I see you, I want to kiss you. It's unreal - the attraction I feel for you, especially now that we've…." His lips brushed against mine again, and I sighed softly as they lingered there. He didn't have to finish his sentence.

_Now that we've kissed._

After a few more sweet kisses, I forced myself to pull away.

"I'm still kissing a married man, and that bothers me."

"I understand, and truthfully, the last thing I need is for Jessica to accuse me of adultery. That could stall the divorce proceedings, and that's the _last_ thing I want."

Nodding, I climbed off his lap and settled back onto the couch.

"Somehow, we've got to find a way to keep our distance until your divorce is final. It's the right thing to do, for everyone involved."

He closed his eyes and nodded. "You're right. I know you're right. I just….don't really know how to do that."

I smiled softly. "We'll figure it out. We have to."

"Is kissing okay?"

I grinned. "This conversation started out as a kiss. I ended up in your lap."

"_That_ was very nice," he murmured, his eyes glowing as he recalled the memory.

"Yes, it was. But _that _can't happen," I replied simply. "Not until your divorce is final."

He was suddenly all business as he leapt up from the couch. "I'm going to email Marcus."

"Marcus?"

"My attorney," Edward replied as he sat down at his desk. "See if we can get this thing fast-tracked."

His fingers began typing furiously on the keyboard.

"The lawyer has a lawyer?" I giggled.

"Of course," he grinned at me just as Carmen pecked on the door.

"Hey you two," she whispered timidly. She looked concerned. Fearful. She walked over to Edward's mini-bar and poured herself a drink. She downed it in one quick gulp.

"Carmen?" Edward's voice was cautious.

"Have you two seen Riley?"

My eyes widened in fear. "He was asleep on the couch."

"He's not asleep anymore," she replied stiffly. "Riley is in his room, lying across his bed, crying and sucking on his thumb."

Edward and I exchanged terrified glances. We'd left the door open.

_Did Riley see us kissing?_

Edward groaned helplessly, and we both darted out the door.

We raced down the hallway and into his bedroom. Riley was wrapped in his blanket. Just as Carmen described, he was sucking his thumb and crying. What Carmen had failed to see was that the cordless phone was pressed against his ear.

"Hey buddy," Edward whispered softly as he climbed onto the bed. "Why do you have the phone?"

"Wanna talk to Mommy."

I reached for the phone, but the line was dead.

_Had he tried to call her?_

"Riley, Mommy's gone." Edward wrapped his arms around his son and pulled him into his lap. "Remember what we said? Mommy loves you, but she doesn't live here anymore."

"Mommy misses me." He whispered tearfully as Edward rocked him in his arms.

An emotional Carmen burst out into tears and quickly left the room. Broken-hearted for this little boy, I climbed onto the other side of the bed, wrapping my arms around both of them. Riley slid down between us – snuggling in the middle. I took his little hand in mine and held it close to my heart. I looked up at Edward. His eyes were filled with unshed tears, and the expression on his face tore my heart in two. But he just hugged his son close to his chest, promising him that everything was going to be okay.

We snuggled for over an hour before Riley finally ran out of tears. We spent the rest of the night in his bedroom doing quiet things…coloring, listening to music, reading books. Anything to keep him calm and relaxed. Thankfully, eight o'clock arrived and Carmen offered to give him his bath. By the time she pulled him out of the tub, his eyes were heavy, and the little boy fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

All three of us sighed with relief as I turned on the baby monitor. We turned off his light but left the door open. Carmen wished us goodnight and gave us each a hug before heading to her room. I followed a lifeless Edward back to his study where he headed straight to his mini-bar.

"Stop," I whispered as he began to pour himself a scotch. "You don't need that. Come here."

I pulled him by the hand and led him to the couch. I sat down, pulling him down with me. I wrapped my arms around him as he buried his face in my neck.

We held each other as we cried.

I wasn't at all surprised when my cell phone rang.

We'd debated whether it was a good idea to send him to school this morning. Edward had called Dr. Jane, and I had called Miss Angela, and it was decided that it would be best to keep Riley on a schedule if at all possible – with the understanding that someone would be available to pick him up if a problem should arise.

By lunch time, Riley had become so despondent that Miss Angela had no choice but to call.

"He's just so lifeless," she whispered sadly. "He won't talk. Won't color. Won't sing. He's my best reader and always volunteers to read aloud." Her voice dropped low. "He even had an accident. Luckily, we keep an extra set of clothes for all of the kids, just in case."

"Where is he?" I asked, and she pointed to a beanbag in the corner of the room. He looked so little. So heartbroken. He was staring straight ahead, his beautiful emerald eyes dim and despondent.

I sighed miserably as I thanked her and made my way over to him.

"Hey buddy," I whispered as I tousled his hair. "Let's go home."

His eyes flickered to mine. I leaned down, and he wrapped his arms around my neck. I grabbed his backpack and carried my little boy out of his classroom.

The ride home was silent, and I didn't even try to make him talk. I figured Miss Angela had done her best to try to convince him, so I left him alone. I did call a panicked Edward who then called Dr. Jane to ask if we could move our usual Tuesday session to this afternoon. Luckily, she'd had a cancellation, and she'd agreed to see us.

I pulled the car into the parking garage and turned off the ignition.

"Bella?"

I gasped as his little voice filled the car.

"Yeah, buddy?"

He sniffled softly. "There's something on my heart."

I took a deep breath. I caught his eye in the rear view mirror.

"Can I come back there and sit with you?"

He nodded, and I was out of the car and in the backseat in a flash. He unbuckled the seatbelt around his booster seat and scrambled into my lap. I rocked him back and forth as he nuzzled my chest.

"Do you want to talk about what's on your heart?"

_Please God, let him talk to me._

He nodded slowly, and I brushed away the tears on his cheeks.

"I want to talk to Mommy again," he whispered softly.

I cradled him against my body. "I know, baby. I know you do."

"She's sad…."

"I'm sure she's sad, buddy. I know she misses you so much."

"She said she missed me." His voice was just a whisper. "But she hung up, and I waited for her to call back, but she won't call."

My body was rigid as I struggled to put the pieces together.

"She hung up the phone?"

He nodded against my chest.

"Yesterday," he whispered sadly, "when Mommy called me."


	10. Angel Boy

Chapter 10

_Angel Boy_

_My mother said there's only one way  
A sweet angel boy, narrow and straight  
Time, it has passed, teachings they fade  
Now her angel boy has gone astray_

Dr. Jane's POV

I stared into the blank eyes of the little boy. His outward expression was strangely serene.

Numb.

As always, he walked right to the sandbox when he entered my office. Of course he would. It was comfortable. Routine. This child craved structure and normalcy in his world which was shattered four months ago.

I watched closely as he filled the bucket with sand – packing it carefully and completely – until he was satisfied, at which time he'd promptly turn it over to the ground. He'd painstakingly pat and pack, forming the foundation of his sand castle. He was meticulous in his creation, a product of his mother's strict upbringing and his deep desire to have order in an otherwise imperfect world.

We had made so much progress throughout the past few weeks, and I was determined to not let yesterday's phone call derail us.

"Riley, is there anything you'd like to talk about today?"

He sighed softly but then turned his attention to our dollhouse. Slowly, he climbed out of the sandbox and settled his gaze on the small dolls inside of the house. I watched as he lowered himself onto the floor and grabbed the smallest child.

"May I sit with you?"

He nodded, and I crossed my legs as I settled behind the house. Without prompting, he began placing the dolls in specific rooms in the house. During Riley's very first session, he had used only three dolls to signify his family. He'd introduced them to me as Daddy, Carmen, and Riley. I had noticed that the "Dad" doll was in a separate room from the rest of the family. When I'd asked Riley about this placement of the doll, he'd shrugged, saying Daddy was in the study. Today, I was pleased to see that "Dad" was in the living room with the rest of the family. I also noticed a new addition to his family lineup.

"Who is this?" I asked, pointing to the doll that was usually reserved for the "Mom."

"That's Bella," he whispered softly, a slight smile on his face as he placed the doll next to the father. I watched in fascination as he tried to force the dolls to hold hands.

"Bella has become very important to you," I noted softly.

"I love Bella," he replied simply. "Daddy loves her, too."

While it was obvious the positive influence Bella had made on this family, I was surprised to hear him make the latter observation.

"Bella has become a very good friend to you and to your daddy."

He shook his head as placed the entire family around the kitchen table. "I don't think she's his friend."

"What do you think she is?"

He grew thoughtful as he struggled to find the word.

"I don't know. But not a friend. That's not the right word. She makes him smile."

"A girlfriend, maybe?"

"What's a girlfriend?" He asked curiously as he began searching through the box of tiny house accessories. There were miniature televisions, computers, pillows, pets…

"A girlfriend is a special friend," I explained.

He nodded, satisfied with that description. "Bella's a special friend."

"How do you feel about that?"

He smiled then, the first honest smile I'd seen during the past thirty minutes.

"Happy," he replied.

"Good," I smiled.

I watched as he continued searching in frustration.

"Where is it?" His face was etched with annoyance.

"What do you need?

"A telephone," he explained quietly.

_Ahh._

I shuffled through the box and found a tiny cordless phone. I held it between my fingers and placed it in the palm of his hand. He stared at the phone for a moment before placing the object on the floor beside of him – outside of the house and far away from the rest of the family.

"Don't you want to put the phone inside the house?"

He shook his head no.

"She's not inside the house."

"Who isn't inside the house, Riley?"

"Mommy…"

Edward had been frantic when he'd called earlier, alerting me to the phone call that had prompted Riley's melancholy behavior.

"Riley, did Mommy call?"

He nodded.

"Do you want to tell me about that?"

And to my surprise, he did.

EPOV

Bella held my hand as we watched the scene unfold in the mirror.

"He seems to be talking," she whispered softly. "That's a good sign."

I nodded as we watched Riley's mouth moving nonstop. He'd been talking to Dr. Jane for almost forty-five minutes. It was a welcome relief after the devastating silence of the morning. At least he was talking to _someone_. I desperately tried to not be offended that that someone wasn't me. This wasn't a time for me to be selfish.

When the hell had Jessica called? And what the fuck did she want?

"They're coming," Bella whispered, and we both leapt to our feet. Dr. Jane was smiling as she opened the door.

"Hey guys," she greeted us warmly. "Riley has given me permission to talk to you about his session. Why don't you have a seat?"

_Thank God._

I sat back down as Riley climbed into my lap. He smiled affectionately at Bella before nestling against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, pressing a kiss to his hair. He then climbed into the chair between Bella and me as she produced a coloring book and crayons from her backpack.

"Riley has given me permission to tell you the most important parts of our discussion today. We had a very productive session," Dr. Jane began. "I'm sure you noticed that we played with the dollhouse again today. We had played with it during our very first session, and at that time, Riley explained that there were three people in his family – himself, his father, and Carmen. Today, there was a new addition."

The doctor smiled brightly at Bella.

"Me?" Bella asked softly.

"Yes," Dr. Jane replied. "It is obvious that you have become a very integral and nurturing aspect of Riley's life. He loves you very much, Bella."

"I love him, too." Bella whispered as she reached over and softly stroked his cheek. Riley smiled happily as he continued to color.

The doctor then turned her attention to me. "Edward, during that first day with the dollhouse, he had placed your doll in a room he called the study."

I grimaced uncomfortably. She didn't have to explain his obvious intent by placing my doll in a separate room away from the family.

"Today, your doll was _with _the family – in the living room…at the kitchen table. Your son has noticed that you are making more of an effort to spend time with him, and I know this has contributed to his success. Well done."

I exhaled a deep breath as Bella smiled proudly in my direction.

"Riley also told me that you two have become close."

My eyes widened in surprise as I glanced at Bella. She looked pale as a ghost.

But Dr. Jane just smiled. "He is observant, and he notices how happy you are, Edward. While your relationship is certainly none of my business, I think it's important that you know that he _has _noticed your bond, and he is happy about it."

Relief flooded through me. I was surprised that Riley had noticed, though. I thought we'd been hiding our feelings pretty well.

_Obviously not._

"Now," Dr. Jane's expression turned serious. "It seems that Riley answered your phone yesterday. He said he was sleeping, and the ringing of the phone woke him. So he answered it, and it was his mother's voice on the other line."

I wracked my brain, trying to remember the home phone ringing yesterday. It was actually a rare occurrence; most people just called my cell.

"We were in the study," Bella whispered guiltily as we watched Riley flip through the coloring book and reach for a green crayon.

"Riley says that Jessica asked for you," she explained to me. "She told him that she missed him and loved him. And then she hung up the phone."

"Is that all she said?" I asked suspiciously.

"That is all he told me," Dr. Jane replied gently. "Naturally, this short conversation confused him and reminded him that she was gone, which explains the despondency. He does seem more relaxed now that we've played and had a chance to talk."

I nodded gratefully. "So what do I do?"

"For your son's sake, I would contact Jessica. I can't give you advice on how to handle her, but I would highly suggest that you ask if she plans on making these phone calls a habit. She is his mother and – as you're well aware – is within her legal rights to contact him. If she does plan to continue calling, we will need to prepare Riley for those calls so that he doesn't become depressed each time it happens."

Bella's eyes locked with mine, and it was easy to read her fiery expression.

_We fully intend to call Jessica._

"Anything else?"

Dr. Jane rose from her chair. "Keep doing what you're doing. Riley is making wonderful progress, and we can't let this undermine that success. I would certainly screen the phone calls until you've made contact with Jessica."

"That won't be a problem," I replied. I fully intended on ripping the phone out of the wall as soon as we got home.

She and Bella confirmed his next appointment, and I thanked her for seeing us on such short notice. Riley grasped my hand in his as we walked out into the fresh air.

"Time for ice cream?" He asked hopefully, his eyes shining brightly.

_What I wouldn't give to keep that look on his face each and every day…_

"You bet," I replied with a smile. And hand-in-hand, the three of us walked over to our favorite ice cream shop.

Bella had been so calm throughout the last twenty-four hours. So patient and sweet. Kissing Riley every chance she got and squeezing my hand in reassurance whenever I needed it.

It was only after Riley was sound asleep did I get the chance to see Mama Bear's claws come out. I flinched in surprise as Bella growled and slammed the door to my study.

"I will _stomp_ that bitch's ass if I ever see her. Who the HELL does she think she is? Calling this house after four fucking months? FOUR MONTHS! Why the hell is she calling now? What's changed? How DARE she call this house and upset him like that!"

She was breathless and her eyes were blazing with fury as she collapsed against the sofa.

I won't lie. It was sexy as hell.

I finished my email to Marcus – in which I demanded he locate Jessica – and shut down my laptop. I walked over to the couch and sat down beside of her. She had her head leaned back and her eyes closed as she attempted to control her pent-up rage.

"Come here," I whispered as I pulled her onto my lap.

"No…" Bella struggled against my hold. "You can't hold me. Or kiss me. Distance remember?"

"Fuck it," I murmured softly. "Let me hold you."

She sighed and settled against my lap. I kissed the top of her hair and let the fragrance of her strawberry shampoo calm my frayed nerves as I wrapped my arms around her. She sighed softly as she rested her head against my chest. I closed my eyes as I pressed my cheek to her hair.

"Are you going to find her?" Bella asked quietly.

"I've got Marcus on it, yeah."

"Why did she call, Edward? Do you think she misses him? Do you think she misses _you_? And why are you so calm?"

I sighed. "I'm not calm, but I am trying to control my emotions so that I can take care of Riley…and of you….and I don't know why she called. I would _hope_ she misses him. She is his mother. I don't give a shit if she misses me or not."

"Maybe she wants you back," Bella whispered softly.

"She can't have me back," I murmured, and she relaxed against me.

"I'm disconnecting the home phone tomorrow," I said. "Very few people call it anyway. So if she calls again, she'll have to call my cell. I'm not necessarily opposed to Jessica talking to her son. But it can't happen again – not until I get some answers. I won't have her upsetting him anymore."

Bella nodded thoughtfully. "What do you think Dr. Jane meant – when she said that Riley notices our bond and that he's happy about it."

I grinned. "I think it means my son is far more observant than we realize."

"We need to be more careful," Bella insisted.

"We _have_ been careful," I replied. "I think he just sees that I'm happy for the first time in his life."

"_Are_ you happy?" She whispered softly. She stroked her fingertips across my face, and I leaned into her touch.

"I'd be happier if you'd let me kiss you…."

She sighed miserably as she pressed her forehead to mine. "Edward, you know we can't…"

"Just one…" I murmured gently.

It was sad that I was so crazy about this girl that I was actually begging for kisses.

"I don't want just one," she whispered. "And that's why we can't."

I groaned softly as I lowered my head to her shoulder. I buried my face in her neck and hugged her tightly. I knew she was right. I _hated_ that she was right.

"Hey, I liked seeing Mama Bear come out," I grinned up at her. "Pretty sexy…"

Bella's eyes narrowed with the unfriendly reminder of my future ex-wife.

"That bitch better watch herself."

I chuckled.

"_Very_ sexy," I whispered as I enveloped her in my arms once again.

**This is my last update until mid week – possibly Friday. **

**Let me know how much you love Mama Bear!**


	11. Reasons Why

Disclaimer: SM owns it all. Chapter song comes from Nickel Creek's "Reasons Why."

* * *

**Chapter 11**

_**Reasons Why**_

* * *

EPOV

She was sitting at the bar. Her hair was different. Blonder. Longer. She was sipping what I assumed was a Cosmo because that's all she'd ever ordered.

She looked the same. She looked different.

It was a very fine line.

My stomach clenched in trepidation. Marcus had cautioned me against meeting her in private – as she'd requested. Actually, he'd warned me not to speak with her at all without our lawyers present. But I needed to keep this civil. I didn't want to put her on the defensive or give her any reason to question why I was in a hurry to have this finalized. The last thing I wanted was a custody battle or any other contentions that could delay the termination of our sham of a marriage. This meeting had to go as seamless as possible. My son's future – not to mention my happiness – was relying on my ability to finesse. To compromise. To make concessions and offer whatever the hell she wanted in order to move this thing along and create an agreement with which we were both happy.

So, like a good attorney, I had compromised. We'd agreed to meet at the bar inside the Marriott. It wasn't secluded, but it was deserted enough at this hour to give her the impression that she'd gotten her way. Perception is everything, especially when you're negotiating your divorce.

"You're late," Jessica's voice was low and accusing as I made my way to the bar. She continued nursing her drink as I sat down next to her. Somehow, I resisted the urge to smirk at her tone.

"I know how much you hate that," I pretended to apologize. I wasn't sorry at all. While the lawyer in me wanted to keep her content, the man in me just couldn't resist toying with her perfectionist tendencies. It was time she understood that I was no longer under her control.

I felt her eyes on me as I ordered a drink from the bartender.

"It's a little early for a scotch isn't it?"

I couldn't help but grin. It was the exact reaction I'd anticipated.

"Perhaps," I replied. I thanked the bartender as he placed the drink on the napkin. She watched as I swallowed the liquid in the glass.

Her eyebrows rose. "Rough day?"

"Not at all," I smiled broadly. I had the morbid satisfaction of watching her face flush with emotion.

She'd always loved my smile.

"You're different," Jessica whispered.

"Yes," I agreed.

"I expected to see your shadow with you," she commented dryly.

"My shadow?"

"Marcus," she mumbled. "He was quite insistent that we meet. I didn't think he'd allow you to meet me, especially alone."

"Marcus doesn't control me," I stated firmly. "No one controls me these days."

Her eyes flickered before she laughed darkly.

"Oh, Edward. I beg to differ…."

She reached into her bag and pulled out a folded newspaper. Jessica tossed it onto the bar, and my eyes scanned the page.

It was page F6 of the _Seattle Times_.

And the puzzle pieces connected. _This_ is why – after four months – my mother's child had decided to come out of hiding. It wasn't because she was missing her son. It was because she suddenly had competition.

"Who is she?"

"Well…" I replied patiently, "…it says that her name is Bella Swan."

"Don't play with me, Edward."

I smirked. "Jessica, I'm not sure I appreciate your tone. Do you honestly believe I owe you an explanation? It seems you relinquished that right when you packed your bags four months ago."

She gasped and downed her Cosmo. The efficient bartender immediately brought another.

"I have a right to know who is spending time with my son," she offered weakly. I noticed her fingers trembling as they wrapped around the glass.

"Again," I murmured gently. "You relinquished that right when you…."

"I GET IT!" She screamed. The bartender cocked his head in our direction and the few patrons turned their attention toward us.

"Don't shout, Jessica. You're making a scene." My voice was patient and soft.

I knew my tone would infuriate her.

I looked her way, and – as predicted – her expression was furious. She looked so enraged that I almost chuckled. But I decided laughing probably wouldn't keep this a civil conversation. I could tell by the flush of her cheeks and the sparks in her eyes that she was near her boiling point.

"You've never talked to me this way," Jessica whispered sadly.

She was right. I had always given her everything she ever wanted. Told her anything she ever wanted to hear. All in a blind attempt to keep her temper at bay and to keep our marriage in tact.

Those days were over.

"No," I admitted thoughtfully. "And maybe I should have. It may have saved our son a lot of heartache."

Her finger trailed around the edge of the glass as she focused on the liquid.

"How is he?"

I sighed softly. "He was doing very well until you called."

"I was trying to call _you_," Jessica admitted sheepishly. "I expected Carmen to answer. If I'd known that Riley…." Her voice trailed off, and I was surprised at the emotion in her voice.

"You should have called my cell," I replied. "He's had a very rough four months. We were just beginning to make some progress…"

"We?" And Jessica's jealous side returned. "As in you and _Bella_?" The way her voice wrapped around Bella's name grated on my nerves, and I felt the slipping of my careful resolve.

"Do not say her name like that," I warned softly. "Bella has been more of a mother in the past two months than you've been your entire life."

Her head whipped in my direction. "Don't tell me that bitch is playing mommy to my kid?"

"Somebody needed to," I reminded her sharply through my gritted teeth. "Or have you forgotten that you have a five year old son? Leaving me is one thing, Jessica. Trust me. I was thrilled to see you go. But to desert your son? How could you do that?"

She gasped loudly, her fingers shaking as they caressed the glass.

"And then – four months later – you call my house? And you call, not because you miss your child, because you saw my picture in the paper holding another woman in my arms? And then you dare speak about her as if you know her at all."

"How well do _you_ know her, Edward?" Jessica accused. "You know, messing around with some little girl and letting her play house with my kid isn't going to please the judge."

I had expected this.

"I disagree. I think the judge will be most interested in the fact that Bella is a kind, sweet, wonderful woman who was hired as Riley's nanny after his mother left him and didn't bother calling for four months."

"It's adultery, Edward."

It wasn't. Not yet. But I wasn't going to tell her that. It was none of her business.

"And I'm sure you have been celibate since the day you walked out of our house and right into Jacob Black's arms."

Her face flashed with anger as she realized her mistake.

"That's what I thought." I cleared my throat and attempted to reign in my temper. "Honestly, Jessica, I don't give a shit who you're sleeping with. I hope you're happy with Jacob. I really do. Because our marriage is over. So why don't we discuss some things so that we can both get on with our lives?"

"Tell me about her?" Jessica's voice was pleading. Of course, she wanted to talk about Bella.

"No," I replied firmly. "Not until we discuss our son."

I studied her face, trying desperately to find a trace of the girl I thought I'd loved in high school. Had Jessica always been such a cold-hearted person? How had I been blind for so many years? Why had I chosen to marry this girl? Why had I ever put myself into a position to have children with her? Hadn't I loved her once upon a time?

I looked into her eyes, and I felt nothing. There were still gold flecks in her brown eyes, but they were cold and emotionless. I thought of Bella's warm, chocolate eyes, and how it was so easy to get lost in their gaze.

How could two pairs of brown eyes look so different?

I was ashamed that I couldn't find anything remotely attractive about the woman to whom I'd devoted almost a decade of my life. But perhaps that was because I wasn't a teenager anymore, and I now realized that there were more important things in life than a girl with a pretty face. You don't promise your heart and your life to a girl whose only redeeming quality is that she's pretty on the outside. I've learned the hard way that there has to be _more_….she has to have patience and a kind heart. And those two qualities could make even the most unattractive person seem lovely in your eyes.

I thought of Bella, and how wonderful she'd been throughout this entire ordeal. This was a woman who was beautiful and intelligent and had offered to help me raise my child. She was driving me absolutely crazy with her "no kissing" policy, but that rule only solidified her goodness. I ached to touch her, and she made me feel things I'd never felt in my entire life. But more importantly, she was nurturing and affectionate with Riley – more so than his own mother had ever been. _That_ was the kind of girl to whom you promised your heart. _That _was the kind of girl to whom you devoted your life.

Edward Cullen was finally grown up.

"He's better off without me," Jessica said quietly. "We both know I'm a terrible mother."

Instead of agreeing with her, I told her everything about the past four months. The tantrums. The screaming. The nannies. The neglect. The tears. The nightmares. The sleepless nights. She listened with tears in her eyes, and I could see that my description of the last few months bothered her immensely. I moved on to brighter subjects and the facets of our life that had made all the difference. Chicken nuggets. Flowers. Dr. Jane.

And Bella.

I told her everything, and at the end, I offered her a cocktail napkin to dry her eyes.

"Your face lights up when you say her name," Jessica whispered softly. "Did you ever feel that way about me?"

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. Despite the agony she'd put my son through, I didn't want to use my relationship with Bella to cause her any despair. This was my son's mother. She was important to him.

"I thought I did," I admitted. "But I think we both know that our marriage was a mistake. You were too controlling. I was too passive. And the conflicting extremes destroyed us. But we have to ensure that it doesn't continue to destroy our son."

Jessica grew thoughtful. "Despite what you may think – I do love my son."

"I believe that," I replied. And I did. Because I couldn't imagine any mother not loving her child. "I believe you loved him the only way you knew how. With rules and control. And rules are okay. But you have to nurture, too….And I'm not without my faults, Jess. I should have taken more of an interest in raising our son. I should have done my part, and I didn't. I apologize for that. But I am trying to do better now."

She seemed interested in this. "What are you doing differently?"

"I'm home on the weekends," I explained. "I'm always home for dinner. I don't step foot into my study unless Riley's asleep. We play. We color. We eat ice cream. We go to McDonalds on Saturdays. We read to each other. You should hear him read, Jess. He's so smart."

She nodded. "Is he still studying French?"

I grinned. "No. Sorry about that. I know that was important to you."

"It was silly," Jessica mumbled. "He's just five."

"Not silly," I appeased her. "They say that's the best time to learn a new language. When you're young. But we needed to work on some other things."

She nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry I derailed his progress. I just didn't have the heart to hang up on him when I heard his voice. I didn't stop to consider the effect my phone call might have on him."

"I'm fine with you calling him," I explained patiently. "But we need to be prepared. Work out a schedule or something. He's very confused right now, Jess."

"I understand," she whispered. Her eyes flickered again to the newspaper. "She really is lovely, Edward."

"Yes, she is."

Jessica smirked at me. "But she isn't _just_ the nanny."

"No," I admitted freely. "Honestly, she hasn't been _just_ the nanny since the day she walked through the door. She's been a godsend."

Jessica searched my face.

"You care for her. Tell me about her?"

My forehead creased. 'Care for her' didn't really quite cover it. But again, this was none of her business.

"For now, I would really like to keep our conversation focused on Riley."

Her face was etched with anger. "You're very protective of her."

"Yes."

"I see," she whispered soberly. "Well, I think I need to call my lawyer."

"And why is that?" I asked, puzzled at her swift change in mood.

She cleared her throat, all stoic and business-like once again. "Because I have issues with that woman – as _wonderful_ as she may be – playing mother to my child."

"Jessica, don't do this," I growled – all patience gone – because it was obvious the direction in which she was headed.

"I will be filing for joint custody," she explained calmly as she grabbed the newspaper and her designer handbag. "Riley is _my _child. Your sweet, angelic Bella will just have to be content with the fact that she will always be _just_ the nanny."

I closed my eyes in defeat, and before I could formulate a response, Jessica was walking out of the bar.

* * *

"And you _aren't_ sleeping this girl?" Marcus repeated for the hundredth time.

"I've told you no," I growled as I typed furiously on my laptop. We'd spent the last hour in my study, dissecting this case from every possible angle.

"Dude, no judge is going to believe that," Marcus chuckled. "Hell, I'm your attorney, and I'm having trouble believing it."

"Then maybe I need to find a new attorney."

His face paled as he realized I was serious.

"Alright, calm down. May I ask _why_ you aren't sleeping with her?"

I glowered in his direction. "Because I'm a married man."

"And this bothers you?"

"No, but it bothers her."

His expression brightened. "Oh."

Apparently, Bella's sense of ethics and morality surprised him.

"Well, the judge will _love_ that," he grinned, making a note in his file folder. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"I don't want her involved in this," I mumbled fiercely as I hit the reply button on my final email.

Marcus laughed as he continued scribbling. "Edward, you're an attorney. Surely you understand that there is no way in hell that we're going to be able to keep her out of this. Your wife will make sure that Bella is the focus in this divorce. You're going to be accused of adultery. You might as well prepare yourself – not to mention Bella. Your picture was in the paper. She lives in your house. Anyone with halfway decent vision can see that you are crazy about each other. _No one_ is going to believe that you aren't sleeping with this girl."

I was livid.

"Marcus, do I need to remind you that Jessica packed her bags, left me and my son behind, and jumped straight into Jacob Black's bed?"

"So the two adulteries will cancel each other out? Sin for a sin? Is that what you're hoping for?"

"But I'm not committing adultery!"

"And that's a damn shame. She's a gorgeous woman," Marcus muttered as he threw his files into his briefcase and snapped it shut. "But, since you aren't, we should have no problem disproving their claims, but some changes will have to be made immediately. We can't give Jessica's attorney any ammunition."

My eyebrows rose. "Meaning?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

His eyes bore into mine. Yes, it was obvious. But I'll be damned if it was happening.

"No, Marcus."

"Edward." His voice was coaxing.

"Bella is _not _moving out," I growled angrily. "I won't touch her, but she is not moving out. She is too important to Riley."

Marcus's face was incredulous. "You can't be serious. Do you know how hard it's going to be to prove that you _aren't_ sleeping with this girl? Work with me here, Edward."

My vision clouded with rage. "So I _do_ need to hire that new lawyer? Since you're obviously not up to the challenge?"

Marcus shook his head sadly. "Edward, your wife is jealous. Right now, she's only threatening _joint _custody. What if she convinces her lawyer to fight for more?"

"But SHE left US!"

"I know," Marcus murmured gently. "But now she has competition."

"There is no competition," I grumbled.

"Maybe not to _you_," Marcus smirked. "But in Jessica's eyes, you have a new girlfriend. And her son has a new mother. The claws are going to come out, Cullen. Mark my words. Call me later."

As he walked out of the study, I heard him whisper something. Within moments, Bella was standing in the doorway. Her face was ashen, but her expression was one of quiet determination.

She'd heard every word.

"No," I whispered urgently. Because I knew she'd heard us, and I knew she was considering it.

"Edward, he's right."

"No, he isn't," I grumbled as I powered down my laptop. "You and I aren't doing anything wrong. We'll figure this out."

"But it will be so easy for everyone to assume we are," she murmured gently. "I'm not a lawyer, but how does one prove that two people _aren't_ having sex when they're living in the same house?"

I had no answer for that. All I knew was that I couldn't let her walk out of my son's life.

Or out of mine.

I tried to ignore the panic that rose in my chest at the mere thought of that ever happening. I'd watched Jessica walk out my door, and it was sad how much that hadn't bothered me.

Bella, on the other hand…

"You're not leaving."

Bella smiled sadly before turning and walking out of the study.


	12. Taking Chances

**I love you all so much that I'm giving you another chapter. Plus, I'm snowed in. Again. **

**Several reviewers questioned Edward's intelligence. Shouldn't he have known better than to meet Jessica all by himself? Probably. But remember, he had no idea she'd seen the picture in the paper. He had no reason to believe that she was going to be a jealous bitch. He expected cold, heartless Jessica. He didn't expect to have to defend his relationship with Bella. His plan was to have a civil conversation with his wife and to find out why she'd suddenly decided to call. He got more than he bargained for.**

**Disclaimers: SM owns it. Chapter song is Celine Dion's "Taking Chances."**

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Chapter 12

Taking Chances

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BPOV

I slammed my bedroom door, shaking the pictures that lined the wall. I winced slightly, but then I remembered that Riley was gone to a movie with Carmen. Collapsing against the bed, I pulled the pillow close to my chest and sobbed.

No one could be this evil. Could they? What kind of mother uses her son as a bargaining chip in a divorce? A divorce _she_ initiated?

A woman scorned…my subconscious whispered to me… a woman who sees the new nanny as competition.

But competition for what? Her son's heart? Or her husband's?

Marcus's words to Edward rang in my ears.

"_In Jessica's eyes, you have a new girlfriend. And her son has a new mother. The claws are going to come out, Cullen. Mark my words."_

No one could be that selfish. Could they?

And I wasn't Edward's girlfriend. I didn't know _what_ I was exactly. It was all so new. We were wildly attracted to each other and having a hard time keeping our hands to ourselves, but I thought we'd done pretty well. The dance at the charity gala had been our only public outing without Riley.

My cheeks flamed as I remembered that dance. And the kisses that followed. That night on the piano. And later, the heated kisses in his study…

All in all, I thought we'd shown amazing restraint. But Riley had noticed our connection, which proved just how observant he was. And Marcus obviously had concerns…

We'd been so careful, and it was all for nothing. Jessica could make her claims, and it would be up to us to disprove them. Would it matter to the judge that Jessica committed adultery and abandoned her son? In my mind, that knowledge should be enough to grant Edward full custody of their son. But I wasn't the lawyer, and the lawyer was concerned that my living here would provide just enough ammunition to plant the seed of doubt in the judge's mind. The last thing I wanted to do was cause Edward to have to share custody with a woman who obviously had no desire to be a mother.

Just the thought of Riley having to spend _any_ unsupervised time with his neglectful mother brought a fresh wave of tears, and I clutched the pillow tighter.

It was so unfair.

I sighed when I heard a faint knock at my door. I knew that he was going to try to convince me that everything was fine.

He didn't want me to leave.

I didn't want to leave.

But we don't always get what we want.

"Come in," I whispered softly.

Edward opened the door; his face was creased with worry as he made his way over to my bed.

"Don't," I whispered pathetically against the pillow. "I won't be able to handle it if you try to hold me."

He ignored me and climbed right into my bed. He nestled me close, and I was powerless to fight him. With a sigh, I buried my nose against his chest as his arms wrapped protectively around me.

"Shh….everything is going to be okay," he whispered softly.

"I knew you'd say that," I muttered.

I felt him chuckle.

"Because it's true."

I let him hold me. Occasionally, he'd kiss my hair, and I'd just snuggle deeper, letting his scent ground me and his touch soothe me.

Finally, I took a deep breath.

"I'm going to cost you your son."

Edward sighed as he kissed my forehead. "First of all, Marcus worries too much. We aren't doing anything wrong, Bella."

I sniffled and turned my face toward his, resting my head in the crook of his arm. We stared intently into each other's faces as he trailed his fingers along my wet cheeks.

"Did you know that you have the biggest, brownest eyes I've ever seen?" He whispered softly. "They're so beautiful."

"You're changing the subject."

He smiled. "Just making an honest observation." His smile faded as he gazed at me. "Bella, we aren't doing anything wrong. They can't prove a thing."

"But we _want_ to," I murmured shyly.

"_Wanting_ and _doing_ are two very different things," Edward reminded me with a soft smile. "We've been very good at keeping our distance. It's going to be okay, Bella."

I shook my head. "But look at us – right at this moment…." My eyes looked down at our bodies. Without even realizing what we were doing, we'd shifted closer. One of his hands remained cupped around my cheek while the other was resting on my waist. My own hand was lying against his chest.

"We're like magnets, Edward…."

He didn't deny it, but his eyes darkened. My stomach clenched with longing as I felt his hand slide through my hair.

"Do you know how infuriating it is to be accused of doing something that you aren't doing?" He asked softly. "Especially when you _want _to do it…. so very badly?"

I gasped as his hand trailed along the curve of my neck. I sighed softly…my eyes closing in contentment…

"Your skin is so soft," He whispered roughly. "I want to kiss every last inch of it. Someday, I will."

He nuzzled his nose with mine, and I whimpered softly as he pulled me closer. I could just imagine how we looked with our legs tangled and our hands roaming. Common sense nagged at me…warning me…

_Don't do this, Bella…_

"Edward, we can't," I offered pitifully. I didn't sound convincing at all.

"Why not?" He whispered urgently. My hand had a mind of its own as it slid along the planes of his stomach. He groaned softly as he placed soft kisses along my cheek. "If nobody believes us anyway…"

I moaned as his hand made its way beneath my shirt, softly grazing the skin along my stomach. He buried his face in my neck, tenderly kissing the spot right below my ear. I trembled in response, and he moaned softly, obviously aroused by the fact that I was so affected by him that I was literally shaking.

Before I could even register what was happening, I was pinned beneath him. He stared down at me with his blazing emerald eyes…his penetrating gaze causing my insides to turn to Jell-O. We both moaned as he pressed against me. My hips arched to meet his, and he growled in my ear.

"Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you," he whispered breathlessly in my ear.

I couldn't tell him how much I wanted him to kiss me. Because then he _would_, and I'd be lost.

And Jessica would be right.

_So unfair._

"You can't," I replied firmly, and I gently shoved him away.

Surprise flashed across his face, and he leaned back against the mattress. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I closed my eyes in frustration. I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest. I rested my head against them and gazed at his tortured expression.

"I'm sorry, too. But this is exactly why I should move out. It's obvious that we can't keep our distance…"

"We can," Edward replied confidently. "We will. I just need to keep my hands to myself and my focus on my son." His face paled; his voice resonated low. "Bella, if you were to leave him…."

"I know," I whispered. I couldn't bear for him to finish that thought.

On cue, a high-pitched voice resonated down the hallway, shouting both of our names. We grinned at each other as Edward took my hand.

"He loves you so much," Edward whispered. "Please Bella…we'll figure this out. But please don't leave him. I know I have no right to ask, but I can't even imagine how devastated he would be. Please….." His voice was pained, and I had to resist the urge to climb into his lap and wrap my arms around him.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Riley was grinning from ear to ear. If he was surprised to find Daddy and Bella in the same bed, he sure didn't show it.

Carmen, on the other hand, looked positively mortified.

"I'm _so_ sorry," she whispered from the doorway, her eyes wide with panic.

Edward just chuckled.

"We were just talking," I explained quietly as Riley climbed into my lap. "It hasn't been a good day."

Carmen's eyes rose in curiosity as her gaze settled on Edward.

"Meeting didn't go well, I take it?"

"We have some....potential complications…" Edward offered as an explanation, and Carmen's face flashed with annoyance. I focused my attention on the little boy in my arms who was smiling brightly at me, totally oblivious to the tension in the room.

With his sweet green eyes and his tender heart…how would I ever be able to say goodbye?

Carmen growled. "Why am I not surprised? That selfish, egotistical, miserable excuse for a…."

I cleared my throat loudly. "Riley, why don't we take your bath and you can tell me all about the movie?"

"Okay!" He jumped down to the floor and raced down the hallway.

"He's very happy today," Edward noted with a sigh. Carmen and I nodded in agreement. I offered each of them a tired smile before making my way to Riley's room.

* * *

"Close your eyes," I grinned at him as I grabbed the handheld shower head. This was Riley's favorite part of bath time…having the shampoo washed out of his hair under the spray. He giggled and squeezed his eyes shut as the water and soap trailed down his face. I used a towel to wipe away the shampoo from his eyes. His laughter echoed off the bathroom walls, and I couldn't help but grin. His happiness was so contagious. I wish I could bottle it up and sell it. I'd never have to work another day in my life.

"Bella, are you sad?"

His perfect observation surprised me. I thought I'd been hiding my feelings so well.

"A little bit, yeah."

He grew thoughtful as he sloshed the water back and forth. He accidentally splashed me, but I didn't care. It was rare that I ever escaped bath time without soaked clothes.

"Sad because of me?" His voice was just a whisper.

Startled, I softly touched his wet cheek. His eyes were wide.

"Of course not, baby. You make me very happy."

"I do?"

I smiled softly. "You do. Always."

He sighed and leaned his chin against the edge of the tub, looking up at me with his father's beautiful green eyes. He was such a beautiful little boy. I thought about Jessica and how effortlessly she'd just walked right out of his life, as if she hadn't given birth to to the sweetest little boy on the planet. I was plotting her death just as Riley's little voice resonated in my ears.

"I love you, Bella. Did you know that?"

I gasped softly as tears welled in my eyes. His little face was so sweet and bright as he smiled up at me, as if telling me he loved me was just as natural as saying hello.

My heart leapt in my chest, and I realized that there was no way I could leave him. Had I honestly believed I could do that? I could _never_ do that, and that realization floored me. I loved him as if he were my very own child. He'd been so shattered when I first arrived. Angry. Hurt. Depressed. And little by little, with lots of hugs and kisses and love, that devilish little boy had disappeared, replacing him with this innocent child that was so starved for affection and eager for love that it nearly took my breath away.

I loved this little boy so much that I was willing to fight for him. I'd stand by Edward's side and we'd fight Jessica and her team of lawyers if it meant that Riley would sleep peacefully every night and wake up each morning with that beautiful smile on his face.

Suddenly, Mama Bear had resurfaced…and she was _pissed_.

That bitch didn't deserve this adorable child. She'd deserted him! Discarded him without a second thought until another woman came into the picture. And her _husband_! Edward was the sweetest and kindest man I'd ever met in my entire life. How _dare _she abandon them and then threaten to wreak havoc on their lives once again just because they'd _dared_ to move on with their lives?

Sensing my fury, Riley leaned closer, placing his wet hand on my cheek. The innocent gesture warmed my heart and momentarily suppressed my rage.

I leaned close and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, too, Riley," I whispered sincerely.

And his answering smile was all I needed to solidify my decision.

More determined than ever, I helped Riley get dressed for bed. Carmen offered to read to him, and I kissed him goodnight before I made my way to the study. The door was wide open. Edward's head snapped up as soon as I walked through the door…his troubled eyes cautiously searching my face.

"Bella?"

Without a word, I shut the door behind me and made my way over to his desk. He stopped typing on his laptop and leaned back in his chair as I walked around the desk. Swiftly, I climbed into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. His face flashed with surprise, but his hands reached lovingly around my waist. He gazed at me….concern etched across his face…and I lost myself in his emerald eyes.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked softly.

I placed my hands on each side of his face, watching him….wondering how I could put into words everything I wanted to say. I wanted Riley. I wanted to fight.

I gazed down into Edward's handsome face.

I wanted _this_. I wanted _him_.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I said the only thing I could think of that would perfectly illustrate my point.

"Kiss me," I whispered urgently.

He gasped but didn't wait for me to change my mind. His eyes darkened to jade, and he wrapped his hand around the nape of my neck, pulling me flush against his body.

We moaned in unison as his mouth crushed hungrily against mine.

* * *

**My readers are so creative when it comes to Jessica's demise. Car accident. Stabbing. Driven/pushed off a cliff. Matters not how it happens; you just want her gone. Maybe I've made her too evil? Surely there's something good about her…right?**

**I love you all!**

**As always, let me hear it. **


	13. Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance

**AN: Legal stuff in this chapter. Forgive me if this isn't entirely legally accurate. I know one lawyer – mine – and I can't very well ask him about divorce proceedings. He'd worry, you know? lol**

**Disclaimers: SM owns Twilight. Chapter title comes from "Second Chance" by Shinedown.**

* * *

Chapter 13

_Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance_

EPOV

"Kiss me," she whispered urgently.

She didn't have to ask me twice.

I groaned as I pulled her against my body, kissing her desperately…hungrily. I poured every ounce of need into this one kiss. The weeks of pent-up emotion that I'd tried to ignore completely consumed me, and I couldn't get close enough to her. Couldn't hold her tight enough. Couldn't kiss her hard enough. She moaned softly and parted her lips. Our tongues met, and we both sighed in relief, this deeply intimate kiss soothing our angst and allowing us to lose ourselves in each other's touch for the first time in weeks.

Finally breaking away, I pressed my forehead against hers and stared into the most beautiful brown eyes I'd ever seen. They were hypnotic…mesmerizing. We were both panting, and I held her tightly as we struggled to catch our breath and slow our racing hearts.

"So, I've made some decisions," Bella whispered softly.

"Well, I'm loving them so far," I murmured with a smile as I nuzzled her nose with my own. She giggled softly and buried her blushing face against my shoulder.

"Stop," she mumbled against my shirt. "Be serious, please."

"I'm sorry, baby. I'll be serious."

She placed both hands along my face and stared intently into my eyes. "Well, for starters, I'm not moving out – unless you tell me to."

I grinned. "Well, that's _not_ happening, so I guess you aren't moving out."

She smiled happily. Relieved. "Guess not."

I trailed my fingertips across her the ivory skin of her face. "I'm so glad, Bella. I'm ecstatic that you aren't leaving, and I know that's selfish of me. But most of all, I'm glad for Riley's sake. I don't know how he would have handled it."

She bowed her head, her voice low. "He told me he loved me. Just now, in the bath."

This didn't surprise me. It was obvious he adored her. I _was_ surprised that he was so comfortable expressing it verbally. I had never heard Jessica say those words to him or vice versa. She'd barely said them to me. And in turn, I'd stopped saying them. I grimaced as I wondered if I told him enough.

"What's wrong?" Bella whispered, caressing my face. She could read my moods so easily.

"I was just wondering. Do I tell him enough that I love him?"

Bella nodded. "You say it all the time."

"Do I?"

"Yes. It's one of the first things I noticed about you. It's how I knew that you were such a wonderful father. He knows, Edward."

Shame flooded me. I _wasn't _a wonderful father. A wonderful father wouldn't have allowed his son's mother to do so much damage to his child. A wonderful father would have held his ground when it came to the idiotic rules and nonexistent punishments. I should have protected him. I should have loved him.

"Hey," Bella murmured, tilting my face to look into hers. "Stop that."

"I didn't say anything," I mumbled.

"You didn't have to. I can read your face. Stop blaming yourself. Jessica, for whatever reason, is unable to be a real mother to this little boy. Some women just don't have that mothering instinct."

"You do," I replied as I watched her intently. "And you aren't even a mother."

She simply shrugged. "I've always been good with kids. That's why I wanted to be a teacher. I never had any brothers or sisters, so I started babysitting the neighborhood kids when I was around twelve years old. I'd tutor. I'd volunteer at the youth clubs in town. It was all I ever wanted."

"You'll get your classroom someday," I promised her.

"It doesn't matter right now," Bella admitted happily. "I'm happy here."

She laid her head against my shoulder, and I kissed her forehead. We sat there for a while, simply holding onto each other, allowing ourselves the pleasure of just being _close_.

"She can't have him," Bella whispered suddenly. "I won't let her."

I smiled against her hair. Mama Bear was _so_ sexy.

"_We_ won't let her," I assured her, and she sighed contently. "So tell me more about these decisions you've made."

She sat up again, wrapping her arms around my neck. I almost laughed at the determined look on her face.

"I'm not moving out."

"I was never going to let you," I admitted with a grin. "Go on."

She pointed between the two of us. "This whole distance thing…never touching, never kissing….that shit stops right now. I can't do it anymore."

"Thank God," I chuckled. I couldn't keep the grin off my face. "I can't do it anymore, either. I _never_ wanted to…"

"I know," Bella smiled. My eyes watched her mouth as she softly bit her bottom lip. For some reason, that drove me crazy. And she did that…_a lot._

"I love that you want me," she whispered with a sigh. I ran my hands along her back, pressing her closer to me.

"So much." I slid my nose against the side of her cheek. She whimpered softly and tightened her arms around my neck.

"However…."

I groaned against her ear. Why did there have to be a _however_?

"I am not sleeping with you until you're divorced. No matter how much I want to." She lowered her head, briefly touching my mouth with hers.

"And I want to, Edward. So much."

"Bella," I whispered just as her lips gently caressed mine. It was a short, sweet kiss that affected me just as much as the hungry kisses from earlier. This beautiful girl was going to be the death of me.

"I bet I could convince you," I murmured low, trailing my lips along the side of her neck. She trembled in my arms, and I smiled against her skin.

"You could, very, very easily. But this is important to me. I want to do this right. Please don't try."

Her voice was heartbreakingly sad. I gazed into her soft eyes, wondering why she looked so troubled.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I brought my hand to her face and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. And then grim realization dawned on me. "Bella, I promise I'd _never_ force you."

She shook her head. "No, no. I know you wouldn't. Just….please…let's wait? Can we do that? I just can't do it. I can't share you, Edward."

I didn't understand. Share me? Did she honestly believe she was sharing me with Jessica?

Her voice dropped to a whisper as she bowed her head. "I can't do that again."

_Again?_

Her eyes were wide…fearful….and it floored me. Originally, I thought her desire for distance was simply based on pure moral goodness, and I admired that. It had nearly driven me insane – because all I wanted to do was kiss her – but I'd been content to honor her wishes. But was there more to it?

_If some bastard has ever hurt her…._

I shook my head, refusing to conjure that image in my head.

"Bella, look at me."

Very slowly, she lifted her face toward mine. I cupped her cheek with my hand.

"If it's important to you that we wait until my divorce is final, then we will wait. Whatever you want. _Anything_ you want."

She smiled softly. "Really? You're okay with that?"

I pressed my forehead against hers. I had to make her understand.

"Of course, baby. I won't lie. I want you very much…more than I've ever wanted any woman. I'm so attracted to you, Bella…so drawn to you on some deep, elemental level that I don't even understand. And it's not just because you're the most beautiful girl I've even seen. You're so good. You're sweet. You're fun. You love my child as if he was your own. My family loves you. Carmen adores you."

Her cheek flushed pink, and I couldn't resist leaning in and kissing her softly.

"And as for me?" I concluded with a whisper against her ear. "I am absolutely crazy about you."

She sighed softly and nuzzled my neck.

"But we can still kiss…."

I was suddenly terrified, visions of some heartless bastard from her past taking advantage of her. Was that why she wanted to wait? Jealousy and anger coursed through me.

"Are you sure?"

"_Very _sure about the kisses," Bella murmured softly. "But no sex."

"Sex will wait," I promised her.

She smiled softly as her lips ghosted against mine once again.

Surprisingly, it was an easy promise to make. For whatever reason, it was obviously important to her. Besides, the last thing I needed was to give Jessica's lawyer any tangible proof that I was committing adultery.

Waiting was smart.

Waiting was torture.

But I'd do it for her.

Jessica and I had ceased sleeping together long ago, which had been fine with me because I had zero desire to touch her. But now that there was someone in my life that I actually wanted…

Cold showers were going to become my new best friend.

* * *

Two weeks had passed since my meeting with Jessica. Because Marcus was determined to keep his job, he had fast-tracked the legal proceedings, and we went straight into mediation. Our initial talks had broken down when she made it clear that she would be filing for joint custody once the divorce was underway. In the meantime, she wanted to take my child home with her, where he would live throughout the trial.

Like _that _shit was going to happen.

Needless to say, mediation fell through very quickly.

So here we sat, awaiting a judge's decision regarding my son's living arrangements during the impending divorce proceedings.

I looked across the table and took a long look at my future ex-wife. Her make-up was flawless. Her hair was pinned in a sophisticated twist. Her dress was designer and professional - by far the most conservative outfit I'd ever seen on her body. She'd appeared sympathetic. Apologetic. She had even cried a little.

Her lawyer had coached her well.

I couldn't help but notice she was alone, only solidifying my belief that Jacob Black had no interest in my son whatsoever. I was alone, as well, but only because I'd begged Bella to stay home with Riley since there was no school today. She wasn't happy about it, but I agreed with Marcus that it was probably detrimental at this point to have the mother and the nanny in the same enclosed space considering the nanny wanted to scratch the mother's eyes out of her sockets.

Jacob Black wasn't here because he simply didn't care.

Bella wasn't here because she cared so much.

Big difference. Important difference.

I hoped the judge agreed.

There was no way in hell Jessica was getting my child for any unsupervised length of time. She'd done enough damage, and I was determined to fight her every step of the way. I understood I couldn't deny her some contact with him, but I was firm in my conditions.

Supervised visits only.

She could see him every day if she wished. As I'd pointed out to the judge, it'd be more than she's seen him in the past four months. But those visits would be supervised by me. Or Carmen. Or Bella. Marcus had questioned my sanity when I included Bella on that list, but I had stood firm. She was Riley's nanny. Jessica, of course, had requested full custody in her home. I had produced a letter from Dr. Jane explaining in great detail why that should never happen, at least at this point in Riley's life. Riley's teacher had written a letter detailing his progress at school since Bella had arrived. The judge had listened to each of us, and he assured me that all factors would be taken into consideration.

I was growing impatient just as the judge's chamber door finally opened. He shuffled to his seat, and I shifted uncomfortably in my chair once we'd been seated once again.

"I am deeply apologetic that this situation couldn't be resolved during mediation," the judge stated sadly. "That doesn't bode well for the divorce proceedings, but before we even get to that point, we have a dire situation that must be addressed."

He looked to Jessica's table. Then to mine.

"I have one parent who has shown a complete lack of regard for her child's welfare over the past four months and is now requesting full custody. A mother who chose to leave her husband and child behind and proceeded to ignore that child for four months. I agree with Mr. Cullen's attorney that it seems suspicious that this renewed desire to play the role of mother coincides with the fact that Mr. Cullen has hired a nanny for his son – a nanny who has obviously been an invaluable asset during Riley's adjustment to life without a mother in the home."

Marcus hummed happily in his seat.

"Whether Mr. Cullen has a romantic interest in Miss Swan – as Mrs. Cullen's attorney claims – is of no relevance to me at this juncture in the proceedings. My focus is on this child who has been neglected by his mother. The child's psychologist feels that the nanny has been nothing but nurturing and loving, and with the combined efforts of the father, the nanny, and Ms. Carmen Alvarez, it is obvious to me that taking Riley out of his regular routine would be detrimental to his progress. Therefore, Mrs. Cullen, your request for full custody is denied."

I exhaled a long sigh of relief. Marcus patted me on the shoulder.

"Mr. Cullen has graciously suggested supervised visits, but I must admit, I am struggling with granting them. Mrs. Cullen, your brief phone call caused undue stress on the child, so I am hesitant to allow any contact until you have your priorities straight. However, you _are_ here today, which gives me hope that perhaps your son is important to you. You have tearfully asked me to offer you a second chance to demonstrate that you can be a good mother, so I am going to give you that opportunity. Therefore, I am permitting supervised visits with your son. Those visits will begin this week. After looking at Riley's counseling schedule, I believe Wednesdays seem to be the best option."

The judge turned toward me. "Is 5:00 to 6:00 PM on Wednesdays agreeable with you, Mr. Cullen?"

I cleared my throat. "Yes, your honor."

"Good," He nodded. "Visits must be in Mr. Cullen's home or at a previously agreed upon location. Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan, or Ms. Alvarez will be present during those visits."

"But…." Jessica's exasperated voice sailed through the air. I could hear her attorney begging her to shut up.

"Mrs. Cullen, don't push your luck. You want to see your child. Is this correct?"

Jessica bowed her head. "Yes, your honor."

"Then prove it. Each Wednesday from 5:00-6:00. We will try this for one month. Next month – if all seems to be going well – we will try Mondays and Wednesdays, still for one hour each. We will re-examine in two months." He flipped through a calendar. "If my math is correct, that gives you twelve opportunities to show me that you want to be a mother to your child. That's twelve more visits than you've made in the last four months. This is your shot. I hope for your son's sake that you do not blow it."

"Thank you, your honor," her lawyer replied for her. Jessica sat stone-faced.

"Mr. Cullen, if at any time this schedule needs to be re-evaluated – for whatever reason – do not hesitate to inform your attorney. He, in turn, will let me know. And I'll take it from there."

"Yes, sir."

The judge's eyes remained on me. "Might I also suggest that Mrs. Cullen and Miss Swan become acquainted with each other _before _a scheduled visit, and _without _the child present?"

He was smirking at me, and it was easy to read his mind. I was sure he was imagining the catfight that was sure to commence.

"Of course, your honor. We'll make those introductions as soon as possible."

"Very good," the judge nodded. "I will see all of you two months from today at 9:00 AM. Good luck."

I thanked Marcus and snapped my briefcase shut just as Jessica's attorney made his way to the table.

"Mrs. Cullen would like a word."

"I'm staying this time," Marcus announced. "Don't argue with me, Edward."

I didn't.

We made our way over to the table. She was still seated, and her face was ashen.

"Jacob said they always side with the mother," she whined wistfully. Her attorney rolled his eyes to the ceiling, and I had to suppress a laugh.

"What do you want, Jessica? I'm in a hurry to get home."

Her head snapped in my direction, her eyes flashing with anger. "In a hurry to get home to _her_?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"Get control of your client, Crowley," Marcus sneered.

Jessica's attorney flinched and whispered something in her ear. Tyler Crowley was actually a decent Seattle attorney. It was a shame he was having to represent such a selfish bitch. Jessica grimaced and turned her attention back to me.

"Fine. Let's set up a time for me to meet this slut. Get it out of the way."

I inhaled a deep breath, desperately trying to control my rage. I turned to my attorney.

"Marcus, perhaps we should notify the judge that this visitation agreement isn't going to work out after all."

"Fine!" She flipped open her phone and started pushing buttons. "I'm free tomorrow at noon."

"I will need to check with Bella and make sure she's free."

Her head snapped up in frustration.

"You don't call the shots anymore, Jessica. I will ask Bella if tomorrow at noon is good for her. I will call you tonight to let you know."

And with that, I turned on my heel and walked out of the courtroom.


	14. The Tiger Shall Protect Her Young

**AN: I had a lawyer, a paralegal, and many moms/daughters tell me that the last chapter was realistic. (And a literary editor who made my day). Thank you! Also, thanks to all of you who shared your personal stories about being raised/neglected by a Jessica, and to you Mama Bears who protected your own child from a Jessica. You are all awesome.**

**It's time for Bella and Jessica to come face to face. My Bella is strong. You've been warned. lol**

**Disclaimers: SM owns it all. Chapter title is from "Elephants" by Rachael Yamagata.**

* * *

Chapter 14

_The Tiger Shall Protect Her Young_

BPOV

It was an uncharacteristically sunny day in Seattle, and we decided to take advantage of it. There was still a chill in the air – late autumn in Washington might as well be winter – but we were determined to have a fun day because God only knew when we'd have another one.

Tomorrow, I would meet Jessica Cullen.

And if I didn't kill her, Riley would come face-to-face with her on Wednesday.

Both Marcus and Edward had emphasized over and over that the judge's ruling couldn't have been sweeter for us. Was it wrong of me to disagree? Why should this child be forced to spend time with a woman who had no interest in his well-being? He was just beginning to make progress. This was going to do nothing but confuse him.

"There's nothing I can do, Bella. She is still his mother." Edward had reminded me.

"Really?" I'd bellowed. "Does she _know_ this? Where the hell has she been for the past four months?"

I was just a wee bit irrational. I admit it. But I was so pissed that this woman was being given the chance to mess with my child.

_Yes…my child._

Irrational, remember?

I understood, on a fundamental level, that Jessica had the legal right to see her child. And of course, Riley missed his mom and would benefit if she found some way to get her head out of her selfish ass and actually _be_ a mother. Nothing would make me happier because that would be so good for him.

But I didn't trust her. And I just couldn't shake the feeling that this whole visitation thing was going to spell nothing but trouble for my sweet little boy buckled in the backseat.

Edward had decided that we should tell Riley that his mother was coming to visit. He'd have a therapy session with Dr. Jane on Tuesday in preparation for Wednesday's meeting. And if the bitch kept her word, we'd see her Wednesday at five. The only thing that made the whole thing a little easier was that the visits had to be supervised, and this first visit would be supervised by all three of us, along with Marcus, in Edward's living room. I could tell that Carmen was nervous about facing Mommy Dearest once again. I couldn't believe my strong, beautiful friend could be brought to her knees by the mere mention of Jessica's name. She had reverted back to thinking the house had to look just-so…she'd been more anxious…quiet….

It made me hate Jessica even more.

"We're here!" Riley's voice sang from the backseat, effectively breaking me out of my despair. Edward squeezed my hand and flashed me a smile. Riley had his seat belt unbuckled before Edward could get the car parked. His grin was stretched across his beautiful face, and I couldn't help but smile in return.

We were going to have a good day.

The Woodland Park Zoo was massive. It encompassed ninety-two acres and was divided into bioclimatic zones. It had a little bit of everything – animals from tropical rain forests, others from deserts, and some that were native to the Pacific Northwest. Charlie and Renee had brought me to this zoo every summer until I turned sixteen. That was the year I suddenly became _too cool_ for the zoo.

We piled out of the car and Riley grabbed my hand. I kneeled down to zip his hoodie as Edward made his way to our side of the car. Riley grabbed Edward with his free hand and excitedly led us to the gate. Edward purchased our tickets, and Riley literally skipped through the zoo entrance.

"Where to first?" Edward asked me. Amazingly, he'd never been to the zoo and had no idea what it had to offer.

"It's changed a lot since I was last here," I replied as I flipped through the guide we'd been given at the gate. "There's a new exhibit called the Humboldt Penguin Exhibit."

"Is it cold enough for the penguins?" Riley asked, squinting up at me through the sun's rays. I reached down into my backpack and grabbed a tiny pair of sunglasses. He giggled as I placed them on his face.

"I don't know," I grinned as I tweaked his nose. "Let's go see."

The Humboldt Penguins, we learned, didn't require a cold habitat since they were actually from Peru. We watched as the penguins dipped in the underwater exhibit, and Riley actually squealed when one penguin got up close to the glass. Next stop was the Zoomazium which is a nature-themed play space where kids can climb mountains, scale trees, and see various animals. Riley clutched Edward's hand as he struggled to balance his little legs on the tree branches, but halfway up the trunk, he'd taken a good look below and noticed how high he was standing. Without a word, he'd quickly leapt from the branch into Edward's waiting arms.

"No more trees," Riley announced with a shaky voice as he wrapped his arms around Edward's neck.

That was the end of the Zoomazium.

Keeping our feet on the ground, we made our way to the Elephant Forest exhibit. I rattled off elephant facts from the guidebook as Riley watched them play in the bathing pond. Riley and I laughed as the two elephants sprayed water on each other with their trunks.

"That's a beautiful sound," Edward whispered in my ear. I leaned close to him as he kissed my temple.

"It's a beautiful day," I replied happily as Riley grabbed each of us by the hand and led us toward the tigers. We sat down at the picnic table just outside of the exhibit and watched as a mother tiger and her cub came to the edge of the grass and settled on the ground. I leaned back against Edward's chest and he wrapped his arms around me, kissing me softly on the cheek. Riley climbed on top of the picnic table to get a better view. We watched in fascination as the baby tiger jumped onto the mother's back before scampering to the ground and nestling itself between her paws. The mother then licked her cub, washing away the traces of dirt from its fur.

"Why is she licking her baby?" Riley asked softly, his eyes wide as he watched the scene before him.

"She's giving him a bath," Edward replied.

"Ohhhhh."

He stared at the tigers for a few more minutes, his eyes watching intently as the mother cared for her young.

"She's a good mommy," Riley finally whispered softly. My eyes flickered back to Edward who was closely watching his son.

"How do you know that?" I asked quietly.

"Because she stays with him," he answered simply. "She doesn't leave."

My eyes welled with tears as I pulled Riley down into my lap. The little boy nestled his head against my chest, and I hugged him close. From behind, Edward wrapped his arms around both of us. After a few minutes, Riley turned in my lap so that his back was pressed against my chest. The three of us sat – wrapped in each other's embrace – as we watched the tigers take a nap.

Edward's voice interrupted the solace.

"Riley, can we talk?"

Riley turned in my lap and looked into each of our faces. His eyes were wide and expectant, and I didn't know what the hell to say. Thankfully, Edward had practiced his speech several times throughout the past few days.

"Your mom wants to come see you," Edward explained softly. I watched as Riley's face didn't change expression.

"Why?"

Damn good question. I bit my tongue.

"She says she misses you," Edward replied patiently. It wasn't a complete lie. That's what she told the judge.

"She hung up on me," Riley whispered firmly.

"She's sorry about that," Edward murmured sadly. The fact that he was apologizing for her made my skin crawl.

"Why did she leave?"

Edward sighed. "I think you should ask her that when she comes to the house. She'll be here in a few days. Is that okay?"

Riley cocked his head to the side. He took his sunglasses off and looked straight at me.

"Will you be there?" He asked me softly. I swallowed nervously and nodded yes.

"And Daddy?"

"Yes," Edward promised. "And Carmen and Marcus."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Okay."

Riley leaned forward, leaning his head against my chest again. I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled him close.

"Love you," he whispered softly against my chest.

"Love you, buddy."

Edward leaned his chin against my shoulder and sighed softly as we continued to watch the tiger nuzzling her baby as it slept. The mother never closed her eyes; she merely rested, staying alert to her surroundings and keeping her big eyes open at all times as she protected her cub.

I pressed my lips against my own cub's hair and kissed the top of his head. His soft snore filled the air, and Edward's quiet sigh tickled my ear.

"What?" I whispered softly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping boy in my arms.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

Edward sighed and kissed the side of my neck. His arms tightened around us.

"Thinking how much I love watching you with my son. Thinking how different our lives would have been if only….."

His emotional voice trailed off with a sad sigh. Tears prickled in my eyes as I hugged Riley closer to my chest.

_If only…_

The words hung in the air as Edward held me tighter. He rested his chin on my shoulder and gazed down at his napping boy.

"Where have you been all of my life?" Edward murmured against my ear before placing a soft kiss below my earlobe. The sweet sentiment flowed through me, warming me and filling me with joy as I struggled to keep the honest answer to that question from bubbling to the surface.

_I've been to hell and back._

But I couldn't tell him that. Not yet. Right now, we had bigger problems to tackle.

The one weighing heaviest on my mind was this one:

How in the hell was I expected to come face-to-face with Jessica Cullen and _not_ slap the holy shit out of her?

* * *

"Don't be nervous," Edward repeated as he sat down next to me on the couch. He tried to hand me a glass of wine, but I shook my head in refusal. If I was expected to be nice to this woman, the _last_ thing I needed was alcohol.

"I'm not nervous," I replied softly. "And I'm not drinking."

I really wasn't anxious. I was determined, for Riley's sake, to have a civil conversation with this woman. No matter how much I wanted to strangle her.

"Trust me," he encouraged with a grim smile. "You're getting ready to meet my wife. You're going to need a drink. I was practically an alcoholic by the time she left."

"I can handle it," I reassured him. "And I still think you should make yourself scarce during this little introduction."

"Absolutely not," Edward groaned. "Do you seriously think I'd leave you alone with her?"

I rolled my eyes. We'd been arguing about this for hours, and it was interesting to find that we were both fiercely stubborn and didn't mind fighting with each other. It was also a little endearing to find that we could argue one moment and be kissing the next.

His protectiveness was irking me, though.

"You don't think I can take care of myself?"

Edward grinned tiredly as he leaned back against the couch. "Of course you can. I just refuse to let you fight this battle alone." He sighed and leaned closer, placing a soft kiss against my temple. "It's you and me, baby."

"And me!" Marcus chuckled as he made his way from the study. Embarrassed, I leaned away from Edward, but he only laughed and pulled me closer. Marcus watched us with interest as he sat across from the couch. He opened his laptop and began typing furiously. I narrowed my eyes in confusion.

"Don't worry. He isn't taking notes on us," Edward grinned. "He doesn't care if we're affectionate. I pay him a hell of a lot of money to not care what I do."

"And my fees are going up," Marcus smirked, but then he offered me a soft smile. "Actually, I don't care if the two of you have sex on the couch. I'd love to see Jessica's head explode."

I laughed nervously and reached for that glass of wine. I had just taken a sip when the doorbell rang.

Marcus placed his laptop on the end table and leapt from his chair. Something about his excited expression made me think that he was just salivating, hopeful that he'd be witnessing a catfight.

_Boys._

"So, are we ready?" Marcus asked.

Edward turned toward me. "Ready, baby?"

"I'm ready," I nodded.

Like a kid at Christmas, Marcus raced toward the foyer.

I took a deep breath and steadied my nerves, willing myself to keep my composure. Edward took my hand and gave it a squeeze as we rose from the couch.

_God grant me the serenity to not pounce on this woman when she walks into the room._

I was just like that tiger, desperate to protect her cub. The difference was that I was having to protect this baby from his _own _mother.

Marcus's eyes were twinkling as he walked back into the room. Jessica was dressed immaculately in a suit with not a hair out of place. Her lawyer was by her side. She didn't dare look at me. She was noticing the toys strewn haphazardly around the living room. I was sure she had to resist the urge to scream Carmen's name and bark orders to pick them up. My eyes narrowed.

_I dare you, bitch._

"Jessica. Tyler." Edward nodded at each of them. "This is Bella Swan."

Jessica's face finally settled on me. Our eyes met, and the first word that popped in my mind was…._cold_. With a smirk, she appraised me from head to toe. No, I wasn't wearing a suit. I was in a blouse, jeans, and sneakers. I wasn't trying to impress anybody.

"Hello," I said with conviction. I was proud of myself. You couldn't tell by the sound of my voice that I was despising every second of seeing this woman standing in this living room. She didn't return my greeting. She simply smirked _again _and walked toward a chair, making herself at home.

I took a long, deep breath. Edward pulled me by the hand and led us to the couch. The two attorneys were huddled, whispering in the corner, probably placing bets on which woman was coming out of this alive. Marcus winked at me as he made his way over to the desk.

Well, at least I had his vote.

I watched as he opened his laptop and began taking notes. Jessica's lawyer followed suit, sitting in the corner of the living room.

"Jessica," Edward murmured softly as if he was speaking to a small child. "Don't you think you should say hello?"

She said nothing. She simply stared at our joined hands.

Her eyes flashed toward mine. "Well, you two are quite cozy."

"Jess…" Edward's voice was threatening. "Don't do this."

"You're _my_ husband," Jessica reminded him.

I stiffened….those three little words piercing my heart…memories flooding me.

"Please," Edward smirked, oblivious to my anxiety. "Need I remind _you_ that you are the one who left me?"

"I don't flaunt my relationship in front of you," Jessica's voice was slightly pained.

"I wouldn't care if you did," Edward shrugged. "But this meeting isn't about our marriage. Our marriage is over. This meeting is to introduce you to someone who has become very important to Riley. Don't let your jealousy ruin it. You want this arrangement to work, don't you? Don't you _want_ to see your son?"

Jessica's eyes bore into mine as she ignored his question. I held her gaze, refusing to allow this bitch to intimidate me.

"Hello, Bella. Let's get some things straight. Right now." Her voice was grating, and I was thankful that Edward was holding my hand. It was the only thing keeping me from slapping the shit out of her.

I nodded. "Let's do that."

Jessica smirked at me. "Riley is _my_ child. Edward is _my_ husband. _You_ are a nanny who wants to sleep with my husband and steal my child. Let me assure you that _neither_ of those things will ever happen. Do I make myself clear?"

"Holy shit," Marcus whispered softly as he typed furiously.

_That's right, Marcus. Take good notes. _

Jessica's poor lawyer was rolling his eyes and mumbling something about stupid ass clients who can't keep their mouths shut.

"Damn it, Jessica," Edward began, but I squeezed his hand.

"Don't." I whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. "I can take care of myself."

She laughed lightly. "Riley is mine. And as soon as this divorce is final, he will be living with me. Full-time. And there's not a damn thing either of you can do about it."

As she finished her speech, her eyes settled on my face once again.

"I don't care if you are sleeping with my husband. Riley will _never _call you mommy. Never."

That did it.

I cleared my throat and stared into her eyes. "Gentlemen, would you please give us a few moments alone?"

"Absolutely not," Edward mumbled.

Marcus was shaking his head no, and Jessica's lawyer was looking as if he was hunting for the nearest exit.

"Please. She and I need to have a talk, and we don't need referees."

"Bella," Marcus murmured softly as he made his way to my side. "I really have to advise you not to do this. I can't take notes if I'm not in the room."

"And we may need the notes for the judge," Edward whispered. "Besides, I am _not_ leaving you alone with her."

But I was standing firm. This bitch and I needed to get a few things straight, and I didn't want an audience.

"Edward, I am not asking for permission," I stated softly but firmly. "Please take the men to your study."

He blinked a few times. His face was conflicted. But he finally sighed heavily and asked the men to follow him to his study. The lawyers made their way toward the hallway, and I could hear Marcus arguing with him all the way down the hall.

"Impressive," Jessica glared in my direction with a smirk. "I'm surprised he didn't ask 'how high' when you told him to jump."

I ignored her smart-ass comment and stood up slowly, making my way over to her chair. Her eyes followed me, growing a little wider as I crossed the room toward her.

"I thought you and I could have a private chat," I murmured gently. "Just us girls."

She laughed shakily. "I don't do girl-talk, especially with sluts who are sleeping with my husband and trying to steal my kid."

I stopped in front of her chair, placing each of my hands on the arms. I leaned close, hovering over her. She slinked back against the chair. I was gratified to see her eyes flicker nervously around the room.

"First of all," I whispered darkly. "Not that it's any of your business, but I am not sleeping withyour husband, and I don't appreciate being accused of something that I'm not doing. So shut the hell up."

Jessica's eyes widened, and she raised her hand as if she was going to hit me. It was time to make this bitch realize that I was not intimidated by her.

"Go ahead," I murmured softly. "Hit me. But just be prepared because I promise I _will _hit you back."

She gasped softly, and I watched in my peripheral vision as she slowly lowered her hand. Her forehead creased as her eyes darted everywhere except to my face.

Satisfied that I'd made my point, I leaned away and walked slowly around the room. I made my way to the piano and sat down on the bench.

"You can hate me," I stated. "That truly doesn't bother me, because trust me, the feeling is mutual. What bothers me is the complete disregard you have shown to your son."

"My son is none of your damn business."

I laughed softly.

"_Your_ _son_….how dare you…." I pushed one of the piano keys a little too hard. "You left him. You couldn't even be bothered to call him for four months, and the only reason you finally did was because you saw our picture in the paper. _Your son_….who suffered through nightmares and violent tantrums because you decided you didn't want to play mommy anymore. _Your son_…who has to visit a therapist twice a week just to work through the absolute bullshit you have put him through with your heartbreaking neglect and your idiotic rules."

I pushed two more keys on the piano.

"_Your son_, who climbs into bed with me every night and snuggles into my arms because he is _that _desperate for a mother's touch."

I stood from the piano and walked toward her once again. Her face was ashen as I hovered over her chair.

"Let me give you some advice, Jessica. And listen carefully, because I will only say this one time." I settled my eyes on hers and willed her to understand. "_Your son_ is the most beautiful and adorable child in the world. He needs love and affection. He does not need rigid rules. He does not need a neglectful mother. And since that is the only kind of mother you know how to be, he needs _me_."

Her eyes flashed with defiance, but apparently the look on my face was enough to convince her to keep her mouth shut.

"The judge and Edward have given you a chance to be a better mother. For Riley's sake, I sincerely hope you don't screw it up."

Her eyes darted around the room.

"Because if you _do_ – if you miss one scheduled visit, or make that little boy cry, or do anything at all to upset him – you won't have to worry about that judge. Or Edward. Or even Carmen….

I leaned closer as she cowered back against the chair.

"You will have to worry about _me._"

* * *

**The Woodland Park Zoo is really in Seattle, and their website was full of info. I wanted to include some of its exhibits in this chapter to make it as authentic as possible. A little boy wanted to go to the zoo, so I had to check it out. *smile***


	15. What Desire Will Make Foolish People Do

**Chapter 15**

_**Strange What Desire Will Make Foolish People Do**_

* * *

EPOV

In your mind, can you visualize one of those old living room scenes from the 1930s or 40s where families would huddle around a radio and listen to their favorite show? Can you see the smiles on their faces? Hear the laughter in the air as they enjoyed the only form of entertainment that connected them to the outside world?

Now, fast forward to 2010 and imagine three grown, professional men – huddled around a baby monitor – and listening intently as they eavesdropped on the heated conversation in the adjoining room.

"All of today's technological advances, and we are reduced to using a twenty dollar baby monitor," Marcus chuckled. "You're a genius, Edward."

I nodded as I adjusted the volume on the baby monitor. "You're merely protecting your clients."

"Of course," Tyler happily agreed with a grin. "If things get too heated, we'll certainly intervene."

"Shut up and turn it up! What are they saying?" Marcus was grinning like a kid in a candy store.

"_I don't do girl-talk, especially with sluts who are sleeping my husband and trying to steal my kid."_

Anger gripped me, and I quickly leapt to my feet. Marcus and Tyler each grabbed one of my arms, shoving me back to the couch.

"Sit your ass back down," Marcus gritted his teeth. "Do you seriously think she needs or _wants_ your help?"

Bella's venomous voice flowed through the monitor's speaker.

"_First of all - not that it's any of your business - but I am not sleeping with your husband, and I don't appreciate being accused of something that I'm not doing. So shut the hell up."_

Marcus smirked at me.

"_Go ahead. Hit me. But just be prepared because I promise I will hit you back."_

"I didn't hear that," Tyler whispered. Marcus nodded his agreement. I clenched my fists in fury. Had Jessica tried to hit her?

"_You can hate me. That truly doesn't bother me, because trust me, the feeling is mutual. What bothers me is the complete disregard you have shown to your son."_

"_My son is none of your damn business."_

Her son? The son she'd neglected. Abandoned without a backward glance. _Now_ she was trying to stake some claim to him?

And then we heard the banging of keys on the piano.

"_Your son….how dare you….You left him. You couldn't even be bothered to call him for four months, and the only reason you finally did was because you saw our picture in the paper. Your son….who suffered through nightmares and violent tantrums because you decided you didn't want to play mommy anymore. Your son…who has to visit a therapist twice a week just to work through the absolute bullshit you have put him through with your heartbreaking neglect and your idiotic rules…Your son, who climbs into bed with me every night and snuggles into my arms because he is that desperate for a mother's touch."_

Tyler's head turned toward me. "Black told me that she had been calling every week, and you refused to let her speak with her son."

"He's a liar," I growled. "She's called once in four months, and it wasn't to speak to her child. It was to speak with me because she knew that I was moving on with my life. Riley answered the phone. That's the _only_ reason she spoke with him then."

Tyler's face went pale.

"SHUT UP!" Marcus groaned as he attempted to turn up the volume.

"_Let me give you some advice, Jessica. And listen carefully, because I will only say this one time. Your son is the most beautiful and adorable child in the world. He needs love and affection. He does not need rigid rules. He does not need a neglectful mother. And since that is the only kind of mother you know how to be, he needs me…the judge and Edward have given you a chance to be a better mother. For Riley's sake, I sincerely hope you don't screw it up…because if you do – if you miss one scheduled visit, or make that little boy cry, or do anything at all to upset him – you won't have to worry about that judge. Or Edward. Or even Carmen…you will have to worry about me."_

"Hell yeah!" Marcus literally fist-pumped the air. "Edward, have I told you how much I really, really like Bella?"

A sense of pride coursed through me. This beautiful, intelligent, strong, and protective woman was in my life. The connection between us was so staggering that it scared the hell out of me. I'd known her for such a short period of time, but my feelings for her were unlike anything I'd ever experienced. She was incredible, and there she was – in that living room – defending my child. She was ready to fight this battle with me for the sake of my son.

"I can't represent this woman," Tyler was groaning as he leaned his head back against the couch.

This news saddened me just a bit. Tyler Crowley was a decent, honest lawyer. Jacob Black was anything but. If Tyler refused to represent Jessica, then Black would have to find someone who would be willing to counsel a woman who had no conscience when it came to the welfare of her child.

"It's gone quiet," Marcus sighed. "Think someone's dead?"

All three of us leapt off the couch and rushed toward the living room. Bella was sitting on the sofa with her head buried in her hands. Jessica was nowhere to be seen.

"Sweetheart?" I rushed over to her and pulled her close to my side. She snuggled her head against the crook of my shoulder.

"She left," Bella whispered softly. "I was a complete bitch and she bolted."

"You were not a complete bitch," I assured her. Her eyes flickered to mine, and I grinned sheepishly as I produced the baby monitor. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and glanced at both lawyers, both of which were huddled next to the door.

"Did I totally blow this case for you?"

"On the contrary," I smiled softly. "Tyler is refusing to represent her now that he's been made aware of the facts."

"But that just means she'll have to find another lawyer," Bella reasoned quietly. "Won't that delay things?"

"It could," I admitted as I brushed my lips against her hair. "But we'll deal with that when it happens."

"We're out of here," Marcus said as he zipped up his laptop. He walked by the couch and smiled down at Bella. "You're brilliant, by the way."

She blushed.

"It was nice to meet you, Miss Swan." Tyler grabbed his briefcase. "Edward, I'm sorry about all of this. Good luck."

"Thanks," I smiled gratefully. Marcus promised to call me later, and we watched as both men made their way through the foyer and out the door.

"I came on too strong," Bella shook her head sadly. "She's just so infuriating, and it took every ounce of my self-control not to smack the shit out of her. I _wanted _to, so badly."

"It's okay," I murmured softly. Gently, I tilted her face toward mine. "Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?"

Her face was incredulous. "Proud?"

"Proud."

Her eyes were wide, and I leaned in to kiss her softly. I pulled back and softly traced my fingertips along her cheek.

"Bella, I've never heard anyone defend my son that way. You are the strongest woman I've ever met in my entire life. You are wonderful and brilliant and beautiful, and I'm so thankful you're in our lives. You stood up to my wife – something that I've only recently learned how to do – and you did it because you love my son. You have no idea how much that means to me."

"I was too harsh," Bella whispered softly. "She _is_ his mother…."

"Well, hopefully, she'll start acting like it." I kissed her forehead, trying desperately to calm her fears. "Jessica is used to getting her way. She bullies everyone. She always has. The fact that you stood up to her….." I laughed loudly. "….I would have _loved _to have seen the expression on her face."

"She looked a little nauseous, to be honest."

I chuckled. "I would imagine so."

She punched me playfully on the shoulder. "And you boys! I should have known you'd be listening."

"I grabbed the second monitor as we walked down the hallway." I turned toward the baby monitor sitting in its perfect position on the end table. "Luckily, this one was still on. I just couldn't leave you unprotected. And I would have missed my Mama Bear being all sexy, and you know how much I love that."

Bella giggled adorably. "Sexy, huh?"

"Very sexy," I murmured softly as I nuzzled her nose. Bella sighed and snuggled into my arms. We held onto each other for a while, just enjoying the quiet of the house. She was finally relaxing in my arms, and before I knew it, her soft snores filled the air.

Smiling, I carried Bella to her room and placed her against the soft blanket of her bed. She turned to her side, and I watched as she nestled her hand under her cheek. She was so beautiful when she slept. Unable to resist, I climbed into bed next to her. Carefully, I pulled her against my chest, and she wrapped her arm around my waist as she snuggled against me. I stared down at her in wonder. She was so angelic. Peaceful. Perfect. I couldn't believe what a difference she'd made in my life in such a short period of time. My family loved her. Riley loved her.

I loved her.

* * *

BPOV

"_So good," He whispered to me. _

"_I love you," I murmured softly as I buried my head against his shoulder. _

_He grunted – his usual response – as we moved frantically. _

"_Pregnancy sex is amazing," he groaned as he collapsed against the bed. _

_I laughed as I hovered over him. _

_Watching him. _

_Loving him._

_And then the door crashed open._

* * *

"Bella, sweetheart, wake up."

I wiped the tears from my face as I struggled in his arms. I didn't want him to touch me. He belonged to _her_. He wasn't mine. He would _never_ be mine.

"NO!" I screamed, pushing him away from me. "Don't touch me. You don't want me. You never wanted me…."

"Bella….."

His voice – the wrong voice – was pained. This voice was velvet. Smooth. Frantic. I hurriedly wiped the tears out of my eyes and tried to focus on his face.

It wasn't _him_.

"Edward," I whispered with relief, and I collapsed in the sweet embrace of his arms.

"Shh….it was just a dream, baby. Just a dream."

He held me close like a child, snuggling me and whispering my name…telling me I was safe. Telling me I was adored. I allowed his sweet voice to comfort me, and I buried my face against his chest as the tears that always accompanied this recurring dream spilled forth. Edward's hands slid against my back, soothing and caressing, and I tried to take comfort in his touch.

This situation with Edward was…._different_. I had tried to remind myself of this fact time and time again. This marriage was over. I had visual proof that the union was dissolving right before my eyes. Lawyers were involved. Progress was being made. There was no love there. No commitment. No secrets. Everything was out in the open. He didn't want her.

_Did he?_

"Talk to me," he whispered, breaking me out of my racing, chaotic thoughts. "Let me take care of you, Bella."

I sniffled as I raised my face to stare into his. He was so handsome. So wonderful. His forehead was creased with concern, and I took my fingertip and attempted to smooth out the worry lines.

See? He does care about me. Edward would never hurt me…not the way _he_ had hurt me….

_Would he?_

Filled with self-doubt and scared out of my mind, I nestled against his chest once again. Edward sighed softly and kissed the top of my head. His hands slid up and down my spine…soothing…comforting. Each caress was so soft and loving, willing me to open up to him…to trust him with my fears….

And with my heart.

_Could I?_

Panic caused my heart to clench. My body trembled, and his arms tightened around me. His gentle touch and his soft voice reminded me of another set of arms…holding me…soothing me….promising me….and suddenly, I was overwhelmed with horrifying memories.

Of another time.

Another place.

Another woman's husband.

And _my_ child.

* * *

**Thanks to zoe harris and livvi84 for the legal advice. **

**Did I mention my readers are awesome? Hugs and kisses to you all.**

**As always, I love to hear what you think.**


	16. My Ghosts Are Gaining On Me

**Disclaimers: SM owns it. Chapter title comes from Evanescence. The song is "All That I'm Living For."**

* * *

Chapter 16

_My Ghosts Are Gaining On Me_

BPOV

_***Five Years Ago***_

_He was ruggedly handsome. Dark hair and dark complexion. With the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen. Everything about him was dark. Especially, the look in his eyes as he gazed at me from the podium. I shifted in my seat, both uncomfortable and excited, as I struggled to concentrate on his lecture. I was failing miserably._

"_Ethics in education are particularly important," he continued. "As professionals who work with children, you must know your rights and protect yourself."_

_I'm sure this topic was important; I just couldn't concentrate on anything except the way his mouth caressed every word. He was obviously intelligent. He had been invited by our professor to discuss school law and ethics. He was newly graduated from Harvard Law and joining a prestigious firm in Tacoma. I missed the rest of the bio as I was too consumed by the deep brown pools of his eyes and the way the soft curls of his hair gathered around his neck._

_At the conclusion of his lecture, I was gathering my books when I felt someone's gaze on me. I turned to find myself staring into a pair of delicious, brown eyes._

"_Miss….."_

"_Sw….Swan," I stammered, throwing my backpack onto my shoulder. "Bella."_

"_Bella." And the way his tongue wrapped around my name made me weak in the knees. "Would you please do me the honor of having coffee with me?"_

_We walked to a campus coffee shop. He ordered a latte and a blueberry muffin; I ordered hot chocolate and a bagel. We talked for hours in that little coffee shop. He was smart and funny and devastatingly handsome. He played with a strand of my hair and hung on to my every word. I was just a college freshman, and I had never met someone who seemed so interested in me. _

_We exchanged numbers, and he walked me home. _

_He called me the very next day. _

_The next two months went by in a blinding, romantic blur. We went to the movies and rarely watched what was on the screen. He took me out to the most expensive restaurant and fed me dessert. But he was always a complete gentleman, much to my disappointment. I was innocent, but I knew what I wanted. _

_It was him._

_When we finally made love for the first time, he was gentle and kind – just as I'd expected my first time to be. He was careful and sweet and told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too, and he held me in his arms as we drifted off to sleep in the king-sized bed in our hotel suite._

_Thus began our long-distance love affair. He worked in Tacoma through the week while I attended classes in Seattle. On the weekends, he'd pick me up at my dorm and take me to our favorite hotel where we'd make love throughout the weekend. When we could tear ourselves out of bed, we'd shop…or eat…or take long walks in the park. I'd tearfully say goodbye to him on Sunday and go about my week, struggling to concentrate on my classes when my every thought was focused on him. He called occasionally throughout the week, but it was rare. He was a rookie lawyer, and he had a lot to prove. _

_I understood._

_He promised the grueling hours wouldn't last forever. Six months went by, and his hours at the law firm only increased as he climbed the ladder of success. But he still made time for me on the weekends, and our relationship blossomed. He was everything I had ever wanted in a man._

_Over Christmas break, I missed my period. And I told him I was pregnant on New Year's Day._

_For the rest of the semester, I avoided my parents and hid my pregnancy from my friends by wearing oversized t-shirts and jeans. By May, finals were over, and I was missing my man. So I climbed into my truck and drove the thirty minutes to Tacoma._

_Naturally, he was surprised to see me. But that surprise was overshadowed by lust, and he quickly carried me to his bedroom. I ignored the pictures on the walls and on the nightstand. All I wanted was him._

"_This pregnancy sex is amazing," he groaned afterwards, collapsing against the bed. I laughed as I hovered over him. My fingers trailed through his dark chest hair, and he moaned softly. _

"_What the hell is this?" She screamed. I jumped off him and pulled the blanket tight around my naked body. He shot out of bed, his eyes wild and dancing._

_Then my eyes flickered to the wedding picture on the nightstand._

_Their voices were jumbled in my head. Her screams. His pleas. My tears._

"_Get your clothes on and get the hell out of my house," he growled in my face. "I never wanted you here." _

_He looked back at the woman – his wife. _

_"I swear, Leah. That baby isn't even mine."_

_Stunned, I slowly climbed out of the bed. I grabbed my clothes and rushed down the stairs. I could hear their screams above my head. In a stupor, I dressed and walked out the door. I climbed into my truck and wiped the tears out of my eyes as I tried to focus on the road ahead of me._

_I was almost back to campus when the first explosion of pain gripped my stomach._

* * *

Wiping away my tears, I closed the journal and placed it back into its protective case. I slipped it back into its hiding place in the closet before I climbed onto the bed. I had been reading it a lot the past couple of days, which probably explained the dreams. They were coming more frequently these days – the most upsetting one coming just yesterday. Although he had been curious, Edward hadn't asked any questions after my tearful nightmare. I was thankful, because I just wasn't ready to give him answers.

I pulled the blanket over my head and let the memories consume me. This always happened after a particularly bad dream or whenever I spent too much time regretting my past. I could feel that familiar panic fill my heart. It had been five years, but time had not healed this particular wound.

Humiliation filled me as I recalled the look on his wife's face when she found us – naked and joined. Despair flooded my senses as I remembered his hands pushing me away. Agony suffocated me as I recalled his pleading words, begging her not to leave him. That he never loved me. Never wanted me. And that day had been the first and only time he had cheated on her. Regret flowed through me as I remembered the expression on her face when she glanced at my growing stomach – visual proof that it hadn't been our first time at all.

I recalled with startling clarity the horrific pain that cramped my stomach. The sickening smell of the hospital. The doctor's face when he told me I had lost my baby. The pain. The tears. The screams.

My parents.

I rocked back and forth on the bed, letting the grief ebb and flow through my veins as I struggled to control my frantic trembling and rapid breathing. I needed to focus on the present.

I whispered my mantra in my head.

_God forgives me. My parents forgive me. Riley loves me. Edward cares for me. I can have another baby someday. Someone will love me someday. Someone who won't be ashamed of me. Someone who won't lie to me. Someone who won't make me feel worthless. I am a good person. I am safe. I made a mistake, and I am forgiven._

Slowly but surely, the mantra worked, and I felt myself sliding back into the present. My trembling lessened; my breathing slowed. My mind and body relaxed.

I tossed the blanket off my head and glanced at the clock. It was close to five o'clock. I spent the next few minutes lying on my back, breathing slowly in and out. Counting my breaths and feeling my body unclench from its earlier anxiety attack.

_I have to get it together. In fifteen minutes, Riley has his first visitation with his mother._

According to the doctor, yesterday's session with Dr. Jane went as well as could be expected considering he was coming face-to-face with Jessica. No tantrums, but he was being abnormally quiet. Dr. Jane assured us that this was just his way of keeping his emotions in check.

This afternoon, both Edward and I had picked him up after school. The drive home was a quiet one. We made small-talk, asking Riley about his day at school. He offered clipped answers, but at least he'd talked. I'd seen the anxiety etched on his face, and the expression perfectly matched the look on his father's features.

Both of my boys were nervous about today. I was sick, myself. _So _many things could go wrong today. What if she didn't arrive? What if she did? Would Riley feel comfortable? Would he talk to her? Would he ask her why she left? Would she answer? And how would we deal with him after she leaves again?

I wondered if Jessica had any idea how much control she had over the two most important men in my life. How her mere presence – or lack thereof – could possibly destroy all of the progress we'd made. I _wanted_ her to keep her promise to visit. On the other hand, I didn't. Either scenario could be destructive to Riley.

There were so many questions, and the possible answers were causing the entire house to be on edge. Carmen had hidden in the kitchen, explaining that she had lots of things to bake. Edward had watched some television with Riley before retreating to his study. I had helped Riley with some of his homework and read him a story before Carmen asked him to help frost the cake.

And then I retreated to my bedroom to have a panic attack fueled by guilt of the past and fear of the present.

I climbed off the bed and headed toward the bathroom. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I used a little make-up to try to disguise the fact that I'd just cried my eyes out. I pulled my hair into a ponytail before heading down the hallway. I found both Edward and Riley in the living room.

"What time is it?" Edward muttered in my direction as he glanced down at Riley. He was sitting at the desk, working on his homework. He was writing his numbers to one hundred on a worksheet with grid squares that held each number. He was very careful with his handwriting, and it was endearing to watch his tongue stick out as he painstakingly wrote each number in the box.

"Five till," I whispered softly.

Edward nodded and played with Riley's tousled hair. "Good job, buddy. Your handwriting is so neat."

Riley just nodded and continued writing his numbers. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and we all jumped. Edward and I exchanged nervous glances.

"She kept her word," Edward mused quietly.

Carmen appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. Riley kept writing his numbers, but I noticed the grip on his pencil was a little tighter. I rubbed his back soothingly.

"Are we ready?" Edward asked.

Everyone nodded.

"Riley, are you ready?"

"Can't I keep writing my numbers?"

"Riley," Edward whispered shakily. "Please don't be disrespectful to your mother. She's come to see you. She's trying, buddy. We should let her try."

Riley sighed and placed his pencil on the desk. Without another word, he climbed down from the seat and took my hand. He led me to the couch and motioned for me to sit down. Quickly, he scampered onto my lap and laid his head on my chest.

The doorbell rang again.

_Having to wait and seeing her son in my lap was sure to piss her off._

But I just held him close. If this was what he needed to make it through this hour, then this is what I would give him.

Edward nodded to Carmen, and she proceeded through the foyer. A moment later, Jessica walked into the living room. Of course, she was dressed impeccably from head to toe. I noticed she looked right through me until she noticed the little boy in my lap, holding on to me for dear life.

I watched her face soften.

I felt his tiny body tremble.

"Hi baby," Jessica whispered softly.

Riley said nothing. His arms wrapped around my neck in a death grip as he laid his head against my shoulder. I patted his back soothingly.

"I didn't expect to see _you_ today," I heard Edward mumble.

I looked toward the foyer, and there – carrying a briefcase – stood the man who had been haunting my dreams for the past four years.

His eyes searched the room until they locked with mine, and the smile that I used to love so much was stretched across his arrogant face.

* * *

_I stared out my bedroom window, struggling to adjust my eyes to the unusual brightness of the sun in the Forks sky. Or maybe it was just bright because I hadn't been out of bed in over a week._

_Mom squeezed my hand reassuringly as she motioned toward the soup._

"_You should try to eat, Bella."_

_I can't eat. I want to die._

"_This isn't your fault, sweetheart."_

_Of course it's my fault._

"_The doctor said the baby just couldn't take the stress."_

_My fault._

"_He's not coming back, Bella."_

_I know. He doesn't want me. He never wanted me._

_I thought it all, but I said nothing. I looked at my beautiful mother. She had sat right here for seven days. Holding me while I cried. Soothing me while I screamed. _

_My father left days ago. He couldn't handle it. I had noticed that he had left with his rifle, and I wondered idly if he – I couldn't say his name - was still alive._

"_Do you want to talk?" Mom asked softly._

_And I was surprised to find that I did. I was even more surprised to find that I could do it without bawling. Or shaking._

_I took a deep breath._

"_I fell in love with a married man," I whispered shamefully._

_She gasped softly, the only sound in the room. It pierced my heart._

"_Did you know…."_

"_No," I shook my head, and the motion made me dizzy. "I didn't know he was married."_

_She nodded gently. _

"_And this boy – Jacob – he was the father of the baby?"_

_I nodded. _

"_Oh, Bella…." Mom whispered softly. _

_The tears falling from her eyes filled me with shame._

* * *

**Good job to those of you who guessed!**

**Okay, so some clarification. I have been careful to not mention Jacob's name in Bella's presence. Edward knew Jessica's new bf's name, but didn't say it to or around Bella. Of course, Jacob knew that Bella was Edward's nanny because Jessica showed him the picture.**

**Massive love to letempspasse for my very first drunken review! I am so honored, and I am still laughing! **


	17. Set Me Free, Leave Me Be

**AN: Disclaimers: SM owns it all. Chapter song is from "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles.**

**Chapter 17**

_**Set Me Free, Leave Me Be**_

* * *

**BPOV**

This cannot be happening to me.

His brown eyes bore into mine. I stared right back. Disbelieving. Shell-shocked. I could hear my heartbeat resonating in my ears. Could everyone hear it?

His smile was the same. His face was the same. His effect on me…the way his eyes could send my heart into overdrive….that was the same, too. In the past, my racing heart was indicative of the overwhelming love and adoration I felt for this man.

Today, my heart beat just as fast, but for entirely different reasons. I hadn't laid eyes on him in over four years. Not since the night he arrived at my parents' house in Forks. I remember it was raining. I remember Jacob beating on the front door. I remember my father answering the door with his Forks Police Department issued rifle in hand. I remember Jacob running, and Charlie running after him.

Apparently, Jacob had outrun my father.

I wish I had a gun right now. He wouldn't outrun me.

Ignoring my murderous thoughts, I tore my eyes away from his penetrating gaze. Jessica's eyes were on her son. Edward's eyes were flickering between me and Jacob. My eyes fell to the little boy in my lap.

Riley's hand was on my cheek. "What's wrong, Bella?"

I gazed into his wide, fearful eyes – the same emerald eyes that then focused on my trembling hands. His features creased with concern as he soothingly patted my face. I pulled him closer and kissed his forehead; his sweet fragrance overwhelmed my senses and reminded me to focus on the beautiful little boy in my lap.

This day was about him. Not me. I would be strong for him.

"Nothing's wrong, baby." I smiled gently at him, and I felt him relax in my arms. "Why don't you go say hi to your mommy?"

"I brought you a present," Jessica whispered softly.

We all watched in amazement as she actually kneeled onto the floor. She pulled a brightly-wrapped package out of a gift bag and placed it on the floor. Riley's eyes flickered to the present and back to me.

"Go on," I encouraged.

I could feel Jacob's eyes on the back of my head. My skin tingled uncomfortably. I shuddered lightly and focused my attention on this little boy who needed me to keep my sanity.

Slowly, Riley climbed off my lap and sat on the floor, facing his mother. Edward sat down next to me and took my hand in his.

"What is it?" he whispered.

I just shook my head and focused my attention on Riley. He carefully opened the present, and I was gratified to see that it was a Leapster – something age-appropriate, educational, and fun. At least she was trying.

Behind me, I heard Jacob clear his throat.

"It's nice to see you again, Bella."

I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply.

"You two know each other?" Edward questioned.

I couldn't look at him. I kept my eyes on the little boy in the floor. I heard Jacob chuckle.

"Bella and I go way back. Don't we, Bella?"

Inhale. Exhale. In. Out.

My body was rigid, and Edward drifted his fingers soothingly against my knuckles. I finally chanced a peek at him. His face was etched with concern for me. With my eyes, I pleaded with him to understand that I just couldn't do this. Not here. Not now.

Edward nodded.

"Jacob, perhaps you should leave."

I trembled with relief. Edward had understood, and I hadn't said a word.

Jacob laughed darkly. "Jessica deserves representation, Cullen. You know this."

"I'm not sure the judge would agree that her representation should come from her live-in boyfriend. Perhaps I should call him and tell him this visitation isn't going to work out after all?"

I watched Jessica's eyes flash toward Jacob. I could literally _hear _his smirk.

"Go," she ordered firmly. "I don't know what's going on, and I don't care. I want to play with my son, and I only have forty-five more minutes to do so."

Jessica then turned her attention back to Riley and the gadget in his hand. The little boy had a smile on his face as his mother showed him the different buttons and options. His eyes would flicker to us – as if he was asking if it was okay for him to be having fun with his mom – and Edward and I would smile encouragingly. So far, Riley and Jessica were handling this visit with ease.

I, on the other hand, was falling apart.

_Jacob, please go away._

"I'll be back in forty-five minutes," he replied coolly. My body stilled as I waited for the sound of the closing door and only when it slammed shut did I allow myself to relax.

"He's gone, baby." Edward's voice washed over me like a breeze. His forehead was creased with worry. I offered him my softest smile and nodded my thanks.

"Later," I whispered gently.

Edward nodded in understanding.

We both turned our attention back toward the mother and son playing in the living room floor. Riley's eyes were bright with excitement as he talked animatedly with Jessica about everything – school, the Leapster, his new piano teacher. Jessica hung on to every word. She'd missed so much during the past months and she seemed to really be interested in every aspect of his life. Riley's attention was on the Leapster, but Jessica's eyes were on him - gazing at him with such love that it made my heart hurt.

It was the look of a mother who loved her son.

I watched as she ran her fingers through his untidy hair. She wasn't trying to fix it. She just wanted to touch him.

Maybe there was a heart somewhere in there. Perhaps she could be a good mother, after all.

How could she have ever left him?

"This seems to be going well," I offered in quiet acknowledgment.

"Yes," Edward agreed as he wrapped his hand in mine once again.

Carmen appeared, offering cake and ice cream in the kitchen. I was surprised when Riley leapt to his feet and grabbed Jessica's hand in his. Neither of us made an effort to move, and Jessica's eyes flickered to us in surprise.

"Go on," Edward said. "We'll stay here. Enjoy your time with your son."

The smile on her face matched the one on Riley's.

"That was very nice of you," I said as we watched them drift toward the kitchen.

"I don't want to spoil this for either of them. I've never seen her so affectionate with him. Besides, Carmen will keep an eye on things in there," Edward murmured gently. He turned toward me. "I'm more concerned about you at the moment."

Fearfully, I looked down at my watch.

"Just the short version is fine for now. He scared you. I want to know why."

"I'm not scared. Shocked beyond belief, but not scared."

Edward's eyebrow rose in confusion.

I sighed.

"We were together years ago. It ended….badly."

"Oh." Jealousy flickered across his face. "How badly?"

_Adultery. Miscarriage._

"Badly," I whispered shakily.

"Tell me, baby."

That sentiment usually warmed my heart. Today, it felt like a knife twisting in my heart.

_Baby._

_My baby._

My body trembled as memories flooded my senses. Dizzy, I grasped the arm of the couch for support as Edward's arms wrapped around me.

"Bella?" His voice was pained. He pulled me into his lap and hugged me close. I laid my head against his shoulder, willing my body to relax, praying for the room to stop spinning.

"I've got you, sweetheart. I've got you."

I let his sweet voice work its magic…calming me. Grounding me. He kissed my forehead softly just as a knock resonated from the living room door. My body tensed with anticipation.

"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear. "I'm going to carry you to your room. You don't have to see him."

I shook my head. Thankfully, the spinning had stopped.

"No. He is not allowed to control me anymore. I will not let him see how upset I am. I can do this."

"You don't have to prove anything to anyone."

"I have to prove it to me," I replied firmly. I wiped my eyes hurriedly and removed myself from his lap just as Jessica and Riley made their way back into the living room. His little hand grasped hers tightly. Their smiles were radiant.

"Good visit?" Edward recovered, smiling softly at both of them. Both mother and child looked beyond happy. Obviously, this visitation had gone miraculously well.

"Mommy says she'll be back next week!" Riley's excitement was infectious, and we all laughed. I smiled at Jessica who was smiling at me in return.

Another loud rapping at the door made me jump. Jessica noticed my agitation.

"Everything okay in here?"

I nodded. "Everything is fine."

Edward's gaze flickered between me and the door. His face looked determined. Resolved. Pissed.

"Riley," Edward smiled down at the little boy, "why don't you show your mom your room? Show her your new toys?" His eyes flickered to Jessica. "I'd like a word with Jacob out in the hallway."

_Oh no._

"Edward, don't do this…"

"Why?" Jessica asked, her eyes wide with fear. "Is it about the divorce? You aren't going to stop the visitations, are you? Everything has been so wonderful today, hasn't it?"

"I think today went amazingly well. It has nothing to do with our case."

Jessica's eyes flashed to me. "So this must involve you. Jacob insisted on coming with me today, and I couldn't understand why. Obviously, his presence upset you. What's going on?"

The beating on the door became more forceful, and I was reminded of an earlier time, when that same man stood behind my front door…banging…knocking…

"Jacob should probably tell you that," I replied stiffly. The pounding on the door matched the throbbing in my head. "Let's go check out Riley's room…"

She nodded as the little boy pulled her by the hand and down the hallway.

I looked at Edward. His face was resolute.

"Please…" I whispered, having no idea what I was pleading for.

Edward nodded. "It's okay. I just want to get some things straight with him. I will not have him upsetting you."

I sighed in resignation. "Okay, just…just don't ask for his side of the things. Not yet. Let me explain first."

"Of course," Edward promised. He squeezed my hand as I made my way toward Riley's room. He and Jessica were already nestled on the bed, his head on her shoulder. She was listening intently as he read aloud to her.

Jessica glanced up at the door, and I smiled shyly.

"Thank you," she mouthed.

I had no idea what she was thanking me for. For tearing her a new asshole? For this peaceful time with her child? For taking care of him when she chose to leave him?

It didn't matter.

She was here. She was trying. He was happy.

_That's _what mattered.

Not wanting to interrupt their time together, I quietly turned away from the door and headed toward my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and made my way over to my bed. I collapsed against it, pulling the covers over my head.

And there, I let the tears consume me.

* * *

**EPOV**

I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

"What the hell?" Jacob seethed. "Make me stand out here all damn day. Where is Jessica? I don't have time for this shit. I have work to do…"

Enraged, I grabbed him by the throat and shoved him across the hallway and against the elevator doors. His face was red as I squeezed. My fingers ached as I pushed tightly against his throat, effectively closing off his oxygen supply.

I leaned close. I wanted to be sure the bastard heard me.

"I don't know what the hell you did to Bella. But listen to me, and listen to me good. If you ever knock on my door again, I will destroy you. You have upset her by your mere presence, and I will not allow her to be upset. Do you understand?"

He gurgled a response, but I only squeezed tighter.

"I don't give a shit what you're doing with Jessica. Marry her. Leave her. None of it concerns me until the day it concerns my child or Bella. But I promise you, Jacob Black, if you hurt my son – or Bella – in any way, I promise you will not live to see another day. Do I make myself clear?"

I pushed the button on the elevator. The doors parted, and Jacob plummeted into the elevator and against the back wall. I watched with quiet amusement as he fell against the floor. He was holding his throat….gasping for air….his voice was rough.

"Screw you, Cullen."

"Screw with me all you want," I sneered as I held the elevator door. "But you better not mess with my family."

"Bella isn't your family," Jacob grunted as he struggled to his feet. He grabbed the handrail for balance.

"She _is_," I replied firmly. "And you better not forget it."

A security guard suddenly appeared from the end of the hallway. He raced to my side.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Cullen? A neighbor reported a disturbance."

"Yes, there is a problem," I replied steadily. "This man's name is Jacob Black. He is not permitted in my home. Please see him out."

"Of course, sir." The security guard entered the elevator as Jacob looked on in disbelief.

"What about Jessica?"

"I will make sure Jessica makes it home safely."

And with one last deadly glare in his direction, I let go of the elevator door. We stared each other down until the elevator doors closed in my face.

After saying goodbye to Jessica and asking Carmen to keep Riley occupied for a while, I made my way to Bella's bedroom. I took a deep breath and knocked on her door. Her soft voice whispered to me, and I entered. My heart broke when I saw her lying across her bed, clutching a pillow to her chest. Her eyes were red from crying.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered as I made my way to her. "Come here, sweetheart."

I nestled against the pillow and pulled her close to my side. With a soft sniffle, she relaxed against me, her head resting comfortably on my chest. I ran my fingers through the soft strands of her hair, willing her to relax. My fingers strolled across her spine…back and forth….and after a few more minutes of crying, I finally felt the tension leave her body.

"You didn't hit him, did you?"

I smiled ruefully.

"Unfortunately, no."

She sighed softly and gazed up at me. I smiled down at her as I brought my hand to her face, caressing it softly.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"I'm not," she muttered softly as she dropped her gaze.

I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at me.

"You are." I stared into her wide chocolate eyes. "And what I feel for you….it scares the hell out of me."

She gasped as her face flickered with surprise.

"It scares you?" Bella's voice was gentle.

"Very much."

"Why?"

I sighed as my hand continued stroking her face. "Because I've never felt this way before. I know it seems fast, but I can't ignore the way I feel whenever you walk into the room."

She nodded. "I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes," she whispered softly. "What I feel for you….the pull is so strong, Edward. I'm afraid, too."

"I don't want to be afraid," I murmured gently, trailing my thumb along her bottom lip. "I don't want _you_ to be afraid."

She placed a gentle kiss against my finger. "Maybe we just need more time."

"I like the idea of time."

"Before you decide if you want to go down this road with me, there are some things about my life that you need to know. They aren't pretty, and they involve Jacob."

I tried to ignore the stab of jealousy that permeated throughout my body.

"Nothing you say will change my mind," I promised gently.

I knew it was true, and she needed to hear that. She could have murdered a hundred people, and with my vast legal knowledge, I would find some way to justify it.

"I hope that's true," she whispered tearfully.

"Trust me, Bella."

I leaned down and kissed her gently. I wrapped my arms around her as she nuzzled my chest. She relaxed against me as she began to tell her story.

* * *

**The happy news: I just received word that my angsty little story "Pieces" has made it into the final round of the Indie TwiFic Awards in the category of "Best New Moon." It's my very first nomination, and I'm thrilled! Whoever nominated/voted for it – thank you! I will let you know when voting is open for the final round.**

**As always, let me hear your thoughts! :)**


	18. She Who Dares To Stand Where I Stood

**AN: Yes, another update. I decided to alleviate some fears and update early. This will be my last update until next weekend.**

**In regards to Jessica's first visitation with Riley - this chapter should shine some light on her intentions. Might I suggest a wait-and-see attitude before my inbox is flooded with venom? Thank you.**

**Sariah and childofthestorm – Please register so that I can reply to your reviews.**

**Someone asked for a Jessica POV. You get it here. I didn't plan to write it so soon, but I decided a look into her thought process was necessary to relieve some readers' minds and to stop the negative vibes. **

**Disclaimers: SM owns the Twilight Universe. Chapter title comes from Missy Higgins.**

* * *

Chapter 18

_She Who Dares To Stand Where I Stood_

* * *

_**Jessica's POV**_

The elevator doors close and I exhale the breath I've been holding for the last hour.

I deserve an Academy Award for the role I just played.

Thank God I hadn't had to fake my affection for my son. That was legit. I had missed him, and I did enjoy listening to him read. Contrary to popular opinion, I do love my kid. I just understand that I suck as a mother. This isn't news to me.

But the rest of the hour….eating Carmen's cake and pretending to love it, being all sweet and understanding in _my_ house….to _my_ husband….and smiling at _her_…..

It was Oscar worthy. Truly.

Jacob had been explicit with his instructions.

Be courteous. Be loving. Be friendly.

Smile.

Bring a gift.

Now that I consider his directions, I realize he left one out.

Ignore Jacob's obvious infatuation with the nanny.

What the fuck is it with that girl? She has my husband wrapped around her finger. My son is attached to her hip as if he actually sprang from her loins. And now my boyfriend is all about her?

She isn't even that pretty.

I walk out into the cool Seattle air. As promised, a driver awaits. Edward is nothing if not a gentleman and a man of his word.

As we drive off into the night, I gaze at the twinkling lights of the city and think about the last four months of my life. I _had_ missed my son, but I understood my limitations. I wasn't cut out to be a mother. I had accepted this long ago.

I was _my_ mother.

Rigid. Bitchy. Opinionated. Controlling.

That's why leaving Riley behind had been so easy. Not because I didn't love him, but because I knew his life would be so much better without me in it. Edward was a good man. He was a little too preoccupied with work, but I knew with me out of the picture that those long hours at the office would have to change. Even at his worst, Edward was a better parent than I could ever hope to be. As much as Carmen pissed me off throughout the years, I had to admit that she had that mothering instinct that seemed to be missing from my DNA.

I would listen as Riley struggled with his French, or wait impatiently as he painstakingly practiced piano, or watch as he colored within the lines….and then he'd look at me with his father's emerald eyes and my toothy grin, and my heart would break because it was like gazing into a mirror.

I was turning him into me, and I was powerless to stop it. I didn't know any other way to be.

I was doing my child a kindness by leaving him behind. And I had been content with that knowledge…that is, until I opened the Seattle Times and saw a picture of my husband dancing with some girl named Bella Swan.

I had met Jacob at one of those galas, so I knew a little something about those glitzy events. The booze flowed freely and the money and power was rampant. Of course, a girl like Bella Swan would be smiling up at my husband as if he were her knight in shining armor. What had brought me to my knees was the way he smiled down at _her_. I didn't give a shit that he had obviously fallen in love with this girl. She could have him.

What she _couldn't_ have was my child.

I wasn't in love with Edward. I hadn't been _in love_ with Edward since high school. But marrying a Cullen was my ticket out of the hell that had been my existence for the past seventeen years. I was slowly suffocating under the heavy hand of my mother, and I had to break free. Edward – and Riley – had been my only way out. My plan had been a simple one.

Marry Edward Cullen. Have his child.

And it didn't even have to be in that order.

So what if I didn't love him? So what if he didn't love me? So what if his entire family considered me a gold digger? We were both stubborn enough to make it work. He was content to live with his nose buried in his law journals, and I was ecstatic to be the trophy wife. I played my role well.

It was true that money didn't buy happiness because – after three years – the loneliness began to consume me. I played the role of mommy during the day and went to bed alone at night. Edward and I never touched. Never talked unless we were screaming. And, during that last year, our sex life had been nonexistent.

Enter Jacob Black.

He was attentive. Sweet. Reverent.

He was everything I wanted and needed.

But Jacob had been honest from the beginning. He would not play daddy to another man's child. This was a deal breaker.

Yet another reason leaving Riley had been so easy.

He _really _was better off without me.

But now _she_ was in the picture. Bella obviously had that mothering gene because she'd become a crazed lunatic during our initial meeting – all threatening and possessive. That visit had truly shaken me up to the point that I'd bolted out the door without a word. The bitch had basically threatened to kick my ass, and my usual powers of intimidation had no effect on her. I wasn't expecting her to be so strong. I had been surprised to find that she was fiercely protective of a child that wasn't even her own flesh and blood.

When I told Jacob about her threats, he'd merely smiled. I remember thinking about his reaction and how odd it had seemed. Then, he'd insisted on accompanying me to the first visitation – since Tyler had bailed – and I'd mistaken his attention for affection for me.

The look on his face when he set eyes on Bella was evidence to the contrary. Her face – on the other hand – had turned pale as a ghost.

There is history there, and I intend to find out what it is.

A good mother would be thankful that a woman as protective as Bella would love her son. That just further proved my assessment that the mothering instinct was completely out of my system. She loves him. She takes care of him. They play and read and watch movies and color outside the lines. And Riley loves Bella.

I know this because he told me so.

Over and over again.

He didn't – however – tell me he loved me.

Not once.

Jealousy is a bitch, and as Edward's driver approached my subdivision, a new plan was forming in my head.

Get the scoop on Bella and Jacob.

Get Jake to reconsider his no-kid stance.

Get full custody of my son.

Get divorced.

Get remarried.

Until that plan came to fruition, I will play my role. I will smile and be courteous. I will be friendly and bring gifts.

Jealousy is a bitch.

And _that_ bitch isn't getting my kid.

* * *

**EPOV**

Her arm wrapped around my waist as she nuzzled my shirt.

"I met Jacob when he was a guest speaker in one of my classes at UW," Bella whispered softly. "At the end of that night's class, he asked me out for coffee. We went to this little campus coffee shop. From that night on, we were a couple. I continued with my classes while he worked in Tacoma through the week. He was sweet and attentive and worshipped the ground I walked on."

Her body tensed against my side, and she took another deep breath.

"I was pregnant by Christmas."

My eyes closed in quiet resignation.

_Bella is a mother. She is the mother of Jacob Black's child._

Her sweet face turned toward mine, gauging my reaction. I smiled softly down at her, wiping the tears that had begun to fall once again from her lovely eyes.

I encouraged her to continue.

"He seemed….excited," Bella whispered sadly. "Of course, I didn't see him through the week because he was in Tacoma. But when we were together, he'd talk about baby names and where we'd live…." Her voice was shaky. "I had no reason to believe he was being anything but honest. I loved him. He said he loved me. I had to hide from my parents, of course…"

"Why?"

Bella laughed lightly. "Charlie has certain beliefs about premarital sex…"

"Most dads do," I murmured gently as I stroked her spine. "What are his beliefs?"

Bella's face fell into a grimace.

"_If you touch my daughter before marriage I will shoot your ass."_

I chuckled. "Oh. Good to know."

"Yeah," she whispered with a shaky laugh. "So….it wasn't like I could go home for Spring Break….Charlie would have seen my growing tummy…"

I nodded in understanding. "Was Rosalie there for you?"

"I hadn't met Rose or Alice yet," Bella whispered. "I had a few friends, but I'd become so consumed with Jacob that I hadn't been spending anytime with them, so they didn't really notice that I was gaining weight. I just wore oversized shirts. It worked. Nobody cared, so it wasn't an issue."

She inhaled sharply. "Jacob and I had planned to meet at our favorite hotel as soon as my finals were over. We were going to spend the entire weekend together and decide what to do about my parents. He'd told me that we'd tell them together…and he'd face my father…." Bella's voice dropped…. "But, after my last final, I decided to surprise him at his house in Tacoma. I'd never been there, of course, but the address was easy to find online. It was just a quick drive, so I packed a bag and hopped in my truck."

Her body tensed; her breathing quickened. I soothingly stroked her back and kissed her forehead.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Whatever it is…nothing will change what I feel for you."

And with my sentiment, the tearful words spilled forth.

"She caught us in bed together."

"She?"

"His wife."

Suddenly, all the pieces fell into place. This was why Bella had been so adamant about waiting…

"_I am not sleeping with you until you're divorced."_

"_I can't share you, Edward." _

"_I can't do that again."_

I pulled her tighter against my chest. "Oh, Bella….I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"I was so stupid," she sighed tearfully. "The signs were there. Never seeing him through the week. Only calling his cell phone. The weekends of hiding in the hotel….I thought he was just _that_ in love with me….but he was just trying to avoid getting caught."

Her tearful gaze looked up at me. "I've never been more ashamed of anything in my entire life. I had slept with a married man."

"But you had no idea he was married…."

The flood gates opened once again. Her body convulsed against me as she sobbed against my chest. She clutched my shirt in her hand as the tears soaked into the fabric. Panicked, I stroked her face gently, willing her to calm down. She inhaled and exhaled slowly….

"He told her that this was the first time he'd ever cheated. Told me to get the fuck out of his house and that he never wanted me. Told her the baby wasn't even his…"

Murderous rage consumed me. Bella was sweet. Good. Innocent. And that bastard had taken that innocence and destroyed it.

"I'll fucking kill him," I hissed under my breath. Her body went rigid.

"There's more…."

_More?_

"The stomach cramps started just as I was getting back to campus. An hour later, I was in the hospital." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I lost my baby."

I swallowed convulsively.

"She was a little girl," Bella smiled sadly at me. "We'd just done an ultrasound a few days prior…."

"Oh, Bella…." I kissed her forehead as I pulled her closer.

"Yeah…."

"What did you do?"

She shrugged. "The only thing you can do in that situation. I called my mom. She drove to Seattle and took me home to Forks. My father met us at the door. He just looked at me…not with anger…but with pure sympathy. Charlie picked me up and carried me up the stairs like he used to do when I was a little girl. He took me to my bed, kissed my cheek, told me he loved me, and walked out of the room."

"I stayed in bed for a week after that. I couldn't sleep because I'd always wake up screaming. My dreams were filled with his wife's face….his hurtful words…and crying babies…" She shuddered lightly. "It was easier just to stay awake. I still couldn't tell my parents the entire story. They knew I'd lost a baby. They didn't know that he was married. It was my last bit of shame that I was desperately trying to keep from them."

"Did Jacob try to find you?" I asked gently.

Bella sighed. "Three days later, he was on my parents' doorstep. He practically beat the door down. He was screaming how much he loved me….how sorry he was….that he didn't mean it….I told my parents that his name was Jacob and that he was the boy who had hurt me…"

Bella laughed lightly. "You'd have to know my dad. Charlie is very resolute. Things are black and white. There is no gray. So when I said that the boy who'd hurt his daughter was in the yard…"

I couldn't help but smile. "All hell broke loose?"

She nodded. "I looked out the window and saw my dad pointing a rifle at Jacob's head. I watched as he chased Jacob into the woods. Until today, I didn't know if Jacob had survived the encounter. I mean, I assumed so…Charlie came home a few days later, and he just promised that that boy would never bother me again. I didn't ask any questions. I didn't care. I had told my mother the entire story, and I just wanted to move on with my life."

"So today was the first time you'd seen Jacob since that day on your porch…."

"Yes," Bella whispered softly. "Some coincidence, huh?"

I had a feeling it wasn't a coincidence at all. Jacob hadn't seemed at all surprised to find Bella sitting in my living room. Jessica would have shown him the picture in the paper...

"Are you ashamed of me?"

Her soft, fearful voice cut me to the bone.

I would have to deal with Jacob Black later. But for now, I had to relieve her fears.

"Bella, I want you to listen to me…." I shifted against the bed until we were lying nose-to-nose. Her beautiful eyes were wide with apprehension. I gently stroked her cheek.

"I am so sorry for the pain you've gone through. I'm sorry you lost your baby. I'm sorry you fell in love with a man who treated you like shit…." I struggled to contain the anger in my voice. "But I could never, ever be ashamed of you. Look what you've done for me. You love my child as if he were your own. You've shown me how to be a good father. You've put your life on hold just to help me undo all of the shit that Riley's mother instilled in him. You are the most incredible person I've ever met in my entire life. I am in awe of your strength. You are kind and wonderful and warm…."

Relief washed across her face as I placed a soft kiss along her nose.

"You are everything I could ever want, and I could never be ashamed of you." I whispered softly against her mouth.

With a soft moan, her mouth molded to mine. It wasn't a hungry kiss. It was sweet and innocent and filled with relief.

She snuggled against my chest once again as I ran my fingers through her mahogany hair. I could literally _feel_ the tension leave her body, and within minutes, she was asleep in my arms.

* * *

Next update will be next weekend.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.


	19. Holding On With Both Hands

**AN: Hello to my new readers! I have no idea where all of you came from, but wow! Lots of new people!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns it. Chapter song is Nickelback's "Never Gonna Be Alone."**

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Chapter 19

_Holding On With Both Hands_

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BPOV

Saturday arrived bright and sunny. I squinted toward the sky and smiled gratefully at the sun. It was a beautiful day, and for what we had planned, we were going to need a beautiful day.

Today was the day that Edward was going to tell Riley that his parents were getting a divorce.

Determined to make this day as fun as possible, I had exiled Carmen from the kitchen and made the family a big pancake breakfast. Afterwards, I had zipped Riley into his favorite hoodie and sunglasses and headed for the park. Edward needed to spend a few hours at the office this morning, but he promised to meet us for lunch at the gazebo next to the lake.

"Higher!!!" Riley squealed excitedly as I pushed him on the swing.

"Hold on tight!" I laughed and pushed just a little higher.

"That's not higher…" he groaned adorably. He was right. It wasn't much higher. But my nerves were already on edge. I wasn't sure that my favorite boy flying from the seat of the swing and landing head first in the sandbox would do much to calm my anxieties.

I ignored his grumbling and continued pushing him into the air.

I gazed out at the park and noticed that others were taking advantage of the pretty day. One family had opted for a picnic lunch beneath one of the large Western hemlocks that stood proudly along the pond. A teenage couple was giggling as they exchanged shy smiles and innocent kisses on the large swing set directly across from us. A group of boys were playing touch football in the grassy area between the children's play area and the covered shelter. The unexpectedly sunny day had put a smile on everyone's faces, and I found myself wishing that we could save this heartbreaking conversation for another day just so that we could enjoy the afternoon.

Dr. Jane was the one to broach the subject during last week's therapy session. Riley had handled Jessica's visit much better than any of us had expected. He seemed to understand the concept that Mommy was living in another house. What he didn't understand was _why_. Dr. Jane felt that it was time to discuss the impending divorce while reminding Edward to emphasize that Jessica would remain a part of Riley's life. She suggested that we not get specific with the details, as none of us were sure whether this connection to his life would come in the form of supervised visitation or shared custody. All of that would be left up to Jessica's efforts and to the courts.

"Keep it simple," the doctor had reminded us. "Don't overload him with a lot of emotional information and details. Mommy loves him. Daddy loves him. Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore, but they will always love Riley. This is what he needs to hear."

Despite my Jacob-induced panic attack, I had been joyous that Jessica had kept her scheduled visit and that the hour had gone well.

"Too well," Edward had cautioned me.

I had dismissed his cynicism because it was obvious how much the visit had pleased Riley and because Jessica had been unusually nice and humble. She even brought him a decent toy that he'd played with long after she'd gone. I had high hopes that my ass-kicking threat had given her the chance to reflect on her failings as a mother. I was hopefully optimistic. Edward remained skeptical.

Perhaps my judgment was clouded by pity for the girl.

By some cosmic coincidence, Jessica had left Edward for the slime that was Jacob Black. I wondered how happy she was in that relationship. I knew better than anyone how charming he could be with his empty promises. Was he faithful to her? Or was he the same manipulative bastard who had broken my heart all those years ago? For Jessica's sake, I hoped he was a changed man. I wouldn't wish my deepest pain on my worst enemy.

Not even on Jessica Cullen.

Riley finally grew tired of the swings and asked for the slide. We ran over to the large slide, and I watched as his tiny hands grasped the ladder rail. His face was shining as he carefully climbed each step.

"Wait at the bottom, Bella!!" He squealed excitedly as he reached the top. Once I was confident that he was steady, I walked toward the bottom of the slide and waited with outstretched arms. With his father's heart-stopping smile, Riley happily slid to the bottom and landed in my arms. He buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms around me.

"You give such good hugs," I whispered against his hair. His giggle echoed in my ears as he kissed my cheek.

"Can we feed the ducks?" He pointed at the geese gathered around the shore of the lake. I reached down into my backpack and found the bread crumbs that Carmen had saved for today's excursion.

"I know how much _Riley_ likes to feed the ducks," she'd grinned at me as she'd handed me the Ziploc bag this morning. We'd laughed, because we both knew that it was really Edward who liked to feed them.

"Don't you think we should wait for your dad?" I asked with a grin.

"He's here!!" Riley pointed toward the parking lot. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I watched Edward walking across the grass with pizza box in hand. He smiled back at me as he made his way toward us, and I was amazed once again at how such a simple smile from this man could cause butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

After my complete breakdown and confession, Edward had been so sweet and loving. He didn't judge me. He'd just held me and whispered how sorry he was that I'd ever been hurt. I had shared my darkest sins and demons with this man, and he'd promised that he'd wait forever if it meant that he could have me in the end.

I'd never felt more loved in my entire life.

"Hey," he whispered softly, leaning in to softly kiss my cheek. His eyebrows rose when he noticed the bag of bread crumbs in my hand.

"I certainly hope you two weren't planning on feeding the ducks without me." His green eyes sparkled, and Riley laughed as he tugged on both of our hands, desperately trying to pull us toward the animals.

"Let's eat first, buddy. Then we'll feed the ducks."

I took the pizza box as Edward kneeled, allowing Riley to climb onto his back. We walked across the grass and toward the empty gazebo. Riley talked animatedly as he told his father all about our time at the park. Edward's emerald eyes just glowed as he listened to his son's constant chatter, sneaking smiles at me whenever Riley would stop to take a rare breath. I tried to focus on the happiness of the moment, but I had so many terrifying words floating around in my head.

Divorce. Trial. Lawyers. Judge. Custody.

Would it be possible for any judge to side with Jessica? Edward was confident that Jessica's four month disappearance would deter any judge from granting her full custody, but I couldn't ignore the fact that she _was _his mother. All I had to do was remember Riley's sadness to recall why I'd hated her so much. But now…she was actually making an effort. Granted, it'd only been one visit, but she seemed willing to cooperate. If she continued playing nice…would her newfound mothering instincts be enough for the judge to grant her full custody? Or, would we possibly be subjected to the usual divorce routines? Seeing Riley every other weekend…or one week here and one week there…

Either scenario scared me to death.

"Stop worrying," Edward whispered softly in my ear. I blinked rapidly and tried to focus on the long string of cheese sliding down Riley's face. I reached for a napkin and handed it to him. With a saucy smile, the little boy wiped his mouth.

"What makes you think I'm worrying?" I asked quietly.

"You were biting your lip," Edward chuckled as he leaned closer and slid his fingertip along my forehead. "And you have that little crease between your eyes…"

"You know me so well…already…." I whispered shyly, marveling at his uncanny observation.

He smiled softly. "I want to know more…."

"Me too," I murmured. His face drifted closer to mine, and I'd just closed my eyes when Riley's giggle caused us both to jump.

"Are you going to kiss her _again_? You kiss _all_ the time," He grinned happily as he stuck a piece of pepperoni in his mouth. "How come?"

I gave Edward a pointed look. I had told him that we were definitely going to have to be a bit more discreet about the kisses. Since I'd given him the green light, kissing me had become Edward's favorite hobby.

Not that I minded…

Edward just winked at me before turning toward his son. "Kissing is fun. You'll understand one day."

"But you never kissed Mommy," Riley replied thoughtfully.

I gasped. Edward sighed softly as he examined his son's sweet face.

"No, I guess I didn't."

"How come?" Riley asked innocently.

I looked into Edward's handsome face, and I recognized his look of grim determination. His child had just given him an opening. He needed to take it.

"I want to talk to you about me and your mom," Edward replied slowly. "Why don't we take a walk and do that, and then we'll feed the ducks?"

"Okay," Riley grinned happily as he bounced off the bench. His happy expression broke my heart. He had no idea what was about to happen. Would he understand? Would he hate us?

Would he hate _me_?

My heart was hammering in my chest, and I pretended to become very interested in folding the pizza box.

"You two go ahead," I offered, wanting to give them some time alone. I really hoped that Edward would leave me out of this conversation. This was private…something between a father and son.

Of course, Edward wasn't about to let that happen.

"Come with us," He coaxed softly. "This involves you, too."

"It doesn't involve me," I argued softly…because I really didn't _want _it to involve me. I didn't want to be the reason for the failure of yet another marriage.

I watched his face flicker with unhappiness, and I knew he misunderstood.

"Edward…."

"You don't think this involves you?" His voice was dripping with sadness, and I wished I could take it back. But I just couldn't.

"I don't want to be the reason you're getting a divorce," I admitted quietly. My eyes flickered toward Riley who was standing on the steps of the gazebo with the Ziploc bag of bread crumbs. "I don't want him to hate me, Edward."

Edward's eyes softened in understanding. "He loves you, Bella. And you know you aren't the reason…"

"But will he understand that?" I asked softly.

"I'll make him understand," Edward assured me as he reached out his hand. "Please, Bella….I can't do this without you."

I looked down at his outstretched hand. So tempting…

"No," I whispered softly as I reached up to cup his face. He leaned into my touch. "I'll stay right here where you both can see me, but this is something between you and your son. You can do this, Edward. You have to…"

He closed his eyes in quiet resignation as I leaned close to kiss him on the cheek.

"I'll be right here," I promised him.

His eyes were wide with fear, but I offered him a soft, encouraging smile. Edward took a deep breath and nodded before kissing my forehead.

"Please stay where I can see you…." Edward whispered. "I need to see you….you make me stronger, baby…."

I closed my eyes as my heart melted with his words, and I nodded.

"You make me stronger, too. Now go be strong for your son. I'll be right here."

He reached down and squeezed my hand. I wiped away a tear as Edward took his son by the hand and led him along the cobblestone path leading to the shimmering lake.

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EPOV

I was a masterful public speaker. I had made a career of charming juries, judges, and opposing attorneys with my well-crafted words.

But, when faced with my five-year-old, I found myself speechless.

We'd been walking along the path for about ten minutes. I kept looking back at Bella at the gazebo, just to make sure she was still in my peripheral vision. Riley was swinging my hand back and forth, totally oblivious to my internal turmoil. In his other hand, he was holding the sacred bag of bread crumbs.

It was such a pretty day. Did I really want to ruin it? Couldn't I just enjoy this beautiful afternoon with my son and with the woman I loved?

After another five minutes of silence, my son's five-year-old patience finally snapped.

"Dad, I think the ducks are starving."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"They do look hungry," I surmised with a grin. A mother and her ducks were jumping in and out of the water.

"Let's let them play in the water for a bit," I offered. "Then we'll feed them."

I pulled Riley toward a bench where we could watch them play while I presented the most important speech of my life. I took one last look at Bella in the distance before inhaling deeply.

"I know you enjoyed your mom's visit the other day," I began.

"Yeah," he smiled softly as he kicked his feet. He was so full of energy and excitement. Such a stark contrast to the boy I loved just four months ago.

I looked back at Bella, knowing she was the reason for the change.

"She'll be back, right?" Riley asked hopefully.

"She's supposed to come every Wednesday after school," I reminded him. I didn't add that it was up to his mother whether she kept that appointment.

"She was different," Riley mused thoughtfully.

This observation surprised me. "What do you mean?"

"She sat in the floor and played with me."

Yes, that was new territory for Jessica. She'd always been too concerned with her designer clothes to risk getting them dirty or wrinkled. I wasn't surprised that Riley had noticed that change. But there were other changes. She was far too cooperative, and it made me suspicious. Either Jessica had decided to become a real mother, or Jacob Black had coached her well.

Just the thought of his name caused my blood to boil, and it had nothing to do with Jessica. I looked down into my son's green eyes, and I let their sparkle ground me.

_One thing at a time, Edward._

"Mommy won't be living with us anymore," I started. This seemed obvious since she hadn't lived with us for months, but I wanted to start with the easy stuff.

"Yeah, that's what Dr. Jane said."

I nodded.

"Your Mom and I don't love each other anymore."

"Why not?"

Such a simple question. Too bad the answer was complicated as hell.

"Grown-ups do that sometimes. They love each other for a while, but sometimes, they just….fall out of love. They meet new people and fall in love again."

I wasn't explaining this right. I looked back at Bella. Didn't she understand I couldn't do this without her?

Riley stared out at the lake.

"You don't love Mommy, and Mommy doesn't love you."

"Right." I exhaled a deep breath. "But we both love _you_ very much, and that will never change."

He turned his head toward me. "But you said grown-ups fall out of love. What if you and Mommy fall out of love with me?"

I was seriously fucking this up.

"That won't happen," I promised him. "Our love for you is forever. Nothing can change it."

He seemed to accept this.

"So you and Mommy won't be married anymore?"

"No, we won't be married anymore."

Riley looked up at me. "She won't be your wife?"

"Nope."

He considered this for a quick moment, and his eyes glowed with happiness.

"Will Bella be your new wife?"

_Shit._

I looked back at the gazebo. She was watching us intently. If she'd just heard that question, she'd be blushing furiously. She'd really blush if she realized just how often I'd asked myself that very same question. I knew it was too soon, but maybe someday…

"I don't know, buddy," I answered honestly. "I like Bella a lot."

"I know. You kiss her _all _the time." He rolled his eyes for emphasis.

"I know," I laughed apologetically.

"You didn't kiss Mommy."

"Not much."

Actually, not at all during the past year of his life.

"Because you don't love her anymore?"

This seemed an easy enough explanation, so I accepted it gratefully.

"Right."

He grew quiet as we watched the ducks make their way back out onto the grass. They were waddling in our direction.

"Wow, you must love Bella…_a lot_…."

I laughed so loudly that the ducks began quacking in unison. Riley giggled, his eyes glowing with excitement as we watched the ducks wander closer to us.

"Yeah, but it's a secret, okay?"

He shook his head defiantly. "I can't keep secrets from Bella."

I chuckled. "Fair enough. But would you keep it quiet until I can tell her myself? I really want to be the one to tell her this secret."

"Okay. But it's a _good_ secret," Riley grinned up at me. "Tell her soon."

I loved him so much.

"Yes, son."

His eyes flickered to the bag of bread crumbs.

"They look _really_ hungry, Dad."

"They do," I agreed softly. "But before we feed them, do you have any questions? I know I've told you a lot today. Do you understand?"

Riley's face gazed into mine. "Yes."

"Tell me what you understand," I asked. I needed the reassurance.

"You and Mommy love me," he began.

"Always," I promised.

"But you don't love each other anymore, so you won't be married anymore."

"Right."

"Mommy will come see me every Wednesday."

I nodded. I really hoped that wasn't a lie.

"And you love Bella, but it's a secret."

I laughed. "You got it."

"And Bella's going to be your new wife."

I looked over my shoulder and saw Bella walking toward us along the cobblestone path.

_So beautiful._

"That's a secret, too," I whispered with a grin. "_Now_ you can feed your ducks."

His tiny fingers eagerly opened the Ziploc bag. I watched as he tossed the crumbs onto the ground. His smile was blinding as the ducks scampered toward the fallen pieces of bread.

"How are we doing?" Bella's voice drifted toward us as she sat down on the bench. Riley giggled as he continued throwing the tiny pieces of bread.

"Everything is good," I assured her. Her face flickered with relief, and she sighed softly.

"We have a secret!" Riley announced proudly as he offered me a few pieces of bread. I chuckled as I tossed them toward the smallest duck.

"Do I get to hear this secret?" Bella grinned at him. He just shook his head no and offered her a crumb.

"Daddy has to tell you. But it's a _good_ one!"

"Ahh…" Bella tossed the piece of bread before smiling softly at me. "Well, Daddy, I can't wait to hear it."

Her long brown hair was blowing in the wind, and her cheeks were flushed with happiness. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it softly.

"I can't wait to tell you," I whispered sincerely.

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**Voting for the Indie TwiFic Awards begins on March 15. My story "Pieces" has made it into the final round of voting for "Best New Moon Story." Would you please read it, and if you like it, would you consider voting for it? It's a short, angsty story, but I'm very proud of it. Link can be found in my profile.**

**As always, let me know what you think. One chapter a week is the best I can do right now. I'm working full time and taking two classes. Next update will be next Sunday.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	20. Guiding You Home

**AN: This story has officially become my most reviewed story! I remember my very first story, and I was completely thrilled to get ten or twenty reviews per chapter. Now I get hundreds. Thank you! I am so sorry that I don't respond to all of your reviews, but I promise I read them all. I love the feedback. Thank you for giving it even when I don't reply.**

**Much love goes to Scrimmy. Thanks for the musical inspiration.**

**Disclaimers: SM owns it all. Chapter title comes from the story title.**

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Chapter 20  
_Guiding You Home_

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BPOV

For this Wednesday's visitation, I decided to make myself scarce. Not only did I want to avoid another encounter with Jacob, but I wanted Jessica to feel comfortable with her son without me standing over her like a mama bear protecting her cub.

Riley was adjusting very well to all of the changes, and Dr. Jane had suggested that perhaps it was time for me to take a small step back and have a life outside of Riley. I wasn't sure if this was for his benefit or for mine, but I decided to take her advice because the lines were becoming blurred, and I was struggling to bring them into focus once again.

I would watch protectively as Riley slept throughout the night in his own bed. I would listen proudly as he read from his favorite book. I would marvel at his newfound patience and his ability to think before he reacts. And my heart would skip a beat whenever he told me he loved me.

I was filling the role of the mother who had left him behind. But now she was back and actually making an effort. I realized that to protect my heart, I was going to have to re-evaluate my role in Riley's life if Jessica was to remain a constant in his.

I am the nanny.

I am not his mother.

And that truth was breaking my heart.

From the very beginning, I'd been more than just the babysitter. But time had only strengthened our bond and my love for this child who wasn't my own. But if Jessica continued making progress, I knew that my role in his life would diminish. I would be a nanny and not the mother.

It was selfish, but I couldn't deny how much that realization shattered my heart.

But I knew that I had to respect the fact that Jessica was trying to make amends, and having me standing over her was sure to make her uncomfortable. As protective as I was of Riley, I certainly wanted to encourage a positive relationship between him and his mother. I won't lie. It was killing me to do it. But I would deal with it as long as she was making him happy. Edward warned me to be cautious. It was, after all, only one week. One successful session didn't mean that everything was rosy. But the smile on Riley's face was now a constant, and I couldn't imagine anyone knowingly and willingly disappointing that child.

The one area of my life that needed no re-evaluation was my relationship with Edward. While Jessica was filling a void in her son's heart, I found peace in the knowledge that my role in Edward's life was not dependent on Jessica's success or failings.

Edward loved me.

He hadn't said the words, but I could feel it in every touch and in every kiss. I was grateful that I wasn't competing with his feelings for his future ex-wife. I'd heard enough from both Riley and Carmen to know that there was no love between Edward and Jessica, so I was morbidly grateful that this was one area of my life in which I didn't have to worry. This relationship was such a stark difference from my failed relationship with Jacob. Edward and I had no secrets.

Well, except for one – the secret he gleefully shared with his son. But the twinkle in their identical emerald eyes assured me that the secret was about me, and that it was a happy one.

I glanced down at the clock at the bottom of my computer screen. It was just after six. I prayed the visitation was going well. I took another sip of my white wine and checked my email as I waited for the always predictably-late Rosalie.

There was nothing of consequence in my email. A few messages from Mom. A forward from Dad, who had just become acquainted with the Internet and therefore sent me every joke that could be found in cyberspace. Some spam that I deleted without opening. And three emails from the Forks Board of Education.

"That's weird," I muttered as I opened the message.

"What's weird?" Rosalie asked as she collapsed against the seat. She immediately motioned the bar for a drink. I glanced up from the screen and couldn't help but smile at her disheveled appearance. Her top three buttons were undone, and her long blonde hair was appropriately tousled.

"Freshly fucked?" I asked with a mock glare. "Did you come here to gloat?"

"That would be a yes – to both." She smiled at the waiter as he brought her a glass of wine. She took a sip and nodded before smiling up at him once again. He blinked rapidly and tried to catch his breath as he tried to remain professional.

"Yeah, we're going to need a bottle of that," Rosalie purred sweetly. "And some breadsticks." I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing as his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. We both giggled as he scampered away.

"You Cullens and your beauty…" I grinned.

"Yeah, it comes in handy," Rose smiled. "What's weird?"

"Oh." I looked down at the screen. "I keep getting emails from the Forks Board of Education, and I had removed myself from their mailing list over a month ago."

"Job openings?" She asked just as the waiter made his way back to our table. She thanked him as he placed the bottle of wine and the bread basket on the table and ran back toward the kitchen.

"Not for me…mostly just subs and custodians. So I'd just unsubscribed…." I took a few bites of bread and continued scanning the email. This one looked like more of the same. I deleted it and opened the next message. I recognized the sender's name as the Director of Schools in Forks. I opened it, and my eyes immediately locked on the words "first grade class," "maternity leave," and "interview."

"Holy shit," I whispered.

"What is it?"

"Butler wants to interview me," I replied shakily.

"Butler….."

"Yeah, Joan Butler. She used to be the high school principal. Now she's the Director of Schools….." I scanned the email. "She's been trying to reach me for weeks. She says a first grade teacher is going on maternity leave soon, and they want to interview me for her position."

"Wow…" Rosalie said as she sipped her wine. "So it'd just be temporary?"

"Sounds like it," I mumbled as I finished reading the email. "It'd certainly help me get my foot in the door, though."

"That's awesome!" Rose smiled as she bit into a breadstick. "And first grade? That's what you always wanted!"

It _was_ what I'd always wanted. So why wasn't I excited? Rosalie must have noticed the bleak expression on my face because her smile immediately fell.

"Oh…..Riley and Edward?"

"Riley and Edward," I repeated quietly.

"Bella, you know he'd understand," Rose assured me. "My brother never expected you to put your career on hold for this job."

"No, he didn't," I agreed. "But I made that choice."

"And you've done such a great job," Rosalie beamed. "I knew you would. But you can't seriously be considering ignoring this opportunity to continue playing nanny to my nephew…."

"And why not?" I asked, my temper flaring. "He needs me, Rose! I can't just _leave_ him…"

Her eyes grew wide. "Bella…I didn't mean…."

My hands were shaking as I reached for my glass of wine. Her eyebrows rose as I downed the entire glass. She eyed me cautiously as she pushed the bread basket in my direction and reached for the bottle of wine, pouring me another glass. I took a deep breath and sipped slowly…gratefully.

"Okay." She announced, all business-like. "I know I haven't seen you since the night of the gala, but what the hell is going on?"

"Have you spoken with your brother at all?" I asked quietly as I tried to swallow my bread.

"No," she replied. "Not since that night. Why?"

I sighed tiredly as I told her all about Jessica, the pending divorce, and the visitation schedule.

"My brother is a fool," Rosalie spat angrily. "WHY would he let that bitch anywhere near that child?"

"She is his mother," I reminded her softly.

"SHE left HIM!" Rosalie growled angrily, and I smiled apologetically at the other customers. "And my brother OFFERED visitation to her? And the judge ALLOWED it?"

"Supervised visitation, but yes."

"What an idiot," Rose groaned. "Why? Why would he do that?"

"Yeah, well…it gets better."

Rosalie's face turned blood red when I announced the name of Jessica's new boyfriend. I'd never told Rose or Alice all of the gory details, but they knew enough.

"No wonder you're a basket case," Rosalie whispered as we finished off the bottle of wine. I was thankful she'd had enough sense to order bread to offset the affects of the alcohol. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I admitted softly. "If I talk to Edward, he'll tell me to go to this interview."

"Yes, he will," Rosalie agreed. "How far away is Forks? I can never remember."

"It's about four hours from Seattle," I whispered sadly. "Four hours, Rose!"

"Yeah…." She grimaced before finishing her glass. "So what about you and Edward? What's happening there?"

My smile must have been immediate because her face flashed with excitement.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I sighed happily. "He's really wonderful, Rose. And I think I'm in love with him."

She smiled at me. "He loves you, too. I mean, I haven't spoken to him, but you should have seen his face that night at the gala. He couldn't keep his eyes off you. It was so obvious. Even my parents noticed it. They approve, by the way."

I grinned. "I'm sure they do. Anything is a step-up from Jessica, right?"

"True," Rosalie admitted. "But they really do like you, Bella. They see the difference you've made, and they know your intentions are sincere."

I glanced down at my laptop. "It's after seven. The visitation should be over by now."

"She was there _now_?" Rosalie frowned. "Why were you hiding here?"

"I wasn't hiding," I rolled my eyes. "I was merely giving them space. I don't want Jessica to tell the judge that I'm standing in the way of her relationship with her son. She doesn't need anymore ammunition."

"Ammunition?"

"Oh yeah…." I frowned as I closed my laptop. "She's asking for joint custody."

Rosalie's piercing blue eyes grew cold.

"Is that bitch trying to get killed? Does she not realize that I know people….important people…powerful people…."

I glanced nervously around the restaurant. "Keep your voice down. You can't say shit like that. And you can't have her murdered, Rosalie."

Her face looked thoughtful, as if she was seriously waiting for me to list the reasons as to why this would be a bad idea.

I rolled my eyes.

"I love you," I said as I grabbed my computer and offered her some cash for the wine. She shook her head no as she produced her credit card.

"I love you, too, Swan. Promise me you'll think about that job offer."

I didn't have to promise. I was pretty sure the job offer was _all_ that I was going to think about.

* * *

The house was quiet and dark as I made my way through the living room. Surprised, I dropped my bag on the couch and walked toward Riley's room. Finding it empty, I turned and made my way toward Edward's study. I gently pushed the door open to find Edward sitting on his couch with a sleeping Riley in his arms. I quietly walked through the door as Edward's eyes snapped up to mine. He looked so tired….so worried….

My stomach twisted with realization.

_Something happened._

"What's wrong?" I mouthed silently as I made my way over to the couch.

He just shook his head no as he glanced down at this sleeping boy. Despite our efforts to remain quiet, Riley squirmed in his arms, and his beautiful green eyes opened and glanced in my direction. A soft smile crossed his face when he focused on me.

"Hi, Bella."

"Hi, baby."

Edward's eyes closed as he kissed the top of Riley's head.

"Did you bring Mommy with you?"

Edward's eyes grew tight, and I frowned. "No, sweetheart. I didn't bring Mommy with me. I saw Aunt Rose, though. She told me to give you a kiss and to tell you that she loves you."

"I love Aunt Rose," he whispered sleepily as she snuggled against Edward's chest. "And I love Daddy and Carmen. And I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, buddy."

His eyes closed for a second, but then he opened them once again. "I want you to be my new mommy," Riley announced simply….as if he was just asking for an extra scoop of ice cream or ketchup for his fries. "You love me. You keep your promises. You always come home."

I gasped softly as my eyes flashed to Edward's grim expression. And that's when I knew…

Jessica had missed her visit.

"He's been very calm," Edward marveled softly as he rocked his son from side to side. "He just kept saying that Daddy and Bella love him, and that Bella always comes home."

I leaned down and kissed the little boy's cheek. He smiled and closed his eyes, letting sleep overtake him.

"Let's take him to bed," I whispered softly.

Edward nodded and cradled Riley against his shoulder as we made our way through the living room and into the little boy's bedroom. I pulled the covers back as Edward placed him in the middle of the bed. He kissed him on the forehead as I wrapped the blanket around his tiny body. Edward stepped away, and I leaned down to kiss his cheek. Edward turned on the baby monitor and I grabbed the second one just as he turned off the bedroom light. We both lingered in the doorway, watching the little boy's face reflected in the soft moonlight. Edward pulled me against him as he wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned my head back against him as we stood there, marveling at the little boy whose heart had been broken all over again by the woman who was supposed to love him more than anything else in this world.

"Did she at least call?"

Edward sighed against my ear. "Yes. She said she was sick."

"Do you believe her?"

"I don't know," he admitted softly. "I want to believe her. But I just don't know."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing," Edward whispered quietly. "He didn't throw a tantrum. He didn't cry. He simply shrugged…almost as if he was expecting it. It was eerie to watch. I mean, I'm proud that he was able to control his emotions, but….."

I nodded in understanding. Yes, we wanted him to _control _his emotional outbursts, but we didn't want him to be completely unemotional and detached.

"He just kept saying it was okay….that we loved him, and that he wants you to be his new mommy because you always came home. He just wanted to be held, so that's what I was doing when you came in…"

Edward turned me in his arms. His penetrating stare bore into me. "He loves you, Bella. So much…."

"I love him, too…."

Edward pulled me by the hand toward my own bedroom, and he carefully closed the door behind him. He took the baby monitor out of my hand and placed it on the dresser. His eyes gazed at me….a mixture of sadness, desire, and love. It caused my heart to ache, my stomach to clench, and my legs to tremble. So many dizzying emotions….He pressed my back against the door as his hands ghosted along my ribs, causing me to shudder. He leaned closer, his body pressing against mine, and my eyes snapped open as his hands took my arms and pinned them above my head. His lips brushed against my forehead, and I closed my eyes as my breaths came out in short gasps. His kisses traveled down to my ear, down along my cheek, and finally, caressing the very edge of my mouth. Instinctively, I arched into him, and his soft moan sent a shot of pure desire through my veins. I parted my lips and groaned as his mouth descended upon mine.

"I love you," he whispered urgently against my lips, and I trembled with the excitement of hearing those words. "My son gets to say those words to you all the time, and I never do. My son loves you, and I love you."

"I love you, too…." I admitted tearfully. He nuzzled my neck and I felt him smile against my skin. "I love you both so much, Edward."

His eyes glimmered with happiness as he pressed his forehead against mine. Very slowly he released my arms. I smiled up at him as I grabbed his tie, tugging his face closer to mine. We both moaned as my lips found his.

Hours later, after we checked on Riley one last time and kissed each other goodnight, I made myself a cup of tea and took my laptop out onto the terrace. I sat on the patio and looked out across the Seattle night sky. In the distance, I could see the flickering lights of the Space Needle. The city was so beautiful – such a contrast to my little hometown. Forks was rustically beautiful, but Seattle was like another world, and I was in constant wonder of the beautiful city.

Slowly and carefully, I glanced over the edge of the balcony. Everything looked so small and so far away…. I could detect the shapes of people down below, and I wondered idly what they'd think of me if they could see me standing up here, gazing down upon them. Would they assume my life was trouble-free since I was living on the 27th floor of a tall building that boasted a doorman in the front and security guards walking the halls? Would they consider my life to be perfect because I was sleeping in a penthouse apartment?

_Everything looks perfect from far away._

I sat back down and powered up my laptop and opened my email. I re-read the message from Ms. Butler. With a deep sigh, I closed my eyes and let the cool breeze drift across my face as I considered my life plan. It had seemed so easy when I graduated high school.

College. Teacher. Husband. Babies.

Simple.

Sequential.

But then I'd allowed a man to take my innocence…to make me promises that he'd never intended to keep….to bless me with a child that I'd never been allowed to hold….

My best laid plans were all shot to hell.

I scanned the email once again, desperately trying to decide if I wanted at least one of those dreams to materialize.

I was being offered the chance to teach.

Did I want it?

Emerald eyes flooded my mind – one pair of brilliant green eyes that were nestled in the sweet face of a little boy who wanted me to be his new mommy – and an identical set of eyes that gazed at me with such love and adoration that I wasn't sure if my heart could hold it all.

Hope fades. Plans change. New dreams prevail.

I clicked on the reply button.

_**Ms. Butler,**_

_**Thank you for your interest in me, but I am now making my home in Seattle. My heart is here.**_

_**Thank you,**_

_**Bella Swan**_

And I hit send.

* * *

**My story "Pieces" has made it into the final round of voting for "Best New Moon Story" in the Indie TwiFic Awards. Would you please read it, and if you like it, would you consider voting for it? It's a short, angsty story, but I'm very proud of it. Link can be found in my profile. To those of you who have already voted – thank you!**

**Some people have asked how long this story is going to be. I honestly don't have a number in mind. We still have some things to clear up. But I'd say we're more than halfway through it.**

**As always, I love to hear from you.**


	21. She Will Love You More Than I Could

**AN: Words cannot express how happy you make me with your sweet reviews and words of encouragement. Thank you.**

**Disclaimers: SM owns it. Chapter song comes from Missy Higgins' "Where I Stood." I've used it once before. It was really the inspiration for Jessica and Riley's relationship.**

* * *

Chapter 21

_She Will Love You More Than I Could_

* * *

_I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
Cause she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

**BPOV**

Another Wednesday.

Another no-show.

"This is completely ridiculous," I mumbled to Carmen as she pulled the tray of cookies out of the oven. "Two weeks in a row – with the same excuse? Wouldn't you drag your sick ass to see your child? Even if you were on your death bed? If it's the _only_ day of the week you get to see him?"

Carmen hummed quietly as she placed the hot cookies on the cooling rack. I eyed her specutively as she removed the oven mitt from her hand and dutifully placed it back in its drawer.

"Spit it out, Carmen."

She smirked as she wiped her hands on her apron.

"I'm just not surprised, Bella. This is typical Jessica behavior. _You _would drag your sick ass to see your child. _I _would drag mine. Jessica Stanley would not. None of this surprises me."

I was amazed.

"Seriously?" I frowned. "But she seemed so sincere during that first visit. She was all smiles and friendly…."

"Yes, both of which only confirmed to me that something wasn't right. Jessica never smiles. Jessica is never friendly." Carmen shrugged helplessly. "For Riley's sake, I'd hoped she'd changed. But I wasn't optimistic. She is very manipulative and conniving. She always has been."

I grabbed a cookie, which was still too hot to be eaten, but I was in desperate need of chocolate.

"He's too calm," I mumbled between bites. "She has no idea what she's doing to that child."

Six o'clock had rolled by, and Riley had simply shrugged before asking if he could watch television in his room. Both Edward and I had offered to watch with him, but he merely shook his head and said he "preferred to be alone."

What five-year-old boy "prefers to be alone?"

A five-year-old boy who'd had his heart broken one too many times.

Riley had smiled blankly before retreating to his room. Edward had cursed under his breath and scurried to his study to call his attorney. Carmen had wiped her tears and rushed to the kitchen to bake.

What about me? Where was my outlet to relieve all of my stress?

I finished my cookie and considered my options as I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a juice. I drank and I pondered.

I knew what I _wanted_ to do. I knew what _needed_ to be done.

Jessica Cullen was seriously pissing me off.

She had broken her son's heart once again. She had fooled me into believing that she was actually making an effort. She was causing my family to hide in bedrooms and kitchens and ignore her shitty behavior because none of it surprised any of them.

Shouldn't she be held accountable? For something? Finally?

I decided she should.

I also decided that a phone call wasn't good enough. But I realized in making a visit, I was possibly going to come face-to-face with the one man on this planet I really didn't want to see.

Was I ready to face that fear just to kick Jessica's ass?

I made a tray with two plates of cookies and two glasses of milk and carefully walked toward the study. Edward was growling expletives into the phone as I placed one plate and one glass on the desk. His face softened as he gazed up at me. He looked so tired. I leaned down to kiss his cheek before turning and carrying the rest of the snacks to Riley's bedroom.

I wasn't surprised to find him sleeping peacefully against the pillows as the SpongeBob theme song echoed in the air. I placed the cookies and milk on his nightstand and grabbed his remote. I adjusted the volume to a low roar and settled on the bed next to him. As I ran my fingers through his hair, I contemplated the risk I was about to take.

Riley deserved so much more than this. He deserved a mother who loved him. Who adored him. Who would play with him and care for him and let him be a little boy without all of the manipulation and insincere gifts.

I closed my eyes and said a prayer. A prayer for strength. A prayer for courage.

I kissed Riley's forehead before retreating to the living room. I powered up my laptop and searched for the address I needed. Within moments, the location appeared on the screen.

I scribbled it furiously onto a slip of paper before sticking it in my pocket. Without a word to anyone, I grabbed my jacket and bag and walked out the door.

* * *

The subdivision was immaculate. The lawns were well manicured, and the neighborhood security was out in full force. The homes that lined the streets were all majestic and cold.

Beautiful, of course. But cold.

It was the perfect neighborhood for the two coldest people I had ever met in my entire life.

I expected the house to have its own gated entrance, so I was pleasantly surprised and a little relieved to find that I could pull right into the driveway and knock on the door. I had no way of knowing if she was home. Or worse - if _he _was home.

But then I remembered Riley's bright green eyes, and I decided it didn't matter.

I took a deep breath and pushed the doorbell. It took a few moments, but finally, the door opened just enough for me to see that Jessica was holding onto the knob for dear life, and I gasped as my eyes raked across her face.

I had prepared myself – hoping to give her the benefit of the doubt. I _wanted_ her to be deathly ill. Only that scenario would enable me to forgive the turmoil she'd caused in our home during the past few weeks.

What I wasn't prepared for was her black eye and the purple bruise across her right cheek.

"I've been expecting you," Jessica whispered soberly. Her voice sounded fatigued. "Actually, I expected a phone call, but this works just as well. Come in, Bella."

She stepped away from the door, and I pushed my way through. She turned away from me and walked toward the living room. I closed the door before following her. The house, of course, was nothing short of perfection. Not a possession out of place. I should have been engrossed in the fine pieces of artwork that adorned the walls and the Italian leather furniture that surrounded the room. But it all seemed inconsequential considering the marks on Jessica's otherwise flawless face.

She motioned for me to sit down. I sat across from her, trying desperately not to ask the question I wanted to ask.

I decided to start small.

"I hear you've been sick…."

Jessica laughed. "I am, yes. Morning and night, it seems…."

I nodded although I had no idea what she meant. My eyes flitted around the room and my ears perked, hoping to deduce whether we were alone.

"He isn't here," she whispered softly, as if she could read my mind.

"I'm glad," I admitted quietly.

She searched my face, trying to decide if she believed me. Finally, she nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, I'm sure you are. He wasn't very kind to you, was he?"

This surprised me. What had Jacob told her?

"Umm…." I replied shakily. "I really don't want to discuss Jacob with you. I'm more concerned with Riley."

Jessica laughed again. "Jacob didn't want to discuss you, either." Her fingers ghosted along the bruise on her cheek, and I grimaced as she winced. "Obviously…."

Rage coursed through me.

"He hit you?"

"Oh yes," she admitted with a sigh. "My fault, of course. I mean, he told me that he didn't want to talk about you…and I just kept pushing him. But I saw the way he looked at you, and I saw how frightened you looked when you saw him….so when I got home that night, I demanded answers…."

Her voice dropped lower as her eyes raked across her entwined hands in her lap. "What is it about you? Edward loves you. Riley loves you. And Jacob…."

"Jacob never loved me," I fired back defensively. "If he told you that he did, then he's a liar. And if he put that bruise on your face and blackened your eye – then he doesn't love you, either."

She ignored that.

"Jacob is still…..very protective of you. He told me that he fell very hard for you…very quickly. And that you were pregnant with his child…."

My stomach muscles twisted, and I felt Carmen's cookie making its way back to my throat. I swallowed slowly and took long, cleansing breaths.

"He even came to your parents' house….in the pouring rain….beating on your door and screaming your name…" Jessica shook her head sadly. "He loved you, Bella. It devastated him when he heard you had miscarried."

I couldn't ignore the way her hand ghosted along her own stomach, and I gasped softly.

"Jessica, you're not…."

"I am," she smiled tiredly. "So, see? I was telling the truth about being sick. The morning sickness has been dreadful. But it's okay. Because Jacob will love me. Not you. _Me_. He will love me because I can give him the one thing you couldn't."

My head was reeling. Jacob was abusive. Jessica was pregnant. She wore a black eye and a bruised face and was happily patting her stomach and gloating that she was a better woman than me because was going to give that monster a child.

Was she insane?

"So we both get what we want, don't we?" Jessica's voice was light and happy.

My head creased in confusion. "Meaning…."

"Well, obviously….you get Edward and Riley. Jacob has always been very clear that he would never raise another man's child. And now…." Her hand lovingly stroked her tummy. "Now he'll have one all his own. We're getting married, you know…"

My eyes flashed to her other hand. Sure enough, a gigantic diamond adorned her ring finger.

"And what about Riley? Did you forget that you have another child?"

Her eyes widened for a moment, but she quickly recovered. "Riley will be just fine. I know that I'm not a good mother, Bella. But I _want_ to be. And with this baby….well, I get a fresh start. A clean slate. I deserve that. I can learn from the mistakes I made with Riley, and I can be a decent mother to this child."

"But Jessica…." I whispered, my eyes filling with tears. "Jacob hits you…."

"Oh, this?" Her finger stroked her purple cheek. "This is nothing, Bella. A small price to pay for the joy he brings me. I'm still learning his moods…his boundaries….I've always been a little…difficult. Jacob is just what I need."

For some reason, sympathy for this woman coursed through my veins, and I felt the desperate need to save her from herself.

"But Jessica," I whispered softly, as if I was talking to a child, "He _hits_ you. And….don't you worry that he'll cheat on you? Did he explain that he was married when we met?"

"Yes," she admitted calmly. "But he won't cheat on me. I am giving him a child. He will love me and this baby and give us everything I've ever dreamed of…."

_Unbelievable._

"Jessica, I think you're making a huge mistake."

Her eyes crinkled with a smile. "Actually, I am at peace with my decision. We all get our happy endings."

"But Riley…"

"Oh, Bella..." Jessica sighed. "Riley loves you. And I love him. I really do. But I have come to understand that I have to love him enough to let him go. You are so much better for him than I am. I was not good to Riley. I wasn't good _for_ Riley. You threatened to kick my ass if I ever hurt him. That's how I know that he will be just fine. Please say you'll take care of him?"

And that's when I realized that this woman was _giving_ me her child.

"This is unbelievable," I whispered softly. "You're just…giving him away?"

Jessica nodded. "I suppose it does seem that way. But I know you love him. I'm not wrong about that, am I?"

I closed my eyes in resignation.

"I love him. I love him very much. But Jessica….he's your son…."

"But you're good for him. Better than I could ever be. I know it may seem cold to you, but really, I'm doing him a favor. You will love him unconditionally. You will let him get his clothes dirty and color outside the lines…Please, Bella…." Her voice was shaky as her eyes filled with tears. "Please take him? Please be the mother that I could never be. Please let me give him that?"

My eyes ghosted to her stomach, and sympathy for her unborn child almost suffocated me. She was bringing this baby into a world where its father was abusive and the mother viewed it as a clean slate.

But I couldn't worry about that child.

I had my own child – a boy with his father's brilliant emerald eyes – waiting for me at home.

Suddenly, I was very thankful that Jessica Stanley had no lasting interest in her son. The woman was either certifiably insane or the stupidest woman on the planet. Either way, she wouldn't be hurting _my _child anymore.

"Okay," I whispered sincerely, and she surprised me by enveloping me in a hug.

* * *

It was after midnight before I made my way back to the penthouse. I found Edward pacing on the terrace with his cell phone against his ear.

"Nevermind," he snapped at whoever was on the other end and abruptly shut his phone. "Do you have _any_ idea how worried I've been?"

"Sorry, _Dad_…." I murmured guiltily as I flopped onto the patio furniture. Didn't he realize that I was having a moment – possibly the biggest moment of my life?

"Yes, I was calling him next," Edward spat angrily. But then he noticed my tear-stained cheeks and my red eyes.

"What's wrong?" He murmured as sunk down onto the couch next to me. He pulled me by the hand, and I found myself cradled in his lap. I rested my head against his chest as he softly stroked my hair.

"Nothing's _wrong_, I don't think….."

He sighed against my hair. "Where did you go? Why have you been crying?"

I sniffled against his shirt and wiped my eyes. "I went to see Jessica."

Edward tightened his hold around me. "I suspected as much. Why didn't you tell me that you were going?"

"Because you would have demanded to go with me, and I didn't want an audience when I kicked her ass."

"I see." His voice was amused as he gazed at me in wonder. His fingertips softly traced my cheekbone. "And did you effectively kick it?"

"I didn't have to," I sniffled softly. "Jacob had already done it for me."

Edward's eyebrows knitted together. "What does that mean?"

He listened quietly as I explained the bruises on Jessica's face, her pregnancy, and the ring on her finger.

"Wow," he breathed softly against my cheek.

"Yeah…." I whispered sadly. "And I tried, Edward. I tried to make her understand that the entire situation was completely fucked up, but she just kept smiling and telling me how we're all getting our happy endings. Jacob is going to hurt her, and he's going to hurt that baby….and she just….she just didn't hear me. She was too busy gloating that she could give him what I couldn't, and I couldn't even get pissed about that before she started begging me to take care of Riley…."

This got his attention.

"She asked you…"

"No, she _begged_ me. Literally begged me. She just….._gave_ me her child. She said that she knew that I'd love him and take care of him, and she begged me to take him. She told me to tell you to have Marcus to draw up whatever papers are necessary. She won't contest the divorce. She won't seek custody. She won't fight anything. She wants to be free so she can marry Jacob as soon as possible."

The tears that had subsided threatened to spill again.

"What kind of mother does that?" I whimpered softly against his collar. "Doesn't she realize that he's this wonderful, adorable little boy who likes to read and color and build sandcastles and swing and do all of the things that five-year-olds like to do? How could she just give him away?"

My sobbing turned uncontrollable, and Edward rocked me in his lap, whispering soothing words and kissing my cheek softly. I had no idea how much time had passed, but eventually, my tears lessened, and I found that I was able to take a deep breath once again.

"Bella…." Edward whispered softly. "You realize that he's always been yours, don't you? Since the day you walked through the door, Riley has been yours."

I stared into his handsome face, illuminated by the stars in the sky and the sparkling lights of the city below us.

"I love him so much," I whispered sincerely.

"I know you do, baby," Edward smiled at me. "That's why I know that – for the first time in his life – Jessica has finally done the right thing for my son. She's given him a real mother."

I smiled through my tears, and Edward gently pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Is that what you want?" He asked quietly.

"Without a doubt," I answered automatically, because I knew it was true.

Edward smiled that heart-stopping smile that always melted my heart. "Well then, I guess it's time for me to make some plans…."

I nodded. "Yes, she wants the divorce to be final as soon as possible."

Edward grinned. "That won't be a problem. But I was thinking of more personal plans…something to make all of this a little more official for all of us…"

I frowned.

"Official?"

He nuzzled my nose with his. "If you're going to make my son the happiest little boy in the world by being his mother…."

I couldn't ignore the way his voice whispered _mother_ so reverently. It made my skin tingle with joy.

"Yes…."

"Then I think it's only fair that you make his father the happiest man in the world, as well."

"And how could I possibly do that?" I asked with a smile.

His emerald eyes were scorching as they gazed into mine.

"Marry me, Bella."

* * *

**Fan Fic Rec – Are you reading "An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy?" You should be!! It's the sweetest story I've ever read in my life. It's rated T, and I rarely read those. But it is so worth the read! The author doesn't need my rec, but I wanted to give it a shout-out because it's just too original and cute. **

**As always, I love to hear from you.**


	22. Pick Up Your Crazy Heart

**AN: *taps microphone* I have a few announcements:**

**As of next chapter, I will be disabling anonymous reviews. I've made this decision because I am tired of wishing that I could reply to specific points made by reviewers only to find that the person hasn't registered for an account. Don't you think that if you are willing to make a comment – either negative or positive – that you should allow the author the chance to respond? I think that's only fair. I hope my anonymous readers will choose to make accounts. I read every review, and I would hate to miss yours.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns it. Yes, I shamelessly stole that last little cliffie from the New Moon movie. Chapter title is from "The Weary Kind" by Ryan Bingham.**

* * *

Chapter 22

_Pick Up Your Crazy Heart and Give It One More Try_

* * *

EPOV

The words were out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying, but I couldn't regret them. Why would I regret asking for the one thing I wanted more than anything else?

Her soft gasp and wide chocolate eyes were the only indication that perhaps I'd spoken too soon. Her body had grown rigid against me, and I couldn't help but notice that her breathing was rapid.

I rubbed her back soothingly. "Bella?"

"Just…give me minute," she whispered with a shaky breath. I nuzzled her cheek and allowed her the time she needed. After a few moments, her breathing slowed and the color returned to her face.

Her beautiful brown eyes were still wide with surprise.

"You…didn't….just….. propose…." Bella stammered slowly.

"I did," I smiled softly. "You seem surprised."

Her eyes brightened as she laughed. "Umm….._surprised_ is an understatement." She gazed at me in wonder before wrapping her arms around my neck. "Edward, you can't be serious."

My forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Why not?"

Her eyes widened. "_Why not_?"

"Why not?" I repeated softly, and then I decided to tease her just a little. "I mean, if you're going to be my son's mother…."

"Oh, Edward…" Bella sighed with exasperation. "I'm not sure that Jessica was being literal. Or _sane,_ to be honest. I think she was just asking me take care of her child – just as I've been doing all along. Of course, I'll do that. I love him."

"I know you will. All the more reason for us to get married," I explained calmly. But my calmness was a stark contrast to her panic. Her breathing was becoming labored again, and I pulled her against my chest. She was freaking out, and I didn't really understand why.

"Bella….I love you. I'm never going to love anyone else. Nothing would make me happier…"

She shook her head as she leapt off my lap. I grabbed her hand to steady her as her feet found the concrete of the patio. Snatching her hand away from mine, she placed both hands on her hips and loomed down over me.

Wide chocolate eyes. Nostrils flared. Hair whipping in the wind.

It was sexy as hell.

And a little scary.

"Edward Cullen, have you lost your mind?"

Not exactly the response I was hoping for. I was just about to reply when she suddenly began pacing along the patio.

"I've known you for what? A minute? I don't really know your parents. You haven't even met mine. You told me you loved me for the first time just last week. We haven't even gone out on a date!"

I counted the gala and the zoo as dates, but I couldn't deny the other points. Of course, I needed to meet the parents, but we had plenty of time for that.

I watched worriedly as her pacing became frantic, and I decided that keeping my mouth closed was probably the wisest decision I could make.

She really was adorable – even when she was infuriated.

"And…." she continued breathlessly, "….need I remind you that you are still a _married _man?" She stopped pacing and stared at me once again. I wasn't sure if it was safe to respond or not.

I decided to try.

"Bella, I….."

"You _honestly _expect me to say yes to your proposal? Right this minute?" With an internal chuckle, I leaned back in my chair and allowed her to continue her rant. "I tell you that your _wife_ is pregnant and is being abused by her fiancé. I tell you that the mother of your child just begged me to raise your son. And _this _is the leap you make? Marriage? Seriously?"

I hadn't planned to ignore Jacob's abuse of Jessica, and I planned to make a call to Marcus first thing in the morning regarding that situation. Jessica obviously needed help, and I'd see that it was offered. It was up to Jessica to accept it. It was the least I could do.

I cleared my throat nervously.

"Perhaps….I've gone about this all wrong…."

Her eyes flashed with annoyance. "Perhaps so." And the expression on her face was so cute that I literally had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing. She truly had no idea how beautiful she was. "I mean…I understand that our situation is a little unusual, but I think – when it comes to proposals – that we girls wish for the same thing. We want the bended knee. We want romance. We want the ring. We want the man to be _single_."

Of course, I knew that Bella and I couldn't get married _tomorrow_. My life had to be sorted. I had to get divorced. I hadn't even bought a ring. I was all for a long engagement. I just wanted her to know that this was my intention – to make her mine in every sense of the word and promise my whole heart to her. It was hers already. I just wanted a symbolic gesture to prove it.

Maybe I should have explained all of that _before _I popped the question.

"I love you," I offered lamely, as if those three little words would solve everything. I was gratified to see that her face did soften, and her eyes glowed just a little brighter in the darkness.

"I love you, too," she whispered softly. "But….jeez, Edward…."

And with that, Bella stomped her cute little feet and raced back into the penthouse.

I chuckled to myself and smiled broadly when I realized that she hadn't exactly said _no_.

* * *

BPOV

For the rest of the month, I found myself avoiding any private time with Edward. No touching. No kissing. I couldn't think coherently when his hands were anywhere near my body, and I seriously needed time to process everything.

Thirty days without a kiss.

It was a very long month.

Edward had tried – unsuccessfully – to explain his proposal, but I just couldn't hear it. It was too fast. Too soon. We weren't ready. His divorce would be finalized soon, but still….I was hurt that he thought I would say yes so quickly and easily. I didn't need sunshine and roses, but I did require my future husband to be _unmarried._

Didn't he understand that?

Instead of my love life, I focused my attention on Riley. His schedule. His homework. His therapy. His progress at school. His piano lessons.

One afternoon, I decided to escape my frantic thoughts and frayed nerves and enjoy a few hours at the park before picking Riley up from school. I grabbed my favorite Austen novel and an apple and raced to my favorite bench down by the water. Far away from my scattered feelings and far away from Edward. I stared out across the water and sighed in frustration.

As if our lives weren't complicated enough, let's add a marriage proposal to the list.

What was he _thinking_?

That's not to say that I hadn't _thought_ about it. Of course, living day after day with the man I love and the boy I adore was bound to conjure ideas of family and happily ever after. But the knowledge that Edward shared those same ideas made the possibility very real.

And very scary.

I could just imagine that first introduction between Edward and my father.

"_Hey, Dad. This is Edward. I love him. Oh, and we're getting married. Please don't shoot him."_

Frustrated, I took a gigantic bite of my apple and opened to a random page of _Mansfield Park_, hoping to lose myself in the story. But then my eyes flashed to the character of _Edmund_, which was much too close to _Edward_, and I angrily snapped the book shut.

There was truly no escape.

"You always loved Austen."

The voice was deep and low, and I bristled with fury as I recognized the voice of Jacob Black.

"May I sit with you?"

I closed my eyes in defeat as he ignored my silent refusal and made his way to the other side of the bench. I stared straight ahead at the water, refusing to acknowledge his unwelcomed presence on this park bench…and in my life.

"Beautiful day," he commented lightly, as if we were just any two strangers in the park. "Unusual weather for Seattle this year."

I watched as the smallest baby duck trailed behind its mother, and I suddenly felt this irrational urge to call my mom.

"You may be interested to know that Jessica is gone."

This _did_ interest me, and I inwardly cheered. Good for her. Now, she and that baby actually had the chance of a somewhat normal life.

"Everyone I love always leaves," Jacob's voice actually sounded sad, as if the women in his life were just terrible, unfeeling bitches who had absolutely no reason to leave his sorry ass behind.

"Perhaps you should examine why that is," I offered calmly.

In my peripheral vision, I noticed his head turn my way.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For?"

"Acknowledging my presence."

I rolled my eyes before returning my gaze to the ducks.

"I've done some terrible things, Bella."

I nodded in agreement, and he actually had the nerve to laugh. My quiet resolve snapped, and I turned toward him on the bench.

"Did you actually expect me to disagree with you? You are a complete asshole, Jacob. I mean, what you did to me was horrible. What you did to your wife was despicable. But what you did to Jessica…." I laughed darkly. "That's a new low, even for a bastard like you."

His eyes snapped to my face.

"I deserved that."

"You deserve more. I'm thrilled that Jessica left you. Maybe now that baby has a chance at a normal life. Or, as normal as it can be with Jessica as its mother."

Jacob's face actually looked sad.

"We….lost the baby….That's why she left. She's moved back home with her mother."

_Oh no._

Sadness for Jessica and my own memories of the past flooded me. I wrapped my arms around my waist and struggled to steady my breathing.

Naturally, Jacob was oblivious to my pain and chose to focus on his own selfish feelings.

"I have now lost two babies."

"Perhaps this is a sign that you should be _nicer_ to the mothers of your children," I whispered angrily as hot tears rushed down my cheeks.

Finally noticing my heartache, Jacob reached for my hand. In his eyes, I recognized the boy I'd loved so much. He was still in there….I could see him in the concern that was etched across his face, and for a brief moment….I was that eighteen year old girl once again.

"Bella, you have to know how much I loved you. It killed me when you left me. It destroyed me when I heard that we'd lost our baby. It will always haunt me, knowing that I had something to do with that…."

"You had _everything_ to do with it!" I snapped angrily. "And you've done it again! What did you do Jacob? Did you hit her again? Is that why she lost her baby? At least my abuse was emotional. You broke my heart into a million pieces and treated me like a whore right there in front of your _wife_. But you never….ever…hurt me as deeply as you've hurt Jessica…."

He dropped his head in shame. "No….I promise I didn't hit her. I never laid a hand on her once I found out she was pregnant."

"You're a fucking liar. I saw the bruises, Jacob."

"I know you did," he answered quietly. "But I was out of town when she found out she was pregnant. You knew before I did. I promise I didn't hit her once I found out she was pregnant. Please believe that."

It didn't matter what I believed. As sad as I was for Jessica, I was relieved that she had escaped this tortured life.

"I've made so many mistakes, Bella," He whispered wistfully. "But my biggest regret is you. I truly loved you, Bella."

"Then you have a really fucked up perception of love, Jacob. You don't treat people you love the way you treated me."

He looked incredulous. "What did you expect me to do? My wife had just caught us in bed together. I _had_ to lie…"

"What did I _expect_?" I replied furiously. "I _expected_ you to be single! Don't you think in the course of our relationship you should have mentioned that you were married?"

"No," he answered without hesitation. "Because then you wouldn't have given me a second glance."

"I _shouldn't_ have given you a second glance! You should have been faithful to your wife!"

"My _wife_…." Jacob sneered. "Leah was the biggest bitch that ever walked. I hated her. She hated me. She would have taken me to the cleaners if given the chance. I had to lie, Bella. Don't you see? Our future depended on it."

His warped sense of responsibility was maddening.

"And then I came to your parents' house, and you wouldn't talk to me. And then your father shoved a gun in my face and chased me through the Olympic Forest. I honestly thought the man was going to kill me." Jacob laughed sarcastically. "I'll never forget it. He didn't want to hear my excuses. All he asked was, "Are you the boy who made my daughter cry?" And when I admitted that I was, he just knocked me to the ground and pointed the barrel at my chest, promising that if I ever came near you again, he'd put a bullet in me."

I'd never heard the entire story, and now, along with the desire to call my mom, I suddenly had the urge to hug my father.

"You must have a death wish because here you are," I whispered softly.

"Here I am."

"Why?"

"Because it's a small world," Jacob chuckled. "I never thought I'd see you again. And then Jessica brought me the newspaper, screaming that Cullen had a new girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when I saw your big brown eyes staring back at me off that page." Jacob leaned closer to me. "Those eyes….you still have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen…"

I leaned back, effectively putting distance between us. He noticed my discomfort, and he scooted back to the other side of the bench. He sighed dejectedly.

"Cullen's a lucky man. I hope he makes you happy, Bella."

"Whether I'm happy or not is none of your business." I grabbed my bag and leapt to my feet. "Now that Jessica is gone, there is absolutely no reason why I should ever see your face again. Stay away from me. Are we clear?"

Jacob gazed up at me - his face was a mixture of sadness and wonder.

"You were always so strong," he whispered softly. "I'll always love you, Bella."

"I don't need your kind of love, Jacob. Stay away from me. Are we clear?" I repeated stiffly.

Jacob nodded. "Crystal."

"Good."

And with that promise, I felt the rips in my weary heart finally begin to heal.

* * *

Later that evening, Riley and I were sitting on his bed working on his homework. I was watching him write his numbers in the grids when Carmen suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"There's someone here to see you, Bella."

"Me?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "At the door."

I couldn't ignore the twinkle in her eye and the blinding smile on her face.

_Hmm…_

I glanced down at Riley. "He's on number 78. He tends to get off track once he hits the 80s….."

"I know," Carmen smiled softly. "I'll keep an eye on him."

I kissed Riley's hair before making my way down the hallway and through the foyer. When I opened the door, I found a gigantic vase of lavender roses staring me in the face. The delivery man was appropriately hidden behind the beautiful flowers, but the unruly head of bronze hair that towered above the blooms gave him away.

I smiled happily as Edward slowly lowered the vase. His expression was both excited and hesitant.

He was truly the most handsome man I'd ever seen.

And he wanted to marry me.

Suddenly, this whole marriage thing didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"Hi, beautiful."

"Hi," I grinned. "_Those_ are beautiful."

"There's no comparison," Edward whispered softly and my heart danced with his silly, sweet words. "But they _are _pretty, I think. And getting heavy…"

I giggled as I stepped away from the door. He slowly walked inside and placed the flowers on the closest sturdy surface he could find. Just like a girl, I stealthily began counting the number of roses in the vase.

"Two dozen?"

"Three," he murmured. "I bought every purple flower in that shop."

I smiled as I leaned close to admire their scent. "Thank you. They're gorgeous. But why lavender?"

Edward gazed down at me. His eyes were soft, and I felt my legs tremble. No one should be this handsome.

"Did you know that each color of rose has a different meaning?"

I nodded as I took his hand in mine. "I know some of them. I know red symbolizes love. Yellow is friendship…"

"Yes," he replied. "Despite the fact that red would have been appropriate, I decided that I should be a bit more creative. So I did some research, with the help of my infuriatingly nosy sister and her highly flamboyant florist…"

I beamed at him. "And what does lavender mean?"

"That's part of the surprise," Edward grinned mischievously. "And I'll happily explain the meaning of the lavender rose on one condition."

"Hmm. You know, I could just Google…." I teased, looking across the room and eyeing my laptop. He sighed and squeezed my hand playfully. I looked back into his handsome face and lost myself in the gold flecks in his emerald eyes.

_So not fair._

"Fine…what's your condition?"

His smile was triumphant.

"Please have dinner with me?"

I literally gasped.

_Edward Cullen was finally asking me out on a date!_

"Okay," I giggled. "When?"

His face melted into a crooked smile. "Is tonight too soon?"

I saw him blink rapidly as he watched my face erupt into a smile.

"Tonight is absolutely perfect," I whispered.

* * *

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	23. This Is The Day That Everything Changes

**Chapter 23**

_**This Is The Day That Everything Changes**_

**EPOV**

_Week 1_

The morning after my ill-timed proposal, I sat at my office desk and compiled my list of things to do. This wasn't your typical to-do list. Nowhere on this paper would you find the phrases "clean the gutters" or "mow the lawn."

This list was much more important. My entire future depended on the successful completion of this list.

I couldn't keep from laughing when I remembered Bella's reaction to my proposal. She simply had no idea how incredibly sexy she was when her temper flared to epic proportions. I hadn't had the chance to explain that I didn't intend to marry her _now_…although nothing would make me happier. I knew I had to get my shit together before we could even seriously consider our future.

Thus, the list.

I checked over the list once more, making sure I had left nothing out.

***Have Marcus check into Jessica's allegations of abuse**

***Finalize my divorce petition/custody agreement**

***Prepare Jessica's "Voluntarily Relinquish Parental Rights of a Child" petition**

***Make Jessica sign everything**

***Woo Bella**

***First Date**

***Meet the parents**

***Give her the proposal she deserves**

***Live happily ever after with my family**

"He's beating her, alright," Marcus remarked as he made his way into my office. He placed his briefcase on the couch and loosened his tie as he helped himself to a drink at the mini-bar. "Four domestic abuse calls to their home during the past month."

I groaned as I crossed number one off my list.

"Charges filed?"

"Of course not," Marcus grumbled as he collapsed against the chair. "Typical bullshit. He didn't mean to. She forgives him. Blah Blah." He took a sip of his drink. "She's getting some rest right now. He's apparently been out of town for a few days. Supposedly gone to Portland for some convention."

He's probably cheating on her, I thought idly.

_And the cycle continues…_

"You realize I have to help her," I remarked softly. This was my son's mother. While I had no lasting feelings for Jessica, I had to find a way to protect her and her unborn child.

Marcus sighed resignedly.

"I had a feeling you'd say that," he replied. "But you know the drill, Edward. Victims of abuse are hard to reach, and you have a divorce and custody battle that require your attention. Your ninety days are up soon. We don't need any distractions right now."

According to Washington state law, divorce petitions couldn't be acted upon for ninety days after filing. It'd been a long three months.

"Custody won't be an issue," I declared emphatically. I then informed Marcus of Jessica's intentions regarding Bella and Riley. His eyebrows rose as I explained the situation, and he was already booting up his laptop, looking for the appropriate petition. He typed furiously before emailing the document to me for printing.

"Get it in writing," Marcus warned me. "You know how flaky Jessica is."

I nodded as I checked my email for the document. "Flaky or not, I have to help her, Marcus. No one deserves the shit that Jacob Black is putting her through."

Marcus closed his laptop and rose from his chair. "You're a good man. Better than me. Let me make a few calls. You get that petition signed."

On cue, the document appeared in the print tray. I grabbed the petition and my jacket, and I followed Marcus out the door.

* * *

_Week 2_

"You're avoiding me," I accused softly as I drove down Jessica's street. Bella's quiet giggle resonated from my cell phone. "I haven't kissed you in days. That is entirely unacceptable."

Actually, I kissed her every night. She was just sound asleep whenever I did it. Between my crazy hours at the firm and Riley's schedule, Bella and I had been missing each other.

"You've been working late," Bella reminded me. "Besides, I can't form a coherent thought when you're kissing me. If you'd attacked me with one of your trademark Edward-Cullen-panty-dropping-kisses when you proposed, we'd be in Vegas right now."

Damn it. _Now_ she tells me.

"Baby, you were right about this neighborhood," I whispered as I noticed the cookie-cutter homes and lawns. "_Cold _is the perfect word to describe it."

"I know," she sighed dejectedly. "Are you sure that she'll sign the petition?"

"It was her idea," I murmured gently as I pulled into the drive. "We're just getting it in writing."

"And we're going to help her…"

"We're going to try, baby."

Bella sighed softly. "I hope she listens. Good luck."

"I don't need luck," I whispered gently as I turned off the ignition. "I have you."

I was gratified to hear her sweet sigh in my ear. I promised to call her as soon as I had any news. We hung up then, and I grabbed my briefcase which held the sacred petition and made my way to Jacob Black's front door. I rang the doorbell, and I was surprised when Jessica opened it so quickly.

"Edward?" I noticed the faded bruises on her face, and my stomach lurched. "What are you doing here?"

First things first. I needed to be certain that Jacob was nowhere near this house. The last thing I wanted to do was create more problems for her.

"I have some papers for Jacob. Is he here?"

"He's in Portland through Friday," Jessica murmured skeptically. "Since when do you deliver your own papers?"

"This is a special circumstance. May I come in?"

Her eyes flashed with a brief moment of hesitation, but she finally opened the door and allowed me to walk through. The house was just as Bella described.

Immaculate. Organized. Cold.

It was my penthouse pre-Bella…before she arrived and made everything beautiful.

"Can I get you a drink?" Jessica offered.

"No, thanks," I replied, and she motioned me to sit down on the sofa. "I understand Bella visited you a few nights ago, and you offered to relinquish parental rights to her?"

"That's right," Jessica smiled as she sat down across from me. I watched as her hand ghosted along her stomach. "You know I'm a terrible mother, Edward. It's really for the best."

I couldn't deny that. Instead of agreeing, I opened my briefcase and presented her with the petition. Her eyes scanned the document, and I watched as her eyes glazed over with all of the legal terminology.

"Feel free to have Jacob look over it," I offered. "He can explain it."

"I'll do that," Jessica smiled at me, all calm and business-like. "You know this is for the best, don't you? Bella loves him, and she'll be good to him."

"I know she will," I agreed whole-heartedly.

We sat in an uneasy silence for a few more minutes before I mentioned that our ninety days were almost up and we should be headed to court soon. Since everyone was in agreement regarding possessions and custody, the proceedings should be simple. Jessica only nodded thoughtfully and twirled her gigantic engagement ring on her finger.

"Listen…Jessica…" I began softly. "Bella mentioned to me that Jacob was being….a little rough with you…"

She actually laughed. "I knew she would. That girl worries too much. I told her that I'm fine. He's only hit me a few times, and it's always my fault. You know how I am, Edward. I'm opinionated and mouthy, and I tend to pout when I don't get my way. Jacob cares for me. He's teaching me limits. It's good for me, really."

I leaned back in my chair, staring at her face…trying desperately to see the strong girl I'd known since high school. Where was she?

Bella was right. Jessica was obviously delusional.

"But what about your baby, Jess? Don't you worry that he'll hit you so hard that he could cause you to lose it? And what about later? Aren't you afraid that he'll hurt your child?"

"Oh no…" Jessica sighed softly. "He would never. Besides, I just found out I'm pregnant. I haven't even told him yet. He's going to be so happy when he comes home and hears the good news. Everything is going to be wonderful, Edward."

Everything was _not_ going to be wonderful. I had to make her see reason.

"Let me help you, Jess…" I whispered softly. "You could press charges…..I could help you find a place to live….."

Her eyes grew wide with fear. "Why would I do that? I told you….anytime he's hit me it's been my fault. Besides, he's apologized, and I've forgiven him. I love him, Edward…."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "But Jess…"

"No!" she shouted sharply as she jumped to her feet. "You've found someone you love. I've found someone I love. We both have the chance to have something we've never had before. A real family! Don't mess this up for me, Edward!"

I dropped my head and snapped my briefcase closed as I rose to my feet. This was getting us nowhere. As I stood before her, I took one last look at the mother of my child. She looked both determined and defeated, and it was the saddest thing I had ever seen.

"I'm sorry I wasn't a better husband, Jess. I know I made mistakes, and I know I didn't give you what you needed. I will always regret that…"

Jessica's face softened with my confession. "I wasn't a perfect wife, either. Or a perfect mother. I'm sorry for trapping you into marriage…."

"I'm not sorry that you gave me Riley," I reassured her with a smile. "He's the best part of both of us. You know that, right?"

I was gratified to see her eyes well with tears. Not because I wanted to make her cry, but because I was happy to see that the mere mention of our son could produce some authentic emotion.

"I am happy you've found Bella," Jess whispered softly. "I don't know much about her, but I do know that she loves Riley. She is everything he needs. And I think she is everything _you_ need. I'm sorry that I let my jealousy cloud my judgment. You know how selfish I can be…." She smiled sadly and patted her tummy. "I'm going to do better this time."

I sighed.

"I really hope you're happy, Jess. But please…promise me that you'll call me if you need anything….anything at all…"

"I promise," She replied softly. "But I won't need anything from you. We're both moving on, Edward. I'll sign whatever you want. I just want this over as soon as humanly possible."

"So do I," I agreed. "Marcus will be in touch."

"Okay."

To both of our surprise, I leaned in and gently kissed her forehead. I was so worried about her…and her unborn child…but Jessica's decision was made. And I had my own life to live.

"Please take care of yourself, Jess."

"You too."

And with that, I walked out the door.

* * *

_Week 3_

"Alright, this is bullshit," I mumbled as I stuffed my toast in my mouth. Carmen giggled from behind the refrigerator door. "Why is she avoiding me?"

"She just took Riley to school," Carmen reminded me. "And you saw her at dinner last night," Carmen grinned as she poured more orange juice in my glass. I grunted and squinted my eyes in her direction.

She was in on it.

Whatever _it_ was.

"We are like two ships passing in the night," I muttered. "She's either with Riley, or I'm at work. And by the time I get home, she makes sure she's sound asleep. We haven't touched in weeks. Not a kiss. Nothing!"

Disgusted, I slammed back the orange juice as if it was the strongest alcohol known to man. Carmen just smirked at me.

"Edward…" Carmen murmured softly. "That girl is making you work for it. Don't you recognize the signs?"

My forehead creased in confusion.

"Work for what?"

Carmen sighed as she sat down at the table next to me. "Men. You think you're so smart, when really you're just children in big bodies…."

"Hey!"

"Edward…" she grinned. "Did you or did you not propose to that girl?"

See, I knew she was in on it. I could just imagine the girl-talk that had transpired after that spontaneous yet honest display of affection.

I bet Rosalie knows, too.

"Girls," I huffed.

Carmen grinned.

"I didn't expect her to say yes. I'm not nuts. I realize we couldn't get married anytime soon…but she won't give me the chance to explain…."

"She doesn't want your explanations," Carmen replied gently. "She wants romance, Edward. Between Riley….and Jessica…and Jessica's boyfriend…it's been drama after more drama. You asked that girl to marry you because you are thinking with another body part other than your brain…"

I gasped.

"Carmen, you don't really believe that, do you?"

"Didn't Bella say that nothing could happen between the two of you until you were single?"

My eyes grew wide. "Are there _no_ secrets between you women?"

Carmen laughed. "Not many. Well?"

"That's not….entirely inaccurate…" I admitted pathetically. "But that isn't why I asked her to marry me." Fear suddenly gripped me. "That's not what she thinks, is it?"

"No, but that's what your sister thinks. Which planted the little seed of doubt into Bella's head."

_Stupid Rosalie._

"Don't be too upset with your sister," Carmen cautioned with a pat to my hand. "She is all for this. But she thinks you need to learn the art of romancing a woman, _especially_ a woman that is so right for you. A woman who has put her life on hold to care for your son. She's afraid you're going to….what were her words? Oh yes…._fuck this up_."

My surprised eyes flashed to her face, which had erupted into a wide grin. It was the very first time I'd ever heard Carmen use a curse word.

_Ever._

What the hell was going on with the women in my life?

"Carmen, I don't know what I'm doing," I whined.

"Obviously," she smirked as she rose from the table and walked toward the living room. "Call your sister!"

With a grunt, I flipped open my phone only to find that I had a voice mail.

"Mr. Cullen," the voice announced, "this is Northwest Medical Center. We have been trying to reach you. Your wife has been admitted…."

_Bella!_

I didn't listen to the rest of the message as I raced out the door in a blind panic.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen," the nurse behind the counter apologized for the hundredth time. "We don't have an Isabella Swan admitted."

I nervously ran my hand through my hair. "But I had a message from your hospital saying that my wife was here."

"Would she be under another name?" The nurse seemed at a complete loss for words as she searched the database. "Does your wife always use her maiden name? Perhaps I should check under _Cullen_?"

Cullen.

_Jessica._

"Jessica," I whispered softly. "Jessica Cullen."

The nurse's eyes narrowed as she looked from me and back to the screen.

_Yes, I am a dumbass._

"I'm sorry," I replied lamely. "Jessica is….we're getting divorced.

"I see," she said sympathetically. "You were her emergency contact number. Is there someone else we can call?"

_Oh, I don't know. Maybe her fiancé? _But then my stomach dropped as I considered the possibility that he may be the reason she was in this hospital in the first place.

"No," I answered quietly. I took a deep breath. "May I see her?"

She eyed me curiously.

"Room 432," the nurse finally offered with a sigh. "Just take the elevator."

I thanked her and made my way through the double doors. Finding the room was easy enough, and I took a long, steadying breath before pushing through the doors. I was relieved to find Jessica sitting up in bed – seemingly bruise-free.

"Jess?"

Her head snapped up. "Edward? What…."

I made my way over to the bed. "Apparently, I'm still your "in case of emergency" number," I grinned softly as I sat down in the chair next to her bed. She looked okay. A little tired, maybe. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Her head dropped to her lap. "I woke up with horrible stomach cramps. I hoped it was just a bug, but….." Her voice faded with a sniffle. "I miscarried. The doctor said these things sometimes happen…."

I sighed and grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry, Jess."

And then I asked the question I really didn't want to ask. Had he caused this?

"Where's Jacob?"

"Out of town, of course. He's always out of town. He says it's a big case, but….." Her tear-filled eyes flickered over me. "….you worked big cases. You were never out of town for weeks at a time."

I closed my eyes in quiet resignation. I heard her sniffle louder.

"I don't think he's working on a case," Jessica whispered solemnly, her eyes now vacant and far away. She looked so lost, and I could see my son's face in the shape of her nose and the point of her chin.

"I'm so sorry, Jess," I whispered as I squeezed her hand.

She smiled sadly. "Thanks."

"So now what?"

She sighed softly and shrugged. "I think I need a true fresh start. Away from Seattle. Away from my failures. I think I'll go home for a while. See my parents. It's been a long time."

I nodded. "Will you let me help you? I could make the arrangements…"

"I don't deserve your help," she whispered, and I saw a tear trickle down her face.

"You gave me the most beautiful little boy in the whole world," I replied with a squeeze of her hand. "I could never thank you enough for that. The least I can do is book you a flight home."

She smiled gratefully as her eyes glistened with tears.

"Okay."

* * *

_Week 4_

"What the hell were you thinking?" My sister's high-pitched squeal resonated in my ears as she pulled me by the sleeve toward the flower shop. "Seriously, Edward. A proposal?"

We crashed through the brightly-decorated door of the shop.

"Why is it so out of the realm of possibility that I love this girl?" I asked, dumbfounded, as a thousand different scents wafted my nostrils. I sneezed. Rose shot me a disapproving look.

"I don't doubt your affection for my best friend," Rose explained as she pulled me through the store. The staff noticed her and immediately paled. Obviously, the flower shop staff was well-acquainted with my loud-mouthed sister.

"I need Laurent!" She snapped at nobody in particular, and I watched with fascination as the workers scampered in various directions. Moments later, a tall gentleman appeared. He was dressed impeccably, and his hair was arranged in dreadlocks. He was very tall and very French.

"My beautiful Rosalie," Laurent welcomed with a kiss to her cheek. Then his eyes fell to me, and I shuffled uncomfortably as his eyes roamed up and down my body.

Laurent was also very gay.

I cleared my throat nervously.

"He's straight, Laurent," Rosalie smirked, causing the florist to pout.

"Of course he is," the man lamented with just a trace of his French accent. "What can I do for the two of you?"

"This is my brother. He needs to seriously kiss up to the woman he loves. Help him?"

"Ahh…." Laurent appraised me longingly, and I rolled my eyes. "So we need beautiful flowers. Tell me, what is her name?"

"Bella."

"Ahh, Bella," Laurent sighed. "Tell me about Beautiful Bella while we look."

So I did. I told this complete stranger all about the girl who has stolen my heart and made my world a beautiful place. I told him about Riley. And then I told him about my proposal.

"But you don't date," Laurent sighed depressed. "No court. No woo…."

"Help him woo, Laurent," Rosalie smirked as she pushed the buttons of her Blackberry. I flashed her a look of annoyance, and she flipped me the bird.

"We need a beautiful flower for beautiful Bella," Laurent surmised as we made our way through the multi-colored stems.

They all looked the same to me. I traced the bloom of a red rose, and Rosalie groaned.

"Don't you dare pick a red rose. Be creative for God's sake."

I growled under my breath just as Laurent dragged me to a display of purple flowers.

"Those are….pretty?" I asked self-consciously, because God knows I needed to be creative.

"Lavender roses," Laurent swooned as he brought one out of the vase. And then he began reciting flower facts like a man possessed. "The unique beauty of the lavender rose has captured many hearts and imaginations. With their fantastical appearance, lavender roses are a perfect symbol of enchantment. The lavender rose is also traditionally used to express feelings of love at first sight."

Love at first sight. That sounds….perfect.

"Perfect," I replied, very proud of myself for choosing such an ideal flower. "I'll take a dozen."

"He'll take _three_ dozen," Rosalie snapped, and Laurent beamed.

At the register, I handed Laurent my credit card just as my cell phone vibrated. I flipped it open, and I was surprised to find a text from Marcus.

**It's official. You're a single man. You owe me a drink. Actually, you owe me a bottle. A very expensive bottle. ~M**

The smile on my face nearly matched the smile on Laurent's as he handed me the receipt. I didn't even glance at the price. I couldn't have cared less.

I was officially divorced.

And I was going home to woo Bella.

* * *

**I promise. Next update is their first date.**


	24. Inspires Me Without a Sound

**Chapter 24**

_**Inspires Me Without a Sound**_

* * *

EPOV

"You're really not going to tell me where we're going?" Bella's voice dripped with mock frustration. She couldn't fool me. Excitement was twinkling in her wide chocolate eyes and her porcelain face was bright with happiness.

"It's a surprise," I repeated with a grin. This had been my answer throughout the elevator ride. "Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

She just blushed and nodded shyly. I _had_ told her…many times.

It was just an ordinary dress, in theory. Something that she just grabbed from the closet within a moment's notice. I think they call it a wrap dress? With the tie on the side? Whatever it was, it was obviously meant to be simple and innocent. But on Bella's body, it was anything but. On her, this very ordinary blue dress hugged her curves in a way that was erotic. The sapphire fabric was the perfect complement to her creamy skin, and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes off the collar bone and cleavage that had been teasing me for the past twenty-six floors.

And the shoes….I couldn't adequately describe those shoes. I was guessing the heel was three…maybe four inches? And they were black.

I was a guy. I didn't know designers or labels, but I knew what I liked.

And I liked these heels.

A lot.

_Must not think about the dress. Or the cleavage. Or that collar bone. Or those shoes. Or how much I want her._

Bella's eyes flashed to me as she noticed my agitation.

I sighed and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

Bella grasped my hand tightly as we made our way through the entrance and out into the chilly Seattle air. Thankfully, our driver was waiting for us. He was perched against the car playing with his Blackberry, and I smiled in greeting.

"Good evening, Mr. Cullen. Miss Swan."

"Good evening," I replied with a smile as I shook his hand. "Bella, this is Max. He works for our firm, and he's going to be our driver tonight."

"Our _driver_?" Bella's voice was laced with awe as she finally took notice of the long, sleek car. "We're riding in _that_?"

Max and I chuckled. He had been a driver with our firm for years, so, naturally, he'd been witness to the massacre that was my first marriage. I could recall three separate instances where Max had the misfortune to drive us to some event, and Jessica had been her usual dismal and demanding self throughout each encounter.

This time, Max was grinning from ear to ear as he appraised Bella, and I could tell that he immediately noticed the difference in the two women.

"Oh, she's lovely, Mr. Cullen," he whispered as Bella's eyes remained fixated on the car.

"She certainly is," I agreed softly.

"It's a pleasure, Miss Swan," Max smiled fondly at her, and for a moment, I thought he was going to bow. She blushed crimson as he kissed the back of her hand. He actually winked at her, and I attempted to stifle my laughter.

It was astounding. Even the limo driver wasn't oblivious to her quiet charms.

I helped Bella into the car as Max assured me that everything was right on schedule. I thanked him before making my way to the other side and climbing into the backseat. Bella was already opening the bottle of champagne that had been provided and began pouring each of us a glass.

"Let me guess," Bella grinned as she handed me my glass. "This is your first date. Ever. Am I right?"

My forehead creased. How could she possibly have known that?

"What makes you think so?"

Bella grinned. "A limo for a first date? Really?"

Truthfully, I had no prior experience in this area. My first date with Jessica had consisted of a heavy make-out session in the back row of a movie theater and continuing the make-out session in the backseat of my father's Volvo.

"Don't misunderstand," Bella giggled excitedly. "This is wonderful. But you're spoiling me already, and we haven't even left the building. The flowers…the car…"

Oh. I'm spoiling her.

_This is good, right?_

I had to know.

"So, this is….okay? You're happy?"

She smiled then….her eyes twinkling….and I felt her hand gently wrap around mine. And with her touch, I felt my body slip into a peaceful calm.

"I'm deliriously happy," she whispered. "And this is….very okay. _Okay_ doesn't even describe it. Thank you."

I exhaled a gust of air and relaxed against the seat. I could hear Max's quiet chuckle from the front as he pulled away.

* * *

Jazz Alley is a popular Seattle club because of its intimate setting, good music, and local cuisine. Bella was bouncing in her seat as Max pulled close to the entrance.

"I've always wanted to come here!" She giggled excitedly.

I grinned, once again giving thanks to my nosy sister for being a wealth of valuable Bella-related information. Once inside, the host led us to our reserved table. It was close to the stage, just as I'd requested when I made the reservation. I stealthily led Bella through the people, hoping she didn't notice the poster with the picture of tonight's featured entertainment.

It was all part of the surprise.

Suddenly, a waiter appeared, and I watched as his eyes glazed over as he caught a glimpse of Bella. As if the dress and shoes weren't enough to render a man speechless, the soft lights of the club were catching the highlights of her chestnut hair.

She was simply breathtaking, and naturally, Waiter-Boy noticed.

Overcome with irrational Neanderthal tendencies, my eyes narrowed and I cleared my throat. The spell was broken as he finally noticed that the beautiful girl actually had a date. Bella remained oblivious as she studied her menu.

"Uh….my name is Seth, and I'll be your waiter this evening. Would you like to see the wine list?"

After selecting a bottle, we both ordered dinner salads. Bella requested the eggplant ravioli while I decided on the grilled salmon. Anger flared in my chest as Seth took another longing look at Bella before scampering away.

"What is it?" Bella asked seriously. "You're making that face."

"Which face?"

"The one you make when you're pissed," she replied simply.

I smiled softly. She was always so honest. She deserved the same from me.

"I'm not used to feeling jealous. It's a very new emotion for me, and I'm afraid I'm not handling it well."

Her face puckered in confusion. "Why should you be jealous?"

To make my case, I glanced around the room. Sure enough, I could count five men whose eyes were focused on the beautiful brunette in front of me. My eyes returned to her sweet face, and I was surprised to find that her eyes were gazing at me with a mixture of concern and love.

I had so much to learn. Here I was, ready to beat up some poor waiter and half of the men in this room…when all along, she only had eyes for me.

And she was going home with me tonight.

Suddenly, I felt so foolish.

"I shouldn't be," I admitted sheepishly. "You just don't know how lovely you are, and I have to accept the fact that I'm not the only man in the world who is going to notice."

She gasped with surprise at my compliment just as Seth returned with our wine and salads. She didn't say anything in response, but I noticed her cheeks were their usual rosy tint as she took a sip of wine.

We made small talk as we enjoyed our salads. The club was beginning to fill up with eager audience members, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw a certain dark-haired pixie talking to the club manager. Her hands were on her hips, and her eyes were tight…a sure sign that something or someone was messing with Jasper. In my few brief encounters with Alice, I'd quickly learned that she was fiercely protective and desperately in love with my son's piano teacher. She then turned toward us, and I watched as her face lit up when she saw us sitting so close to the stage.

"How's your salad?" I asked as I played with one of the tomatoes in mine.

"It's good," Bella replied slowly. "Edward?"

"Hmm?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. I honestly wasn't trying to punish you for the proposal. I just….needed to think…."

So she admits it. Always so honest…

"I missed you," I replied softly. "If you'd allowed me the chance to explain, you would have understood that I didn't mean that we should get married right this minute. I just meant someday…"

_Someday soon would be preferable…._

"Oh…." She sounded truly surprised. "I'm sorry…it was just a surprise…and I was emotional….I tried to stay away so that I could clear my head. I just couldn't look into your big green eyes and say no to your proposal when all I really wanted to do was…."

Her voice trailed off as she grabbed her glass of wine and drank greedily.

"What did you really want to do?" I asked softly, watching with fascination as her fingers toyed nervously with the tablecloth.

Suddenly, Waiter-Boy appeared with our entrees. This time, I couldn't tear my eyes away from Bella's face to notice if he gaped at her. In this very moment, I couldn't have cared less.

_Had she wanted to say yes?_

The possibility thrilled me.

"This looks delicious," Bella smiled up at the waiter.

"Enjoy your dinner and the show," Seth breathed softly as he took our salad plates and rushed to his next table.

"There's a show?" Bella asked eagerly. I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm, and I nodded.

The food really was delicious, and I decided to let the unanswered question rest for now. We'd have plenty of time to talk later. Besides, I had lots of good news to share….wonderful news…life-changing news…

"I've had a busy few weeks," I began nonchalantly. "A lot has happened, and almost all of it involves you."

"Me?"

I nodded. Start with the not-so-nice stuff first.

"You were right about Jacob and Jessica," I confirmed. "He was abusing her."

Bella visibly stiffened. "I saw him."

"Who? Jacob?"

She nodded. "A few days ago at the park. He said she lost the baby, and that she left him."

That was certainly the concise version of it.

"Did he upset you?"

"No," she replied thoughtfully. "It was actually good for me. I needed to say some things to him, and I did. Closure is good."

I then detailed my own closure with Jessica. She listened with rapt attention as I described my frantic rush to the hospital, Jess's confession, and the flight reservations I had made.

"So he didn't cause her to lose the baby," Bella sighed with relief.

"He was out of town at the time," I explained. "Jess suspected that Jacob was cheating, so I don't know….I guess stress could have contributed…but no, he didn't hit her. Apparently, he wasn't home enough to hit her."

Bella nodded soberly. "I'm sorry she lost her baby, but I can't be sorry that she's away from him."

And then I asked the question that had been torturing me for weeks.

"Bella," I whispered, "did Jacob ever hit you?"

Her eyes widened as she shook her head. "No…never. My abuse from Jacob was purely emotional."

Not that I wanted her to be abused in _any _way, but I couldn't deny the relief that flooded me.

Seth arrived then, and he promptly cleared our plates and offered the dessert menu. Both Bella and I declined as I poured each of us another glass of wine.

"With all of this sadness….there is good news to report…"

She sipped slowly. "Oh?"

"Yes," I replied just as the lights lowered. I grinned. "But it will have to wait. The show's about to start."

I scooted my chair closer to Bella as we both turned toward the stage where the manager had taken the microphone.

"Tonight, Jazz Alley is proud to present Seattle's own Jasper Whitlock!"

The crowd cheered as Bella's surprised eyes flashed to mine. I grinned and motioned toward the back of the stage. Alice was waving frantically.

Bella snuggled close to me as we enjoyed Jazz's first few songs. I couldn't help but be proud of him. He'd been my best friend since we were kids. When most teenage guys were outside playing football, Jasper had been inside practicing his piano. He'd taken a lot of shit for that over the years, and once, he'd even gotten beaten up after a recital. But now….as I surveyed the sea of women surrounding the stage and gazing adoringly as he played…I couldn't help but think that Jasper Whitlock had gotten the last laugh on those teenage punks.

"This next song goes out to a very special girl."

The opening notes of Billy Joel's "She's Got a Way" drifted through the club, and I heard Bella's tiny gasp.

"I love this song," she sighed as she leaned back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled her hair.

"I know," I whispered in her ear.

"Alice is a lucky girl."

"Oh, the song isn't for Alice," I grinned as I gently kissed the side of her neck.

Bella twisted in her seat to face me. "But he said it was for a special girl…"

"It is," I murmured softly as I caressed her cheek. "It's for my girl."

Tears formed in her eyes as she gasped softly. I couldn't resist pulling her face close, and we kissed softly as Jasper's voice and his piano enveloped us.

_She's got a light around her  
And everywhere she goes  
A million dreams of love surround her  
Everywhere_

_She comes to me when I'm feelin' down  
Inspires me without a sound  
She touches me and I get turned around_

_She's got a smile that heals me  
I don't know what it is  
But I have to laugh when she reveals me _

_She's got a way about her  
I don't know what it is  
But I know that I can't live without her  
Anyway…_

* * *

After the show, Bella and I spent an hour chatting with Jazz and Alice at our table. She was now acting as his manager, and they were headed back to Los Angeles for a studio session. They were blissfully in love, and the eyes they were making at each other would have made me nauseous if I hadn't been staring at Bella the exact same way all night long. We were so completely in love with our beautiful women, and we couldn't have been happier. When the girls excused themselves to go to the restroom, we had a prime opportunity to give each other shit about that fact.

Instead, Jasper said, "So, when the time comes…you'll be my best man, right?"

Simple and to the point.

"If you'll be mine," I nodded.

That was all that was said, and we clinked our glasses in observance of our solemn oath and our good fortune.

We wished Jazz and Alice a safe flight before making our way to the car. Max was smiling from ear to ear as he opened the door for us. As he sped to our next destination, Bella climbed into my lap. I nuzzled her cheek as I willed my eyes to remain on her face and not on her silky legs as they stretched across the seat.

I didn't look, but that didn't stop my hands from ghosting along her knee.

"Thank you for tonight," Bella whispered softly as I ran my other hand along her back.

"It's not over," I grinned at her. "We have one more stop."

On cue, Max pulled next to the curb. I kissed her softly just as Max opened the door. A giggling Bella twisted around so that she could climb out of the car. I followed behind and was gratified to see the wide smile on her face.

"I love this place!" She smiled sweetly as she grabbed my hand and led me toward the exhibit.

I heard Max's chuckle behind us as I followed her toward the Waterfall Garden Park. It was a half-acre of tranquil waterfalls in the middle of the city. It was by far the most peaceful place in Seattle. Bella led me through the lighted exhibit before stopping in front of a small table positioned in front of one of the cascading waterfalls. I sat down and pulled her into my lap, and we watched the waterfall spill into the pool below.

"So what's this good news that involves me?" Bella gazed down at me.

I smiled up at her before nuzzling her nose with mine. "Well…I'm not sure that I can call this _good_ news considering the lasting effect it could have on Riley, but – before she boarded her plane – Jessica signed the relinquish petition. She has given up all legal rights to my son."

"That's not really good news," she agreed solemnly. "Poor Riley…."

"I know," I murmured gently. "But she was hurting him either way, so perhaps this will someday be a blessing. It's going to be very hard to explain it to him. But we'll talk with Dr. Jane, and we'll figure it out."

Bella nodded sadly.

"So….what about some _real_ good news?"

"I'd love to hear it." Her eyes were twinkling.

I kissed her soft cheek.

"Well, my love, you are sitting on the lap of a single man."

Bella gasped as her arms wrapped around my neck. "Seriously? It's official?"

"As of today," I grinned, and her excited squeal interrupted the serene atmosphere of the exhibit. Luckily, the place was empty.

"Wow…" she breathed as she gazed out at the waterfall. "You're divorced. Jessica is gone. Riley is doing so well. Things are….really coming together, aren't they? Life couldn't get much better."

Oh, but it could. It could get much better.

"I think it could get a little better," I whispered against her ear as I gently kissed her neck. Her hand made its way into my hair and tugged slightly before crashing her mouth to mine.

It had been four long weeks. Four even longer months. And we poured every excruciating moment into this one kiss….a kiss that was beginning to border on public indecency.

I had to get my girl home.

"Nothing would make me happier than to make love to you right here. Or in the car." I panted against her lips. "But I'd hate to offend Max. He's old…has a bad heart…I'm not sure he could stand the sight."

Bella giggled softly as she leapt off my lap and pulled me by the hand toward the exit. Max seemed surprised to see us so soon, but his surprise swiftly turned into understanding when he noticed our mutually disheveled appearances.

"I'll get you home," Max winked at me as he opened the door. "And I'll raise the divider."

_God Bless Max._

Once inside, Bella resumed her position on my lap as soon as he closed the door behind us. I sort of noticed when we pulled the car out onto the highway. And I may have heard the sound of the divider raising, allowing us the privacy we so desperately needed for the short trip home.

But it was hard to focus on any of these things. We were kissing each other with such reckless abandon that I was concerned that we might not make it into the apartment.

"Wait…." Bella panted against my ear, "tell me about the purple flowers."

I grinned as I gently caressed her cheek.

"According to Laurent…"

"_Laurent_?" Bella giggled, and I narrowed my eyes in mock severity. This just made her laugh harder. "Rose took you to Laurent's flower shop? Did he flirt with you?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes heavenward.

"He did!" Bella doubled over with laughter. "Sorry…sorry…" she apologized with the biggest smile I'd ever seen stretched across her face. "Go on, according to Laurent…."

"According to _him_," I continued with a smirk, "lavender roses are a perfect symbol of enchantment. The lavender rose is used to express feelings of love at first sight."

Her laughter faded as my words really began to sink in, and I could see her eyes glisten with tears. One lone tear made its way to her cheek, and I gently brushed it away with my thumb.

"Therefore," I whispered softly as I brushed my lips across her wet skin, "I thought the lavender roses were perfect."

Her eyes were sparkling as she gazed into mine.

"You really love me."

Bella's voice was full of wonder, as if this was a startling development that she'd never anticipated nor expected. And I knew that was my fault, because – so many times – I had told her I loved her….

But I'd never _shown_ her.

If she'd let me, I'd spend the rest of my life showing her.

"I really do," I murmured quietly. I ran my finger along her mouth and traced an outline along her bottom lip. "I never thought I'd find someone like you. I didn't know that someone like you even existed….someone who is so kind and sweet and loves my son…and to believe that maybe – just maybe – you feel the same about me, that I could possibly mean as much to you as you mean to me."

Her eyes were soft and her face was serene as she gazed at me.

"I wanted to say yes," she whispered softly as her fingers drifted along my cheek. "That's why I avoided you all those weeks. I was so afraid that if you asked me again, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying yes. I love you, Edward, so much…."

_She'd wanted to say yes._

Thrilled with this revelation, I kissed her softly, and all of our earlier eagerness was now replaced with reverent adoration.

"I love you, too. And I'll ask again," I promised with a whisper against her ear. "Someday very soon."

Her smile was blinding.

"And when you do, I'll say yes."

We kissed slowly and sweetly until we felt the car come to a stop. Bella pulled away as her eyes glanced out the tinted windows.

"Edward?"

I nuzzled her neck as the strawberry scent of her hair enveloped me.

"Hmm?"

"_Please_…."

That's all she had to say, because I knew exactly what she needed, and there was no way I could deny her…even if I'd wanted to.

And I didn't want to.

* * *

**Billy Joel's "She's Got a Way" was Jasper's song and the inspiration for the chapter title.**

_**Waterfall Garden Park**_** is in Seattle and is really pretty according to the pictures. I couldn't find an official website for the place, but feel free to goggle for pictures. I found Jazz Alley on google. :)**


	25. I Never Thought There'd Be You

**AN: Chapter title comes from Evanescence. I used some lyrics from "Such Great Heights" within the chapter.**

**Chapter 25**

_**I Never Thought There'd Be You**_

* * *

BPOV

Edward pulled me by the hand through the doors of Brookstone Tower. Thanks to his enthusiasm and my sky-high heels, I almost tripped twice as we made our way through the lobby and toward the elevator. I couldn't help but giggle as I watched Edward's fingers fumble on the elevator button. Was it excitement or nervousness that made his hands tremble? Thankfully, the elevator doors finally opened and he pulled me inside.

He had me pressed against the elevator wall before the doors shut.

_Excitement. Definitely excitement._

I groaned as his mouth crashed hungrily onto mine. His hands twisted in my hair, and the combined sensations of his tongue in my mouth and his body pressed against mine made me whimper.

"God, I love that sound…" Edward's breath tickled the skin of my neck.

I caressed his cheek softly, and he turned his head to kiss my hand before leading me out of the elevator and toward the penthouse. Without a word, he slipped the key into the lock and ushered me through the door.

The house was dark except for the small desk lamp that illuminated the table in the foyer. Perched on the marble tabletop was a note.

_**Edward and Bella,**_

_**Riley and I were invited to visit Carlisle and Esme, and they just insisted that we spend the weekend. As you can imagine, he is very excited. This means that the penthouse will be quiet and empty for the next two days. As much as I'm sure this disheartens you, I am certain that you two will find some productive way to spend your time. **_

_**We love you,**_

_**Carmen and Riley**_

Edward glanced at me with sheepish smile. I couldn't keep from giggling.

"Damn intuitive woman," Edward murmured. "Remind me to give her a raise."

"I'll do that," I grinned happily.

"So…" Edward's eyes danced in the faint light, but even in the darkness, I could tell that they were blazing. His hands wove into my hair as he pulled me close. "Two whole days alone in this big house. What do you suggest we do to fill the time?"

"Hmm…" I pretended to ponder as my hands stroked up and down his back. "Work on our taxes?"

"Deadline has passed," Edward murmured as his head dipped to my neck. I trembled as his cool breath drifted along my skin.

"Spring cleaning?" I teased as his hand ghosted down my rib.

"I think you're teasing me," Edward whispered against my ear.

"_Please_…." I begged.

"I'll give you anything." He murmured softly as his eyes found mine again. He pressed his forehead against mine. "I'll give you _everything_."

"I just want you," I whispered roughly. "Just you."

And with a growl that vibrated through my body and straight to my core, Edward lifted me and carried me through the living room. Our eyes remained fixed on each other as he masterfully moved through the house, and he carried me through the open door of my room and gently lowered me to the edge of the bed. I sat upright as I watched him kneel before me. His eyes never left mine as his soft hands caressed my calf and slowly slipped the stiletto off my left foot. I shuddered as his hand ghosted along the back of my leg before switching legs and removing the other shoe. He was gentle and reverent as each hand slid up my leg….softly brushing my knees before leaning down to place a tender kiss on each thigh.

"Up," he whispered softly as he offered me his hand. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet. His hand gave a gentle tug to my sash, and my dress pooled around my bare feet. His eyes swept over me, and I was thankful that my intuition had instructed me to choose the pretty matching underwear set that I'd purchased just a few days before. It was well worth the ravenous look in his eyes.

In the past, I'd always felt self-conscious of someone seeing me this way. I'd never really felt pretty; I was much too aware of the scars that a lifetime of clumsiness had contributed to my body. But as I stood before him….and I watched his eyes as they gazed hungrily….I didn't feel awkward at all.

For the very first time, I felt worshipped and adored.

"Your turn," I murmured as I pulled his tie.

He smiled softly as my fingers worked the buttons of his jacket and shirt. I pushed them away from his body and couldn't resist kissing his chest – something I'd dreamed of doing for months. He trembled beneath my lips, and I smiled…loving the effect we had on each other's bodies.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered longingly. "I don't tell you enough."

"You tell me all the time," I promised him.

With a smile, he reached around and unhooked my bra. It joined the rest of the clothes on the floor. Our bare chests pressed together was just too much, and with a whimper, I brought his mouth to mine.

"Edward…I need you," I whispered breathlessly as he lowered me to the bed.

"I know, sweetheart. I need you, too."

Our sighs and moans of pleasure filled the air.

_God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay._

I was made for him. He was made for me.

Edward groaned as his body covered mine.

* * *

I awoke later….it could have been minutes or hours later…but it didn't matter because my back was pressed against his chest, and I was wrapped in the protective embrace of his arms.

"Such a beautiful sleepyhead," Edward whispered as he kissed the hollow under my ear.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled tiredly, and he laughed.

"Don't apologize, baby. We sort of tired each other out, didn't we?"

_We did._

_Twice._

I sighed happily as I snuggled against him. "Just a little bit, yeah."

His hand was making lazy patterns along my arm. "Well worth the exhaustion."

"And worth the wait?" I asked anxiously.

I felt him smile against my shoulder before kissing it. "Very much so. However, I don't think I'll be able to wait too long before I'm begging again."

"No begging will be necessary," I promised him, and I sighed contently. We stayed like that for a while…wrapped in each other's embrace….talking about everything and nothing. After a while, I turned my body toward his, and he kissed me softly.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," he whispered seriously.

"I told you what I wanted," I blushed shyly, and he chuckled.

"You did…_and_ showed me…." Edward smirked sexily. "But I mean….beyond this moment. For us. For our future. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need."

I stared into his brilliant green eyes and caressed his cheek. "My wants and needs are pretty simple, actually. But I'm not sure if…."

He raised his eyebrows expectantly, urging me to continue.

"….if I have a right to ask for the things I want."

"Bella," he sighed as he kissed my forehead. "You seem to be under a misapprehension. Don't you understand that there isn't anything I wouldn't give you?"

I buried my head against his shoulder, and he sighed.

"Perhaps I should start out with what I want and need."

"I'd love to hear those things."

"Okay," he breathed as his hand stroked my cheek. "I know this all seems fast, but I think we're going to just have to accept that and move on. We love each other. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. You've taught me how to be a better father….a better man….hopefully, a better husband."

My heart leapt at his nonchalant use of the word, as if it was just understood that we would be married someday.

"I mean," he grinned sheepishly, "I don't want to get my hopes up or anything, but you said you love me, and that you'd say yes when I asked again, so I hope I'm not making assumptions…"

"You aren't," I murmured, and he smiled down at me.

"I want to be good for you," Edward whispered softly as he twirled a lock of my hair around his finger, "And good for my son."

"You're a wonderful father," I reassured him, and he smiled softly.

"That's good. Because I want more…"

"More?"

"Babies," he whispered thoughtfully. "The thoughts of seeing you….pregnant with my child…." He shook his head and sighed softly. "You have no idea the feeling that image stirs in me…"

I had _some _idea, because the thoughts of carrying Edward's baby sent a shot of feral love through my veins.

"Your turn," he coaxed me with a smile.

"My turn?" I asked, confused. I was still thinking about having Edward's babies…

"I told you that I want more babies. Tell me something you want."

I took a deep breath.

"A house," I whispered softly. "I want a house that's just ours. Well…_ours…_meaning yours, mine, Riley's, and Carmen's…"

I really didn't want to have to explain the true meaning of _ours_ – as in, no memories of Jessica.

"….with a big porch and a big yard, and lots of bedrooms for all of those babies that you want."

His eyes grew soft as his fingertip outlined my bottom lip – the same lip I was nervously biting.

"I think a new house is a great idea," he murmured gently.

"You do?"

"I do. A house that's just ours."

"Yes," I breathed happily. His smile was so beautiful. "Your turn again. Tell me something else that you want."

"Hmm…" Edward grew thoughtful. "I'm suddenly very interested in real estate. I want to look at houses."

"Tonight?"

He shrugged teasingly. "What else could we possibly do to fill the time?"

With a sexy grin, I climbed on top of him. He pretended to be shocked, but I could tell by the way he was gripping my hips that he wasn't at all against delaying our real estate ventures until the daylight hours.

"Your turn," he whispered.

"I want this," I murmured softly.

His eyes closed with pleasure as he leaned his head back against the pillow.

* * *

"Hi Bella." Riley's voice was light and happy. I could tell that he was smiling, and I was filled with a deep sense of happiness in knowing that my entire family was content.

"Hey buddy," I smiled. Edward turned his head toward me and smiled as we drove through the neighborhood. "Are you having a good time with your grandparents?"

"Grandpa took me to a hockey game," Riley's voice was now a high-pitched squeal. "And Grandma made cookies…"

"Hockey?" I mouthed to Edward. I didn't realize that Seattle even had a hockey team.

"Thunderbirds," Edward murmured.

Oh…I _had_ heard of them.

We talked for a few more minutes before I placed the cell phone on speaker so that Edward could talk, too.

"Are you going to look at the new house?" Riley asked excitedly. Carmen had called this morning, and Edward had filled her in on all of the details surrounding the house hunting. She said it was perfect timing because Riley had just been saying over breakfast that he loved Grandma's house because it had a big backyard.

As Edward and Riley continued talking, I glanced out the window and realized that I had learned some very valuable lessons this weekend.

One very important lesson was that Edward _really _liked me on top.

Secondly, I learned that I'd have to be careful in the future when I'd tell Edward what I wanted because – in less than twelve hours – he'd found three houses that were on the market – all with big porches and big yards and lots of bedrooms for babies.

"We're just going to check them out," Edward assured him. "We won't pick the new house until you come home."

"Remember…." Riley cautioned him.

"Make sure it's big enough for the piano," Edward and I replied in unison.

"Right," Riley giggled.

We hung up just as Edward maneuvered the car down a winding driveway. The house – if you could call it that – was visible from high atop a giant hill off in the distance.

"Is that a _castle_?" I asked hesitantly.

Edward laughed. "Not quite. But it has six bedrooms. Six baths. A tennis court…"

I creased my forehead. "Do you play tennis?"

"No," he replied. "Do you?"

I laughed. "Definitely not. I tried to play volleyball in high school. I caused many concussions." I peered at the house as it came closer into view. It had a big yard, all right. It was more like a plantation.

"Edward…." I murmured.

_What if this was type of house he wanted?_

"You don't like it," he answered quietly as he stopped the car at the gate.

"Do _you_ like it?"

He nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "Not particularly. I just wanted to give you the house you've always wanted."

"And I've given you the impression that the house I've always wanted included gates and tennis courts?"

He grimaced.

"Too much?"

"_Way_ too much for me," I laughed nervously. "I mean, is this the kind of house _you've_ always wanted?"

I realized that this was the danger of falling in love too quickly. You forgot to have important discussions such as these.

"I've never really thought about it," he admitted. "Jess just decided where we would live. I never really considered what _I_ wanted."

"Well, _I_ want you to consider it," I replied. "This isn't just about making me happy. You have to be happy, too."

He gazed at the mansion before us, and I grabbed his hand in mine. I soothingly traced the skin along his wrist.

"What kind of house do you want, Edward?"

He sighed. "Honestly?"

"Of course."

"I just want a house that's comfortable and welcoming. A house where it's obvious that children live there. I want a _home_ – not a museum."

I remembered the penthouse and the way it looked when I first arrived. A museum was the perfect description for it.

"Then that's what we'll have," I promised him with a smile. "We'll have a home."

He turned away from the castle and gazed into my eyes. His own eyes were bright with boyish excitement.

"Well…there _was_ this house that I found online, but it looked really simple and I wasn't sure if…."

"Simple sounds wonderful," I assured him as I squeezed his hand. "Let's go see it."

His smile was peaceful as we made our way through Seattle and toward the outskirts of town. When he turned the car down Riverside Road, and I noticed the majestic spruces lining the driveway, I immediately felt at home.

"Oh, Edward…" I whispered as he pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition. "You actually found a house with a porch."

He smiled. "A wrap-around porch. It's three stories, but that includes the basement. The listing said that it was used as a game room by the last owners."

I gazed with wonder at the beautiful house. It looked as if it should be nestled somewhere in the country instead of here - on the outer edges of a metropolis as big as Seattle. We climbed out of the car and Edward took my hand as we walked along the sidewalk. Once we were on the porch, we carefully climbed the steps and peered through the windows. It was too dark to see anything, but that didn't stop us from trying.

"I could make us an appointment," Edward offered as he pulled me toward a bench on the porch. I gazed out at the yard, and I found myself mentally placing strategic objects… such as swing sets….and flowerbeds.

"Your turn," he whispered with a sigh as he wrapped his arm around me. "What do you want, baby?"

"I want you to make us an appointment, as soon as possible."

"I'll do that as soon as we get home," he smiled as he pressed a kiss to my temple. I sighed as I leaned back against his shoulder. There was very little traffic, and the tranquility soothed me.

"It's so peaceful here," I murmured.

"It is."

We sat on the porch until the sky began to darken, and we reluctantly left our bench and headed back to the car. Once inside, Edward turned to me.

"My turn," he murmured gently.

I giggled as I stroked his face tenderly. "It is. What do you want, baby?"

"I want to take you home. I want you to officially meet my parents….not as Riley's nanny…but as the woman I love."

My eyes filled with tears. "I would love that…..my turn?"

Edward grinned.

"Of course, sweetheart."

I pulled his face toward mine and kissed him gently. When we pulled away, his eyes were shining with happiness.

"I want to take you home, too," I said.


	26. Home Sings Me of Sweet Things

**AN: Last chapter brought my 5000th review. Completely overwhelmed and humbled doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Thank you!**

**Chapter title comes from Bonnie Raitt. **

**I do not own **_**Twilight **_**or **_**Harry Potter**_**.**

* * *

Chapter 26

_Home Sings Me of Sweet Things_

BPOV

"What if they don't like me?"

Riley's whisper was soft as his emerald eyes gazed into mine. We were lying face-to-face in his bed, wrapped in his blanket and snuggling close. We'd started a new book tonight, and he'd insisted on two chapters before he'd finally started to yawn. Now, snuggled under the covers, his tiny hand was pressed to my face as I tried to set his fears at ease.

"They will love you," I whispered gently. "You're my favorite boy in the whole world. Of course they'll love you. My mom already has your room ready, and my dad wants to take you fishing."

He grew thoughtful. "Can I put the worm on the hook?"

I grinned. That had always been my favorite part, too. I'd never cared about the mechanics of actually catching fish. Honestly, I always thought that sitting by the river and watching a fishing pole for hours was mind-numbingly boring, but baiting the hook…._that_ was the fun part.

"I'm sure that can be arranged," I grinned. "My dad will show you how."

This seemed to appease him.

"They live in Spoons?"

"Close," I laughed softly. "Forks. The town is called Forks."

"Oh….and your dad's name is Charlie."

"Right, and mom is Renee."

"What do I call them?" He asked softly. His green eyes were still wide with anxiety, and I wished I could find a way to relax him. We had a long drive tomorrow morning, and if he didn't get a good night's sleep, we'd have one grumpy four-year-old in the backseat for the four hour road trip.

"Just call them Charlie and Renee," I replied gently. "I promise they will love you."

Riley yawned again, and I took that as a good sign.

"Want me to sing to you until you fall asleep?"

He nodded and snuggled against my chest. I protectively wrapped my arm around him and nuzzled his hair as he fidgeted until he was comfortable. I sang to him – a soft, nonsense song that I made up off the top of my head – and I felt him relax against me. He'd been so agitated all day, and Edward and I had begun to fear that our good luck was finally running out.

The past week had been heaven. After the incredible weekend with Edward, Riley and Carmen had returned home on Sunday afternoon. Luckily, Edward had convinced the realtor to see us on Sunday, and we'd all piled into the car and made the short trip to the new house. Riley had loved it instantly, and I couldn't help but giggle each time I recalled how Carmen's eyes had lit up when she saw the kitchen. After a quick family meeting on the front porch, Edward had immediately made the realtor an offer – an offer far above market value. Her eyes had danced with joy as she'd pulled out her cell phone and contacted the home owners. Edward had remained in touch with the realtor all week and had asked Marcus to handle the paperwork while we were away visiting our parents.

The house hunting had been so successful that we decided to push our luck and have a heart-to-heart with Riley regarding his mother and our relationship. Dr. Jane had suggested having both conversations at once. Knowing I was going to remain a constant in Riley's life, she reasoned, may help soften the blow of losing his mother.

I glanced down at the sleeping child in my eyes and ghosted my finger along his tiny cheek as I remembered our conversation.

"_She's gone?" Riley had whispered as he sat in Edward's lap. His wide eyes glanced from me and back to his father._

"_Yes," Edward replied softly._

"_Will she come back?"_

_Edward glanced at me. I shrugged helplessly. What do you say? How do you tell a four-year-old that his mother just signed away her rights to her only son?_

_Edward sighed, and I could see the internal battle in his eyes. And then I watched as he decided to just tell his son the truth._

"_She says that she's not coming back," Edward whispered softly. "She asked Bella to help me take care of you."_

_The little boy leaned his head against his father's chest as his bright eyes locked with mine. _

"_You'll be my mommy." Riley whispered softly. It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact – as if it was just the most natural conclusion in the world. I felt my heart constrict in my chest. I glanced up at Edward who had a soft smile on his face._

"_If you want me to be," I replied gently. _

_And with a smile that could melt any heart, Riley scampered out of his father's lap and leapt into my arms._

I couldn't help but smile as I recalled the rest of the conversation. Riley telling me he loved me. Edward enveloping both of us in his arms as he told us he loved us. And my happy tears…

It was – without a doubt – the best week ever.

Today had been different. As we'd packed for our trip, Riley had grown increasingly agitated throughout the day. Edward and I would take turns packing, making sure that one of us was always giving him the attention he needed. It was only when I'd taken his hand and led him to his closet to find his own suitcase that the little boy began to relax.

And that's when I realized that he had been afraid that we were leaving him behind.

So as we packed his bag, I'd told him how excited Charlie and Renee were to meet him. His face had brightened as I told him about the deer and elk that were mainstays in Forks. And he'd giggled uncontrollably when I'd let it "slip" that Charlie had already bought Riley his very own fishing pole.

I kissed his forehead and was just about to climb out of bed when I heard the door softly open. Within seconds, Edward was on the other side of the bed. He gently climbed under the covers and wrapped his arms around me and his son. He noticed the book lying between us, and his eyebrows arched in surprise.

"Harry Potter?" Edward whispered.

"And the Sorcerer's Stone – Book One," I grinned.

"How many books are there?"

"Seven."

He sighed dramatically. "And so it begins…"

I giggled, and he winked at me. I felt my face flush.

_Will he always have this affect on me?_

We laid there for a while…just listening to Riley's peaceful snores and gazing into each other's eyes. After a few minutes, his fingers laced through mine, and he didn't take his eyes off me as he lowered his head and kissed Riley's hair.

"How is he?" Edward whispered.

"He's good," I replied quietly. "Nervous about meeting my parents."

"Me too," Edward grinned sheepishly.

"Don't be," I whispered. "They'll love you. Both of you."

We kissed him one last time before turning on his nightlight and closing the door behind us. Without a word, Edward took my hand and led me to his bedroom – a room I'd yet to see. Our nights had been spent in mine, and secretly, I was grateful. I was afraid that his room would hold too many memories – that I'd see remnants of Jessica everywhere – but I was surprised to find his room was sparsely decorated with not a hint of _woman_ anywhere. He closed the door behind us and locked it before pulling me against his chest….my back to his front.

"Stay with me tonight," he whispered against my earlobe. I closed my eyes as his hands gripped my waist and his lips ghosted a trial along my neck. "I need you, Bella…_please_…."

_Both of my boys need reassurance tonight._

* * *

"You're here!" Renee's exuberant voice met us at the door. She pulled me into her arms, and I couldn't help but giggle as she hugged me close.

"We're here," I confirmed with a grin. "It's good to be home."

"Oh, let me look at you." Her eyes scrutinized my face, and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. "You look…different."

"I am different," I smiled happily.

"Where are they?" She asked impatiently as she looked over my shoulder. "I can't wait to meet them."

"They're getting the bags," I grinned. "Take it easy on them. They're both nervous."

We turned, and Mom gasped as she caught a glimpse of Edward and Riley carrying the bags up the sidewalk.

"Wow," Mom breathed. "That's him? I mean, I saw his picture in the paper, but…"

"I know," I laughed as I gazed proudly at the man who'd stolen my heart. "Seeing him in the flesh is so much better, isn't it?"

"And the little boy is darling," Mom cooed. "Oh, Bella….you're going to make such beautiful babies with that man."

Edward – who had obviously overhead our exchange – was grinning smugly as he made his way through the door. He dropped the bags at our feet. I glanced at my mother, and right before my eyes, she turned into a giddy schoolgirl.

"Wow," she repeated again. And I had to suppress my giggle.

"You must be Renee," Edward smiled as he offered her hand. I shook my head, knowing that a hand shake wasn't going to happen. Instead, my mother pulled him into a bear hug.

"Welcome to the family," Mom breathed happily, and just like that, Edward's tension dissipated. His eyes danced with joy as he hugged my mother.

"Mom, this is Riley," I said as I lifted him into my arms. He nuzzled my shoulder as he stared at this strange, loud woman.

"Hi, Riley," Mom smiled gently as she tousled his hair. "Bella said you were adorable, and she's right."

"Hi," his little voice whispered, and I hugged him close to my chest. My mother's eyes watched our tender exchange, and her face softened.

"Your dad's in the living room," she whispered softly. "He's very eager to see all of you."

Edward slid his hand to the small of my back, and I kept Riley in my arms as we made our way to the living room. Charlie was perched in his recliner – his eyes glued to the game on the television.

"Hey, Dad," I said softly.

His eyes flashed from the screen to the little family standing at the living room entrance. His eyes ghosted over to the man at my side…and then to the little boy in my arms….and his face flickered with an emotion that I couldn't quite place. He grabbed the remote and, to my immense surprise, turned off the television.

"Hey, Bells…."

Charlie's voice sounded all wrong…maybe a little awestruck….or nervous.

"Dad, this is Edward and Riley."

His eyes swept over Edward, and I held my breath until he finally offered his hand.

"It's good to meet you," Charlie offered a smile to Edward. I felt him relax against my side. Dad's eyes fell onto the little boy in my arms. "And I understand this is going to be my fishing buddy."

"He wants to learn how to bait the hook," Edward grinned, and my dad chuckled.

"We can do that," Charlie replied with a grin. "Want to go see your fishing pole?"

Riley's eyes found mine, and I gave him an encouraging smile. He grinned, and I lowered him to the floor. To everyone's astonishment, he took Charlie's hand and let him lead him out onto the back porch.

"Oh, he's adorable," Renee whispered longingly.

"He is," I agreed whole-heartedly.

Renee pulled us to the couch and bombarded us with questions. She wanted to hear all about Edward's firm, the new house, Carmen, Edward's family….Mom was throwing questions at us so quickly that I didn't even realize when she moved right into wedding territory.

"Were you thinking Seattle? In the spring? Maybe the Crowne Plaza?"

I felt Edward chuckle against me.

"Mom," I rolled my eyes. "Slow down. We aren't even engaged yet."

Her eyes narrowed in confusion.

"And why not?"

Edward laughed as he grasped my hand tightly. "Because she won't say yes."

My mother's eyes flashed from my bare ring finger, back to my face….before settling on Edward.

"Do you mean to tell me that you proposed to my daughter and she said no?"

I sighed deeply. "I didn't say no…._exactly_…"

Renee's eyes flickered as she searched my face for an explanation. I felt like I was five years old, and my eyes dropped to my lap.

"Edward," Mom cooed sweetly. "Why don't you join the boys out on the porch? I'd like to have a talk with my stubborn daughter."

_Great._

Edward was immediately apologetic. "Renee, it's okay. I didn't ask in the most romantic of ways, and she's assured me that…."

"Edward," Mom repeated slowly. "Please."

He looked at me, and I shrugged helplessly. With a sigh, he kissed my forehead and made his way toward the porch. I could feel Mom gaping at me, and I looked around the living room, trying desperately to focus on anything but her disapproving glare.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what was your GPA in college?"

My forehead creased. What the hell did that have to do with anything?

"4.0."

"Right. So intelligence isn't the issue here."

I grimaced, and she took a deep breath before continuing.

"Bella, that boy is in love with you."

"I know," I offered feebly. "I love him, too."

"And you're looking at houses."

I nodded.

"And you're…." Her eyebrows arched suggestively, and I felt my face flood with embarrassment as I nodded.

"And you love that little boy."

"More than anything," I confirmed.

Her eyes glistened with tears. "I can tell. And this man – this handsome man who loves you and is buying you a house – has proposed to you?"

"Yes."

"And you said no?"

She sounded completely flabbergasted.

"I said not right now," I admitted. "I've told you how complicated everything has been. There was Jessica…."

Mom nodded. "But this Jessica is out of the picture entirely now, right? The divorce is final?"

"Yes," I breathed. "Everything has just moved so fast."

"Oh, Bella," Renee smiled softly. "Where do you see yourself next year? In five years? Ten years?"

"With Edward and Riley in our house with the wrap-around porch," I whispered softly.

Her smile was triumphant. "And are you _ever _going to want anyone else?"

"No," I murmured. "But don't you think it's all just a little too fast?"

Renee smiled patiently as her eyes focused on something behind my head. I turned and noticed a new painting on the wall. It was a painting of a beautiful green meadow, full of wildflowers and trees. It looked so peaceful….so serene.

"Did you paint that?"

Renee nodded. "Yes. And it only took me a day."

Her attention to detail and color was mind-blowing. "That's amazing. Your paintings usually take weeks to finish."

"Usually," Mom agreed. "I usually take my time, worrying about every splash of color or each stroke of my paintbrush. But this painting came very easily to me."

"It's beautiful," I murmured in wonder.

"Thank you. But do you think it's any _less_ beautiful, just because it came to life so quickly?"

"Of course not," I said with conviction as I shook my head, and then my eyes flashed from the lovely painting to her smug face.

She had me, and she knew it.

"Sometimes, Bella," my mom whispered softly as she took my hand. "Sometimes, things are so perfect….so _right_….that you don't have to take your time and make sure that every little piece fits perfectly with the rest. Sometimes, the colors and shapes perfectly blend together and flow with ease. Sometimes, you don't have to struggle to make things perfect and beautiful."

I sniffled, and she reached across the couch to grab a tissue. I accepted it gratefully.

"Sometimes," she murmured tenderly, "the most perfect and most beautiful things in life are effortless. And you're so lucky when you find it."

I wiped the tears from my cheeks as her words settled into my soul.

"Don't question it, baby girl. Embrace it."

Suddenly, the door burst open, and I watched as Riley raced into the living room with my father and Edward walking right behind him. Dad was carrying three fishing poles, and Edward's gaze settled onto mine. I offered him a teary smile.

Riley jumped into my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. He noticed my wet cheek, and he patted it affectionately.

"Why are you crying?"

I smiled into his glowing eyes. "Because I'm happy, baby."

He searched my eyes, and I offered him my best smile.

"I'm happy, too," Riley announced excitedly. "Grandpa Charlie and Daddy are taking me fishing!"

I glanced at my father, who was positively beaming.

After a few minutes, he finally cleared his throat. "I'll…uh…get the tackle box. Come help me, Riley."

Riley kissed my cheek before leaping from my lap and joining my father and mother as they searched for fishing gear in the hallway closet.

"Everything okay?" Edward whispered as he sat down next to me. He wrapped his arm around me, and I snuggled into his embrace. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean…."

"It's okay. I needed to hear the things she said," I assured him with a smile. "I'm fine. Go have a good time with the boys."

"You could come with us," he grinned, but I shook my head.

"You guys need to bond. I'll help Mom cook, and I'll get us unpacked."

His eyes flickered across my face before leaning down to kiss me softly. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

He kissed me one last time before he joined my father and Riley in the kitchen. They were laughing as they headed out the door. Mom and I followed them onto the porch, and we waved as they drove off in my father's jeep.

"See what I mean," Renee whispered as she wrapped her arms around me. "Effortless."


	27. The Only Promise That Remains

**AN: It's storming here. I hope the electricity holds out. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. Chapter title belongs to Reba and Justin Timberlake. It's such a beautiful song.**

* * *

Chapter 27

_The Only Promise That Remains_

* * *

EPOV

We sat on the shores of Lake Pleasant, and I watched in fascination as my future father-in-law taught his future grandson how to bait a hook.

"Cool….." Riley whispered in awe, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Good job," Charlie complimented him, and Riley's answering grin was priceless.

Looking at the two of them, you wouldn't know that they weren't blood relatives.

It was incredible how easily Riley had accepted Bella's father. My sweet son – once so troubled and lost – was now this energetic, happy child. And I knew I owed it all to Bella. She had walked right into our lives and turned our house into a home. She'd loved my son and taught him how to channel his sadness into joy, and she'd taught me how to be a better father.

Not just a better father.

A better man.

"Watch Daddy," Riley's voice sang in the breeze as he cast his line into the lake.

"He's a natural," Charlie grinned as he tousled Riley's hair. "Hold it steady, Riley."

Riley concentrated on keeping his hand steady as watched his line dip in the water, and I wondered how long his four-year-old patience would hold out.

"Sit down on this flat rock," Charlie suggested, and Riley carefully settled on the ground, being careful to keep his pole as steady as possible. "That's good. Remember, if you feel a tug…."

"Hold tight!" Riley answered excitedly – his eyes never leaving his line.

Charlie chuckled. "You got it."

Charlie walked a few yards toward me and cast his own line. My fishing pole was being ignored – lying on the ground at my feet. Watching the two of them together was so much more entertaining. Charlie glanced at my empty hands.

"Not a fisherman?"

"No, sir. Not really."

Charlie laughed as he gazed out at the lake. "Your boy is calling me Grandpa. I think we can drop the formalities, son."

"Sorry," I grinned. "It was ingrained from an early age."

Charlie nodded. "Tell me about your parents. I know your sister. Bella's brought her home a few times." He grew thoughtful as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "That Rosalie sure has a mouth on her."

I laughed. "She sure does."

So I told him all about my family, and he listened attentively as he kept a careful eye on both of the lines in the water.

"Family is important," Charlie commented softly.

"It is," I whispered. "I never realized how much so until your daughter came into my life."

Nervously, Charlie glanced my way. "Edward, I can see that you two are pretty serious. How much do you know about Bella's past?"

I grimaced as I chanced a glance at Riley. He was watching his line with deep concentration.

"I know about Jacob, if that's what you mean," I whispered.

"_All_ about Jacob?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, and then some…my ex-wife actually left me for Jacob Black," I whispered with a shrug.

Charlie's eyes widened in surprise.

"Damn small world," he replied dryly. I could only nod in agreement.

He glanced at Riley before whispering, "That miserable excuse for a man really put my daughter through hell. I could have killed him, and no one would have been the wiser. I _wanted_ to…." His voice trailed, and I could see the painful memories flash across his features. "I actually chased him into the woods with a gun in my hand. He was scum…treating my daughter like she was just some….." He closed his eyes as he struggled to control his temper.

"No one would have missed him," he whispered with finality.

Charlie Swan was very black and white. You could see it in the way he moved….you could hear it in the way he spoke. Right and wrong. Good and evil. These were things he held dear. Things he understood. His job was to uphold the law.

But as I listened to him retell this story, I realized that – first and foremost – Charlie Swan was a father.

"Charlie," I whispered, "I love your daughter more than anything."

He studied me carefully. "You'd better."

Terror gripped me, but then his face softened into a grin.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself."

I exhaled a deep breath, and Charlie laughed.

"She loves you, too," Charlie said.

I knew it was true, but I was surprised he could tell. We hadn't spent much time with him.

"You're the first boy she's ever brought home," Charlie replied – as if he could read my mind. "Bella was always wise beyond her years. Growing up, she was always a little more mature than other girls her age. They would be all giggly and doe-eyed over some silly boy, and Bella would have her nose stuck in a book." He shifted his fishing pole into the other hand. "She was too innocent when she left home. That was our fault, I think. Maybe if we'd better prepared her, she wouldn't have fallen for that….."

I shook my head. "I don't think any parent could prepare a child for that. Bella had no reason not to trust him. Jacob Black is a horrible person. Not you. Please don't ever think that. You've raised an incredible daughter. She's a wonderful, smart, loving woman who has brought me and my son to life."

We gazed at Riley, whose eyes were beginning to droop. But his determined fingers were still gripping his fishing pole.

"We were so lost, Charlie. My ex-wife just walked out on us. And while my marriage was loveless and I didn't miss her a bit, my son was a different story. His mother had left him behind with a father who didn't know what the hell he was doing. Riley was despondent. He threw tantrums. He had nightmares….." My eyes glistened as I recalled those horrible months. "But then Bella came into our lives…."

I swallowed convulsively, trying to control my emotions.

"You do love her," he smiled softly.

"I do."

He grinned. "Speaking of _I do_…..is there something you'd like to ask me?"

_How did he know? _

I took a deep breath and gathered my courage. "Yes, actually, there is something…"

"You have my blessing," he replied quickly and firmly. "Ask her."

Suddenly, Riley's shouts of delight filled the air, and we both rushed to our feet as his fishing line lurched in the water.

I stood back and watched proudly as my son – and his grandfather – reeled in my son's very first salmon.

* * *

"I can't believe he slept all the way here," Bella whispered as we pulled into my parent's driveway. Traffic had been horrible on the interstate, and it was nearly midnight by the time we had reached Seattle.

"I know," I grinned as I softly squeezed her hand. I turned off the ignition before turning toward her. She'd been so quiet since leaving Forks. "You aren't nervous, are you? You've already met them, and they love you."

"I'm not nervous," she replied quietly. "But I've been needing to talk to you, and my parents monopolized our every waking moment…."

They had, but I hadn't minded. It had been so long since Bella had seen her family.

"What's wrong?" I asked timidly. I thought the weekend had gone perfect so far.

"Nothing's _wrong_, necessarily….I just…..need to talk to you."

I stroked her cheek with the tip of my finger. "Tonight….after we put Riley to bed. Just you and me, okay?"

Bella smiled softly and nodded. "Just you and me."

I kissed her softly before climbing out of the car. I looked toward the house and was surprised to find my parents waiting for us on the cobblestone steps. It was late, and I hadn't expected them to wait up for us.

Bella pulled a sleeping Riley out of the backseat as I grabbed our bags. My parents watched us with a serene expression as we wordlessly made our way through the door.

"He looks so peaceful," Mom whispered as she gently kissed Riley's cheek. He was cradled against Bella's chest. That image always floored me, and I could see that it was having a similar affect on my mother. Her eyes were glistening as she kissed Bella's cheek, as well. "It's so good to see you, Bella."

"You too," Bella smiled tiredly.

"It was a long drive," I replied with a murmur. "Traffic was hell. I'm sorry we're so late. You guys should be in bed."

"Your mother insisted," Dad offered as an explanation just before kissing Bella's cheek in greeting. "But we know you're tired, so we'll catch-up tomorrow."

"But they just got here," Mom murmured sadly. I chuckled as my father pulled her by the hand.

"Esme, they'll be here in the morning. Let them get some rest. They've had a long drive."

Mom smiled sheepishly. "Of course. I'm so sorry. It's just so good to see you both….and to see you so happy…."

"We'll still be happy in the morning," I promised her. "We're just going to put Riley to bed."

"His room is all ready," Mom offered. "And as for you two….well….." She waved her hand dismissively, as if to say she understood that we'd be sleeping in the same bed. Bella's face flushed as she nuzzled Riley's hair.

"Goodnight," Dad chuckled lightly as he pulled my mother up the stairs.

"Come on," I whispered. "Let's put him to bed."

We carefully climbed the stairs as I steered Bella toward Riley's room. It was actually Rosalie's old bedroom, and I grimaced at the Eminemposter on the wall above her bed. Bella noticed my expression, and she giggled.

"I forgot that she went through her Slim Shady phase."

I rolled my eyes and grinned as we each kissed Riley on the cheek. After tucking him in, I took her hand as we walked out of his room and down the hallway. I pulled her toward my old bedroom.

"I missed you last night," she whispered solemnly. While her father had given me his blessing, I hadn't felt comfortable sharing a bed with Bella in her parents' home. She had actually pouted when I'd insisted on sleeping on the living room couch.

"I missed you, too," I smiled as I leaned down to kiss her softly. "I'm not feeling nearly as respectful tonight. Come on…"

"What about your parents?" She whispered softly.

"I promise they don't care…" I replied as I gently pulled her through the bedroom door. "….and _my_ father doesn't own a gun."

Bella giggled as I closed the door and turned on the light. I dropped our bags on the floor and watched as her eyes scanned my bedroom. She gravitated toward my bookshelf where her fingers lingered along the spine of one of my many journals.

"You can read them if you like," I offered sheepishly. "They're really pretty boring…"

She smiled at me from over her shoulder, but it was wistful and emotional, and I didn't understand it at all.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

Slowly, she turned toward me. I watched – spellbound – as she carefully began unbuttoning her blouse. Her eyes never left mine as she tossed it onto the floor. Next, she unbuttoned her jeans, and I willed my eyes to remain on her face as she stripped away the remainder of her clothes. She pulled her hair out of her ponytail, and I watched with lustful eyes as her mahogany hair fell in waves around her shoulders.

"Whose turn?" Bella whispered softly, her eyes drifting to the floor.

"Mine, I think…." I couldn't be positive. I wasn't really keeping score, and she was standing completely naked before me. It was hard to have a coherent thought.

"What do you want?" She whispered low…uncertain….as if she was unsure of my answer.

It was all I could do not to launch myself at her feet and beg her – right then and there – to be my wife. Because really, that was all I wanted in the world. But I knew I had to be patient. Instead, I ripped my shirt over my head and tossed it to the ground as I made my way to her. I placed my finger at the base of her chin, and lifted her face toward mine.

"You," I murmured. "Always and forever. I want you, Bella."

She whimpered as my mouth softly brushed against hers.

We made love, and it was slow and gentle and sweet. For whatever reason, she was emotional, and I wanted to show her how much I adored her and how precious she was to me.

It was later, while she was lying peacefully in my arms, that she finally shed some light on her emotions.

"I've been very selfish," she whispered in the darkness.

"Selfish? Bella, you're the most _selfless_ person I've ever met."

"No," she shook her head against my chest. Slowly, she lifted her head and found my eyes in the darkness. "I love you, and you proposed to me. You never questioned if we were moving too fast or if the timing was right. You asked me to be your wife, and I want that - more than anything I want that. And my mother made me realize that I was already playing that role. I have been selfishly taking the best parts of married life…the affection, the sex, the child, a home…..and I was totally content to bask in the joy of _those_ things without giving you a true commitment. You've given me every single thing I've ever wanted, but I've given you nothing in return. And I'm so, so sorry for that."

"Bella," I whispered tenderly as I stroked her cheek. "I won't have you feeling this way. You've given me _everything_, sweetheart. Yes, I want to call you my wife, because in my heart, that's what you are. I know it's fast, and I'm perfectly content with waiting until you're ready."

She sniffled, and I gently wiped away her tears. "Listen to me. You say that you've taken the best parts of married life without giving me an official commitment, but don't you see….I _had_ the marriage certificate. I _had _the commitment, and it was meaningless. I would have torn that piece of paper in half if it meant that I could have what we have….the affection, the sex, the child, the home…the promise of forever. _This_…." I pulled her tightly against me. "...this means more to me than some piece of paper in a frame."

Her tears quieted as I stroked my fingers up and down her spine. "So you _don't_ want to get married?"

I chuckled as I kissed her temple. "Of course I want to marry you. Nothing would make me happier than to put my mother's ring on your finger. But I am willing to wait…as long as it takes."

She surprised me by shaking her head and climbing on top of me. With a groan, I grasped her hips as she hovered above me.

"You have given me _everything_," Bella whispered fervently.

"Not yet," I smiled softly as I gazed at her. "But I will. I promise."

Bella leaned down, and I gasped as her cool skin of her breasts brushed against me. Her mouth found mine, and we kissed…gently at first….but quickly, her kisses turned frantic…hungry… and my body responded as it always does whenever she touches me, and I found myself gripping her hips possessively. Bella lifted herself and slowly lowered herself onto me, and I groaned with pleasure as she clasped my hands in hers. The sight of Bella straddling me – with her long brown hair cascading over the porcelain skin of her naked body – was my every fantasy come to life. This time, our lovemaking was passionate and frenzied, and within minutes, our mutual moans could be heard in the silence of the room as she collapsed against me with the softest of whimpers.

"I love you, baby," I murmured as I nuzzled her hair. Our heartbeats were crashing against each other as I held her close to my chest. We clung to each other, trying to calm our bodies and slow our breathing. "And I believe it's your turn."

She turned her head and gently kissed the skin that lay against my thundering heart.

"Marry me," she whispered softly against my skin. "I want you to marry me."

My eyes flashed open in surprise. My dual orgasms were obviously distorting my sense of hearing.

"What did you say?" I murmured slowly.

Bella raised her head and gazed into my eyes. "Edward Cullen, will you marry me?"

Excitement coursed through my veins as I struggled to keep my composure.

_She means someday. Obviously someday…_

"It's the only promise left…it's the only thing we haven't given each other…besides more babies, of course. But that will come in time."

My expression must have been one of complete and utter shock because she giggled and softly stroked my cheek. "Breathe, Edward."

I took a deep breath.

Her eyes were glistening with tears. "I'm ready, Edward. Please say you'll marry me. And I don't want a long engagement. The sooner the better….I was thinking a little wedding in that big yard of ours…."

She means _now_.

"Oh, Bella…yes….yes….." I murmured as I crushed her against me. She giggled as she wrapped her arms around my neck, and we held each other as the enormity of this moment flooded my senses.

The woman of my dreams had just proposed to me.

And I had just said yes.

* * *

BPOV

I was all decked out in white lace. A veil was perched atop my curls, and my dress was flowing in the breeze as I made my way down the path littered with rose petals. There were spectators on each side of the aisle, but they were blurry and moving in and out of focus because all I could really see was Edward's smiling face. He was standing under an altar covered with ivy…and I noticed that the ivy perfectly matched the color of his emerald eyes. He was smiling triumphantly at me as I made my way to his side. He stretched out his hand, and I laced his fingers with mine.

Home.

"Bella," his sweet voice called to me, but I was so overcome with emotion that all I could do was blink away the tears and smile.

"Wake up, baby."

Suddenly, his fingers touched my cheek, but his touch was so cold…I whimpered as the cold stroked along the edge of my jaw.

"Open those beautiful eyes, Bella."

Disoriented, I blinked rapidly as the bedroom slowly came into view. Edward was smiling down at me.

"There you are," he whispered gently. "That must have been some dream."

"Best dream ever," I murmured groggily. Edward was stroking my cheek, and I recognized the cold touch from my dream.

"Why are your fingers so cold?" I wondered.

"My fingers?" He looked down at my cheek. "Oh….that's not my finger, Bella."

I pulled his hand away from my face and noticed a gold band encircling his pinky.

I gasped softly.

It _was_ cold….cold metal.

And the cold metal was gold.

And it was a ring – the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen.

And I immediately burst into uncontrollable tears.

"Breathe, Bella…" Edward whispered softly as he stroked my face - his face full of concern. He pulled me into his arms and I snuggled against his chest. Here he was – all showered and dressed and bringing me a beautiful ring– while I was a complete mess.

"It's so pretty," I whispered softly.

"It's my mother's," Edward replied tenderly. "I'm glad you proposed to me while we were visiting them. Saved me a trip."

I pulled my face away from his tear-stained shirt and marveled at the beautiful setting. "I don't understand. I mean, the ring is gorgeous. But doesn't she want to wear her ring?"

He smiled softly. "She hasn't worn this ring since the day I was born. She always said that she wanted to pass this ring down to her son – to give to his wife someday. So, on the day I was born, she put the ring in the safe, and she's happily worn her wedding band ever since.

What a sweet sentiment. But I was still confused…

"But, I won't be your first wife," I reminded him.

Edward chuckled as he kissed the tip of my nose. "On the day Jessica and I announced our engagement, my mother's exact words were _"Jessica Stanley will never wear my ring. That ring wasn't meant for her."_ He brushed my nose with his. "She was right, of course. This ring wasn't meant for Jessica. It's always been meant for you. If you like it, that is….I mean, I know it's kind of old-fashioned….if you don't like it, we can always…"

"I like old-fashioned things," I murmured in wonder. The ring was oval-shaped with rows upon rows of glistening diamonds.

"You like it?" He asked softly. The excitement in his voice was infectious.

"I love it."

"She will be very happy to hear that," Edward whispered softly. "She was quite ecstatic when I woke her up at six this morning – begging for the combination to the safe."

I giggled. "I wonder if it fits…"

"Only one way to find out," Edward murmured. And then his face grew serious as he gently lifted my hand and slipped the ring onto my finger. I stretched my hand out and admired the glistening heirloom on my finger.

"It's a perfect fit," I whispered in absolute wonder.

"Of course it is," Edward replied softly as he gazed at my hand. "It was always meant for your finger. Always."

I softly stroked his face with my glittering left hand as he leaned in, kissing me softly.

* * *

**FF Rec – OhMyWord has a new story called "The Confidence Man." I love it, and you can find it in my favorites.**

**As always, I love your comments. :) I'm so sorry that I can't reply to more of them, but I read them all, and they all make me smile.**


	28. How Much Love Could Make You Whole?

**Surprise! You get an early update. It's a shorter one, but I needed to end it here. It's a pretty important chapter and certainly moves things along.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Chapter title comes from Muse's "I Belong To You."**

* * *

Chapter 28

_How Much Love Could Make You Whole?_

* * *

BPOV

I practiced my breathing and visualization techniques while I sat in the middle of the bridal shop. The store was bustling with three helpful associates and one very excited future sister-in-law, and the constant blur of commotion was making me dizzy.

So instead, I sat here – in this extraordinarily expensive plush chair – holding a glass of wine and gazing at my ring. The buzz of the alcohol and the beauty of my ring were the only things keeping me calm.

In essence, my job was simple. Rosalie would point at a specific dress carried by a store employee, and my job was to either nod yes or no.

I had been nodding no.

A lot.

Everything was just too….._much_. The train was too long. Or it had too many ruffles. Or it was strapless. Or it wasn't.

After two hours, I was on my third glass of wine.

"Ladies," Rose motioned toward the shop employees. "Let's take a break while I have a little talk with our bride-to-be."

I didn't care. I poured myself another glass of wine. I noticed that the merlot almost matched the shade of Rosalie's face. The girls scampered away with relief as Rose hovered over me.

"Alright, what is your deal?"

I sipped my wine. "I don't have a deal."

"And you still don't have a dress," Rosalie snapped.

"These are all wrong," I explained calmly – the wine making me brave.

Rose lifted the bottle and blinked with surprise. "It's a good thing you had lunch. And what do you mean these dresses are all wrong? How are they wrong? These gowns are gorgeous."

"They're all wrong for me. I just want something simple." I shrugged. How do you explain to your beautiful best friend that these dresses were designed for women with gorgeous bust lines and beautiful bare shoulders? How can you make her understand that these gowns were created for graceful women who could navigate an aisle without tripping over the cathedral train?

"You want something simple?"

"Yes."

Rose narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you mean simple as in you don't want a big train and lots of tulle? Or do you mean simple as in you're not pretty enough to wear something so beautiful? Because I swear, if this is about your self-esteem issues…"

I winced and drained the rest of my glass. The alcohol was making me warm and fuzzy.

"It is!" Rosalie shouted, and I noticed the bridal associates running for cover. I glanced around for courage. Where did that bottle go?

Rosalie's hands were on her hips. "Are you serious? Do you KNOW how much my brother loves you? Do you have ANY earthly idea how crazy he is about you? Look at that ring!"

I sighed and gazed down at my hand. It really was the most gorgeous piece of jewelry I'd ever seen. It was unique. Just like us.

Rosalie sighed and dropped to her knees on the lush carpet. She took my left hand in hers.

"Bella Swan," she whispered gently, "You've never seen yourself clearly. You are so lovely. Always have been. But I swear, you're even more beautiful today, and I know that's because you're in love. And my brother….God, Bella…you have no idea the changes we see in him. For the first time in his adult life, he's happy."

I sighed wistfully. "I'm happy, too. Have I ever thanked you for getting me this job?"

Rosalie laughed. "No, but I can't tell you how many times _Edward _has thanked me for getting you this job. Now would you please set aside your self-esteem issues for one afternoon and help me find you the perfect dress? Tell me what you want."

I closed my eyes with a sigh.

I knew exactly what I wanted.

"Okay," I nodded. Rose listened with rapt attention as I tried to envision the dress from my dream. When I opened my eyes, she was smiling. I watched with amusement as she snapped her fingers and the bridal shop employees came running to her side. Rosalie's voice was insistent as she described the dress in my dream, and within moments, the ladies were scurrying around the shop.

"Off-white or white?" One of the girls asked her.

Rosalie glanced at me.

"White," I replied softly.

"Veil?" Another prompted me.

I nodded.

Thrilled that I was now divulging pertinent information, the bridal shop employees resumed their hustling around the store. Rosalie was shouting directions, and the girls were eager to please her. Moments later, one of the girls returned to my side with a triumphant smile.

Rosalie gasped. "Is that it?"

My eyes raked over the gown. It was simple and so, so pretty. Lace trimmed the bottom and the straps were translucent.

It was the dress of my dreams.

Spellbound, I leaned forward in my chair and gently traced the fabric with my finger.

"Well?" Rosalie murmured.

"Where's the dressing room?" I whispered softly.

Rosalie squealed as she led me to the back of the store.

* * *

The rest of the month passed so quickly that I was sure I'd stepped into a time machine. So much had happened in such a short period of time, and it was taking all of us some time to adjust.

Interestingly enough, it was Riley who was the most calm and well-adjusted of us all. He'd been so excited when he saw my ring, and he was even more excited when Marcus announced that the adoption papers had been filed. Later that night – long after we'd tucked Riley into his bed – Edward admitted that Riley had asked him if it was okay to start calling me _mommy_.

Overcome with emotion and happiness, Edward had held me all night while I cried myself to sleep.

The very next day, Marcus had informed us that we would be closing on the house within the next two weeks.

I cried that night, too.

I was getting everything I'd ever wanted, and for some reason, all I could do was cry.

It didn't make sense. Everything was falling into place, and while I was ecstatically happy, I was also anxious and nauseated a majority of the time. My mother assured me that I was just a jittery bride, but I couldn't help but think that it was more than that. True, my life was in complete upheaval, but it was a good kind of upheaval. Mom assured me that – soon enough – things would calm down.

And for some reason, that scared the hell out of me, too.

I was pondering the craziness that is my life as I pulled into the bank. I was sorting through my wallet when I noticed two checks I'd yet to cash.

I stared at my name. And Edward's signature. And the amount of the checks.

I hadn't cashed the checks because the thoughts of doing so made me feel cheap. Things were different now. We were in love. We were getting married. I was no longer the nanny.

I pulled up to the window and the bank teller smiled tiredly from her stool. I deposited the check that Renee had written us – an early wedding gift, she'd said – but placed Edward's checks back in my wallet.

I just couldn't bring myself to cash them.

Once I arrived home, I decided I needed to take a good look at my finances. Renee and Charlie's check would more than cover the wedding gown, but still…I needed to be careful. I was – for all practical purposes – unemployed, and I needed to watch my money. I sat down at the desk in my room and powered up my laptop. I drummed my fingers nervously against the desk as I logged on to my bank's website.

I blinked – unbelieving – when I noticed my account balance.

_No way._

I clicked my recent transactions, and incredibly, someone had deposited thousands of dollars into my account within the past week. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that those transaction amounts perfectly matched the dollar amounts on each of the checks stuffed in my wallet.

_Someone_ had access to my bank account.

_Someone_ was in trouble.

Enraged, I logged out. I was just grabbing my cell phone when I heard commotion coming from the living room. Suddenly, my door burst open, and a smiling Riley was pulling that _someone_ by the hand.

"Hey sweetheart," Edward grinned from the doorway. His face fell when he noticed my seething expression. "What's wrong?"

"We need to have a talk," I informed him with a clipped tone. I turned my attention to the smiling boy climbing into my lap and offered him a hug. "How was your visit with Dr. Jane?"

Riley grinned. "I told her all about your ring and the new house, and she thinks that maybe I don't need to come see her so much anymore."

"Is that right?" I glanced up at Edward, who was smiling in spite of the fear etched across his face.

_He'd better be afraid._

"She seems to think we can go to one session every two weeks," Edward explained softly.

"That's great!" I excitedly hugged Riley.

"Riley," Edward whispered, his eyes searching my face. "Why don't you practice your piano for a while before dinner? I'd like to speak with Bella."

"Okay," the little boy replied as he hopped out of my lap. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him race out of the bedroom door, but then my expression turned glacial as Edward made his way to the door, closing it and locking it. I watched as he made his way to the bed and sat on the edge.

"What's wrong?"

Without a word, I pulled my wallet out of my bag and walked over to the bed. I sat down next to him and clicked the pen. Edward's eyes widened as he watched me write a check for the amount of his deposits. I tore the check out of the book and offered it to him.

Edward cleared his throat nervously. "Bella, look…"

"No, you look," I interrupted him. "Our lives are completely different now. We are engaged. I will not have you paying me for a job that has now become my life. I love Riley. I take care of Riley because I _want_ to take care of him – not because you are paying me this outrageous salary. And it is outrageous. You must know that."

"It was worth every penny," Edward whispered solemnly. "Look at the progress he's made. Look at our lives now…"

"And you want to thank me by _paying_ me? How insulting, Edward."

He sighed regretfully as he ran his fingers through his hair. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

I glared at him. "Then what did you mean? And how did you get access to my bank account?"

Edward shrugged. "My accountant called to inform me that two of my nanny's salaried checks had yet to clear the bank. So, I had him call the bank and have the money deposited straight into your account. He didn't need your account information. Just gave them your name."

I was stunned. "Why? Why would you do that?"

He was staring at me intently. "Bella, do you have another job of which I'm unaware?"

My forehead creased. "Of course not."

"Exactly," Edward replied. "You need money, Bella. Everyone does. And if I'm not mistaken, I am still your employer."

My eyes narrowed.

_Was he serious?_

"I quit!" I shouted as I jumped to my feet. "Effective immediately. And don't even think about hiring another nanny."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Edward muttered. He was trying very hard not to laugh. "I accept your resignation. But that money is yours."

I exhaled an infuriated sigh.

He smirked. "Spend it on our wedding, if you wish. Or, better yet, spend it on honeymoon lingerie…"

"That would be some very expensive lingerie," I muttered.

"Oh, it should be," Edward murmured low – his eyes sweeping over my body. "Satin. Or lace. Or leather. Nothing but the very best for my beautiful bride."

I bit my lip, trying hard not giggle at the absurdity of this completely ridiculous conversation. I chanced another glance at him, and the wicked gleam in his eyes nearly brought me to my knees.

"Come here," Edward whispered, offering me his hand. With a sigh, I let him pull me into his lap. He nuzzled my ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"So sexy when you're pissed," he murmured hungrily against my ear. I trembled as he gently bit the outer edge of my lobe. Softly, his kisses skimmed the side of my neck, and I gripped his shoulders for support.

"So unfair," I panted, and I heard him chuckle in my ear.

"Guess what?"

"Hmm…." It was the only sound I could manage. Did he really expect me to answer questions right now? When his mouth was doing such wonderful things to my skin?

"You're going to be my wife," he whispered reverently.

I whimpered as he pulled me down onto the bed.

* * *

During the next few weeks, several things happened seemingly all at once, but actually, within just a few days of each other.

Edward and I filed for our marriage license. We closed on the house. We sold the penthouse. We hired movers. I began volunteering at Riley's school, hoping it would lead to a teaching job someday. Alice, Rosalie, Renee, and Esme turned into rabid wedding planners. And my constant nausea had turned into the stomach flu.

Edward's worried expression and continuous nagging was the only reason I was sitting here – in this examining room – allowing this nurse to stick a needle in my vein.

I really hated needles. And blood.

_The things I do for that man._

"Could just be stress," Dr. Molina patted my hand affectionately. He'd been my doctor ever since I moved to Seattle. "Your life is a little crazy right now, Bella."

"But it's a good crazy," I mumbled as she removed the needle from my arm.

"Good or not, any lifestyle change can affect your digestive system. The blood tests may provide some answers." Dr. Molina looked down at his chart. "Everything else looks good. Since you're getting married soon, will you be needing contraception?"

"No," I replied with a smile. I could tell Dr. Molina anything. "Edward plans to get me pregnant on the honeymoon."

Dr. Molina chuckled. "Eager is he?"

"You could say that," I smiled happily.

"Good, good. Well good luck with that. Are your cycles regular?"

My smile faded.

"I guess so?"

_What was today's date?_

Dr. Molina raised an eyebrow. "You guess so?"

_What the hell was today's date?_

I blinked rapidly.

I gasped, and I could literally see the light bulb illuminate over Dr. Molina's balding scalp. Of course, I may have just been hallucinating. I mean, I was having a moment here. Possibly the biggest moment of my life.

"Bella," Dr. Molina's voice was soft. "Is it possible that this isn't the flu at all?"

I said nothing.

"You didn't mention any other symptoms," he commented as he scanned my chart. "Of course, the blood tests will show…"

I couldn't hear him. My heartbeat was thundering in my ears.

"Bella, you look pale. Do you need to lie down?"

I finally vocalized my internal question.

"Dr. Molina, what's today's date?"

"Today is the third, Bella."

_It was a new month???_

I counted on my fingers. Once. Twice. Again.

Dr. Molina immediately started shouting out symptoms.

"Morning sickness?"

I shook my head no.

"Fatigue?"

"Yes, but I'm planning a wedding and in the middle of moving…"

He nodded. "Emotional?"

"I've been crying over the silliest things," I whispered softly.

During yesterday's fitting, Alice and Rose had shown me a pair of stilettos that she thought would look perfect with my wedding dress. I'd tried them on, looked at myself in the mirror, and immediately dissolved into tears.

Scared the shit out of both of them.

"When was your last period, Bella?" Dr. Molina asked softly.

I closed my eyes.

"I honestly can't remember," I admitted.

He patted my hand. "Well, we'll know here in a few minutes. The blood test shouldn't take long."

I took long cleansing breaths as he sat by my side, continually patting my hand.

"Bella, would it really be so terrible?" He asked gently.

"No," I smiled as I wiped away a tear. _Again with the crying!_ "It would be wonderful. A little out of order." I shrugged helplessly. "But we've done everything out of order. Why break with tradition now?"

Moments later, the nurse walked back into the room. I watched Dr. Molina's face as he scanned the results. He thanked the nurse as she walked out the door. He then turned toward me with a sweet smile on his face.

"Tell Edward he doesn't have to wait for the honeymoon," Dr. Molina grinned.

* * *

**Someone asked for a picture of Bella's wedding dress and her wedding ring. You can find both on my profile by clicking my images link. From there, click on the images for "Such Great Heights."**

**I love to hear what you think. :)**


	29. Our Dreams Are Made Out of Real Things

**AN: Happy birthday to Emma. There's a little shout-out to you in this chapter. :)**

**Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mama Bears out there. And if I may steal a line from Sandra Bullock's Oscar acceptance speech, "to ****the moms that take care of the babies no matter where they come from." ****This chapter is for all of you.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. The chapter title comes from Jack Johnson's "Better Together." It was suggested by my friend, Laura.**

* * *

Chapter 29

_Our Dreams Are Made Out of Real Things_

* * *

BPOV

Riley was sitting in the middle of the largest sandbox in the park. There were a couple of children playing along side of him, and I watched with contentment as the trio shared buckets and shovels while they painstakingly developed their castles in the sand. They worked diligently….cooperatively….each person shaping his dirt in precise detail so that the three formations would join and create a masterpiece.

"The best thing about the sandbox…" Riley's friend said, "…..is that we aren't on the beach, so the ocean waves won't ruin it."

I glanced up at the darkening sky. The clouds were beginning to roll in. I looked back down at the sand box and noticed Riley looking up at the clouds, as well.

"It's going to rain," Riley replied matter-of-factly, and pride swelled in my heart. My little boy was so smart.

_My little boy._

_How would he react to the news?_

Slowly, my hand ghosted along my stomach. Of course, there was nothing to feel. No protruding tummy just yet.

But that didn't keep me from gingerly running my fingers along my skin.

I didn't need physical, tangible proof.

I can feel _her_ in my heart. I can feel _him_ in veins.

Boy or girl – it doesn't matter at all.

_Will Edward have a preference? Will Riley?_

And how to tell them?

I wasn't nervous about telling Edward that we were pregnant. It was easy to predict his reaction. Riley was a bit trickier. Would he feel threatened? He's had Edward all to himself for so long. Will he be willing to share his father? Will he be willing to share me?

In a moment of fear, I'd dialed Dr. Jane's number. She had encouraged me to include Riley as much as possible with every aspect of including a new baby into our routine. She suggested that he help decorate the nursery, choose books for the baby's library, and pick the stuffed animals…

I thanked her, and then I felt guilty.

Dr. Jane was the first person I'd told that I was pregnant.

But I knew Edward would forgive me. This was important, and I needed to know how to proceed. Also, I had an idea, and I wanted the therapist's approval before involving Riley in my plans.

To my immense relief and happiness, she had approved.

A soft echo of thunder rumbled in the distance, prompting the other parents to grab their children's rain gear and pull them out of the sand box. Riley said goodbye to his new friends, and my heart broke a little when his beautiful face fell as he examined their unfinished sand castle.

"It's not even raining yet," Riley grumbled as he filled his bucket with dirt. After a few moments he carefully tipped it over and pulled it away, and a perfect castle tower emerged.

"Let me help," I offered as I slowly climbed into the sand pile. Riley's face brightened as he handed me a bucket. I dutifully shoveled dirt into the blue pail.

"It needs a tower on this side," he explained thoughtfully.

"And which side is that?" I prompted.

Riley grinned. We'd been working on this for a few days.

"The left side."

"Good job," I smiled. We quietly went back to work. The thunder was still rumbling in the distance, so we worked quickly. It took us another half hour, but finally, the towers were formed and our sand castle was complete. We smiled at each other and Riley scampered into my lap as we sat back, admiring our handiwork.

"Best sand castle ever," I whispered enthusiastically against his ear.

"Best mom ever," Riley murmured softly, and tears sprang in my eyes as I cuddled him close to my chest. It was the first time he'd actually said the words. I'd filled the role of his mother for so long, but to actually hear him _say_ the words…

My heart just wasn't big enough to hold all of this happiness.

"I have a secret to tell you," I whispered, and I watched his face light up with excitement. If there was one thing that thrilled him, it was keeping a secret.

"A secret from who?"

"Well, from everyone right now," I replied thoughtfully. "But we should probably tell Daddy tonight."

"Is it a good one?"

"I think it's a great one," I ventured carefully. "But I wanted to tell you, and then you could help me tell Daddy."

"Okay," Riley agreed. I took a deep breath and turned him around in my lap so that he could face me. His tiny hands ghosted along my teary cheek.

"Are you crying again?"

It bothered me that he'd noticed that I'd been crying so much lately. I'd just been so emotional, and I'd be unable to hide it.

"Because I'm happy," I told him.

"You're must be _really_ happy. You've been crying a lot."

_I am happy. Deliriously happy._

"That's part of the secret," I told him. "There's a reason I'm so happy."

Riley stared at me expectantly.

I took another deep breath as I gazed down into his father's beautiful eyes.

"I'm happy because of the wedding…and the house….and because you want to call me mommy."

"Mommy," Riley whispered softly….hesitantly….as if he was really trying out the word for the first time. As if he was finally letting himself believe it.

"Can I call you that?" He asked gently.

My heart constricted in my chest. "Yes, baby."

"I'm not a baby," Riley scrunched his nose. "Babies are little and need a bottle…."

_There's your opening, Bella Swan._

"You're right," I agreed. "You're not a baby. You're such a big boy. But….what do you think about babies? Do you think you'd like a baby brother or sister?"

He grew thoughtful. "I don't know. Emma has a little sister…."

"Who's Emma?"

"She's in my class," Riley explained. "Emma's mom picks her up, and she always brings the baby. She cries _a lot_."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sometimes they do cry. But when they're little, they just mostly sleep all the time."

He remained quiet as he contemplated this new information, and I began to grow nervous. Was I doing this right?

"Are _we_ getting a baby?" Riley finally asked. The question startled me. How had he made that connection?

"Would that be okay?"

"I think it would be okay," he replied thoughtfully. "Would it be a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, relief flowing through my body. He doesn't seem totally against the idea.

Suddenly, his eyes flashed with excitement. "Can we pick?"

I laughed. "No, we don't get to pick."

"Who gets to pick?"

Dr. Jane had reminded me that Riley was an inquisitive child and would probably ask a lot of questions. She also suggested that I keep my explanations vague until I was actually showing. It would be hard to explain to Riley that a baby was growing inside of me. But if he could actually touch my growing tummy, this would give him a better understanding and help him bond with the baby.

"We'll let Daddy explain who picks," I replied sweetly. It seemed only fair. I was doing the hard stuff here…

"Does Daddy know we're getting a baby?" Riley asked excitedly.

"Not yet. That's the secret."

I noted that Riley was using the phrase "getting a baby," as if we were just going to store and picking one out. He had absolutely no frame of reference, so I was content with letting him visualize the situation that way, at least for now.

"Will you help me tell him?"

Riley nodded willingly, and I hugged him close.

"Thanks," I grinned. "But I want you to understand something. Listen very closely."

The little boy stared at me with rapt attention. I gently tousled his hair.

"I love you so much. Your daddy loves you so much. And you will be the best big brother in the whole world."

We hugged once more just as the rain finally began to fall. Quickly, I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of our sand castle. I showed the picture to Riley, and he grinned happily. Hand-in-hand, we walked to the car, and as he buckled himself into his booster seat, I heard his soft whisper.

"I hope we get a girl," Riley said.

* * *

"We're home!" I announced as we made our way through the sparsely decorated living room. The movers had worked quickly and efficiently, and all that remained in this room was the sofa and Riley's piano.

"Remember," I whispered down to Riley. I placed my finger over my lips, and he nodded and giggled excitedly.

"Finally," Edward appeared from the hallway leading to his study. His face was etched with relief as he pulled Riley into his arms. "I expected to hear from you after your appointment."

"I'm sorry," I murmured as he softly kissed my cheek and led us to the couch. "After the appointment, I went to Riley's school and volunteered for a few hours."

"Then we went to the park," Riley announced happily as he snuggled onto his father's lap. "Mommy helped me build the _best_ sand castle ever….."

Edward's surprised eyes flashed to my face. And with that magic word, I was crying again.

"It's okay. She's just happy," Riley clarified to his father. I giggled as I wiped away my tears.

"We had a talk about my constant crying," I explained softly. He leaned over and kissed my temple.

"I see…" Edward glanced at the little boy on his lap. "And these are all happy tears?"

"Yep," Riley said. His eyes swept to me, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "Can we tell him now?"

Dr. Jane also reminded me that Riley was five-years-old. This secret couldn't stay a secret for long.

"Yes," I whispered softly before turning my attention to Edward. "We have something for you."

Riley leapt out of his father's arms and raced to his backpack. He quickly unzipped it and pulled the tiny, wrapped box out of the bag. Riley rushed back to his place on the sofa and snuggled into his father's lap.

"What's this?" Edward wondered, and he shook the box. It made a slight rattling noise, which was actually pretty perfect considering what was wrapped inside.

Riley giggled. "Bella…I mean, _Mommy_…..let me pick the words."

"The words?" Edward smiled softly at me and brushed the tears away from my cheeks.

_Stupid tears!_

"Hurry, Daddy…." Riley groaned as he tugged on the gift wrap.

"Okay, okay," Edward grinned as he carefully unwrapped the package.

I took a deep breath, but I found that I didn't really need it. Telling the man you love…the man you're marrying…that you're pregnant with his child should be the most nerve-wracking moment of your life, shouldn't it? A complete surprise – although it probably shouldn't be considering we'd done nothing to prevent it – but still…this would be a complete surprise to him and to our family. Shouldn't I be a little concerned? Shouldn't I be nervous? Considering my history, shouldn't I be scared?

But I didn't feel any of those things. All I felt was peace and a sense of completion…as if the puzzle pieces were all there, and the picture was _almost_ complete.

_Sometimes the most perfect and most beautiful things in life are effortless._

My mother's words washed over me while I watched Edward's astonished face as he lifted the tiny silver rattle from the confines of the gift box.

I had prepared myself for this moment, trying to decide on the perfect words. How do you tell the man you love that you're carrying his child?

"We're getting a baby!" Riley's happy voice echoed around the empty room.

_That's how you tell him._

Edward's bright green eyes glanced at Riley... then back to the rattle…..and then his penetrating gaze settled on my face.

"We're…" Edward's voice was just a whisper. "…a baby…..?"

"Read the inscription," I whispered tearfully. His glowing eyes flashed to the rattle and peered closely at the engraving.

_**My big brother loves me.**_

_**~Baby Cullen~**_

_**2011**_

"We're getting a baby!" Riley squealed again, and this time, we heard the crashing of pans coming from the kitchen.

"Riley," I murmured as Edward's eyes remained transfixed on the rattle in his hand. "It sounds like Carmen just dropped a pan of cookies. Why don't you go help her?"

"Can I tell her the secret?"

"Yes."

He jumped out of Edward's lap and raced toward the kitchen. The room was suddenly too quiet, and I fidgeted nervously as Edward continued staring in awe at the rattle.

"Say something," I begged softly. Wasn't he happy?

Edward blinked rapidly and turned his head toward me. "We're _getting_ a baby?"

"We're _having_ a baby," I clarified. "This wasn't something I could explain to our son, but he understood _getting_ a baby…so….."

"_Our_ son….." Edward whispered softly. "He's calling you mommy…."

"I know…."

"And you don't have the flu…"

I shook my head no.

"We're really having a baby?" His voice was incredulous.

"Yes," I replied meekly. "Dr. Molina thinks February…" The expression on Edward's face was unlike anything I'd ever seen. This wasn't the reaction I'd been expecting at all.

_Wasn't he happy?_

I would literally die – right here in this high-rise penthouse – if he was anything short of ecstatic.

I watched as Edward placed a soft kiss against the inscription on the rattle before gently placing it back in its box. He carefully placed the box to the side and lowered himself to the floor. He was kneeling before me, his eyes gazing reverently into my face. With the softest of touches, Edward brushed each side of my face with his fingertips.

"Words cannot describe how much I love you," he murmured adoringly. "This morning, I woke up before the alarm and just watched you sleep. I have memorized every curve of your face….the flutter of your eyelashes….the way you breathe when you're sleeping peacefully."

His hands trailed down my body, finally resting on my stomach. Gently, he lifted the hem of my blouse, and I sighed as his fingers brushed across my skin.

"And as I was staring at you, I actually thought to myself that there was no way that I could possibly love you more than I did right in that moment…but now….."

He leaned closer and pulled my shirt higher. I gasped as he lowered his head and placed sweet, worshipful kisses along my stomach.

"You've given me everything I've ever wanted, Bella. You own me, heart and soul. And I know now that I'll never love you enough. Every single day, I've fallen a little more in love with you, and I know that this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life."

The tears streamed down my cheeks, and Edward gently lifted his hand, wiping them away.

"We're having a baby," he whispered softly, and I noticed a tear trickle down his cheek, as well. I sniffled and placed my fingertip along his face.

"Everything has happened so fast," I murmured gently. I cupped his face in my hand, and he melted into my touch. "It's so hard to keep up….so hard to process it all…."

"I know," Edward whispered, taking my hand away from his face and placing a soft kiss against my palm. "But, honestly, when you remove all of the drama, it's actually pretty easy. I love you. You love me. We have a beautiful son and a baby on the way. We're buying your dream house, and we're getting married."

"You make it sound so simple," I smiled happily. He chuckled and kissed my hand again.

"It _is_ simple," Edward assured me. "So what if we didn't do things in order? So what if it's been a whirlwind? Look at what we have now…."

"It was all worth it," I whispered softly. And I knew it was true. My misery with Jacob….his loveless marriage to Jessica….every ounce of heartbreak had brought us here.

It was worth every minute.

"I can't wait to be your wife," I murmured, and the smile reflected on his face made my heart soar.

"I can't wait to be your husband," Edward sighed softly…and then he leaned down once again, placing a soft kiss on my exposed stomach.

"And I can't wait to be your daddy," he whispered.

* * *

It was one week later, and the house was finally vacant. The movers had made their last sweep of the penthouse – Riley's piano had been the last to go – and Carmen and Riley had gone to Edward's parents for the night. We'd made reservations at a hotel in hopes of getting a good night's sleep and getting an early start on all of the unpacking that was waiting for us at the new house.

The penthouse had sold easily and quickly, and the newlyweds – a doctor and his wife – were eager to move in as soon as possible. Edward had deposited the money from the sell of the penthouse into both Riley's and Baby Cullen's newly formed college funds at the bank. Their mutual account balances were obscene and outrageous, but I knew it was no use pointing it out to their father. He was too happy these days, and I refused to rain on his parade.

I stood out on the balcony one last time and looked out across the Seattle skyline. It really was beautiful up here. I peered down at the sidewalk and remembered how I felt the first time I saw this extravagant building. It screamed of money and excess, and I remembered wondering how an unemployed school teacher from Forks had found herself as a nanny in this high-rise apartment building.

I noticed the people below, and I lifted my hand and waved – not knowing or caring if they could even see me. If they _could_ see me, I wondered what they'd think of me. Would they think I was a privileged just because I lived on the 27th floor in a penthouse apartment? Would they believe that my life was picture perfect without a care in the world?

Perhaps.

But would they also understand that – within the confines of this spectacular penthouse with its panoramic view – I had found everything I'd ever wanted? The love of my life, my beautiful son, my unborn child, a loving friend….

It was those things that were priceless.

"I've always been afraid of heights," Edward's velvet voice interrupted my musings. I sighed as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against his shoulder.

"I just wanted one last look," I murmured gently, and he tightened his arms around me.

"Will you miss it?"

"No," I replied simply. "How could I possibly miss it? Look at all that I'm getting in return."

Edward brushed his lips against my temple and pulled me closer to the edge. He held onto me tightly as he gently leaned us over the rail.

"I thought you were afraid," I whispered. He just smiled and pointed to the sidewalk below us.

"Look at that couple down there," Edward murmured against my ear. "They're looking up at us."

Sure enough, an old couple was gazing up at the building. Whether they were actually looking at us – or if they could even see us at this distance – was debatable.

"What do you think they'd say about us…if they could even see us?" I asked with a grin.

"Hmm…" Edward kissed the hollow below my ear. "They might assume we were arrogant assholes living in our big, penthouse apartment…."

I giggled as his mouth nipped at my earlobe. "I hope they don't think that."

"What do you hope they see?" Edward asked tenderly…so tenderly that I couldn't resist turning around in his arms and gazing into his beautiful face. I tenderly stroked his cheek.

"I hope they see two imperfect people who found perfection in each other."

Edward's face softened as he pulled me close.

"My Bella," he whispered longingly, and I sighed as his mouth sweetly caressed mine.

* * *

**The epilogue is next. It may be in two parts. We'll have to see.**

**I will be a contributing author for FicsForNashville to help with the flood relief efforts in Nashville, Tennessee. I live in Tennessee, so this is near and dear to my heart. This is a combined effort of fanfic authors to offer outtakes or one-shots in exchange for your $5 or more donation to the charity of your choice. I contributed to the Nashville Red Cross, but there are many charities from which to choose. More information can be found on my profile or by messaging me. **

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**As always, I love to hear your thoughts. Your reviews overwhelm me. Thank you!**


	30. Epilogue 1 Standing in the Sunlight

**AN: Here's Part 1 of the Epilogue. There's a shout-out to a very special reader in this chapter. Samantha started the thread for this story over at Twilighted, and I know that she played a huge role in helping my story become so popular. Thanks, girl.**

**Chapter title comes from Van Morrison. You can probably guess the title of the song. :) If not, you'll find it in the chapter.**

* * *

Epilogue Part 1

_Standing in the Sunlight Laughing_

* * *

EPOV

"Push play! Push play!" Riley squealed excitedly as he sandwiched himself between us on the oversized sofa. Bella's legs were propped up on the coffee table and her eyes were closed as she rested her head against the cushion. Her hands rested against her overgrown tummy. I simply stared in amazement at the woman I loved more than my own life.

As usual, she opened one eye and caught me staring.

"Stop it," she admonished with a smirk.

"I can't help it," I admitted sheepishly. "You have no idea how beautiful you are."

Bella snorted.

This conversation had become a staple of our daily routine since her fifth month of pregnancy. I'd stare in wonder at her growing tummy – visual, tangible proof that Bella was carrying my child. She'd catch me staring. She'd give me hell. I'd tell her she was gorgeous. She'd snort in disbelief.

"I look hideous," she grimaced as she shifted her body weight against the couch. I knew she was uncomfortable. She'd been complaining of lower back pain for the past few days, and while she was two weeks away from her due date, Dr. Molina had cautioned us that the baby could make an appearance any day now. "My feet are swollen. My back hurts. I'm a grouch."

Riley climbed upon his knees and sweetly kissed her cheek. "I love you, Mommy."

Bella smiled into the bright eyes of our son. "I love you, too, baby."

"I'm not the baby," Riley giggled as he leaned down to kiss Bella's tummy. "_That's_ the baby! Now push play!" He giggled excitedly as he snuggled back against the seat.

Bella and I smiled at each other. Riley loved movie night…a weekly ritual that had become another part of our routine since moving into the house almost nine months ago. Each Friday night, our little family snuggled on the couch and watched whichever video Riley chose from our collection.

Tonight, he'd picked _my_ favorite.

We'd watched this video – our wedding video – at least once a month since the day we returned from our honeymoon. Riley loved the fact that he'd been allowed to carry the pillow with the rings, and he'd always giggle when we came to the part of the ceremony when I'd broken down into tears – completely overwhelmed with all of the emotion and love I'd felt for the woman standing by my side. I pushed play, and we snuggled deep into the cushions of the couch.

Riley wouldn't allow us to fast-forward a moment of the ceremony, and the three of us stared intently at the screen as Bella made her way down the aisle. The vision of her wearing her wedding gown never failed to cause a lump to form in my throat. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and to this day, I couldn't believe that she was mine.

The camera panned to her wedding bouquet of lavender flowers, and I couldn't suppress my grin. Laurent had been so proud of his wedding-day creations – not to mention his role in "wooing" Bella.

Charlie looked so proud…nervous as hell…but immensely proud as he walked her down the aisle and straight into my arms.

"Watch my grandmas," Riley poked me in the ribs. Sure enough, the camera panned to both of his grandmothers sitting in the front row. The ladies had completely ignored the tradition of bride's side and son's side. They'd needed each other for support, and we watched as our mothers clung to each other – bawling their eyes out – before the minister could even welcome the dearly beloved.

Getting married in our front yard had been Bella's idea. We married one month after moving into the house. The entire month was nuts – so nuts that Bella and I had threatened to elope more than once during the entire ordeal. We didn't give a shit about colors or napkins or finger foods. We just wanted to be married and get settled into our new house. So Alice and Rosalie became our rabid wedding planners, and Bella's only job was to fit into her dress on our wedding day.

"Here are the vows," Riley whispered to me. It never failed. He always got really quiet whenever it was time for the vows. It was almost as if he understood the sanctity of the words. They were just the traditional vows – neither of us quite trusted ourselves to verbalize our true feelings without completely falling apart. But, there were things that I wanted to say, so we opted to write our own vows but give them to each other the night before the wedding.

"Something just for us," Bella had said.

We'd exchanged handwritten vows at 11:59 PM – just before our Rosalie-assigned curfew. Next to my family and my wedding ring, those handwritten vows were my most prized possession. I could recite them. Verbatim. That's how many times I'd read them.

Riley giggled at the screen as the minister pronounced us husband and wife. And we all laughed when it took some obvious throat-clearing from Charlie to end our first kiss.

"Time for bed?" I whispered softly to the little boy snuggled between us.

"I think so," Bella murmured as she kissed his hair.

"I'll take him," I offered as I pulled him into my arms. "Why don't you go take a warm bath?"

Bella sighed contently as she kissed us both before making her way toward the bedroom.

I carried Riley to his room and tucked him into bed. He was getting so tall. His Kindergarten teacher was constantly praising him for being one of the best readers in her class, and I was still amazed that my beautiful son was now five-years-old and completely in love with the idea of being a big brother. I read another chapter of _Harry Potter _– we'd finally made it to _The Deathly Hallows_ – and he was asleep within minutes of my closing the book.

I watched him as he drifted off to sleep. So much had changed so quickly, but my son was better for it. _I_ was better for it. We had been so lost before Bella came into our lives – just drifting aimlessly and having no clear sense of direction. But Bella had been our compass. Our true north. And in finding her, my son and I have found each other.

Riley has found his mother.

And I have found my soulmate.

I do think of Jessica from time to time. She _is_ my son's biological mother, and I sometimes wonder if she's truly happy with the choice she made. But I watch Riley snuggle into Bella's arms as she's singing him to sleep at night, and I remember the tears that were shed by the entire family – both the Cullens and the Swans – on the day the adoption was final, and I know that Jessica had given my son the best gift that could ever be offered to a child.

She gave him a real mother.

A real family.

I would be forever grateful.

I made my way into our bedroom and was surprised to find Bella sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Not in the mood for a bath?" I murmured softly as I made my way to her side. And then she looked up at me from beneath her lashes, and I was stunned to find her eyes were filled with tears.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

She smiled softly. "Don't need the bath."

"No?"

"Nope," she whispered softly. And then the most beautiful smile lit up her face.

"My water just broke."

* * *

BPOV

On television and in movies, women always scream bloody murder while giving birth. Naturally, this scared the shit out of me, and in my research, I'd read all kinds of horror stories. But I'd spoken at length with both Renee and Esme who assured me that – as long as we didn't wait too long for the epidural – the worst I should feel was a bit of pressure.

Moms are awesome like that, because they were totally right.

She was an eager one, of course. Two weeks early. I shouldn't be surprised. Our family rarely did things on a normal schedule. Why start now? My water broke around nine last night, which was followed by six hours of labor that consisted of an epidural, a little pressure, a pale-faced Edward, and four big pushes.

By three in the morning, Riley had a baby sister.

She was absolutely perfect. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Her hair had flecks of copper, and her eyes were brown. When Dr. Molina placed her in my arms, I had dissolved into tears. I couldn't help it. I was overcome with so many emotions – love, relief, happiness – and all I could do for the longest time was just cry. After everyone had been given the chance to hold her, the entire family retreated to Carlisle and Esme's to crash, allowing us some much-needed quiet time with our new baby.

It had been a very busy – and loud – night.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, we'd been surrounded by family. Edward's parents were waiting for us in the emergency room and kept an eye on Riley while I was admitted to a room. He'd thrown a tantrum – his first in months – when they offered to take him home.

"I want to stay with Mommy," Riley had whimpered as he clung to my hand.

I think it scared him to see me lying in a hospital bed, so I had been careful to hug him as much as the IVs would allow as I reassured him that Mommy wasn't in any pain at all. This seemed to satisfy him, and after a while, he finally fell asleep in Carmen's arms.

Rosalie and Emmett – along with my parents – had arrived sometime after midnight, while Alice and Jasper had taken the first flight out of Los Angeles and had arrived around five this morning. Charlie had actually cried a little when he held the baby for the first time, and I'd almost forgotten how exuberant Alice could be when she'd had no sleep and too much caffeine. But I loved them all. And when my mother had asked about the actual birth, I'd only offered one word of explanation.

_Effortless._

Sleepily, I slowly turned toward the window where Edward was perched on the ledge - holding her in his arms and singing softly as they watched the sun rise in the Seattle morning sky.

Samantha's first sunrise with her father.

_"Standing in the sunlight laughing,  
Hiding behind a rainbow's wall_

_Slipping and sliding all along the waterfall_

_With you, my brown eyed girl."_

I giggled as Edward sang to our daughter. He looked up, surprised to find that I was awake. His green eyes were sparkling with happiness. His face was so serene…so blissful…so completely in love with the child in his arms.

"Mommy's awake," Edward whispered softly. Then he laughed lightly as he continued to gaze down at her. "I know the song is totally inappropriate…"

I grinned drowsily. "Yeah, don't they make love in the grass behind the stadium or something?"

Edward frowned. "Yeah, well, we're skipping that verse. And she's not dating until she's at least thirty."

I giggled as he carried her closer to the bed. "I've held her for hours. I should really share…"

"You really should," I murmured happily as he carefully placed her on the mattress next to me. I wrapped my arm around her and nuzzled her close as her sweet fragrance washed over me. I sighed happily and kissed the top of her head.

Edward pulled the chair closer to the bed and gazed adoringly at us. I offered him a tired smile. He had dark circles under his eyes, but he was as stubborn as Riley when it came to leaving my side for even a second.

"Babe, you should really sleep," I whispered as I played with Samantha's tiny fingers. "The family will descend soon enough. You've been up all night. You need some rest."

"I can't," Edward whispered softly as he reached for the same little hand I was holding. Our fingers brushed against each other before settling on top of hers. "What if you need something….or she needs something…"

"We'll both be sleeping," I reminded him softly.

"I'm not leaving," he murmured firmly, but his tone wasn't harsh. Just fiercely protective and loving. I couldn't help but smile.

There was nothing sexier in this world than a loving father.

"I don't want you to leave," I assured him, and his face relaxed. "I just want you to take a nap with us."

The bed really wasn't _that _big – and we'd probably get in trouble with the nurse – but I didn't care. I scooted to the edge and brought Samantha to the middle of the bed. Edward's eyes brightened with understanding, and when we were both settled, he gently climbed into bed with us. He wrapped his arms around us, and our heads lay close together as each of us gazed down at the beautiful baby lying between us.

"She looks like you," I whispered softly.

"More like you, I think," Edward murmured as he kissed her hair. "I can't believe she's ours. She's so perfect."

"I know." I wrapped my arm around him, and we lay just like that….completely exhausted…but too in love with our baby and with each other to close our eyes.

"I love my brown eyed girls," Edward whispered gently, and then he leaned over and kissed each of our foreheads. We snuggled each other….and snuggled our daughter…and our little family finally drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

**I have decided to offer the night before the wedding – and the handwritten wedding vows – as the outtake for FicsForNashville. More information can be found on my profile or by messaging me. **

**Part 2 of the Epilogue is next. **

**As always, I love to hear what you think.**


	31. Epilogue 2: Beautiful Day

**AN: Here we are. I'd written part of it already, so I decided not to make you wait a week for the next update. **

**I figure if a chapter makes the author cry, it's probably best to put a tissue warning on it. Grab a Kleenex.**

**I have a massive author's note at the bottom of the page, so please enjoy this chapter and then read it. :) I have some special people to thank and some additional info, but I'll save it all for last.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer rocks my world. Chapter song is by U2.**

* * *

**Epilogue – Part 2**

_**Beautiful Day**_

* * *

BPOV

_**Thirteen years later**_

Ballard High School's stadium bleachers were nearly filled one hour before the graduation ceremony was scheduled to begin. I looked across the seats and couldn't help but smile at the sea of happy faces. Graduation was a time to celebrate the past and focus on the future. But the future was unpredictable and uncertain and it was nearly impossible for me to think about it without crying, and I was trying desperately to control my tears – at least until the ceremony began. So instead, as our family settled into our seats, I chose to focus on their beautiful faces and the past thirteen years of our lives.

Samantha was now thirteen years old. She would be a freshman at this school next year. She was stunning, of course, considering she looked exactly like her father. You could see Edward in her long copper hair and long eyelashes. Naturally, Edward would argue that she was the spitting image of me – with her heart-shaped face and her deep chocolate eyes – but I'd seen the baby pictures. She was most certainly a miniature Edward.

Sami was a self-proclaimed geek. She loved math and anything to do with computers. She refused to write letters. If it couldn't be communicated with her iPhone, her iPad, by email, through Twitter or Facebook, or by Skype….then – in her mind – it obviously didn't need to be communicated at all. You would think that teenage boys would be intimidated by her intelligence, but that wasn't the case at all. Boys flocked, and Edward almost had a heart attack the first time a boy called the house. While Sami liked the attention, she liked her computer just a little more – much to my and Edward's enormous relief.

But that relief hadn't lasted long enough.

I stole a glance down the row and noticed that she was holding hands with Nahuel – an exchange student from Chile whom she had met last month at the school district's Technology Fair. He seemed to be very kind, and they could talk for hours about algorithms and software specs. Last week, he'd asked her to meet him at the movies, but Edward and I had refused. She was just thirteen, after all. But we did offer to order pizza and let them watch movies at the house. They seemed content with that compromise, but I'll never forget the incredulous look on Edward's face when Nahuel kissed Sami's cheek at the end of the night. His eyes flashed to mine, and the look we exchanged could be summed up in six little words.

Sami was growing up too fast.

Sitting next to the boy were Carmen and the grandparents – both sets of them. Both Charlie and Carlisle's eyes were focused on Sami and Nahuel's joined hands, and I couldn't suppress my giggle.

"What's so funny?" Edward whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Because I wanted this to be a happy day, I simply shrugged and snuggled into his arm.

"You're keeping something from me," Edward accused as his lips brushed against my ear. I trembled slightly.

Fourteen years of marriage, and the man could still make me tremble.

"I'll just torture it out of you later," he promised me as he kissed the hollow beneath my ear.

"I look forward to it," I whispered roughly, and Edward groaned as he pressed a soft kiss to my neck.

"Stop making out. We're surrounded by impressionable children," Rosalie scoffed as she and Emmett made their way to their seats. She plopped into the seat next to us as Edward and Em exchanged a hand shake.

"I see those pregnancy hormones are kicking in," I smirked. After years of trying, she was nearly eight months along with their first child.

Rose rolled her eyes. "You know how women swoon that bullshit that they just _love _being pregnant. Well, they're all liars. Who could possible enjoy this? Having to pee all the time. The belly. The bitchiness…"

I almost reminded her that the bitchiness was quintessential Rose and had nothing do with her pregnancy, but I wanted it to be a happy day.

"Where are Alice and Jazz?" Emmett asked as he kissed my cheek before taking his own seat.

Jasper was now a well-respected studio musician in Nashville. Alice continued to be his manager/agent. They'd never married – each of them preferring to live in sin and not deal with the legalities of marriage. They were completely devoted to each other and were madly in love.

"Their flight out of Nashville was delayed," I explained. "If they miss the ceremony, they'll just meet us at the house later."

"How many days do you have left?" Rose asked.

"Five," I smiled blissfully. "I am so ready for summer vacation."

Soon after Sami's birth, I was offered a teaching position at Riley's school. I had been teaching second grade ever since. It had been a rough year – with lots of budget cuts and some administration changes – and I was just ready for the semester to be over. I had a class of eighteen, and as much as I loved each and every one of them, I was ready for a new school year.

After a _very_ long summer vacation.

"It's almost time," Edward remarked as he glanced at his watch. "I hate for Jazz and Alice to miss this."

I nodded and scanned the crowd. I was looking for Alice and Jazz, but I was also searching for someone else. I had no idea if she'd show. I wasn't sure I'd even recognize her if she did. But – in a moment of sentimentality – I'd sent a graduation invitation to her last known address. I wasn't sure why I did it. And I wasn't entirely certain that I _wanted_ her to make an appearance.

But I was a mother, and I couldn't imagine any mother not wanting to see her son deliver his Valedictorian speech.

"Pomp and Circumstance" began playing, and the crowd stood as the red cap and gowns made their way to their seats. As I struggled to catch a glimpse of Riley, I noticed a flash of spiky black hair waving wildly from the bottom row of the bleachers.

Alice and Jazz had made it, after all. I was so glad. Jasper had made such an impact on Riley's life.

The graduates took their seats and the principal of the school welcomed us. We listened to a few guest speakers before the principal finally introduced the Valedictorian of the Class of 2023.

Cameras in hand, the entire Cullen/Swan row snapped Riley's picture as he made his way to the podium with the roar of applause heard throughout the stadium. He'd worked on his speech for weeks. I had offered to help him write it, but he'd refused to let anyone see the speech beforehand. He wouldn't even let us hear him practice.

Riley had received a music scholarship to several universities throughout the United States, but he ultimately chose the University of Washington. He would be living on campus in the fall and had his first two years of classes already mapped out. He wanted to major in music education, and he hoped to become a music teacher.

I snuggled into Edward's arm once again as we listened to our son deliver his speech.

"My fellow classmates," Riley grinned down at the sea of red caps. "My school, my friends, and my family…It's hard to believe that this day is really here. Some of us worked hard to get to this day. Some of us didn't work hard enough…."

This caused a ripple of laughter throughout the student body.

"…..but we've finally made it. I am proud to represent you today as your valedictorian, but most of all, I'm happy to stand before you as your classmate and as your friend. Instead of writing a speech about how we're all moving into the next chapter of our lives, I thought I'd just take this time to thank some important people in my life….people that molded me into the man I am today."

_A man. My little boy was a man._

I sniffled softly.

Rosalie handed me a tissue.

"Keep 'em coming," I whispered softly. She nodded in understanding.

"To my teachers," Riley continued. "I want to thank you for pushing me and preparing me for college. To my friends, I want to thank you for not giving me too much grief because I'd always rather play piano than play baseball. And to my family….to Aunt Alice and Uncle Jazz for turning me into the piano player that I always wanted to be. To Uncle Em and Aunt Rose for the badass…._ahem_…I mean….the _awesome_ Jeep they gave me as a graduation gift."

Edward and I chuckled as we stole a glance at Emmett. _Badass _was Em's favorite word.

"Such a good influence," I pretended to scowl.

Emmett just cackled loudly.

"To my grandparents. A kid couldn't have better grandparents, and I want to thank you for loving me. To Carmen….for always making the best cookies and taking care of me. Thank you. To my sister, Sami….you're so smart, and I love you a lot. I wanted to be the best big brother in the world. I don't know if I have been, but I know you're the best little sister, and I love you. And I'll probably be calling from UW so that you can help me hook up my computer."

Sami giggled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"And finally, to my parents…."

Riley's voice began to tremble, and Rosalie handed me another tissue.

"Some kids say that they have the best parents in the world. And maybe you do. I _hope_ you do. But it would be really hard to find two better parents than mine. My dad is my hero, and he has taught me so much about just being a guy. But he taught me other things, too….things he probably doesn't even realize…."

I glanced at Edward. The unshed tears in his eyes absolutely broke my heart, and I took his hand in mine. He squeezed it softly.

"My dad taught me to open doors for girls. And that may sound stupid, but let me tell you guys…it really does work. Girls love it."

Female giggles erupted from the stadium.

"My dad taught me to be a gentleman, and maybe that sounds silly to you guys right now, but I think as I get older, I'm going to appreciate it….because it gave me the chance to see how love really works. I see the way my dad looks at my mom….all sappy and lovey….and sometimes it can make you sick, but I really hope I get the chance to look at a girl like that someday."

Edward sniffled and pressed a soft kiss to my temple.

"And finally…to my mom….I want to thank you for loving me. You came into our lives when I didn't have a mother, and you just hugged me and kissed me and loved me from the very first day. You didn't _have_ to love me, but you did. You taught me that I didn't have to be perfect…that I could be a kid and make a mess and eat chicken nuggets….but most importantly, you taught me that mothers don't have to be biological."

I wiped my eyes as Riley pulled a yellow rose from beneath the podium and held it in his hands.

"You taught me that flowers come in all different colors…that it was okay to be different…." Riley murmured softly.

My eyes flashed to Edward. Riley had been four years old when we'd had that conversation. How could he possibly have remembered that?

Edward grinned wistfully and squeezed my hand.

"Love you, Mom…" Riley whispered. "Thank you."

The stadium exploded with thunderous applause. Except our family's row. We were too busy weeping into our tissues.

Our tears finally subsided as the ceremony continued. We watched as Riley and his friends accepted their diplomas. I noticed he was still holding the yellow flower. We furiously snapped pictures as he made his way back to his seat, and the stadium erupted into cheers as the Class of 2023 threw their caps into the air.

After the recessional, our family was huddled at the east entrance of the stadium when I saw her. She was standing a few hundred feet away from us – probably realizing that if she found us, she'd find him. She looked older…paler…but I could still see Riley in her features.

And I saw him in her smile as her eyes locked with mine.

She mouthed a soft "thank you."

"Thank _you_," I whispered sincerely, offering her a smile in return. I had long ago stopped thinking of her as selfish. She had given me her son. How could I feel anything but immense gratitude?

Riley finally made his way to us, and he hugged us all. We asked another proud parent to snap a family picture of all of us – quite a feat considering the size of our family. As I stood there, waiting for the flash, I saw her give Riley one last wistful look before slowly turning and walking toward the exit.

"Remember…" Edward reminded him, "….family dinner at 5:00."

"I'll be there," Riley grinned as his buddies tried to pull him away. "Oh! I almost forgot…"

Riley rushed to my side and pulled me into a tight hug. "This is for you. Promise you won't cry when you read the card."

He handed me the yellow rose.

"You know I can't promise that," I grinned sheepishly.

"I know," Riley smiled, and he gave me on last peck on the cheek before rushing toward his Jeep – already full of smiling, happy seniors.

As our family made our way to the parking lot, Edward led me to a bench just outside of the stadium. He pulled me onto his lap and kissed my forehead.

"Beautiful day," He smiled at me, his green eyes glowing with pride.

"It is," I agreed as I stared down at the yellow flower in my hand.

"Read it," Edward encouraged me. "And I'll hold you while you cry."

"And how do you know I'll cry?"

"Because he showed it to me before the ceremony," Edward winked. "Trust me. You'll cry."

Edward tightened his arms around me, and with trembling hands, I carefully unfolded the card.

* * *

_I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine. _

_She helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. _

_Your son,_

_Riley_

**_~The End~_**

* * *

**Thanks to katmom for the high school name. :)**

**The quote at the end is from Terri Guillemets. It was scary how perfect it was for this epilogue.**

**You have no idea how much joy this story has brought me. Thanks to very faithful readers and because of wonderful recommendations, this has become my most reviewed story. I know a few by name (DeeDee, Samantha, gossip_bangkok) but I know there are others, so I want to collectively thank all of you. Thank you to ms ambrosia for the beautiful banner, and to ReachingAsIFall for the blinkie. Thanks to Hadley Hemingway for the information on play therapy. She's the real Dr. Jane. :) Thanks to Samantha and the girls over at Twilighted. And to my followers on Twitter – thank you so much for the #ff and for your fangirl squeals each time I updated. **

**Special thanks to Kendra for being my beta throughout most of this story. Thanks to Laura for her friendship. And to Scrimmy for the gifts of music.**

**Remember, I will be contributing the night before the wedding and the handwritten vows to FicsForNashville. If you are unable to contribute to a charity, I will post the outtake in late July. **

**To answer the inevitable question – no, I do not plan to write a sequel to this story at this time. However, I have started a new story called "Turn the Page." If you aren't reading it already, I hope you check it out.**

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

**-SydneyAlice**


	32. Love Letters Outtake

**A/N: Here is my outtake that I contributed for Fics4Nashville. I live in Tennessee, so this was very close to my heart. Thanks to all of you for your donations, and thanks to mssnarkerella for her beta skills.**

* * *

"**Such Great Heights" Outtake**

_**Love Letters**_

* * *

BPOV

"Where are you taking me?" I growled as Rosalie drove her BMW convertible along the freeway. Trees were passing in a blinding blur, and I was deathly afraid to take a peek at the speedometer.

"It's tradition," Alice squealed excitedly from the backseat. "He isn't supposed to see you…"

I rolled my eyes in the darkness of the car. The rehearsal and the subsequent dinner had gone off without a hitch. It was amazing how well our families got along, and Riley had been the life of the party. He had shifted positions between both sets of grandparents all night long. My son was so lucky to have so many people who loved him.

"It isn't the day of the wedding yet," I complained loudly as we pulled into the Cullen estate. "I want to sleep in my own bed!"

"Absolutely not," Rosalie shook her head as she turned off the ignition. "Edward won't abide by the rules. His dick is like magnetic north to your…"

I glared in her direction. "Rose!"

She shrugged. "Tell me I'm wrong, Swan. Tell me I'm wrong, and I'll take you right back to your house. Tell me that my brother can stay away from you until the wedding ceremony tomorrow."

This was the danger of having a best friend who was going to be your sister-in-law in less than twenty-four hours. She knew _all _of my secrets. And she knew I couldn't promise that Edward would stay away for the rest of the night. I couldn't promise that I would stay away from _him_.

Damn her.

I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest. Alice giggled from the backseat as all three of us climbed out of the car and made our way into the house.

* * *

I suppressed a yawn as I scanned the bedroom one last time. My dress was hanging in Edward's childhood closet. My shoes (ballet flats – thank you, mom!) were placed on the floor. Everything was ready, and I climbed into bed with visions of my wedding day lulling me into a sweet sleep.

I had just dozed off when I felt Edward's arms wrap around me. I gasped with surprise and excitement.

"I'm not technically breaking the rules," he whispered against my ear. "It's just 11:45."

Suddenly wide awake, I giggled and turned over to face him. "What are you doing here? Where's Riley?"

Edward smoothed my hair away from my face as he cupped my cheek. "Riley is sound asleep back at the house. Your Dad is still wide awake, however. We had a really nice talk. He also threatened my life if I didn't get out of here before midnight."

"I bet," I giggled as I snuggled closer. His arms tightened around me and we sighed in unison.

"I just couldn't stay away," Edward whispered faintly. I smiled against his chest. "Besides, we didn't exchange our vows."

"I know," I murmured softly. "Did you bring yours?"

Edward nodded. "Do you have yours?"

"Yes," I said. "They're in my bag."

Excitedly, Edward leapt out of bed and grabbed my bag as I sat up against the headboard. I laughed as he tossed me the bag as he began tugging a piece of paper out of his jeans.

With eager smiles, we exchanged our handwritten vows.

We'd debated about the vows for the ceremony, and there was so much I wanted to say, but some things should be private. Besides, I knew how romantic Edward could be, and I was positive that the mommy hormones – combined with the emotions of our wedding day – would leave me a sniffling mess.

So instead, we'd opted for the traditional vows for the ceremony.

These vows – our own handwritten vows – were just for us.

"I miss you already," I whispered as I climbed into Edward's lap. He pulled me close as we wrapped our arms around each other.

"Just think," he whispered against my ear. "This time tomorrow…"

"I know," I murmured happily as I placed a kiss against his neck. "This time tomorrow, I'll be your wife."

His arms tightened around me as he nuzzled my hair. "I'm going to make you so happy, Bella. I'll give you anything…everything…"

"You already have," I whispered softly against his ear. "You've given me a son, you've given me a new baby, and you've given me you. What else could I possibly want in this life?"

"Will you cry?" Edward asked as he glanced down at the vows in my hand.

"Probably," I admitted with a shrug. "Will you?"

"Probably."

We smiled at each other before Edward leaned close, kissing me softly.

"It's 11:58," I whispered, my eyes catching a glimpse of the clock on the bedside table.

Edward sighed sadly as he pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you."

"I love you," I smiled softly as he nuzzled my nose with his. Reluctantly, I climbed off his lap and settled against the pillows. Edward climbed off the bed and pulled the covers around me.

"Text me after you read them?" Edward asked. "I don't think texting is against the rules..."

"It isn't," I promised him. "The rules just say you can't _see_ me. Nothing says we can't talk."

He smirked as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you," I replied happily, and I watched in surprised fascination as my future husband climbed out of his window. I threw the covers back and hastily made my way to the window. Edward climbed along the trellis before dropping to the ground below.

_Something tells me he had lots of practice climbing in and out of that window as a teenager._

I climbed back into bed and sat against the headboard, pulling the blanket around me. I turned on the bedside lamp and carefully opened his letter.

* * *

_My Bella,_

_I have hundreds of crumbled pieces of paper tossed around this room. I have stopped and started and stopped again…desperately trying to find the words to explain how much you mean to me. I've decided there are just no words, and I'm going to have to just say what's on my heart._

_You came into my life when I was at rock bottom. My son was traumatized, and I was just going through the motions, one horrific day at a time. Nanny after nanny walked through our doors, and just as quickly, they ran back out. When my sister mentioned you, I'm sure you can imagine that I wasn't at all optimistic, and the absolute furthest thing from my mind was finding someone to love. I just wanted to take care of my kid and be the father he deserved._

_Do you know how many times a day I thank my sister for bringing you into our lives?_

_I tried so hard to ignore the way I felt about you. I knew I was crossing our carefully set boundaries and limits, but I'd see you interact with Riley, and my heart would ache because I knew that you were exactly what he needed, and exactly what I wanted. You are so beautiful, but that fact was so unimportant. What was important was the way you made me feel. You brought me hope. You brought me peace. You showed me how to be a father. You taught my son that it was okay to make a mess and be a little boy. Something as simple as seeing you playing in the floor with him…or reading him his bedtime story….or watching as he curled into your side as he fell asleep…Bella, I can't tell you how precious those memories are to me. My son is so lucky to have you as his mother._

_I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you, and I can't wait to hold our baby in my arms. I hope he or she looks just like you. I promise to be a good husband. I promise to be a good father. I promise to love you until the day I die._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

* * *

EPOV

From my car, I watched my childhood window. After a while, the glow from the bedside lamp dimmed.

Moments later, my phone vibrated with a text.

_You made me cry. I love you._

I couldn't keep from smiling. I knew she'd cry, and I wished I could kiss her tears away. I barely resisted the urge to climb back up the trellis. But Rose would have my balls, and Bella's father was waiting back at the house.

But I had to read my letter. I couldn't wait another second. So, in the glow of the dashboard light, I opened the envelope.

_Dear Edward,_

_I have so much to say to you, and I really didn't want to say these things in front of everyone we knew. Not because I'm ashamed, or embarrassed, but because I think some things should be sacred._

_The fact that you love me, despite my flaws, means more to me than you could ever know. You accepted me without judgment, without question, and I have never felt more loved and adored than I feel when you look at me. With every touch of your hand, I feel worshipped and loved, and sometimes it's so overwhelming that I feel like I can't breathe. But it's the sweetest feeling, and I have no doubt that the love we share will only intensify over the years. I can't imagine loving you more than I do tonight, but it's like you said when we found out that I was pregnant…I find myself falling in love with you a little more each day._

_Thank you for giving me Riley. He is the most special boy in the whole world, and I love him so much. He's beautiful and smart, and I know that's because of you. I am writing him a letter, too…I'll give it to him before we go on our honeymoon. I want him to know how much I adore him, and how proud I am to be his mother. _

_Thank you for our baby that's growing inside of me. I know we've done everything a little backwards, but I truly feel that everything that's ever happened in my life has led me to you. I needed my heart broken so that I could recognize a good man when I finally found him. And I have. And I love you._

_You, Riley, and our baby are my life now. I can't wait to see you in your suit. I can't wait to walk down the aisle and into your arms. I can't wait to be your wife. _

_Love always,_

_Bella_

* * *

I wiped away a tear as I carefully folded the precious letter and placed it in my pocket. I then grabbed my phone and sent a quick text.

_**You made me cry, too.**_

**I knew you wouldn't make it until you got home. :)**

_**You were right. Whose turn is it?**_

**It can be yours. What do you want?**

_**I want to be your husband.**_

**I want to be your wife. So tomorrow, it's both our turns.**

_**Yes, baby. Tomorrow, we'll both get what we want.**_

**I can't wait. It's a date.**

_**No, my love. It's a promise.**_


End file.
